Chapter 22 #2
I sagged against him, and he was holding me effortlessly. “But I want to give you everything.”
“I know. But I won’t let you. Can’t. Come, my love, let me lay you down and make love to you, hmm? I’ll be gentle. I’ll hold you. Come.”
“Yes, please.”
Soyer deadlifted me, and it didn’t seem like that much of an effort for him. He was careful about putting me on the bed, making sure he didn’t just toss me. He cherished me. It felt unreal.
“Ah, what gears have I set spinning in your head, my heart? You look like there’s a thunderstorm happening in there.”
He kissed my temple, and I turned onto my back. He was next to me, one foot on the floor, one knee on the bed, looking down at me.
“I like thunderstorms.”
He huffed. “Well, good. Can I undress you?”
“Yes.”
He pushed up my sweater and kissed my naked belly. His lips were feather soft, and my eyes drifted shut as I concentrated on his touch, his fingers tracing up my body until he could pull off my sweater.
“I dream of you sometimes,” he said.
That caught my attention. “What are your dreams about?”
He distracted me briefly, kissing my shoulder as he pulled at my pants, the soft material giving easily.
“They’re strange dreams. You’re always happy, and sometimes you tell me I made you wait too long.”
“Oh. I think you’re always on time, actually. When you come to the diner.”
He chuckled. “Lift your hips. That’s not how you mean it. Not in my dreams, my heart. I’m sorry I made you wait. I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”
“But, Soyer—”
He kissed me, leaving my pants and boxers around my ankles. “Just say you accept the apology. Please.”
I sucked in air, breathless after his lips on mine. “I can’t do that. There’s nothing you need to apologize for.”
“Ah, Amory. Amory, Amory.”
He trailed off, nuzzling my neck. I wrapped him in my arms, hugged him more loosely than he had me.
“You know, how I grew up…it was all about being guilty. I didn’t know that back then though. It was about asking for forgiveness for things that aren’t bad, or things you hadn’t even really done. I think I learned something about all that when I met you.”
“And what is that?” His head was buried against my chest, and his hair tickled my chin.
I bit my lip, gathering my thoughts before trying to explain this. It was one of the slow things that had come to me during my ongoing quest to unlearn what I now knew had been falsehoods taught to me since childhood.
“You know, before you, I was scared to come out. To Dwayne and Jenny, and Rosa.”
He made an angry noise, a growl almost.
“But then I sort of accidentally did. Because you showed up. But it was fine. No one even made that big of a deal out of it. Except me, I guess. I think what I’m trying to say is, I maybe would’ve apologized back then for being who I am, but I didn’t do anything that needed apologizing for.
It’s just that sometimes, the world tells us who we are is wrong, and we should feel bad for being ourselves, but that’s actually bullshit.
“The world is wrong sometimes, and we are the only right things in it if we stick with being kind and being who we are. I’m pretty sure you want to apologize for the world telling you some bullshit, and I’m not going to take that.”
At first I thought he was breaking into tears, but then he lifted his head, and I could see that he was laughing, but not as if he thought what I had said was funny. He laughed like sunshine on a winter day, brightening the world and making it sparkle like so many precious stones.
“You keep me humble, my heart.”
“Huh?”
“Wisdom beyond your years, beauty beyond compare. Just stay who you are, hmm?”
“Well, that’s exactly what I learned is the right thing to do. It’s what I’m saying.”
He kissed my chin. “Yes, that’s right. Be you, always. Don’t hide from me.”
“All right.” I ran my hand through his hair, and we stayed like that for a while. It was as if we’d escaped from the stanzas of a love poem; the lovers longingly staring into each other’s eyes.
I was the first to move, the first to break that spell we had woven between ourselves.
I let my hand wander from his hair to his shoulder, where the tip of a phoenix feather shone darkly, just peeking out from his collar.
He shivered in pleasure when I touched it, touched him, but he didn’t speak, didn’t move.
My pants were still caught around my ankles, so I finally kicked them off. “Can you tell me what to do now? What you want?”
He didn’t speak, the moment stretching once more. I was about to say please, but then he pushed up into a sitting position to take off his shirt. His phoenix bird moved with him, and I could see the passion in his eyes.
“Lie on your stomach and spread your legs for me.”
He paused for just a heartbeat before getting off me so I could do what he’d told me to, my breath hitching, excitement making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
I turned my head to watch him undress completely. His eyes were on me as well, much like how he would observe me at the diner—that watchful regard that had come to mean something special to me that I wouldn’t have wanted to miss for the world.
He let me see him too, rolling his shoulders before opening the drawer we kept the lube in. He didn’t take out any condoms, so I didn’t have to tell him that I didn’t want them. When he dropped the bottle on the bed and closed the drawer, I stretched my knees farther apart, just a few degrees.
Soyer’s intense expression broke into a lopsided grin. “Amory. You’re a certain kind of craving, you know that?”
“That’s probably just you.”
“As it should be. Are you comfortable? Wait, let me put the pillow under your hips.”
“Your pillow?”
“Yeah.”
“But—”
“I like doing laundry, and I have lots of fresh sheets in the drawer.” He reached for his pillow. “Lift up.”
I did, and he wrapped his arm around my hips to guide me into the position he wanted, then let me settle down on the pillow.
