Chapter 11 #2
“What have you been doing?” He wanted to hear about every moment of every day, just as he’d thought of her every moment of the days he looked for the criminals. Not only did he want to do his job and bring them to justice, he knew Emily would never be totally safe as long as they were at large.
“I’m still working on the wedding dress.” A troubled look crossed her face, though he guessed she tried to hide it. “I’ve helped Gram weed the garden, and I had a nice visit with Annie.” She told him of taking the boys to the schoolyard to play.
Emily’s eyes clouded, but before he could ask for an explanation, she reached for her Bible on the nearby shelf. “I’ve been reading, searching, really, hoping to find something about myself.” She opened the Bible and slowly turned the pages. Her hands grew still, and she seemed not to breathe.
“Emily, what is it?”
Tears glistened, and she pointed to the page before her.
He turned the Bible so he could read the words.
She had underlined a verse in Isaiah chapter forty-three.
When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.
In the margin, she had written Even in this.
And a date. February 1, 1887. Four years ago. What had happened on that date?
She pressed her hand to her chest and made little rubbing movements as if trying to ease a pain.
He watched her warily, prepared to rush her to the doctor if she showed any sign of fainting.
“I remember,” she whispered.
He waited, not moving or making a sound, afraid that doing so would stop the recovery of her past.
“I don’t know what happened, but it almost destroyed me.
I felt like I was drowning, like my life was consumed by flames.
” She rocked back and forth. “I was so hurt. I think I must have done something and paid a heavy price. But I only remember the pain, nothing else.” She bent over her knees as if in agony.
He longed to pull her into his arms and comfort her, but she seemed too fragile to even touch.
He knew the chapter she’d marked and ran his gaze down to the verses he sought.
Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old.
Behold, I will do a new thing. He read the verse to her.
She nodded but did not seem to get any comfort from the words.
He wanted her to know that she could start over without ever recovering her memory, but he didn’t wish that for her, knowing she could not be whole, could not be free until she knew who she was. What could she have done that frightened her so much?
She straightened and wiped her eyes. “What can I do but trust God to bring me the answers I need?”
He watched her, wishing he could ease her worries.
Instead, he sat beside her without moving.
His ultimate goal was to help her regain her memory and remember her past, in order to see the possibilities of her future.
He would not acknowledge that he wondered if there might exist some anticipation of her seeing him in the picture.
No, he reminded himself he’d decided to guard his heart against destruction, and that meant not pinning any hope of a young woman seeing him as enough.
But his job meant helping her remember, and the doctor had said her memory might return when she least expected it.
..perhaps when she was happily doing something else.
“Would you like to visit the falls?” He hadn’t planned to say that, but it would fulfill the doctor’s orders to do something besides think about regaining her memory.
Her eyes lit. “Falls? Really?”
“Libby Falls. They’re very spectacular.”
She smiled. “I can hardly say no to that, can I?”
“We’ll go tomorrow, then.”
“Okay.”
His heart captured Emily’s laugh. It would forever hold a special place in his memories. “What about Mikey?” Emily asked.
“The trail isn’t suitable for someone his age. Maybe Annie will keep him. I’ll ask her.”
Emily could not deny her excitement at the prospect of visiting the falls. Jesse had taken Mikey to stay with Annie, saying he’d be back in half an hour to get her. She needed to conceal her anticipation from Gram, so she filled the time with tidying a kitchen cupboard.
“The falls are a lovely place, though I’ve not been in years,” Gram said.
“Would you like to come with us?”
Gram laughed merrily. “Oh, no. I have no intention of interfering with your outing. Besides, it’s not the sort of outing an old lady like me could enjoy.” She chuckled again. “But it was sweet of you to ask.”
Sweet? Her? Was she? Emily considered the idea. She wanted to be sweet. Wanted others to see her that way. Wanted to feel that way within herself. But maybe she was something else.
She chased away the troublesome doubts. Today, she would simply enjoy being Miss Emily Smith.
A conveyance stopped at the front of the house. Emily stilled her urge to run to the other room and see if Jesse had returned. She waited, her excitement growing as his footsteps thudded on the steps and the door opened.
