Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
FINN
I glance down at the cum on my stomach, blissed-out but completely confused. I swear Gunner whispered my name, and that’s what sent me over the edge. That has to be some kind of coincidence. Either that or my delusions have morphed into full-on hallucinations now.
Two days. That’s how long I’ve been debating with myself and how long it took for me to crack. It sounds like excellent self-control in theory, but considering the whole two days was how long it took Gunner to post again, it’s not something to get cocky about.
But now … now that I’m coming down, I know it’s time. I need to nip this fantasy in the bud before I make it a huge thing in my head and then make things even more awkward than I usually make them.
I clean up and throw some clothes on because I’m supposed to be meeting Mel soon for some brother-sister time, but the second I’m ready to head out the door, I’m on my couch and restarting Gunner’s video.
As soon as his face comes on-screen, I take a screenshot and zoom in. The only thing is, it’s his side profile, so all it confirms is that they look similar.
I fast-forward through the video, trying to find a spot where he actually looks directly at the camera, but for the majority of it, he’s facing away, or the camera zooms in on his ass taking that fat dildo.
Next thing I know, I’m rewatching it and getting hard again.
That’s the kind of effect Gunner has on me.
Forcing myself to focus on why I need to do this, I start the video again, this time skipping to the very end where I’m certain I heard my name.
I increase the volume, hold it to my ear, and wait. With the sound up, every noise from Gunner makes my cock harder. And then it happens. He says it.
It’s definitely Finn. Or maybe it was Tim.
Rewind.
Listen again.
Finn.
Flynn?
Gin?
I almost throw my phone across the room in frustration, but then I get the idea to go back through other recent videos, trying to find one that has his face. Up close.
Even that doesn’t help, because all I’m getting is scraps. I’m beginning to think I’m face blind. One guy in a photo can look completely different in another, and I’ll assume it’s two different people. But in this case … I swear it’s the same person.
If only I could focus this hard on finding employment, maybe I’d have more job prospects than I do.
It’s not until I glance at the time that I realize I’m super late. Oops. Mel was running wedding errands this morning, so told me to meet her out instead of going from her house together.
I do that annoying thing where I text her saying I’m almost there, even though I haven’t left yet. I figure I have about another month to use the “I got lost” excuse before it wears thin. Now to make sure I don’t get lost, I put in directions to the bowling alley Mel wants to meet me at.
She says she wants to go bowling for nostalgia? I don’t remember going bowling as children all that often, but I do like hanging out with my sister, so it’s a win-win. And I do enjoy bowling, even if I suck at it.
Mel hasn’t replied by the time I arrive in the parking lot, and I can’t see David’s car—she’s lent me hers until I get settled—but it’s possible he dropped her off.
When I get out and enter the bowling alley though, I begin to think her brother-sister time excuse was bullshit. Because she’s not here.
But Curtis is.
My heart beats harder, and my mouth dries as my brain tries to connect more dots between Curtis and Gunner.
He spots me, and even though he breaks into a smile, his eyes tell a different story. He wasn’t expecting me to be here either.
Even though I want to spend time with him, try to figure out one way or the other the truth about him, I’m worried I’m going to blurt something inappropriate, like “Do you have a pierced nipple and a tattoo of a crown on your abs by any chance? Oh, and do you also take your clothes off for money?”
I can’t even see his arm tattoo because he’s wearing a jacket.
This needs to be a stealth mission because if I do bring it up and he isn’t Gunner? Not only am I going to be embarrassed, but once Curtis tells everyone I mistook him for a porn star whom I pay a hefty amount of money to each month, I will never hear the end of it.
As long as I can keep my mouth under control, I’m going to be okay. All I have to do is think before I speak. I can do that.
I slowly approach, matching his warm expression and telling myself not to ask if it’s true I’ve seen his dick. “Let me guess,” I croak. But yay, words that didn’t involve dick, piercing, or porn. So far, so good. “David asked you to meet him here with some excuse of wanting to be nostalgic.”
“How did you—” Curtis cocks his head. “Melanie say the same thing to you?”
“Yup. She really needs to work on her subtlety.”
“Why is she sooooo obsessed with me? Obviously, that’s why she’s trying to set us up so we’ll get married, and then she will be my honorary sister-in-law. She wants to be related to me that badly.”
I snort. “Yes. All of that. Has nothing to do with wanting to see her brother happy or give me a reason to stay in Edmonton.”
His face lights up. “Already thinking about moving back to Chicago? You know what that means. We could—”
I have to stop him there before I can let myself think about the possibility of having sex with Curtis. “Nope. Still staying here. But I do need to get a move on about finding a job.”
“No luck yet?”
“It’s not that there are no jobs out there I could do.
It’s that I can’t find the one I want to do.
My last job was in the emergency department of a busy hospital.
My whole life became about work, and it was too fast-paced for my liking.
I want to maybe work with post-op patients or even just any other wing of a hospital. ”
Curtis stares down at his feet. “I don’t know how you can be a nurse at all.”
I almost take offense until he keeps talking.
“You’re, like, a goddamn hero for doing it. I could never. I’m not nurturing, and the thought of blood makes me want to vomit, but I can’t stand vomiting either.”
