Chapter Five
I groaned, hanging my head in my hands. “That was the most humiliating thing that’s ever happened to me in my whole life, and I once went a whole day walking around with my skirt caught in a pair of granny panties that had very visible stains!”
“Oh, eugh. What kind of stains?”
“Is that really the point!”
Paxton shrugged, gnawing on his oxtail. “It is now.”
“Fuck’s sake, they were strawberry jam stains—if you must know.”
“I now have even more questions.”
“Ugh!” I burst out, flopping back on the grass.
After Ash walked out of the forum from hell, laughing all the way, the epsilons and I were left to break apart the mob while the secret police sat back and watched—also laughing all the way.
Never had I looked like more of a failure than I did at that moment.
Not only did I mess up a massive opportunity for the omegas, but every clan leader just got a glimpse of the “equal and fair Corvin community,” and they saw it was a big, fat, fuckup.
Whatever Ash has been sent by the council to do, I just did it for her. No one who saw a second of that forum wanted it anywhere near their clan.
“ It wasn’t that bad, ” Edric said.
“ I’m in your head, Edric. I know you’re lying! ”
I could feel him cringe from all the way in the auditorium. He stayed behind to see if any of the projection equipment could be saved. Going by his dour thoughts, the answer was no.
“ At least I turned off the livestream two seconds after Megan started ranting. No one else saw it get really bad. ”
“I wish that was cheering me up right now.”
“Well, it would if you’d stop moping over it and just eat it,” Paxton said, moving my plate of oxtail and rice and peas over to me. “Go on. Have some.”
Sniffing, I flopped over and watched the sprites flitting across the pond.
After I finally got everyone out of the auditorium, I took off running and didn’t stop running until I somehow ended up in Paxton’s spot. I didn’t mind that. The little clearing was actually a calm, beautiful place to sit and think for a while.
Or at least it was until Paxton came trotting through the trees an hour later—bold as shit and carrying a blanket and picnic basket like we were meeting for a date.
“I’m sorry, Paxton,” I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut. “You never got a chance to tell the leaders that we need stronger inheritance laws. It’s all my fault.”
“Hey, come on.” A soft, calloused hand stroked my back, sending shivers up my spine. “Don’t say that. You know it’s not your fault. You didn’t tell everyone to spectacularly lose their shit.”
“But I should’ve known they would,” I cried. “The worst part is I looked inside Ash’s folder after she strutted off cackling. She actually had a great plan and a system for how to keep the peace, and organize everyone so they could say their piece, then keep it moving without the conversation getting out of control.
“Unlike me who just told everyone to run on stage and shout into the microphone.” I tossed my head, eyes welling. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Paxton. I need to change Wolf Nation. I have to make it into a better, safe place...” Hope’s beautiful, chubby face floated through my head. “But I don’t know how.”
“Daze, I know you think tonight was a disaster, but... I fucking loved it.”
Frowning, I smacked my ear, making sure it was working. “Excuse me? Did you just say you loved it?”
“Yeah, I loved it. It was the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”
“Okay, now I know I’m not hearing you right.” I flipped over, facing him. “What about that dumpster fire did you love? Was it me flapping around, shouting uselessly into the breeze?”
He snorted. “Yummy, I don’t think you fully grasp what you accomplished tonight.”
Yes, I heated up at the nickname. I still despised him for stealing the letters, but I wasn’t dead. Food and flattery worked on me just as much as the next girl.
“You got the clan leaders of Wolf Nation not only to listen to us, but to fucking acknowledge our existence. To open their damn eyes and realize that we’re not living in a fucking paradise just because life is great for the alphas and betas.
“Yes, half of them likely clicked off, went back to their cocktail party, and forgot tonight even happened. But the other half...” Paxton shook his head, smiling. “They were listening. They were taking notes. They heard us, Daze, and that’s because of you.”
I ducked my head, swallowing hard. “But they would’ve heard more if I’d been able to get everyone under control like the headmistress I’m pretending to be.”
“Granted, that wasn’t a good look for you as headmistress.”
I swatted his arm, making him laugh.
“But,” he cried, throwing up his hands. “It was a good look for you as queen.”
“Huh? What are you talking about? Is there alcohol in those drinks?” I asked, eyeballing the bottles sticking out of the baskets.
“Yes, loads. Now have some already,” he said, popping the top off one. “You’re seriously getting in the way of my plan to get you drunk.”
I giggled.
“Ah, there it is,” Paxton said, gazing at me with a look that made me want to run away. “That smile.”
Okay, yes, I do need to be drunk now. I took a healthy swig to save me from replying.
