Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Day after day, Emily worked on the wedding dress.
Every stitch jabbed at her emotions. But her brain remained impervious to her feelings.
All she knew was she’d done this before.
And so she ignored the way her heart twisted and protested and continued to sew the lace inserts and the gores, hoping it would cause her memory to return.
Jesse had been gone for three days. Before he left, he’d said he wouldn’t be back until he found those responsible for the robberies and murders.
Emily had quit looking out the window at the sound of an approaching horse or men’s boots. She stopped setting the table for four.
Midway through the afternoon, Mikey was racing about the house. He knocked over a vase of flowers.
Emily set aside the white silk dress and rushed to mop up the water. “He’s restless,” she said to Gram. “I think I should take him outside for a while.”
“You go right ahead. Don’t feel you have to spend all your time sewing, though if you decide to stay in Bella Creek for some reason, I am prepared to offer you a partnership in my business.” Gram almost looked like she wanted that to happen.
Stay? It sounded tempting. But Emily could decide nothing until she discovered who she was. She’d named states and towns in the hopes of triggering something, but none of them sounded like home to her.
“Thanks. It’s a most generous offer and one I will consider, but I’m hoping...” She didn’t finish. People must be growing tired of hearing her complain that she didn’t know who she was.
“I understand. Now run along and enjoy the afternoon.”
Emily opened the front door, and with a whoop, Mikey dashed outside. Usually, when they walked, he dawdled, examining every rock, bug. and blade of grass. This time, he ran as fast as his short legs would carry him.
“Don’t go too far,” she called, and he immediately switched directions and raced back to her.
She laughed and bent to hug him. “You are such a good boy.”
“’Kay.” And away he went again.
They reached the intersection, and she paused, wondering which way to go. She wasn’t as fearful as she’d first been, now that she’d met many of the town’s residents. At least every person wasn’t a stranger who filled her with fear.
“Hello.”
Emily turned toward the sound. “Annie, hi.”
“Going shopping?”
She had no money. And she wasn’t about to put something on Jesse’s bill. He’d already gone above and beyond the call of duty. “Just out for a walk.”
“Me, as well. Mind if I join you?”
“Not at all.” It was better than being alone with her endlessly circling thoughts.
With Evan trotting along, Annie fell in at Emily’s side. The two boys chased each other up and down the street.
“Let’s go over to the schoolyard and let them play.”
Annie’s suggestion sounded good, so the four of them crossed the street. Annie and Emily sat in the shade on one of the benches and let the little boys race about.
Annie spoke. “I want to ask how you’re doing, but you must get sick of it.”
“I get sick of not knowing who I am. Sometimes I feel like I can almost remember, and then a black fog clouds my mind.”
“I’m truly sorry. I wish there was something I could do...anyone could do.”
“Every day, I beseech God to fix my brain. So far, He’s chosen not to do so.”
“It’s hard to trust God in some circumstances.”
“True.” For a moment, Emily thought about trust. “More and more I am learning how dependent my trust is on things going well, but if we only trust when we can see the future, we aren’t really trusting.
” She embedded the thought in her brain.
This situation required she trust God completely—for her past and her future and for her memory to return.
Though she thought more and more about what she’d do if she never got it back.
Each time, she hit a roadblock. She couldn’t plan anything until she knew who she was.
“Jesse’s out looking for the robbers. He said he wouldn’t come back until he found them.
” She chuckled. “We might never see him again.” Without warning, her voice broke.
“Emily, what’s wrong?”
She swallowed hard. “What if he doesn’t come back?”
Annie laughed at the idea. “He’ll be back. This is his home, and Gram is here.”
Emily tried to find encouragement in the words. “It doesn’t make sense, but his presence makes me feel safe. His was the first face I saw when I came to out there. I immediately knew I was safe with him.” She gave a shrug and attempted a laugh. “I’m being silly, aren’t I?”
Annie considered her a moment before she answered.
“I can’t begin to know what you are going through, but I understand why you feel safe with Jesse around.
He has a very strong code of conduct that guides his every action.
He would never compromise his ideals. I think that comes across to anyone who meets him.
So I’m not at all surprised that you feel that way.
” She paused to let the words sink in. “I wouldn’t want to see Jesse hurt. ”
“I’m not going to hurt him.” But the warning was timely.