“Yeah, you would make a terrible nurse. Don’t have that as your backup plan for … what was it you do again?” I know he said he does graphic design, and that’s probably going to be his answer now, but who knows, maybe he’ll trip up and say porn by accident. It’s something I’d probably do.
“Graphic design. Advertisements, book covers … that kind of thing.”
“Ah, yes. While you get your own graphic novel off the ground.”
Curtis shifts uncomfortably and shoves his hands in his jeans pockets. “So, are we going to bowl or wait around a bit longer for David and Mel, who are most likely not going to appear?”
I check my phone again to find a message from Mel. “Oh, look at that. Mel has been held up with a wedding vendor.”
“Right. Vendor. Yup. Let’s pretend we buy that.” He checks his phone. “David’s stuck at work.”
“Of course he is. Do you actually want to go bowling? Pretending this didn’t happen at all is another option.”
“We’re here. We may as well.”
And I may as well take this opportunity to confirm my suspicions.
Or confirm that I’ve become one of those celebrity stalker people who are sure they have something real with someone they’ve never met and never will meet.
I don’t know which is worse. Curtis being Gunner and having to unsubscribe, or Curtis not being Gunner and having to acknowledge I might be addicted to porn. Not porn in general. Just Gunner’s.
I hold out my hand, gesturing for him to go first. “Lead the way.”
We head for the counter to get a lane, but when it comes time to pay, we both reach for our wallets.
“I’ve got this,” Curtis says.
“Won’t that be kind of date-y? Do we really want to give Mel and David that kind of satisfaction? I have money.”
“But you also have no job.”
“Hey,” I protest, even though it’s true. “You’re a freelance graphic artist, which is basically unemployed.”
He huffs. “I do okay. How about I get the lane, you buy me a beer. Friends do that kind of thing all the time.”
I relent. “Okay.”
Curtis pays, and we get our shoes and head for lane eleven.
While we sit and switch our shoes over, Curtis asks, “Are you any good at bowling?”
“Terrible.”
“Excellent. We can be terrible together.”
“This will be … interesting.” Though our conjoined embarrassments should cancel each other out.
“At least neither of us will have the straight-man advantage. It’s why I’ve always disliked bowling.”
I stop tying my laces and sit up to look at him across from me. “I have so many questions.”
“About?”
“The first is why you agreed to do this if you don’t even like bowling, and the second is … straight-man advantage?”
Curtis stands and picks up a bowling ball from the rack behind us. “You can’t tell me this finger placement isn’t an advantage for someone who has sex with women.” He slips his fingers into the holes and raises his eyebrows at me.
Other than the way he makes doing that look sexual, his theory is utterly ridiculous.
“Don’t know how much of an advantage it would be.
From the overheard conversations between my sister and her best friend that made me want to put bleach in my ears, straight men don’t know how to use their thumbs. ”
Curtis bursts out laughing. “Fair point.”
“You start. I’m going to go pick a ball and then order us those beers.”
Turns out, to order from the kiosk, you scan a code on the table at your lane, and when I get back to our lane to do just that, Curtis smiles over at me. “You snooze, you lose. Beer is on its way.”
“I was supposed to get that. You paying for everything is more than being friendly, Curtis.”
He steps closer to me, close enough I can smell his aftershave, which smells inherently masculine. I can’t pinpoint the scent, but I could get high off it. “The way you look at me is more than friendly, Finn.”
I study his face, his hazel eyes. I’ve almost completely convinced myself I’m looking at my dream guy. Someone I’ve been fantasizing over and making myself come while I do it.
“You’re still doing it,” Curtis says.
“I can’t help it. You’re … you …” You look so familiar. I can’t get the words out though.
“And now you’re flirting with me.” Yet, he doesn’t step away.
Neither do I. “Not flirting. Flirting is against the rules of friendships, isn’t it?”
“Nah. Harmless flirting is always welcome in friendships. Especially from cute giants who don’t realize how cute they are.”
Cute is something I’ve been called before, but the way my blood is heating is anything but cute.
“I can handle a bit of flirting.” In all honesty, I probably can’t.
He’s not even touching me, and if he offered to fuck me right here in our bowling lane, I’d most likely say yes.
The only thing that would hold me back is, you know, it’s a very public space.
Note to self: Never let yourself be alone with Curtis behind closed doors. There’s no way I couldn’t give in to temptation if that were to happen.
Curtis pats my shoulder. “Good to know. You ready to get your ass kicked at bowling?”
“I thought you said you weren’t good at it?”
“I did. But aren’t we supposed to smack-talk each other or something? That’s how sports ball works. Rawr, I’m competitive.”
I’m about to smack-talk back, but as he steps away from me, he shrugs off his jacket. Again, like when he was on the dance floor at my sister’s engagement party, time slows down until it feels like an eternity until his jacket is off and I get a glimpse of his forearm. The one with the tattoo.
The same compass and feather tattoo I’ve seen up close a million times because it’s the hand Gunner jerks off with.
It’s official. Curtis is Gunner.
Gunner is Curtis.
“Oh, fuck.”