Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
The next week went by in a flash. Thursday wasn’t as slow as Wednesday had been.
After that, well, I was off, and Soyer took full advantage of that.
He brought out an antique-looking chess set, and while I had the rules down and had played a bit here and there, I wasn’t as good as him.
But he taught me the tactics behind it, gave me practice matches, and that was fun.
Seeing the expression on his face when I was able to use the tactics he’d taught me made it even better.
We also went for walks. Not too far away from Sundial Tower, there was a perfectly square park with a fountain in the center.
It wasn’t big, but it was framed by large trees that were inhabited by both crows and squirrels.
Soyer had brought a bag of seeds and nuts, and those attracted both the crows and squirrels as well as the neighborhood pigeons.
It was fun watching the lot of them try to get the best bits.
More than anything though, we were lazy. Really lazy. We spent so much time in bed, so much time in each other’s arms, and yet, I found myself wishing time would stop when Soyer held me, when we tried to watch a movie or a show in bed and ended up talking all through it.
By Sunday evening, I found myself sort of…
dreading having to go back to work. Except that wasn’t it.
Work was going to be exciting. On the advice of Elias, the Moonlight was going to be closed to the human clientele until Thursday, which meant Tuesday and Wednesday were going to be the grand opening for everyone in the underground. It would be busy, but fun.
Yet, I’d have to leave home, the home that was mine and Soyer’s, and given that it was less a place and more him, well, I had to leave him, and I wasn’t excited about that.
“What’s that face for, Amory?” he asked me around noon on Monday while he poured me a drink of his third trial batch of apple cider.
He’d transferred it into a pitcher, and the pitcher was sitting in the middle of our table.
We were having a cold lunch of leftover sandwiches using the bread he’d made when his levain had finally arrived—sent by mail from heavens knew where—and a mango, onion, and cucumber salad.
I pointed. “This is my face. You’ve told me you like it.”
He huffed. “Fine. Penny for your thoughts, then.”
I sipped more of the cider. This one had strong anise and ginger notes, and I liked that.
“The weekend was fun. Can we do this again next weekend?”
He crossed his legs and tapped his plate with his fingernail. I’d watched him apply a fresh coat of black to them only yesterday. “Wait… Are you telling me you enjoyed not working?”
“I enjoyed being with you.”
“Hmm. I’m not going to press you, because that would be pressing my luck. Yes, we will be doing this next weekend and every weekend after. We’ll be doing even more relaxing things when you are on vacation.”
“Huh?”
He grinned. “Dwayne’s rule, not mine. You have to go on vacation.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. “With you?”
“Obviously.”
“Then I don’t mind.”
He raised his left eyebrow. “Wow.”
“Don’t make fun of me.”
He shook his head. “Never. My heart, I know how lucky I am to have your attention, your love. Do you remember? When we met, when you dared be ashamed of your old apartment for it not being as grand as this?” He gestured at our home.
“Oh, yeah. Hard to forget that. The couch was really bad.”
“Hush. We shared our first breakfast on that couch. Listen, when I told you back then how you impressed me with the fact that you had worked for everything you had, that you had managed to attain everything you had without help, without any kind of support, I meant that. When I tell you now that you giving me the time you used to spend at the diner to work so hard for all of that humbles me, I mean that too. You are impressive, Amory, and you never fail to impress me. I’m grateful to be found worthy of your time. ”
I wrapped my hands around my cider cup, enjoying the warmth I could feel through the glass. “Come on, I’m just—”
“Don’t you dare, Amory. Don’t you dare put yourself down in front of me. It’s going to make me very mad.”
“Then maybe you’re easy to impress, Black Shuck.”
“Nope. We’re changing the topic. You’ll see reason eventually, I’m sure. I’ll hear your verdict on this cider now.”
“You’re going to make the best one for Thanksgiving, aren’t you?”
“Yes. It’s seasonal, apples are supposedly healthy, and it’s going to be great spiked with strong liquor. It’s perfect.”
“Then make this one. The ginger is great in it. No spiking the whole pot though, there will be children.”
“Spoilsport. Are you sure this is the one?”
I nodded and finished my glass. “Yes. Will you pour me another?”
He huffed but reached over to give me a refill. “I know when I’m being placated, my love, but I don’t care. We’re going to be having this. For our party.”