“Listen, Wolf Nation is becoming a better place, and tonight was proof of it,” he said softly. “You saw a dumpster fire, but what I saw were omegas standing up for themselves, fighting back, and refusing to take any shit. And the reason they finally felt safe enough to is you. ”
Paxton gently grasped my chin, tipping me to gaze in his haunting, piercing eyes. “A kingdom where the subjects are afraid to speak isn’t a happy place, it’s a nightmare. No one was afraid to speak tonight, Yummy, so take it as a win. Because I am.”
I was quiet for a long time, taking that in.
It was true. Only a couple weeks before, Nia was shitting her pants over going up against an alpha in a fight, and Paxton was swallowing his tongue and bearing it while Badr ordered him around like a servant. That was night and day the two people standing on their seats, shouting down everyone trying to silence them.
This is a war, Daze, and in a war victories are bloody, but they’re still victories.
“Thanks, Paxton.”
“Of course, baby.” He flopped down next to me, smirking away. “I’m a voice of support and wisdom. More traits of mine that make you wet for me.”
I rolled my eyes so hard I hurt myself.
“And besides, we’ll get it right next week.” He reached over, grabbed my food, and set it down in front of me again.
I stopped messing around and finally dug in. That oxtail smelled too good to deny. “Next week?”
“When we do the next forum,” he explained. “They’re every week, right?”
I winced. “Ahh. That brings me to the other reason for my despair. The projection equipment is completely destroyed, Pax.” His nickname slipped out unthinkingly. “The auditorium projector is the only one big enough for everyone to see the leaders, and the leaders to see everyone. It’s not like the whole school can huddle around my laptop.” I shook my head. “We won’t be able to do it next week, and whoever destroyed it knew that.”
“You can order another projector, though, right?”
“Yep, but how much do you want to bet that shipment will be delayed, and delayed, and delayed.”
Paxton blinked up at the sky, his handsome face losing some of the optimism. “Well... shit.”
“Shit, indeed.”
“Hmm.” Paxton propped himself on his arm, brows furrowed as he thought.
Gods, even his thinking face is cute with his wrinkled nose, and those blush-pink lips all puckered up. Luame, would it have hurt you to toss me a few uggos, so they’d be easier to resist?
“Don’t worry, Yummy.” Paxton slipped under my shirt and stroked my invisible belly button. “I’ll figure this out for you. We’ll get the forums back.”
I barely heard him because I was too busy choking on a piece of oxtail bone.
My goddess mark was sensitive. I mean really sensitive. I mean lower belly contracting and panties wetting like he latched on to my clit and tried to suck it off sensitive.
“You can keep your hands to yourself while you’re doing that!” I dumped my food on the ground scrambling away. My whole body shivered as electric shocks zipped beneath my skin. “Gods, you’ve gotten real bold, Clarke. I still haven’t decided yet if dying would really be so bad as long as you die too!”
He laughed. “Come on. I know what you need.” Paxton got up and started stripping.
“I swear, if you tell me what I need is to go for a ride , I will choose violence.”
“Forget a ride.” Paxton held out his hand. “How about we go for a run?”
My heavy bad mood lifted a bit. I didn’t realize until right then how long it’d been since I let my wolf run free through the woods. It was such a carefree thing to do, and free of cares did not describe me in the slightest bit.
I hesitated. “A run sounds nice, but I didn’t come out here for this, Paxton. I need to be figuring out damage control. No doubt Ash is in there right now, sending her daily report to the council, and after that, the council will call up the alpha leaders, and tell them to never speak to me again—no matter how much money I pay them.”
“Realistically, what can you do about either of those things tonight?”
I opened my mouth, but not a single syllable came out.
“That’s what I thought.” Naked as the day he was born, Paxton held out his hand for me again. “Run with me, Yummy. We both need it.”
I eyed the ridiculously handsome jerk before me, then flicked to the castle looming over the trees—beckoning me to another sleepless, tortured night filled with the choking fear that I was failing my daughter.
“A run doesn’t sound so bad.” I rose up. “Before we do...”
I fished a vial out of my pocket and handed it over. Paxton took and downed it before I could blink.
“Have you noticed this stuff is wearing off faster and faster?”
Blowing out a breath, he nodded. “What do you think that means? Is the medicine less effective with use or... are we running out of time?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted, glancing up at the moon. “She gave us the bond the first time. Maybe she has to do it again.”
“You made a promise in her name to never bond with me. It’s not about what Luame wants right now, Daze. It’s about what you want.”
“That’s the first time in twenty years anyone’s ever said that to me.”
Chilled fingers laced through mine, making me drop my chin. “There’s a lot of things I want to say to you, Daciana, but everything comes out as self-serving when you’re dying. I don’t know how to make you believe I’m being real.”
“I don’t know either,” I said honestly, then smiled. “Come on.”
