Chapter 23
The Nexus
"Shadow," I call to him.
His form is hazy, as if he's not fully in this world, but the intensity in his eyes is unmistakable.
The comfort and relief of Shadow’s presence is overwhelming.
It's like being submerged in a cold, dark ocean and suddenly breaking the surface to breathe. He never abandoned me, not really. Even when he tries to stay away, he returns—my protector, my constant in a hellish existence. I don’t deserve him, but I am fucking keeping him.
"I’m here," he states, his voice a rough whisper that sends shivers down my spine. It reassures me, warms me.
I sit up, the blanket pooling around my waist. "Are you still hurt?" I ask.
I’d never seen him bleed before. Seeing his insides was disturbing. Bright red muscle, black blood. My monster has always been untouchable, larger than life, but seeing him hurt shook me to my core.
"I have healed," he rumbles. "You are hurt," he says, echoing my observation. I change the bandages around my arms as needed. The flesh wounds have scabbed over and mainly irritate me with itching, which tells me they are healing.
"I’m okay." I assure him.
Drawing closer until he’s beside my bed, he reaches out a hand to trace a finger up my cheek.
I close my eyes and let out a sigh, reveling in the feel of his scaley touch that is so warm, so familiar. It’s as if he is reassuring himself that I’m alright. I close my hand over his, holding it to my face, reassuring myself too.
Swallowing hard, I try to suppress the feelings of dark desire rising in me. I whisper, "I have so many questions, Shadow. That monster, what was it? Why are they coming after me? What is a Nexus?"
He hesitates. I catch the flicker of something crossing his undefined features—maybe pain or fear?
He drops his hand and puts space between us. I hate every little inch of that space. "Evie, there are things in this world and beyond that are better left unspoken."
I shake my head, frustration flaring. Throwing my sheets aside, I get to my feet.
A chill sweeps up my bare legs. For once, the thermostat is behaving.
"No. You can't do this anymore." Words and emotions erupt from me now.
"You can't keep secrets, not when they're spilling into my world.
The police suspect me, Miguel is in a coma—maybe permanently brain damaged—and Miguel's family looks at me like I'm a… "
Monster, I finish in my mind.
A mad, maniacal laugh erupts from my throat, escaping in a burst of unhinged hysteria. It echoes off the walls, bouncing back at me in mocking taunts. Isn't this what I am? What I've become? A monster, a twisted shadow.
Before, donning the title felt like a blanket of safety. If I knew I was the darkness, nothing could hurt me. But now that I am the cause of violence and pain to people who don’t deserve it, I don’t want it. I don’t want to be a monster.
Maybe the cops will come for me after all. Send someone to put me away in the crazy house. Maybe they’ll put me in the same room as Jean, and we can wear matching straitjackets.
"You owe me answers, Shadow," I say with unyielding command. "What is a Nexus?"
He moves closer, and the room seems to contract around him. "The Nexus…" He trails off. For a minute, I think he isn’t going to answer.
"The Nexus is the key between our realms. Protecting it was my duty, but I forsook that duty when I broke the covenant."
"The covenant?"
"The sacred rules of my world. I broke them."
… for you.
He doesn’t say the words but I hear them all the same. His voice is laden with an intimate guilt that slices through me. I bear the weight of responsibility on my shoulders. I know why he was imprisoned. Because of me.
He shakes his head. "The border between our worlds was under my protection until I was sent away," he continues, a growl of anger tingeing his words.
"A new detail was assigned in my absence.
The ones who took over… They're incompetent.
" He snorts, like an angry bull. "The Guard is more concerned with capturing me than keeping the Nexus safe. "
From what I can tell, the Guard is a collective.
"They are still hunting you?" I ask. "That’s why you can’t always come to me?" It’s a small hope. One I’m dumb enough to have after everything.
The hope that he wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him. It’s a pearl that balloons inside me until there is barely room in my chest for my heart to beat.
Shadow’s posture softens. "Yes." The word is full of tortured regret.
He wants to be with me.
If it weren’t for the Guard hunting him, he would be with me.
I grab my bicep, trying to steady myself, but each second tilts my world farther on its axis. "So if the monsters are looking for this key, why are they coming for me?"
Shadow stares at me so unerringly long, my skin begins to itch under his scrutiny. "I've put you in danger by spending too much time with you. I’ve drawn their attention in the last place I meant to…"
I snort as I grip my other bicep. "And now monsters are popping out and trying to eat me."
"It wasn’t going to eat you," Shadow says quietly. Tentacles snap in agitation. "It was going to swallow you whole, store you in its belly and take you somewhere it could get answers out of you. Torture you even… to get the key."
"Jesus." I scrub a hand over my face. That freaks me out way worse than if it just wanted to eat me. Being trapped alive in its body is an incredibly disturbing thing to imagine. A sickening churn kicks up in my stomach again. "That’s what the redeye maw terror wanted with me too, isn’t it?"
Shadow stills.
I’m right.
"And they are going to keep coming for me, aren’t they?" That comes out a whisper. I’m afraid to say it out loud. "What is the key?"
I instantly regret the question. What if one of these monsters got a hold of me? Tortured me. Maybe it’s best I don’t know.
Shadow’s gaze burns into mine, and there's a sorrow there that cuts deeper than any knife. "It's not a what, Evie. It's a who. And they think it's you."