Chapter 18
Chapter 18
Raven
M y body ached, and I knew it was my own fault. I had been up the entire night before, due to the stress that had sent me into whatever type of reaction I was dealing with.
I had a rash on my chest, and I felt like if I moved too quickly I was just going to want to collapse in a pile and forget the past two days had ever happened. But I couldn’t do that. PCOS was no joke, but I’d dealt with it for years and I would deal with it now. I still had to close up shop for the night and make sure that we were ready for the next day. I didn’t normally close and then open the next day, but I was taking Greer’s shift because she was dealing with a few things, and then needed to go on a trip to find help for another vendor.
I didn’t mind working this many hours because it meant I would have fewer hours at home, fewer hours to dwell on the fact that I was in love with my neighbor, who had let me just walk out.
Perhaps I shouldn’t have left the way I had, but what other choice did I have?
He hadn’t wanted me to stay. He didn’t love me. He didn’t want me in his life for more. It wasn’t fair to Nora, nor was it fair to me for it to continue.
I did not want to be Marley’s replacement. I couldn’t be. But I had accidentally thrown myself into that situation and the only way to get out of it was to cut ties.
I let out a snort as I cleaned up the final table in the room.
There were not going to be any cut ties, not when I worked and lived next door to the man. His family owned the building I worked in. His family friend owned my company. His family owned my house.
We had been complicated and tied up with each other well before we slept together. Well before I had fallen in love with him.
I’d had him in my heart for as long as I could remember, but I had ignored that pull to him years ago. Why couldn’t I have continued to do so?
Why did I have to be that person?
I hated myself. Hated how it felt as if I were making mistake after mistake.
I hadn’t spoken to him since I left, and he hadn’t reached out to me.
Greer knew, of course. Because there was no hiding bloodshot eyes and a red nose.
And that meant the rest of the Montgomerys would know soon, because Greer would want to fix things. But I couldn’t let her. I couldn’t do this anymore.
Everything hurt—my body, my soul, everything. I wanted this pain to be over. But I knew I couldn’t just sleep through it. I had to deal with the consequences of my own actions.
My fingers slid up to the necklace that I hadn’t worn in weeks. Marley’s necklace. The one that we had shared.
I stood alone in my café, the front door closed but not locked yet because we were still open. But the door between the tattoo shop and us was locked. On my side, and maybe on theirs too.
I looked toward the ceiling, like I could see the sky above me. “I don’t know what to do, Marley. I feel like all I do is make mistakes. I left because I needed to grow up. I needed to be me without the two of you. And I hate myself for that. It was so selfish. I didn’t want to only be your best friend. I didn’t want to be the third wheel, even though you never made me feel like one. I didn’t love him then.” I let out a breath, my voice shaky. “He was yours. I know that. I would never have loved him then. But I love him now, even though I think he’s still yours, Marley. And I don’t think it’s fair to any of us, especially your daughter, for me to continue. I love Nora, Marley. I love her so much, but she’s not mine. She’s yours. And it’s not fair that you’re not here. You should be here.”
I wiped away tears and then went back to my broom, to finish sweeping up for the day.
I was so tired. I just wanted to find a resolution but I knew it wouldn’t come. “It’s weird that I rarely talk to you anymore. Maybe it was because I felt as if I was encroaching. And it turns out I was. He was always waiting for you, never for me. I didn’t realize that until it was too late.”
“You’re wrong, you know.”
I whirled, broom in hand, as a scream tore from my throat.
Noah held up both hands, eyes wide. “Holy fuck. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you saw me come in.”
“As I was just having a conversation with myself, one that was very private, I obviously didn’t.”
“Oh shit, I’m sorry. Seriously. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. I’m just going to go crawl into a corner and hide for a bit, and maybe go change my underwear because I think I just peed myself.”
Noah snorted. “Well, I think I just did too because oh my God you scream loudly.”
There was a bang on the door, and then my phone buzzed.
“I startled her, she’s fine!” Noah called through the door. They banged again, and Noah pulled out his phone. “Let me text Leif right now. If we’re not careful, the entire Montgomery Security team’s going to run over to try to save you.”
“I’m fine, though I’m going to lock the front door.”
“You should. You’re closed up now.”
