Chapter 15 #2
“Muffin go?” He held onto the little dog’s fur.
“Evan has a dog, remember?”
“Me not go.”
“Don’t you want to play with Evan?”
Mikey looked at Muffin, at Gram, and then at Emily. He read the determination in Emily’s face and sighed. “Me, go.”
But not with any enthusiasm, Emily thought.
Gram hugged the boy. “Come and visit me often.”
“’Kay.”
Emily eased past Gram, wanting to quickly end this awkward moment.
Gram reached for her and pulled her into a warm embrace. “I know there is more or perhaps less to the story that man told, but how do we find out the truth?”
The tears Emily had been holding back threatened to pour from her eyes, and she turned away, grabbed her bag, and headed for the door. How do we find out the truth? Why couldn’t Jesse have uttered those words?
Because, as she’d said, her story was too close to his mother’s.
Holding Mikey’s hand, she went out the back gate and up the alley.
Look at her. Hiding from public view because of accusations against her.
There was something familiar about that thought.
Had she really done what Mr. Ellesworth said?
Why would she? It seemed so unlike who she felt she was.
Had the blow to her head altered her personality?
What did it matter? She had no way of finding out the truth. There was nothing she could do.
Her feet ground to a halt. That wasn’t exactly true. There was something she could do.
She reached the manse and knocked. Annie flung the door open.
“Come on in. What a nice surprise.” She saw the basket on Emily’s arm. “What’s this?”
“You better hear my story before you let me in.”
The two little boys ran off to play, and Emily repeated the story Jesse had told her. “So I can’t stay there.”
“You can stay here.”
“Are you sure? If people hear, they will judge you for having me.”
“I would suggest they hear the words of our Lord, ‘He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone.’” She pulled Emily into the kitchen. “We have lots of space.” Annie led the way down a hall. “Choose your room.”
“Thank you. I won’t stay long.” Just long enough to find a way to leave.
“Stay as long as you like. I’ll leave you to get settled, then come and join me for tea.” Annie slipped away.
Emily sat on the bed as every ounce of energy drained from her. A few minutes later, she went to the kitchen. “There is something I must do. Can I borrow paper and pen to write a letter?”
“You’ll find both in the front room. Help yourself.”
“Thank you.” She sat at the writing desk and composed her letter.
Dear Matron Hilda,
Thank you for the information regarding me. I still do not have my memory back and would like the address for my Aunt Martha so I can write her regarding my family.
I am currently unable to travel, but Mikey is safe with me, and I will take good care of him.
Sincerely,
Emily Smith
As she signed her name, she felt a touch of familiarity. Was this her customary signature? So many questions.
She sealed the envelope, tucked the letter into her pocket to mail later, and returned to the kitchen where Annie shared tea with her.
How long before she couldn’t enjoy such pastimes? As she’d once told Jesse, women with a soiled reputation were not welcomed in decent company. She doubted if Jesse would have any cause to repeat the story Mr. Ellesworth had told, but the latter had no reason not to spread it far and wide.
Jesse listened to the man before him. Mr. North had come in to complain about Fred Ellesworth.
“He wants my land so bad he’s offering more than it’s worth.
At the same time, he’s uttering vague threats.
Says it’s in my best interest to sell now while I can.
He even went so far as to say that if something happened to my wife or one of my sons, I might wish I had left earlier.
Now, I know you might think it was simply idle conversation, but I saw the look in his eyes and the way his mouth turned into an ugly smile as he looked at Johnny.
I know a threat when I hear one.” The man leaned forward.
“Sheriff, there’s something odd going on, and I think you should find out what. ”
“I intend to do just that.” This was the third man to come in with complaints about Ellesworth. “Let me do some investigating.”
“Thanks, sheriff.” Mr. North shook Jesse’s hand and left.
It was time for Jesse to take a ride to Great Falls and ask a few questions, and he welcomed the excuse to leave town.
The trio of murdering robbers had been tried and found guilty.
Five days ago, Emily had moved out. It was for the best, Jesse told himself repeatedly.
She was not the woman he’d thought her to be.
Yes, he’d found her charming and sweet, but having had a mother who was a soiled dove, he had no intention of repeating the experience with a courting-aged woman.
If he left town this afternoon, he would be absent from church and not have to endure seeing Emily sitting with Annie, Mikey at her side.
His stomach soured to know she’d been willing to let the boy go to strangers or live the rest of his life in an orphanage.
At least Jesse’s mother had left him with a loving grandmother.
He found Clarence and told him he was in charge while he was gone. “I’ll be back when I find out what’s going on.” He bought some supplies at the store and let George know his intention. Then he saddled his horse and stopped at the house to pick up his bedroll and tell Gram his plans.
“You are misjudging Emily.” She’d repeated the same message every time Jesse came home.
