Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
CURTIS
Even though I had a ton of fun dancing and flirting with Finn, now that I’m coming down from the festivities, I realize how close I could’ve gotten to offering him my ass on a platter.
Why did he have to be moving here? He’s perfect fling material.
With David and Melanie’s wedding coming up, we could’ve had a situationship each time he was in town for all the upcoming group events, and then after the I dos, he would go back to Chicago, and my heart would be safe from catching feelings.
Alas, having a situationship with the brother of my best friend’s wife, who lives here in town, who I’m assuming I’ll see regularly … worst idea in the history of ideas.
I’m lying naked in bed, thinking over the night and trying not to let the thoughts of Finn and the feeling of the soft sheet on my cock make me too … excited.
From what I could gather, the gorgeous man’s natural state is somewhere between slightly awkward and mostly chill, but there were times where I’d catch him staring at me, trying to figure me out, like I’m a puzzle or a riddle that makes no sense.
For a split, brief second, I thought maybe he recognized me, but I ruled it out based on no one ever recognizing me from my side gig.
No one knows how I make most of my income.
I tell everyone I’m a freelance graphic designer, which I am, but designing a poster or book cover here and there isn’t the reason my bank account is the fattest it’s ever been.
While my Money Shot account is up to thousands of subscribers from all over the globe, what are the chances that one of them happens to have moved from Chicago to my town? Like, zero.
Flirting with an actual real-life human was fun though. It’s been a while.
Harmless flirting is all I’ll allow myself with him though. That’s the line.
It’s good to set boundaries early on in a friendship.
And I would like to be friends with him.
No matter how many friends I have, there will never be enough queer ones.
I love David and Melanie, and the people David and I went to high school with who we catch up with as a group.
But I’m the only gay one there. Usually, the only single one too.
Dolcie is bi and married to a man, so even though we’re close, and she’s part of my queer circle, I feel like the heteros forget that even though she’s in a monogamous relationship with a man, she’s still queer.
Sometimes it’s nice to avoid all that and hang with people who understand, so yeah, you can never have enough queer friends.
Even if they’re tall, handsome, polite, and everything you want in a future mistake.
Okay, so hooking up with him is off-limits, but we never said anything about jerking off to the thought of each other. Not that we would, because what kind of person says to a friend, “I’ll be picturing you later while I touch myself”?
Loophole or blurred line? I can’t be sure, but I also know I’m not going to be able to get to sleep until I do something about it.
I only released a video this morning that I filmed yesterday, and while I don’t have a set schedule for my videos, and I could jerk off for my own satisfaction, why waste a perfectly good cum shot when it’s gonna happen anyway?
If I bank up enough videos when I’m in the mood, I don’t have to force it when I’m not.
Thankfully, that hasn’t happened yet. It doesn’t take much to get me going.
I climb out of bed and pull my lighting equipment out of my closet.
It’s the only part of filming that does have the chance to kill my horniness.
Sure, I could do another spur-of-the-moment, shaky cam jerk-off session on my phone like the one I released this morning, but I’ve found the videos with a proper setup and lighting get more tips and pay-per-view revenue.
So if I have the energy to do it right, I will.
Other times, like the one I filmed yesterday, I just wanted to come and get it over with.
Tonight? I want to take my time and live out the fantasy of what could have been between Finn and me.
Seriously, who is close enough with their sibling to move countries for them? Go back to Chicago, man. Mm, that’s the fantasy I want to play out on camera. A goodbye fuck to the best dick I’ve never had but will pretend I did.
Once I’m all set up, the lights are on, and my proper camera sits on a tripod aimed perfectly at my bed, the only thing I need is lube, and I can grab that out on camera. Edge my audience while I reach for it.
It definitely feels like a toy kind of night, but I haven’t picked who to use yet. Yes, who, not which. Because of course I named all my boyfriends.
I’m ready to hit Record, so I stroke my cock a couple of times to the point I’m achingly hard and desperate. I figure in my little fantasy, my man has been teasing me all night, so instead of a slow burn, I’ll be ready to be fucked every which way ’til Sunday.