She’d leaned on him too much and looked to him for assurance and comfort.
She’d be more cautious around him in the future.
Not turn to him so much. But it was Annie’s words about Jesse’s high ideals that worried her.
Just as she knew sewing meant more to her than one would expect, she knew she had reason to fear what her past would reveal.
Nevertheless, she wanted to know who she was. She would face whatever she learned and move forward.
A rider passed on the street, and Emily turned. It wasn’t Jesse. She told herself she hadn’t expected it to be. Tried to make herself believe her eagerness to see him stemmed only from the hope he would bring the murdering robbers to justice.
Mikey fell and banged his arm. He came running to Emily, and she pulled him onto her lap and rubbed his back. He stuck his thumb in his mouth and rested against her a moment, then he squirmed down and trotted back to Evan.
“Those two little guys are so much alike,” Annie observed.
“I don’t see it. Evan is dark like his father, and Mikey is as blond as any Marshall.”
Annie laughed. “Not in looks, but both are sparing with their words and bursting with energy.”
“They are that.” The two women chuckled as the boys ran in circles until they fell down.
“I love seeing Evan run about and enjoy life. When I first saw him, he was locked inside himself.” She related a story about Hugh finding his son neglected and treated like an animal and told how he’d advertised for someone to care for his boy.
“He’d planned on a marriage of convenience with an older, sedate woman.
” Annie chuckled. “Hugh didn’t think I could deal with Evan, but something clicked between us from the start. ”
“Locked inside himself? Sounds like me.”
“Then be encouraged by what you see Evan to be now.”
Emily studied the boy. “Nothing is too hard for God, is it?”
“No, it isn’t.” Annie squeezed Emily around the shoulders. “Keep trusting.”
Emily gave a dry chuckle. “Seems I have little choice but to do so.”
They talked about their faith, Annie’s family, and the town. Every bit of information contributed to Emily feeling less and less like she lacked a life.
“It’s time I got back,” Annie said. “I like to be at home when Hugh leaves his office.”
Emily grinned at the pink stain in Annie’s cheeks. “I keep forgetting that you, with a five-year-old, have been married such a short time.”
“God has supplied the family I needed and the love I secretly wanted.” Annie’s face glowed with joy. “I pray God will supply all your needs.”
“Thank you. I think Gram is hoping to convince me to stay here. She thinks the whole town is ready to embrace the lost and lonely.” Those hadn’t been her exact words, but Emily got the feeling that’s what she meant. “And who is more lost than I?”
Annie squeezed her hands. “But not lonely, I hope.”
“How could I be lonely with so many kind people around?” But she was and would be until she knew what her past contained.
They called the boys and made their way back home. Annie turned in at the manse, and Emily continued onward.
She and Gram had fallen into a routine of sorts. Gram made dinner, and Emily made supper. Cooking came easily to her, though she had to be careful not to cook too much. Gram said it indicated she was used to preparing meals for a big family.
She went into the kitchen and started the meal.
If she’d cooked for a large family, shouldn’t she have some recollection of them?
Were those people siblings or children, or had she run an eating establishment?
She must have been extremely busy if she was a seamstress, as well. “Why can’t I remember?” she murmured.
“Talking to yourself now?” Jesse leaned in the open doorway.
She ordered her heart back into place. “I didn’t hear you. When did you get back?”
“This very moment.” He stepped into the kitchen.
Mikey yelled a greeting and raced across the room into Jesse’s arms. He babbled and waved his arms.
“I think he’s telling you about his day.”
Jesse grinned at the boy. “It sounds like you had fun.”
Mikey nodded.
With a heart light as sunshine, Emily set the table for four and served the meal.
Jesse was back, and all was right in her world for the moment....
Jesse waited until Mikey was asleep in bed before he told Gram and Emily he’d failed to find the culprits. It wasn’t for lack of trying. “I scoured the country, hoping to find their trail, but they know how to hide their tracks.”
“You did your best,” Gram said. “No one can ask more of you. Not even you.”
“Yes, Gram.” He grinned at her. It was a message she gave him often. And he needed to hear it often.
“I’m off to bed,” she said and climbed the stairs, leaving Jesse and Emily alone.