Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
FINN
I’m fussing around Melanie, trying to help her with the food for the games night they’re hosting tonight.
She’s scarily determined to be integrated into David’s friend group here ASAP instead of being the new addition, and I’d be more concerned about her superpower to make people love her if I weren’t so distracted about seeing Curtis for the first time since the “Mitchell” incident.
And yes, it was an incident worthy of being named. I still can’t believe that I crossed those lines, and it was only after all my happy, buzzy, comey feelings crashed that a highly important thought hit me.
If Curtis ever finds out KingdomHearts is me … how the hell will he react to that?
I’ve almost completely gaslighted myself into believing that Gunner is dealing with messages like mine regularly. If I stop messaging him, he’ll forget all about it, and then I won’t need to feel nervous or guilty around my … friend.
I know I’m not actually doing anything wrong by subscribing to him—it’s the messages that have turned …
problematic. Technically, if I’d reached out to him, not knowing who he was outside of Gunner, there’d be no issue.
We’re both on the app, we’re both willingly replying to each other and consensually sharing videos with strangers.
The problem is the teeny tiny bit of information I’m withholding about who I am and how I might have an incy-wincy real-life crush on him.
“Josiah will be coming over too,” Melanie throws out in the voice she uses when she’s trying to sound casual but is too excited to pull it off.
“Josiah?”
“From David’s gym. He’s new to the city as well and hasn’t made many friends yet, so …”
I give her a blank look. “Let me guess, he happens to be queer?”
“Now you mentioned it, I think he is.”
I arrange the crackers messily on one side of the platter. “What about Curtis?”
“There’s no Curtis.”
“What does that mean?”
Melanie’s face fills with so much sympathy I worry he’s died for a second. “He’s seeing someone, Finny.”
Oh.
Oh.
That’s more disappointing than I’m prepared for.
“I was off the mark with that one, but don’t worry, Josiah is single and a sweetheart. I’ve already vetted him.”
“Melanie, I love you, but I’m really going to need you to let this drop.” An edge sneaks into my voice, and I know she’s only doing it because she loves me and cares, but I need a moment with my feelings. These unexpected feelings.
Did he start seeing this guy before or after the little porn swap? That’s vital information that’ll affect how I see him moving forward, but it’s not like I can ask him about it.
She studies me for a moment, but thankfully, she’s distracted from saying anything by Curtis showing up.
The second he walks into the room, I use the opposite door to slip out and catch my breath in the hallway.
I guess that’s an easy way to kill a crush. Plus, kill our messages.
They were becoming a favorite part of my day, but I’m not a homewrecker, and I had no issues with watching his videos to fill that emotional gap, so that’s what I’m going to keep doing.
Unless his new person makes him take them down. But if this is Gunner’s full-time job, I doubt it. You don’t mess with someone’s livelihood like that.
“You running away from me?”
My gut jumps at his voice, but through the usual happy nerves, there’s a tiny swell of disappointment. Curtis has his hands tucked in his pockets, approaching slowly and confidently. Everything about the way he’s standing and eyeing me is so damn sexy I can’t deal.
Why won’t I ever get to have a man like him?
I lean back against the wall, and he props himself close, left shoulder resting next to mine as he watches me.
“Do I take that as a yes?” he asks.
“I was running away from my sister, actually.”
His nose wrinkles. “She’s not still trying to set us up, is she?”
The way his disappointment sneaks through is hard not to take offense to. “You could be set up with worse people, you know?”
“I know—”
“I’m a catch.”
Curtis’s eyebrows creep higher. “Everything okay?”
“I’m only saying that it might not be a great idea for anything to happen, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be a great person for something to happen with.”
“Whoa … stop.” He pushes off the wall and moves in front of me instead. My outstretched legs slot between his as his hands settle on my shoulders. “What’s going on?”
“You’re seeing someone. I get it. And now they’re setting me up with Josiah, who goes to the gym and is apparently very sweet and very lovely and very gay, so you don’t need to sound so disgusted at the thought of being set up with me.”
“Disgusted?”
“That’s the closest word I can think of.”
A disbelieving sound sneaks out from between those gorgeous lips. “That wasn’t disgust. That was confusion. I lied and told David I was seeing someone so that they’d back off.”
My gaze snaps to his, and look at that—the nervous excitement is back. “Lied?”
“Yes. I told you I don’t date.”
“Maybe you changed your mind.” I’m pushing, but the relief that’s taken over is a welcome feeling. So welcome that I can’t drop his gaze even as my smile tugs wider.
“You look happier all of a sudden.”
You’re not a deceitful douchebag and still the exact guy I thought you were. Not that I can say that to him, so I go with another truth. “Selfishly, I didn’t want to have to stop flirting with you.”
“Ah, so you acting jealous over my imaginary boyfriend was your way of not flirting, was it?”
“Of course not. And I wasn’t jealous.”
“Good to know.” Curtis shifts in closer, boxing me in, and my heart is beating madly, but there’s nowhere else I’d want to be.
He rests one hand against the wall beside me and lifts the other to flex his bicep.
“You don’t find me so attractive that the idea of me with someone else drove you to pout and practically stomp your foot. ”
“I did not pout. There was no stomping.”
“Uh-huh. Sure. None of that. You’re definitely not pouting.”