Part of me felt exposed, and I was, but more than that, I liked the idea of giving this to Soyer, this sight of me.
When he started touching me, beginning at my shoulders, I tried to relax under his warm hands, but the way he kept trailing his fingers, finding almost ticklish spots, made that very difficult.
“Ahh…”
“Does it feel good, Amory?”
“Yeah.”
He leaned in closer. “I like how you’re always so responsive. That’s a special kind of temptation.”
“It’s just… That’s just because you know what to do.”
“Hmm.” He cupped my butt cheeks with both his hands, then moved them in slow circles. “You see, that’s where you’re mistaken. I’m at a loss with you more often than not. Does this feel nice?”
“Little weird, but nice.”
He chuckled. “A little weird? Why? What’s weird about it?”
I tried to figure out how to say it to him, that very specific block of my upbringing getting in the way as per usual. In this moment, it annoyed me to no end, and so I squeezed my eyes shut and just said the words.
“It’s having my ass up in the air like that. Exposed, I guess. And I can’t see you very well.”
He tightened his hold on me, but kept moving in circles.
“I see. I think you not seeing me is going to be part of the fun.” He sighed. “The phoenix on your back. I don’t want it to move from there.”
I wanted to tell him that I’d much prefer it if he took care of his own firebird and made sure it stayed where it was.
Perhaps Soyer had sensed that, I had no idea, but he let go of me and squeezed some lube onto me. The chill of the cool gel made me flinch and buck. He chuckled and spread it liberally.
“Try to relax, hmm? You’re so tense.”
“Not because I don’t like it. This is just new.”
“Yeah. We’ll take our time. There’s no rush, Amory.”
He meant that. Soyer settled in between my legs, making it so that I had to turn my head quite far if I wanted to see him.
Whenever I did, he was watching with that same intensity as earlier.
Eventually, he went from circling my hole and playing with my balls to inserting a finger and stimulating me from inside.
This position had to be good for that, it definitely gave him more access, which he used to his advantage and to my pleasure.
Before long, my fingers were opening and closing around a fistful of the sheets, and my precum had soaked Soyer’s pillow. I was moving my knees up and down, my toes curling and uncurling depending on what Soyer was doing to me. Still, it didn’t feel as if he was very focused on stretching me open.
“S-Soyer…”
“What is it, my heart?”
He made me moan when he curled his fingers against my prostate.
“This is—I’ll come if you keep this up.”
“I plan on keeping this up.”
“But…”
He ran a hand over the outside of my thigh. “It’ll be good, I swear. I’ll make you come once, just from this. Then we’re going to try to do that again. It’s going to feel good once you get there.”
I shuddered. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to endure this. If I told Soyer I didn’t want to, he’d stop and hold me, but I didn’t want that either.
That left me caught where I was, unable to escape the lust, the stimulation.
Soyer kept going at it with incredible patience and almost uncanny focus.
I was getting closer to coming, and I could feel my body tensing up, wanted to grind down, but Soyer used his own knees to keep mine where they were, limiting how much I could move.
The orgasm that came was…different. It was like wave after wave, like heat settling into my spine and radiating outward, and it wasn’t even…
It didn’t even feel like I was really coming, like I was ejaculating.
Soyer had put a hand on the small of my back at some point, holding me in place, and he was still working that most sensitive spot inside of me.
Another wave hit me, and I screamed. It was closer to a squeal at this point, but I strained against Soyer’s hold on me, which made the sensation even stronger.
“Perfect. Fucking perfect.”
He didn’t stop exactly, but he slowed down. So did the waves of pleasure, and while part of me was glad, another part wanted more.
“Amory? Look at me. We can keep going, or I can hold you now. Tell me what you want.”
I heard the words, but I had to engage my brain fully, then bring my capacity for speech back online. That took a minute or ten.
Probably because of the absolutely boneless state I was in, I managed to say, “I want your cum inside of me.”
I felt so proud of myself for demanding that. Soyer made a sweet kind of appreciative noise too. I’d have liked to watch him, but I wasn’t going to lift my head, not now. Wasn’t sure I’d even be able to.
It was easy to take him inside. Of course, he was still big—at least, he felt big to me—but I welcomed that. It was grounding after that onslaught of pleasure.
“Now, come on. Let me hold you up. This feels nice, doesn’t it?”
I tried nodding, which didn’t work, so I tried saying something to the effect of “yes.” A low moan was really the best I could do, but Soyer, my mind reader, got it.
he was holding me up by the hips and I could feel my cock slapping against my belly.
It was…lewd in the very best of ways, and it lasted just for a few moments longer.
Soyer ended it when he reached around me and touched my cock.
That was all it took, his touch, not too gentle, not too hard.
I came yet again, the normal way this time, and it was nothing like before.
It was so standard that I felt almost relieved.
Soyer was coming with me, I noticed that partway through when his breaths turned to pleasured moaning.
I could feel him deep within. This was closeness beyond compare, and it was only moments, precious moments before it ended.
Soyer didn’t speak, and I didn’t have it in me to make words either. But he kept his promise, turning me over and pulling me up into his arms where he held me close, his breath making my hair flutter.
We were sharing my pillow, which was for the best.