“I wasn’t five minutes ago. I got distracted.”
“Lock the door behind me after I leave, but I’m telling the guys this now. Actually, I’m telling the security group chat as well, that way they don’t rush over here. Because you know they will.”
I cringed, wiping away tears. “They don’t need to. I’m good on my own.”
And with that, I burst out crying. Noah looked panicked for a minute before he came up to me and cupped my face. “Stop crying.”
“Because you don’t like crying?”
“That could be part of it. But because he’s not worth crying about.”
I sniffed and wiped my tears on his shoulder. “That’s not a very nice thing to say about your cousin.”
“I don’t have very charitable things to say about him right now.”
“Is that a convoluted way of saying you know he dumped me?” I asked, my voice breaking.
“Greer mentioned that the two of you are no longer seeing each other. But she was very sparse on the details. I guess I’m going to have to kick his ass.”
“Don’t,” I whispered. “I think I’m the one who dumped him. Though I’m not quite sure how it happened. I just realized that he’s never going to love me. And I didn’t want it to seem like I was trying to take Marley’s place.”
I didn’t know why I was telling Noah this. I hadn’t even told Greer everything. But for some reason, I could not bottle it up anymore.
“You know, for a man who is a brilliant father and a brilliant artist, he’s not very good with the whole communication thing. He’s never really been good about it, you know.”
“He was okay at it.”
“He was okay at it with Marley. And you. But he hid a lot of himself, because things got serious really fast with Marley. You can’t get someone pregnant in college when you’re both technically teenagers, and not go through serious crap.”
“I wasn’t here for all of that.”
“Well, let’s just say things went a little haywire. I mean, the family was supportive. Marley’s weren’t, of course.”
I rolled my eyes. “Understatement of the year.”
“Truth. But he hid himself. He was so worried trying to do the right thing for everyone else, he sort of forgot to freak the fuck out. I think Leif finally got through to him a little, because he can’t really hide things from our eldest cousin.”
“Well, he was pretty clear that he didn’t want me. He doesn’t love me. He said so.”
The pain cut, but I did my best to ignore it. If I dwelled on it, I wasn’t going to make it out of this in a semblance of wholeness.
“Damn it,” Noah grumbled. “I see the way he looks at you. The way he treats you. There’s something there.”
“Something that could end up hurting Nora.” I huffed. “And myself. But I don’t want to confuse that little girl, and I don’t want to be Marley. Maybe I’m a horrible person to think that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Me too. I’ll be okay. And Nora will be okay because she has your huge family. And since I live next door and work next door, it’s not like I can really get away from it, you know? It’ll always be there. No matter what I do.”
Noah winced. “Shit.”
“Pretty much. I will deal with it later. I just need to breathe. Things moved too quickly.”
Noah raised a brow. “Or maybe not quick enough.” He leaned down and kissed my nose. It surprised me, and I looked up at him.
“What’s that for?”
“You’re our friend. You’re going to have to deal with us. And I don’t like seeing any of my friends hurt. It’s going to be okay, you know.”
“Really?”
“It will be. You both want the same things, I think. I don’t think you’re listening to each other.”
“I would say that’s a rather astute observation, but you couldn’t be more wrong.”
“You know I suck at my own life. I really have no idea what I’m doing there, but with others? I’m okay.”
“Whatever you have to say to help yourself sleep at night. Now, I’m going to clean up, and then go home and take a bath and forget. I think that sounds like a good idea.”
“You’re going to have to deal with this one day. Both of you are.”
“Maybe. Or maybe Nora will grow up with a wonderful family, and I’ll be that friend who’s always there making cupcakes. Nothing more.”
“But nothing less,” he whispered before he left. I stood there, broom in hand.
I needed to fix this. To not feel like this. Only I didn’t know how to change it.
The door opened again and I looked up, ready to say that we were closed, when Wyatt walked in.
“Hey, I heard about you and Sebastian.”
I sighed and rubbed my hand over my heart. “It’s okay. I guess I know how you feel now. I’m still so sorry about you and Cora.”
Wyatt smiled as he came closer. “Me too, but don’t worry, Raven. You’ll be seeing her soon.”
I frowned, wondering what in the world he could mean, when his fist came at my face, and then there was nothing.