“I believe your ride has arrived,” Gram said with a degree of amusement.
Jesse entered the kitchen. “All set.”
Emily hoped no one noticed the slight trembling of her hands as she placed a borrowed bonnet on her head and tied the ribbons.
He held out his elbow. “Shall we go?”
She took his offered arm.
“Have a good time,” Gram said.
They stepped out into the bright summer sunshine. Jesse had rented a buggy pulled by a black horse with four white stockings. From a nearby tree, a robin sang. Surely, it meant they were going to have a wonderful day.
Her heart was as light as the air around her. She took Jesse’s hand and held it firmly as he helped her into the seat, his other hand light upon her waist.
He climbed up beside her and smiled. “Let’s go have a good day.” His dark eyes held hers, promising her so much more than she could accept.
But today, she would take whatever came her way with a full heart. Tomorrow, she would deal with the facts of her life.
He flicked the reins, and they drove away from town. Soon, they were alone on the trail. They turned to the west. Pink, orange, purple, and blue flowers dotted the grassy slopes. The trail climbed and trees grew more abundantly...dark green spruce and pine among the deciduous trees.
She leaned back and let the peace of her surroundings ease through her.
Except for one nagging thought. “If I get my memory back, will I forget all this?” She meant far more than the passing scenery.
Would she remember the days she’d spent at Bella Creek?
Would she remember Jesse and his grandmother?
Jesse didn’t immediately answer. He stared over the horse’s head.
“I don’t want to forget.” Her voice grated from her tight throat.
He brought his gaze to her, his eyes dark and, if she read correctly, troubled. “I know it’s a possibility. All I can say is—let’s make the memory as bright and happy as we can, so you will recall the feeling even if you can’t recall the event.”
“That makes sense.” Just as she could now recall the emotions of her past but not the events. “I like that.”
He squeezed her hand. “Me, too.”
Their gazes held for several more turns of the wheels, silently promising each other a good day with no regrets. And if a little voice whispered a warning in the back of her mind, Emily simply ignored it.
The trail grew steeper and narrower. A breeze blew in their faces. She turned her head toward a deep rumbling sound. “Do I hear the waterfalls?”
He chuckled. “I believe you do. It’s not far now.” They continued to a small clearing where he stopped.
She looked about. She could hear the roar of the falls but couldn’t see them.
He set the brake and jumped down, coming round to help her to the ground.
The sound of rushing water echoed in her heart, stirring unfamiliar longings. She wanted to know who she was so she could move forward.
She willingly forgot her inner turmoil as Jesse took her hand and led her up a rocky incline. Through the trees, she saw foaming water and leaned forward hoping for a glimpse of the falls. One foot slipped.
“Emily.” Jesse pulled her back, his eyes wide. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”
Pleased at his concern, she grinned. “I can always count on you to rescue me.”
He drew in a deep breath. “I prefer it not become a habit.” He led her back toward the buggy. “We’ll follow that trail.” He pointed out a barely-there path through the trees, so narrow they must go singly. But he reached back and took her hand as the path grew rocky.
The thunder of the water grew louder. The roar within her increased. She struggled to breathe and tugged Jesse’s hand to get him to stop.
He turned, must have seen her turmoil in her face, for he caught her by the shoulders. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. You know that Bible verse about deep calling to deep?”
He blinked.
She understood his confusion. Her question didn’t make sense.
Then he nodded. “Yes, I know the one you mean. It’s a Psalm.”
“That’s how I feel hearing the roar of the waters.” She pressed a hand to her chest. “There’s a roaring inside me, and I don’t know what it is.”
He closed his arms about her, and she leaned against him. Her turmoil eased.
“Do you want to turn back?” he asked, his voice so gentle it was a mere whisper.
She tipped her head up. He was such a good man.
One who deserved nothing but the best. But before the troubled thought could take root that she might not be what a man like him deserved, she dismissed it.
“I would not forgive myself if I came this far and didn’t see the falls.
Besides, I’m feeling much better now.” Thanks to his strength and comfort.
“You’re sure?”
“Completely sure.”