My hand feels so good that if I hadn’t gone to all the effort to set up my makeshift porn studio, I’d probably let myself come here and now.
I need a bigger apartment. One with two rooms so I can have a permanent studio where I can close and lock the door. I don’t have people over often, but since David’s been back, he’s been turning up unannounced.
It’s not like I’m ashamed of what I do, but I also don’t need to advertise to those in my real life that I’m a sex worker.
With the stigma around it, I’d rather not have to defend myself.
I already have to do that with my sexuality.
And if I’m honest, it took a lot longer than I care to admit that that’s even what I am—a sex worker.
Again, not because I’m ashamed, but because I started it on a whim.
I figured, why not get paid for something I enjoy?
I work at my body, and while I don’t think I’m the most attractive guy around, my hard work at least pays off in my physique.
I doubt any of my subscribers are looking at what they get of my face anyway.
I never expected it to grow to what it is.
It started as a way to supplement my graphic design work—to earn a living wage—and now, not only does it pay my rent, but I’m well on my way to saving for a massive down payment on a house.
I could technically buy one now. I have about forty percent of what I’d need to buy a house outright, but I’m too nervous to pull the trigger.
Just like I am with my book.
What if I buy a house and then everyone stops subscribing?
The fear of rejection is real.
Even if I’m confident in what I do—in the bedroom and with my art—that fear is always there. But not when I’m on camera.
It’s like someone else takes over me. Another personality.
There isn’t much difference between Gunner and Curtis, but when it comes to relationships, the vast gap between us is wide.
Gunner is needy and desperate for attention from a lover.
It’s why my videos are always addressed to my viewers—like they get to be that guy for Gunner.
Or woman. Though, demographically, I have more male subscribers than women.
Curtis is closed off to relationships. Cold.
Happy to hook up, but beyond that is too much work. Too much potential to get hurt.
This is all I need. A camera and a fantasy.
I hit Record from behind the camera, pointed at the empty bed. “Hey, baby,” I say in my sex voice. “I’m so upset with you.”
I walk around to be in the scene, leading cock-first into the frame.
“You were teasing me all night from across the room, and now I have a problem only you can fix.”
Is the dialogue corny? Without a doubt. But it’s all part of the fantasy.
The need I have for my faceless man. Usually faceless man.
Tonight, there’s one face I’ll be picturing the whole time I do this.
Light brown hair that swooped over his forehead, big, kind eyes, strong jaw, large, sexy hands that didn’t stop moving when he talked.
Finn Healy.
A bead of precum leaks from my tip, and because I haven’t touched myself on camera yet, it gives the impression it’s all from the mere thought of my lover. I make a mental note to zoom in on it while editing.
I have to have it on mute when I rewatch and edit myself because I think I sound ridiculous, but the data doesn’t lie. The more I talk, the more money I earn.
“I swear you were undressing me with your eyes all night. In that room full of people. I wish you’d whisked me away and fucked me in one of the many bedrooms that house had, not caring whose it was.
But you didn’t. And that’s why I’m upset.
I need to come, and you’re the only one who knows how to do it right. ”
The small screen to view what’s being filmed is flipped in my direction. I’m side profile at the moment, the frame cutting off my head from above my nose. It’s a shot I use a lot because my face rarely makes it into the final clip, just a tease of it. I pout while I stroke myself.
Then I utter, “I need you.” I turn my head and give a wide smile. “I need you to rail me hard.”
I might be performing for everyone watching, but I’m mentally with Finn. I imagine those large hands on my hips as I turn and walk toward the bed, showing off my ass to the camera.
I can practically feel it when I picture Finn pushing me down to my knees and then placing a hand in the middle of my back to get me to bend over the end of the bed.
“Stop being a tease and touch my hole already.” I make sure to keep my hole on display as I reach under my bed for the closest box of supplies and toys, unable to remember which one I’ve stashed down this end. I have sex toys coming out my wazoo, and that’s more than a euphemism.