Shifting right through my clothes, I bounded off—the earth crunching under my pads. I was gone a quarter of a mile while the guy was still getting his fur out. “ Keep up, water boy, ” I barked back.
Most people didn’t know wolves—the real and the were-kind—could communicate with each other. Howls, barks, whines, growls, scent, and even the way we flicked our tails and licked our paws gave us a way to communicate with each other. Even though us werewolves spent most of our time in our human form—because let’s face it, opposable thumbs are freaking awesome—I could join a pack of real wolves right now, and they wouldn’t tell the difference.
This form was me—some days I felt like she was the real me—and Paxton was right. What I needed most on the night all of Wolf Nation saw me implode like a dying start, was to be the fierce, beautiful, fearless side of me that—
Something smacked my rump, ripping a yelp from my muzzle.
I spun around just in time for another waterball to hit me full in the face.
A black, almost blue-haired creature bounded through the trees, waterballs hovering around him like stars floating in the sky, and his fur swallowing the moonlight like a black hole. The image of that struck me. Me the embodiment of moonlight, and Paxton the unstoppable, unknowable force destined to suck it away.
The two of us shouldn’t work. We’d already proven that when our first attempt at being together resulting in me failing to manipulate him; him successfully manipulating me; me pushing him away; him stealing my mother’s letters; and me breaking a sacred rule to blow up our bond and giving us both a death sentence.
I growled at him, hopping lightly on my pads as I issued the warning.
Paxton flicked his ears. “ Challenge accepted. ”
The balls took flight, coming at me from all directions, and setting my wolf off snarling. She—me—was very fussy of our brilliant white fur, and did not appreciate it getting wet and clumpy with mud.
I leaped up—my powerful hindleg propelling me to the tree branches, and snapped at the offending waterballs that dared to soak me.
They sailed right through me and splashed on the grass, soaking uselessly into the dirt.
Paxton yelped, frustration rolling off his fur. For some reason, people always forgot moon wolves were born with the edge.
I ran at him, nipped his nose, and danced away.
“ Hey! ” He nipped back, trying to catch my tail, and snapped on air. “ That’s cheating! ”
I’d have been giggling if wolves could do that. The most I managed was a growly, hoarse half-snort. Spinning on my pads, I clamped his hindleg and got smacked with a muzzle full of water.
Paxton’s growling half-snorts were ten times louder than mine watching me sneezing and tossing my head worse than the summer I got fleas. Fucking fleas. We wolves hated those little hopping bastards more than we could ever hate vampires.
“ Come on, Volana. ” Paxton nipped my backside when I wasn’t looking. “ Let’s see if you can keep up. ”
He went shooting off before I could have my revenge, pretty much ensuring I had to chase after him. We bounded through the trees—forcing aside anything that didn’t jump aside.
Paxton was fast. Incredibly fast. He raced across the forest floor like water, letting nothing slow him down. My wolf was running flat out to keep up with him, and she loved it. She’d always been the prettiest, fastest, strongest, and rarest wolf in the pack. That Luame searched the clans and offered her up mates that were just as fast and strong thrilled her for all the wrong reasons.
The superficial cow loved that she had a bunch of wolf husbands she could show off and brag about while they gave her a litter of pups that would be the best wolves in the world.
My wolf was my better half. That didn’t mean she wasn’t ridiculous.
Even so...
My human soul gazed out through her eyes, watching his blacker-than-night form dance in and out of my vision. Just because my wolf had fallen for Paxton, and just because Luame crushed on Paxton, it didn’t mean it was the same for me.
Paxton was right. It was me, not Luame or my wolf, who rejected Paxton. Which meant it was me who had to truly love and want him again if there was to be any chance of resurrecting the bond.
But do I?
What was love, anyway? Of course I loved Castor, but it was different with him. We were hopefully, obsessively, dangerously desperate for each other from the moment we met. Love was too small a word for how I felt. It was like Luame split my soul in two, gave Castor my other half, and I had to be with him to be the whole of me.
Was that what I needed to have with Paxton to get the bond back? Could I ever feel that way for someone else again—my fated mate or not? And was there hope for any of my fated mates, Paxton most of all, if I was forever comparing them to Castor? Because by that comparison... Paxton had already fallen so short.
I was willing to die for love, but not like this, I thought, slowing down. Wolf Nation sliding into a horrific legacy of genocide, invasion, and enslavement all because my wounded heart refused to let anyone else in.
Luame said I’d be the cause of the Golden Blood-Soaked Age of Wolves. This wasn’t supposed to be what she—
A sharp, vicious yelp stung my ears. “Ahhh! Ahhhhh!”
I skidded to a stop as something fleshy and writhing suddenly appeared before me. I crashed over him, tumbling muzzle over paw across the ground and smacking hard into a tree.