Chapter Twenty-Two
C onnor waited to see what she’d say. If his answer didn’t matter then why was she asking? In fact, why was she asking?
She gazed at him for a long moment. “No. It doesn’t matter. I don’t care what she was or is to you.” She stepped forward, threw herself against his chest, and kissed him. Surprise held him still and then he was holding her and kissing her with a passion that exploded like a blazing fire between them. She began to strip and he helped her out of her jacket, then wrestled with the buttons on her shirt. “Let me,” she said, between kisses, and ripped it off over her head. They stumbled toward the bedroom, flinging her clothes everywhere along the way. He unhooked her bra and flung it away. She paused long enough to wiggle out of her jeans and drop them where she stood.
Since Connor only wore jeans he waited until he’d tossed her on the bed to strip them off. The cautious part of him wondered if he was making a mistake but the part of him that wanted her more than his next breath didn’t give a damn.
Sierra had rid herself of her panties, which was all she’d been wearing by the time they reached the bedroom. “God, you’re so beautiful,” he said, landing on the bed beside her.
She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Shut up and kiss me.”
He did, plunging his tongue into her mouth to taste, to tease, to tempt both himself and her. Bare skin against bare skin, he inhaled her, the fragrance that was uniquely Sierra, fresh and sassy, yet seductive as hell. He ran his hands down her body, dipping his fingers inside her, caressing her clit until he sent her to a screaming orgasm.
“Oh, God, I’ve missed you so much,” she said, after she regained her breath.
“I’ve missed you too. Every day, every hour. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, all I think about is you.”
“Then take me.” She whispered wicked instructions to him and he took them, driving into her in a near frenzy. He pumped inside her, pulled almost all the way out, then thrust inside her again and again. When he couldn’t hold back any more he let loose in a torrent, groaning her name as he came. Moments later he felt her tighten around him and she said his name as she came again.
When he could breathe he rolled onto his back, taking Sierra with him. “Why did we think it was a good idea to break up?”
“Stupidity?”
He laughed, caressing her back as she looked at him. “Yeah, since it was mostly my idea I can claim that.”
“I can too. I missed you so much. Not just the sex but you. I missed being with you, talking to you, simply being together even if we weren’t talking.”
He kissed her slowly and possessively. She kissed him back the same way. This time they made love slowly, running their hands over each other, taking time to touch, to taste, to enjoy every aspect. Sometime later she asked, “I came over to ask you something but I uh, got distracted.”
“If this is what happens when you’re distracted remind me to distract you more often. But what were you going to ask?”
She sat up, stuffing a pillow behind her back against the headboard. He grinned when she pulled the sheet up to cover herself. Speaking of distracting. He sat up halfway, leaning on his arm, he propped his head on his hand. “Fire away,” he said when she remained silent.
“It’s what I asked when I came in. Who was that woman you were with at the coffee shop? Was she a date?”
He told her the truth, not even tempted to tease her. “No. She’s an old friend. An old married friend.”
She drew in a deep breath and exhaled. “Thank God.”
“I was never going to date anyone else. I just said it because I was pissed. I don’t want anyone else, Sierra. Only you.” Would he regret being so honest? No. She’d come to him and admitted she missed him. Made love with him. The least he could do was be honest with her.
“I’m sorry I didn’t make Phil leave sooner. I should have. I never intended to go back to him.”
“Really? It seemed like you were thinking about it.”
“I did. For about thirty seconds.”
“I was afraid you were still in love with him.”
“No. I stopped loving him a long time ago. The problem was, I didn’t realize it at first. I can’t trust him. Once that trust is broken it’s hard to get it back.”
“It’s hard to get back with anyone once that happens.”
“You sound like it’s happened to you.”
“It did. A long time ago.”
*
Connor sat up beside her with his back against the headboard. Who had lost his trust? A friend? A lover? “What happened?”
“The woman I was in love with, who I thought loved me, didn’t.”
“I thought you’d never been serious about anyone. That’s your reputation.”
“Rumor is wrong. When I was a combat medic in Afghanistan I fell for another combat medic. Her name was Casey. I loved her. I was crazy over her. We were together for months.” He shook his head. “I wanted to marry her. It would have been a disaster, but I was too young and dumb to realize that.”