“I’m not pouting.” To stop him from calling me out again, I jab him in the ribs, causing him to flinch and let out a cut-off giggle.
“And now you’re tickling me. Is this more flirting?”
I reach for his ribs again, but before I can tickle him, he snatches my hand and pins it to the wall.
Heat sweeps over me, sudden and intoxicating, and I have to remind myself that nothing can happen. Too much has already happened, and Curtis doesn’t even realize it. If he knew that it was me fucking myself on the pretend replica of his cock, this would be playing out very differently.
“Tell me about Money Shot.”
My entire mood crashes. I stare at Curtis, panic wiping my mind blank. Shit. He knows. I have no idea how he found out about me, but I have a good feeling that if I don’t start talking, and fast, this might rapidly go south.
“I … I, uh …”
“Stock market trading?”
Stock … “What?”
“You can imagine my face when my notification sound went off and David asked if I’m on the stock market too. Because apparently, someone else told him a little lie.”
David … the notification. Holy fuck, Curtis doesn’t know. I sag into the wall for support, heart still slamming out a rhythm against my rib cage.
“He told you about that?” I play ignorant, but the guilt makes me want to scream, I’m one of your subscribers!
“Yes. And thank you for subjecting me to that conversation.”
“Better you than me.”
I’m still coming down from my relief when Curtis gets this sly look on his face. “Given your complete overreaction to me knowing you watch porn though … I’m going to guess you’re into something really kinky.”
My short laugh relieves some of my tension. “You caught me.”
“It’s clown porn, isn’t it?”
“Not even close.”
“Pet play? Do I need to scratch you behind the ears and call you a good boy?”
“Hey, why do you assume I’d be the good boy?”
“You’re a total submissive.”
With my free hand, I turn his head, bringing his ear close to my lips. “I can promise you that when it comes to sex, I give as good as I get.”
“Oh, really?” Curtis’s hand flexes tighter around my wrist he has pinned. “Pity I’ll never get to find out.”
“Never.”
He turns, nose almost brushing mine, those hazel eyes darkening as his pupils dilate. “Move back to Chicago,” he whispers, exhale tickling my lips.
“I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more.”
He groans, and it makes my knees weak. “You are such a tease.”
The fact that he thinks that will never not blow my mind. I want to tell him. I want to tell him so badly that if he wants more, all he has to do is look at my video. But worse than him judging me for taking things online would be him cutting me off completely. From Gunner and Curtis.
“Hey, you’re the one with me pinned to the wall,” I croak.
Without a word, he takes my free hand and pins that too. I’m slouched down far enough that it feels like Curtis is looming over me, even though we’re eye to eye, and the lust pumping through my system has my cock hard as a rock.
“Sure,” I attempt to joke. “That’s making me not want to sleep with you anymore.”
“Good. That’s what we want.”
“Exactly. We’re being good. Not messy.”
One side of his lips hitches higher. “Knew you loved being called a good boy.”
“Please stop saying good boy while you have me pinned to a fucking wall.”
With a long moan, Curtis pulls away from me, dropping my wrists and taking a large step backward. He falls against the opposite wall, where we watch each other from a safe distance.
“This is not working,” he finally says.
“Sorry I’m so irresistible, I guess.”
“You’re joking, but it’s actually true.” Curtis’s gaze runs down my body, and I have no idea if he can make out my boner through my jeans, but I’m sure he’s looking for it. Just like I’m looking for his. “Where are your undesirable facts, Finn? You’re supposed to be helping turn me off you.”
How about I’m talking to you under a pseudonym, knowing it’s wrong, but don’t want it to end? “You’re not doing anything to help turn me off you either.”
He sounds hesitant when he says, “I’m not a relationship guy. And you are.”
“I am.” There’s no point denying it. I really, really want to find that man who I can come home to. “Doesn’t mean I don’t like some nasty sex in the meantime.”
His tongue darts over his lips. “Hey, maybe Josiah will be a nasty sex guy.”
“Maybe.”
“Or maybe he’ll be your soul mate.”
I’m not sure I believe in those, but hearing it applied to Josiah doesn’t sit right. Not when I only have eyes for Curtis. “Yeah. Maybe.”
“We should probably go back in.”
I nod but gesture to my groin. “I’m going to need a second.”
His strangled laugh is oddly attractive. “Tell me one thing first.” Then he holds up both pointer fingers an inch apart and slowly moves them away from each other. “Tell me when.”
It’s too hard to judge from here, but I humor him. “About there.”
“Damn, okay.” He looks between his fingers, and his appreciation spurs me on.
“That’s not the best part though.” Then I make a circle with my fingers, the size of my cock in my hand is basically muscle memory by this point.
Curtis’s jaw drops. “Holy shit.”
“Think I should use that as an ice breaker with Josiah?”
“Think I’m about to walk in there and tell Josiah to go home myself.”
The happy bursts in my gut make it clear I have no interest in Josiah at all. Just Curtis. I’d suggest that we fuck to get over this sexual tension, but considering I’ve watched Gunner come too many times to count, I know that isn’t going to help anything.
I’ll just have to keep enjoying his flirting and this tension, and we’ll both have to keep pulling each other into line. This is a foolproof long-term solution for sure.
I can be attracted to Curtis without fucking him.
I’m sure of it.