Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
CURTIS
Finn really sucks at making himself unattractive. In fact, by the time he drops me back at my car, I have to swing by my favorite sex shop on the way home. None of my regular “boyfriends” under my bed are going to satisfy the lust I have for Finn.
Using him for content fodder sounds like a good idea, and my last video proved it works, but that was an accident.
Naming that toy Finn kind of fell out of my mouth, but now it will be Finn forever and ever.
Now that I’m about to walk into a sex shop with the intent of using him as inspiration, it might be crossing a line.
I probably owe him royalties from that last video.
If I were to ever tell him how I really make my money. Which I won’t.
If I were honest with him earlier, the quickest way I could turn him off me would be to tell him about Money Shot.
Just another reason I stopped dating. The few times I’ve done it since starting Gunner’s profile, once potential boyfriends found out, things would get weird.
One guy classified it as cheating—with thousands of people.
Another asked me to stop completely and focus on my graphic art, but when I pointed out I wouldn’t be able to pay my rent if I relied on that income alone, he said I wasn’t trying hard enough.
It really is a mystery why I’m so bitter when it comes to dating.
I should tell Finn. That way, at least he won’t be so inclined to flirt with me anymore. I’ll have to behave myself after that, which will take away the fun I’m having with him, but it would be for the best. Unless, of course, he goes around and tells everyone else.
Maybe I’ll keep it in my back pocket for when I’m desperate and about to break our friendship-only pact. After finding out the reason he’s been hot and cold with me is because I make him flustered, I might get to breaking point sooner rather than later.
I enter the store anyway because with how hard up I am over him, I’m going to have to go home and do something, but I’m going to try my best not to think about him while I do it.
There’s a couple behind a stand of flimsy, fake leather whips who look like they’ve been caught using them when they meet my eyes.
Calm down, people. Sex is supposed to be fun. At least spring for the real leather that will leave a mark.
I head for the back, where they keep the more advanced stuff.
I’m looking over some options, some prostate ticklers, vibrating plugs, and some generically giant dildos, but none of them look any bigger than the one I used the other night.
I haven’t seen Finn’s dick, but in my fantasies, I’m imagining he’s proportionate with the rest of his body. In which case, his cock should be the size of a baseball bat.
Hmm, how much damage could a baseball bat do? I try to picture it, and nah, pass. It’s probably too extreme even for me. The potential for splinters wouldn’t be nice either. Better stick to silicone.
The only thing is, basically, the next size up for me would be the fisting toys, and that’s a niche market in the cam boy gig. I’m not sure if my audience fits into that niche.
As I’m perusing the shelves, my phone vibrates in my pocket. And when I check it, I’m happy to see my KingdomHearts has responded.
You were thinking about … me?
Oh. Right. I said that, didn’t I? To someone who pays me so they can watch me come. I tap away on my phone and clarify:
About the job interview. You seemed nervous.
KingdomHearts
I was, but it seems that job wasn’t meant to be.
Gunner
Sorry to hear that … read … that? I’m sorry you didn’t get it.
KingdomHearts
I’ll find something. Thanks for checking in. You didn’t have to.
Gunner
I wanted to.
That will probably send the wrong message too. Rule number one when it comes to subscribers: don’t get personal or give them the impression that you’re actually interested in them. It’s a business transaction, and boundaries need to stay that way.
But at the same time, this random guy could be anywhere in the world, and he might be the distraction I need to stop thinking about Finn.
Gunner
While I have you. I have a professional question. Yay or nay?
I attach a pic of the rubbery fist, and the response is instant.
KingdomHearts
Are you trying to kill me? Warn a man first.
Gunner
Sorry for the unsolicited fisting.
KingdomHearts
No one likes a surprise fisting.
Gunner
What about in a video? I’m looking for new content ideas.
I think I’ve scared him off because he leaves me on read for a long time.
Gunner
Okay, so that’s a no. I was leaning that way anyway.
KingdomHearts
Sorry, I was thinking of how to reply to … that. I’m still speechless. My mom asked me why I was blushing.
I screw up my face. His mom? Please tell me this guy isn’t, like, sixteen. You need to be over eighteen to use the app, but anyone can lie about their age.
Gunner
Your mom? How old are you?
KingdomHearts
She’s visiting! I don’t live with her. I’m a fully-grown man. I have a five o’clock shadow and everything. I don’t know why I mentioned my mom to you. Let’s pretend that never happened.
His rambling is cute. Kind of reminds me of—nope. This guy is supposed to be making me forget about Finn.
KingdomHearts
A video with that toy could be hot, but to be honest, it’s not all about how big you can make your hole. It’s how you react when you’re taking it.
Gunner
That could be on a motivational poster, but what do you mean?
KingdomHearts
I’d rather watch you with the smallest toy if it meant I got to see the way your whole body shudders when you come. Or see you come handsfree. The videos that are more … real? I guess is the right word? Those are my favorite. Not the ones that is porn for the sake of porn.
Huh. That makes sense. And my last video, even though I took my time to set up the proper lighting, it was the realest video I’ve probably posted in a while.
KingdomHearts
Not that I’ve ever felt like your videos are porn for the sake of it. I didn’t mean that. Shit. This is why they say not to meet your heroes. I have to go now. I need to get my foot surgically removed from my mouth.
Gunner
Wait, wait, wait. Before you do that. I’m your hero?
KingdomHearts
Not all heroes wear capes. Some of them have the bravery to put themselves out there on camera so others don’t feel so alone.
Damn.
Gunner
I have never thought of what I do in that way before. To me, it’s always been about getting paid for something I was going to do anyway.
KingdomHearts
What you do is important. At least, to me.
Gunner
That actually means a lot. Thank you. Most of the messages I’ve had through this app are guys asking to tear my hole open and then cum down my throat.
KingdomHearts
*crosses that off list of things to ask you*
I laugh.
KingdomHearts
But out of curiosity, is it the hole being torn open you object to or the coming down your throat? Asking for … a friend.
Gunner
It’s the assumption that because I jerk off on camera that I’ll willingly bend over for anyone who slides into my DMs with an impressive dick pic and dirty talk.
KingdomHearts
Do you tell them to fuck off?
Gunner
Not really an option. They think because they’re paying me that they have the right to have access to me. So if I cut that off, they cut me off. If they become threatening or whatever, I block them, but if they’re not pushy or rude about it, I just ignore them.
KingdomHearts
Well, thank you for not ignoring me.
Gunner
You haven’t given me a reason to.