“What happened?” Because something obviously had.
“She died.”
“Oh, Connor. That must have been so hard.”
“It was. Before she died she told me she was in love with another man.”
“Oh, no.”
“Yeah. I loved her,” he repeated. “I thought she loved me, that we were on the same page. I’m not sure we ever were. It gets worse. The man she was in love with? My best friend. Ryan Hunter, the field hospital doctor.”
“She told you just like that? Out of the blue?”
“Yep. I knew they were friends, but I had no idea she was in love with him. Maybe not at first but towards the end she was just stringing me along until she could tell Ryan how she felt. She must have thought that she should tell me first.”
“She should have. How did Ryan feel about her?”
“I don’t know.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “I think he never felt more for her than friendship, but he knew I was in love with her. He was—is—a good guy. He wouldn’t have done anything knowing how I felt about her.”
“Did he know how she felt?”
“I don’t think so. She never had the chance to tell him.”
“Because she died before she could.”
He nodded. “The day after she told me. Some soldiers had run into an IED on one of the roads near Kabul. We worked out of a field hospital near there. We took our ambulance to bring them in. When we got there it was a freaking mess. Casey and I were scrambling to get whoever we could into the ambulance. I was trying to stabilize the casualties enough to get them back to the hospital when an RPG hit one of the other Humvees. Casey was close enough to catch part of the blast. She was still alive when I got her to the hospital. Barely hanging on. Ryan did everything he could but she didn’t make it. She died on the table.”
Sierra put her hand over his and squeezed. “I’m so sorry.”
He turned over his hand and laced his fingers with hers. “I’m sorry she died but it would have been bad once she told Ryan how she felt. Ryan and I would never have been the same. We’ve never discussed it. We talked about her dying but not about how she felt about him. We’re still friends, to this day.
“But I’ve never been serious about a woman since then. Until you.”
“Why?”
He shrugged. “I never trusted anyone enough. Part of it was who I chose to be with. Not many of them wanted anything serious either. I always told them up front and most of them understood and wanted the same thing I did. Fun. Casual.”
“Like us when we met in Vegas.”
“Right. Except you were different. I might not have realized it at the time but I’ve been in love with you since the moment we met.”
“No you weren’t. That was a one-night stand.”
“That’s what I thought too at first. It was supposed to be one night. I didn’t believe in love at first sight. Then I met you. I couldn’t get you out of my mind. I couldn’t forget that night. When I saw you that first day in the ER I thought it was fate. Which, by the way, I didn’t believe in either. Until you.”
Fate. She wasn’t sure if she believed in fate either. “I have to confess something too,” Sierra said.
“No you don’t.”
“Yes, I think I do. I was angry with you for being jealous of Phil, even though I’d told you I wasn’t getting back with him. I was mad because you didn’t believe me. But honestly, if I’d told him to go back to Dallas when he first got here none of this would have happened.”
“You weren’t sure you didn’t want him back. It’s okay. You were married to him. You loved him.”
“That’s just it. I loved him in the past. I haven’t loved him for a long time now. And as for being upset you were jealous, I realized how ridiculous that was when I saw you with that woman. I wanted to pull her hair out and tell her to leave you alone. And honestly, the only thing I saw was her kissing your cheek. It could easily have been a friendly kiss but it made me crazy.”
“I’m glad. Otherwise you wouldn’t have come here and we’d still be broken up. Which reminds me, are we back together?”
She laughed. “Yes. But Connor, I’m still…” She didn’t want to hurt him again or make him angry but—
Connor interrupted her thoughts by saying, “You still don’t want to move in with me.”
“I’m sorry. I want to be with you. I just need my own space. Even if I don’t spend much time there alone, I need it.”
“Okay. I get it.”
“Really?”
“Really. I’m not going to rush you. We’ll just take it a day at a time and when or if you want to move in together you tell me.”
“What if I can’t?”
“You mean ever?” She nodded, her heart in her throat. How could she love him, which she did, but still not commit to him?
“I think we shouldn’t worry about that right now. Let’s just enjoy being back together.”