“I wish I could believe it, but all the evidence says otherwise.” He threw some cookies into a sack.
“You believe that man? I don’t care for his shifty eyes.”
She might be more right about that man than she knew. “There’s also a letter that substantiates his story.”
“Jesse, the way I see it, this isn’t so much about Emily as it is about your mother.”
He stopped rummaging through the cupboards for food to take with him and stared at her. “There are similarities, but this isn’t about my mother.”
“Those similarities are blinding you to the possibility of other explanations.”
“Hogwash.” He found a can of peaches and two of beans and added them to his stash. “I’ll be back when I find out why Mr. Ellesworth is so interested in certain pieces of land.”
“I pray when you get back, you will have learned the truth about what’s in your own heart.”
He knew what was in his heart, and it was caution. Determination not to live the same pain he’d endured as a child—the shame of illegitimacy, the shame of what his mother did, and the disappointment of having her choose a life of shame over him.
He left town and rode until dark before he stopped and made a cold camp. After riding so many hours, he should have fallen asleep immediately, but instead, he lay awake, looking up at the stars. How was Emily? Did Mikey miss him? Did she? Who was she?
Scene after scene replayed in his head. The trip to the waterfalls. The visits to the Marshall Five Ranch. The afternoon spent at the house on the edge of town. He folded his hands under his head. He’d been so full of dreams after that day. Dreams that involved her.
Was she like his mother? Was that why Mr. Ellesworth’s story had hurt him so badly? All through his childhood, until his mother’s death, he’d wanted only for her to stay and make a home with him and Gram. It had cut to the bone when he learned that she chose other men over him.
He sat up as he tried to sort out his tangled thoughts.
He hadn’t even given Emily the opportunity to explain or the option of choosing a different sort of life.
Was he willing to give her a chance? Let her start over?
Forget her past? He snorted. She wanted to remember her past, and here he was, wanting her to forget it.
But was it that easy?
He lay back, longing for sleep. Eventually, it came, but he rose the next morning feeling groggy, and he fought to shake off the sluggishness.
He reached Great Falls late in the afternoon. Because it was Sunday, he waited until the next morning to go to the sheriff and present his questions about why Mr. Ellesworth was so interested in certain parcels of land.
“I can’t say, but I know someone who might know.” They went over to the lawyer’s office and learned that he and Mr. Ellesworth were cousins.
The lawyer came out of his chair at Jesse’s question about the land.
“He vowed he would not take advantage of the information I inadvertently revealed to him.” The lawyer went on to explain that one of his clients was on the board of a railway company looking to expand west, and Bella Creek was under consideration to be on the route.
“Nothing is certain yet, but he’s obviously bent on taking advantage of those folks. ”
The next morning, Jesse started the return trip. He stopped early in the evening, built a fire, and made a pot of coffee. So, Mr. Ellesworth was a scoundrel. But did that make his news about Emily any less true? Why would he fabricate a story about her?
Did he fear she would regain her memory and have unfavorable things to say about him? Did he hope, by spreading his story, to discredit anything Emily said?
Jesse could see that as a possibility.
He hunkered down at the fire, watching the flames flicker and dance. He had no idea what to believe.
Both Emily and Gram said he needed to forgive his mother. He knew it to be so. It was easy to talk about forgiveness, but how could he let this lump of anger and disappointment go?
He tossed a stick into the fire and watched it burn until only red coals remained.
The fire had consumed it.
The thought flared within his head. Was forgiveness the same? Could he simply toss it out and watch it be reduced to ashes?
He got to his feet and picked up several sticks.
“Father God, all my life, I waited for her to change. She never did, and still, I waited for something to be different. Now I see it’s me that needs to change.
I need to let go of what was, just like I let go of this stick and let the fire burn it up.
” He tossed it into the fire. It caught immediately, and the flames flared upward.
“I let go of what I hoped for and accept what I have. I have a good life, a grandmother who loves me and raised me to do right. I have a job I like, and I’m good at.
” He tossed another stick into the fire and watched the flames lick it up.
“And, maybe I have a chance for the home and love I’ve always dreamed of.
” He tossed the rest of the sticks into the fire, letting go of his fears and anger at the same time.
It didn’t matter what Mr. Ellesworth said about Emily. He’d seen who she truly was in the way she took care of Mikey, in the way she laughed and cried, in the things she enjoyed, like the roses at the empty house.
He had to convince her that she was exactly what he wanted in his life, what he’d wanted for many years.
His heart lurched against his ribs.
What if she’d left Bella Creek while he was away? Maybe gone to Alliance or even Lincoln? He would have no one but himself to blame. He’d practically told her to leave.
If she’d gone, he would go after her. He would go after her and tell her that her past didn’t matter. He’d follow her to the ends of the earth if he had to.
One thing he couldn’t control—her reaction. Would she forgive him for being so hard-hearted toward her?