My fingers close around the lube, and I pull that out and put it on the bed in front of me. Then I go back to feeling around for the perfectly shaped dildo. With Finn’s height, his big hands, he’d have to have a huge dick, right?
I bypass Carlos and Stevie. They get the job done, but I’m so desperate, I need to feel like I’m being split apart. This box won’t do.
I shove it aside, and in the next one, my fingers wrap around a nice, girthy toy that has a heavy suction base.
It’s a monster of a cock. I forgot I even had this—I haven’t even used it before—but it’s perfect for what I need tonight.
I’ll be able to put it on the floor behind me and fuck myself on it hands-free.
I pull it out from under the bed. “We’ll have to come up with a name for you.”
Don’t ask me where the names come from. They’re always a gut feeling.
“You’re so big, I’m going to need time to get you to fit.” I put the toy by my side so he doesn’t block the view of the camera and then get to work lubing up my fingers.
That first touch always sends spikes of pleasure down my spine. I moan as I press one finger inside my body.
“Yeah, I want you to open me up, just like that. Keep going.”
It’s not long before a second finger joins in, and even shorter when I’m ready for a third. All the while, it’s Finn behind me. His fingers. His heavy breathing. His eyes on me bent over and begging for him.
The situationship I could’ve had if things were different.
“I need more, and I need it now.”
I’m panting by the time I remove my fingers, suction cup the dildo to the hardwood floor under me, and then cover it in lube. I grip the end of my bed and stare into the camera over my shoulder as I sink down to make sure the angle is good.
On the small screen, my hole stretches around the thick dick-shaped silicone that has realistic veins the full length of the monster. I take it slowly. My body gets an all-over shiver, and my skin breaks out in goose bumps. I feel so full. So stretched.
“You’re so big. Such a giant cock. Just like the rest of you.” And it feels amazing.
I’m not even moving that quickly yet, taking the toy all the way to the base and back up again, but I’m already close. Then again, I was close lying in bed thinking about Finn without actually touching myself yet.
So my subscribers get a good bang for their buck, I quicken my pace, gripping the end of my duvet in my fists so I don’t touch my dick and come too fast. But when I reach the point of no return and there are only seconds left before I spill over, I rotate so I’m face on to the camera, knowing I’ll zoom in for this part later.
Coming is the real money shot, what people want to see—hence the name of the app—so I lean back, my knees spread open while I continue to ride my newest boyfriend.
“Finn.” The name slips from my lips, and it feels right.
Maybe a little creepy, but right. It’s not like he’ll ever find out about it.
My eyes flutter closed for a second, while I picture myself straddling him.
Warm skin instead of silicone, steady hands gripping my hips, a muffled moan as I grind down against him and take him as deep as possible.
I’m torn open and used, and then I get a glimpse of that bashful smile, and I’m ruined.
I finally give in to the urge to wrap my fingers around my cock but bite my lip hard to try to stave off coming yet. I have to give the people what they pay for.
And when I finally do let myself come, the release is sweet relief.
“I’m coming. I’m coming so hard.”
I try with every video to get a good shot, so sometimes you can see me looking at the screen, making sure it looks okay, and with those videos, I cut my head off by zooming in.
But this one, I can’t even open my eyes to check.
It might be one of the few videos I have where most of my O face will remain on-screen through the whole thing.
Ripples of pleasure seep into my bones. My muscles.
And when I eventually turn to jelly, it’s with a heavy sigh.
“That was so good.” I don’t even need to force the rasp in my voice.
Slowly, I rise up from the floor, ass aching as it releases the toy, and I approach the camera with my cum still on my abs.
“I really needed that. Now I’ll be able to get to sleep. Thanks, baby.”
I hit Stop on the recording, go to my en suite to wipe myself down, and when I come back out to the scene before me, I realize I’m too sated to deal with any of the mess now.
That’s a tomorrow Curtis’s problem.
Fucking Gunner. He never cleans up his own mess.