Chapter 38
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
CURTIS
Finn and I burst through my apartment door, hands grabbing at clothes, practically ripping them off each other while our mouths fuse together so tightly I worry Finn will be permanently stuck to my face.
Oh, who am I kidding. I could live with that.
I couldn’t live with continuing to shut Finn out.
Falling for him isn’t the burden I expected it to be.
It’s not a curse, and we’re not doomed to make each other miserable.
Because even though I’m scared—no, terrified—of being hurt, for once in my life, it’s not going to be because of my inability to let him in. He can have all of me, inside and out.
We stumble our way through to my bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes behind us.
He moans and whispers against my lips, things I can’t really make out, but I catch words every now and then like “love” and “can’t believe,” and I’m certain there’s another apology in there somewhere too.
I hate that he still has that guilt for simply telling me how he feels when I should be the one apologizing ten times over.
I’m the one who drove the huge wedge between us. I’m the one who ran away. My rules were bullshit rules, and I can’t blame Finn for breaking them because I broke them too.
Down to our underwear, Finn pulls his mouth away.
“Nooo,” I protest.
He huffs a laugh and soothingly says, “I’m not going anywhere. Why don’t you start prepping yourself while I set all the equipment up?”
I frown as he steps away from me and turns toward my closet.
“What do you mean?” I ask because I thought this isn’t what he wanted.
“To film. I figure that even though we’re together now, you’d still want to—”
I step up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist, resting one hand on his chest and the other above his waistband. “We don’t have to.”
He turns his head over his shoulder. “I don’t want you to quit because of me though. I know that’s been an issue for you in the past.”
How can a man be so perfect and way too good to me when I’ve done nothing to deserve it?
I force him to turn so we’re face-to-face.
I really want him to understand as I say, “You would never make me quit. My rational brain trusts that. But if we’re going to have a real relationship, there are going to be moments that need to be for only us.
Inviting others into the bedroom—even if only through a screen—was my way to keep you at a distance.
I don’t want our first time as a couple shared with the rest of the world.
I want you all to myself tonight. If that’s okay with you. ”
The smile that breaks across Finn’s face makes my heart melt.
“More than okay. I need you to be sure though.”
“There are certain things I’m okay with sharing on Money Shot, but my love for you isn’t one of them. We can make a video tomorrow. I want this to be about us. And …” I bite my lip.
“And what?”
“You said once that you’d be okay with bottoming, and I want nothing more than to make you come while I’m inside—”
“Yes. Fuck yes. Let’s go.”
His enthusiasm only makes him all the more gorgeous and irresistible to me, and while that would be amazing to get on camera, I meant what I said.
I want this to be about him and me. About us.
About the unspoken promises we’ve made to each other.
I promise to love him, respect him, trust in him, and try to be the best boyfriend I can be.
No more shutting him out.
No more pushing him away in the hopes he’ll screw up so I have a reason to leave.
I’m promising to give him my whole heart, and all I ask is that he do the same in return.
I hook my fingers into his underwear and sink to my knees as I pull them down to his ankles, where he steps out of them. “Let me prep you while I suck your amazing cock.”
Finn groans. “Even if you’ve admitted your dirty talk is performative, it still makes me as needy as ever.”
I push him backward the couple of steps to the edge of the bed so he can sit, and I follow on my knees. “Trust me when I say there’s nothing performative about how amazing your cock is and how much I want to do this.”
Without much of a warning, I wrap my lips around the head of his thick dick. With a quick flick of my tongue around the tip, I don’t hesitate to bury the whole thing as deep as it will go. I push past the point of discomfort, where my eyes sting and my nose nuzzles his groin.
His whimper of need turns me on to the point I worry I might not last until I’m inside him. I could come from his sounds alone.
I lift my head. “Can you reach the supplies from there?”
He leans back and has to twist his body to be able to open the drawer, but he has to put a foot on the bed to give himself leverage. I only get a small glimpse of his hole as he does so, but it makes me impatient.
I want to be inside him, rock my body against his, and I want to feel his ass surrounding my cock. I can’t wait to feel the heat of it. The warmth. The amazing friction as we come together over and over again.
But first, I need to get him ready.
Finn tosses the supplies next to him and settles back against my pillows. “Like this?”