“Our party. I think you’re trying to placate me right back, but I don’t care either. What are you looking forward to most?”
He rolled his eyes. “When they’re all gone.”
I tried to give his leg a little kick under the table, but he avoided it. “Okay, what are you looking forward to the second most?”
“For the first person to announce they have to go and then for the rest to follow suit.”
“You’re trying too hard, Soyer.”
“Not so. Say, would you like to extend your long weekend, call in sick tomorrow? I might even let you help me prepare. For our party, you know.”
I loved my firebird very much, didn’t want to be without him, and wanted to wake up next to him each morning for the rest of forever, but when he was trying to be mean like this, albeit lovingly mean, I wanted to pinch him. Maybe even on the butt. Not that I had the reflexes to make that happen.
“I’m not falling for that. Besides, my boss is really strict. Oh, you wouldn’t believe that reputation he keeps lugging around. It’s super scary.”
“Ah, there go my hopes of seeing you chop onions.”
“I learned to dice them. Kasey’s a good teacher.”
He tilted his head from left to right, making his joints pop loudly. “About tomorrow. I haven’t decided yet, but I might not come by, or only very briefly to pick you up.”
That brought my mood down just a little bit.
I’d gotten used to Soyer watching me, to him looking at me while I worked, and I was pretty sure I’d have a lot to do tomorrow.
I wouldn’t have minded him seeing me handle things when the diner was full, and serving him while all those people were there had a certain appeal as well.
“Why?”
“Mostly to make sure people will want to come back to catch a glimpse.”
I snorted. “You’re not some rare wild animal, Mr. Black Shuck.”
“See, this is where you think I used to be out and about before I knew you as much as I am now, but I actually couldn’t be bothered. When I had to go places, it was usually because I had business with someone, and that ended in blood. Not my own, naturally.”
“Then don’t you want to be seen all night for a change?”
“Not by them.”
He let that hang there, but his eyes didn’t leave mine.
He was waiting, I could tell. He’d never ask for anything, not now.
He’d never suggest anything, not in this situation.
I wasn’t sure whether it was specifically because he didn’t want to pressure me or whether this was just how he was, but I could tell he was waiting for me to let him know what I wanted, if anything.
Early on, I’d have been scared. Not of him—never of him—but I wouldn’t have been able to read him as well as I could now, and even if I had, I’d have second-guessed myself into inaction.
But not anymore. Being with Soyer now was as easy as taking a breath. I stood, and under his watchful gaze, I walked right up to him, leaned over him, and kissed his forehead.
“I’m going to bed. Do you want to come with me?”
His breath rushed between us. “Yes.”
It was him taking my hand now, his skin warm and soft against my own.
He walked with me, outwardly calm, though there was an intensity to him, like embers still glowing red under their cloak of ash.
He watched my every move still, even if I wasn’t doing anything that I thought required that much attention, but this was Soyer. He saw things differently than I did.
In our bedroom, his grip on my hand tightened. “I’d like to hold you. Can I, Amory?”
“Yes, sure.”
Before I could turn to him, he put his arms around me, hugging me from behind. His hold was tight, which surprised me enough that I made a squeaky sound.
“I love you. I love you so much, my heart. Tell me what you want.”
“You.”
“Yes. Tell me what else.”
His arms pressed me closer to him. It bordered on uncomfortable, but as if I were the mind reader between the two of us, I gleaned why he was doing it; to get close, as close as two distinct entities could be outside of sex.
While we were still fully dressed, this was closer to sex than a simple kiss or even an intimate touch.
“I…I don’t know enough. Will you show me what you enjoy? Do what you like?”
“Ah. There you are. You want to give me everything and thus make me choose restraint in the taking, again and again.”
“But I want to give you everything, Soyer. Don’t you know that?”
“I do know that, but don’t you know that I cannot love you selfishly?”
I gasped, the thought cracking open a truth like water and sun might crack a flower’s seed.
This was love. I’d told him at first that I didn’t know if I loved him, had gotten used to saying it because it had started to feel real. The firebird on my skin made it real, at least for me.
But this was the truth of it. I wouldn’t have known by myself. I didn’t really understand even now, but I thought I was getting the outline of the concept of this kind of love: total and all-encompassing, yet gentle as rain on heated skin.
“You’re saying I can’t give you everything?”
“That’s right.”