“I’ll take you whatever way, but on your back makes it easier for me to do this …” I lean in and wrap my mouth around his cock. I’ve done this for the camera before, but it’s always a stretch to get my jaw wide enough. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it, and I don’t want to.
I hum as I sink down onto him, angling my head in a way that helps me take more.
“Jesus, fuck, Curtis.” Finn’s hand dives into my hair, twisting around the strands like he’s deciding on whether he wants to force me down harder or pull me away. I take it as a compliment, loving the way pride pools in my gut at his reaction.
I also love the way his precum is pooling on my tongue.
I lap at it, dragging my tongue from the base to the tip before swallowing him down again.
There’s nothing like the way he tastes, nothing like the way he reacts so easily to everything I’m doing to him.
Finn’s a gift. I think I’ve always known it, but knowing and acknowledging are two very different things.
I hate that it took me this long.
But we got here, and I’m really, really enjoying where we are.
I’m so into sucking his cock that I forget I’m supposed to be prepping him until he throws the lube and almost hits me in the head with it.
“Ooops,” I say, pulling off him. I snap the lid open and cover my fingers as I run the tip of my tongue over his slit.
“You need to get to work, or it’ll be over before you’re inside me.”
Geez, way to pull out the threats.
This time when I wrap my mouth around him, I’m less focused on getting him off and more on keeping him hard. Other than that dildo he sent me a video of, his poor ass has been neglected lately. That means I need to be gentle with him.
I spend some time on softening his hole, just rubbing my lubed fingers over it until he relaxes for me.
He sucks my first finger in easily. I take my time pressing it inside of him, even with the way his body is trying to pull me in.
There’s nothing like entering someone for the first time, and whether it’s my finger or my dick, I take my time to enjoy it.
“So good,” he sighs.
My finger sinks to the knuckle and if my mouth wasn’t so full, I’d smile with satisfaction. Making this good for him is my only aim.
I stroke in and out, giving him time to get used to the feeling, before I work a second finger inside. I move slower this time, sensing the tension in his thighs and the way his cock doesn’t feel as hard as it did a moment ago.
With a long lick, I pull off him. “You okay?”
“Very. Very, very. Keep going.”
Gladly.
I double down on blowing him as I stretch him open. My cock is so damn hard that it would be too easy to rush things, but the last thing I’d ever want is to hurt Finn again. Physically or emotionally, I’m making that my mission.
It’s a snug fit for my third finger, but it doesn’t take him as long to relax.
I’m in heaven as I lick and suck, opening him wider so he can take me. Finn’s panting and muffled grunts have me almost humping my sheets, I’m so turned on. And apparently, he feels the same because he thrusts into my mouth and back onto my fingers, like he can’t get enough.
Finn’s grip in my hair tightens, and his hips falter. “I’m ready. Probably too ready.”
I don’t realize what he means until he releases my hair and grips the base of his dick, forcing me to back off.
As soon as my mouth releases him, a long string of precum leaks from his tip. The way he’s chanting, “Not yet, not yet, not yet,” I’m expecting his full release to quickly follow, but he pulls it together.
He’s panting as though he’s run a marathon, and he releases a little laugh. “That was close.”
“You ready to keep going, or do you still need to catch your breath?”
“I need you inside me already. How do you want me? Still fantasizing about fucking me with my face down?”
“Nah, let’s save that for a future video. I want to look you in the eye as I fill you up. Shuffle up to the pillows.”
He does, and I stand, dropping my precum-soaked underwear to the floor and grabbing the lube.
I squirt a generous amount into my hand and stroke myself while I take in the sinfully delightful sight of Finn, his legs bent, resting his feet on the mattress, and his cock sticking upright against his lower abdomen.
“Hurry up,” he whines.
I’m torn between immediately climbing on top of him and sinking inside his gorgeous body and taking my time so I can watch his face contort, his skin flush, and enjoy every moment.
Yeah, definitely going with the latter.
My knees hit the bed, and I inch my way toward him, positioning myself between his thighs and lifting his legs over my hips.
He trembles as I run my fingertips down his chest. I’ve never felt so connected to someone during sex before. This is more than the desire to get off. This is something I’ve been denying myself for too long.