Chapter 19 #2
I watched him swallow. "For the love of God, please breathe, Cora."
My chest stayed flat for another second or two, but slowly, I let fresh air seep in through my nose, keeping it in my lungs for one, two, three seconds, before I steadily let it back out.
Jesus, I thought I’d be okay. I thought I was moving on.
But who was I kidding? Jamie was still controlling every aspect of my life, and I hadn’t realised it until now.
One anonymous text from him, and I shut down.
One look at his face and I was ready to cry and scream and run back to London myself.
How was this fair? How was a part of this fair on me? My heart? My life?
Out of the corner of my eye I watched Jamie move. He hung in the doorway, his face unreadable, but if I had to guess, I’d say that he had the tiniest hint of a smirk. He was never one for big facial expressions. Even when he was reaching over to grab my—
No. Stop it, Cora. You are not going back there.
I watched him, like an anatalope, waiting for the moment the lion finally spotted it and pounced. Before long, his phone was back in his hands, and he was typing away.
The more sporadic my heartbeats became, the more I thought that maybe I was doing okay because he wasn’t physically there.
Maybe I’d gotten so good at pretending I was okay that I forgot how he still had me trapped in that car, his body looming over me like the deadliest storm cloud the world has ever seen.
But now he was here, all skin and shadow and breath?
He wasn't some apperition I could pretend I'd dreamt up.
With that, I shut my eyes. I pretended he wasn’t fifty yards from me. From ruining my life again. I could do it. I wasn’t going to let him be a threat when he wasn’t one. I’d win this.
Sadly, as I blocked out out every ounce of light, silence engulfing the car it was almost defeaning, all those hopes and dreams faded when my phone buzzed.
My eyes slowly lifted open, and when I looked back to the doorway, he was gone. I turned to Marcus, his eyes filled with grief and worry and something I didn't know what to call. But it was sad.
I’d never seen them like that before, with so much care inside that I almost felt I could just dive into his arms and he wouldn’t bat an eyelid.
I didn’t even want to look at my phone; I didn’t want to see what he’d just typed.
So instead, without taking my eyes off Marcus, I handed my phone to him.
Another wet droplet fell down my cheek, gliding over my quivering lip.
Marcus didn’t look at the phone as he took it, our hands lingering as it became his.
All he did was slip it into his pocket, then nodded.
“We’ll get you a new one tomorrow.”
I tried to nod, but as I did, my head grew heavy, and all the emotion I’d kept bottled up for so long came bursting out in the form of tears and sobs.
Marcus didn’t think twice before putting the car into drive and speeding us out of there.
My sobs wracked my body, and Marcus let me cry.
He didn’t tell me it was going to be okay, not yet.
He let me get out what my body needed, and it felt good.
We’d pulled into a side street before I knew it, and just as we parked, the heavens opened, and the clouds rolled in. After shutting off the car, Marcus didn’t hesitate to slip his hands into mine.
“Cora? Cora, look at me.” He urged, the cracks in his voice breaking like glass being pelted with pebbles. “Look at me.”
The softness of his voice captured me. Practically lifted my eyes to his.
This wasn’t the man who'd ordered me around and was on my arse about forever being safe. This wasn't the man who'd been nothing but guarded around me. No. I didn’t know this man. But for some reason, I’d never felt safer than with this version of him.
I lifted my teary eyes to him, barely, my chin nestled in his palm. “Marcus, I’m scared.”
A fresh wave of tears rushed out of me, and he squeezed my hand, nodding like he knew. “You’re allowed to be. But we’re gonna change that, Cor. We are, I promise.”
I didn’t have the energy to question him. So instead, I gave in to the weight crushing down on my body and collapsed in the space between us, letting him do the rest and scoop me into him.
Marcus reached over gear shift, warm arms wrapping around me, and lifting me onto his lap, cradling me into his chest like we’d done this silent dance thousands of times.
And I let him. Because I let my mind slip away, just for a moment.
I forgot about the fear and the constant weight of trying to be perfect and shiny and unharmed and fine.
And I cried. So hard.
Rationality wasn’t in my arsenal right now, so I didn’t question myself when I wrapped my arms back around Marcus, my palms gliding over his back, clutching on for dear life. As though I was dangling off the edge of a cliff, and he was my only chance of surviving.
My lips quivered agaisnt his shoulder. “I’m sorr—”
“Don’t ever say you’re sorry. You hear me?” Marcus urged, his hands flexing across my back, holding me tighter the more my boy shook. “Just let it out.”
I tore my sodden check away from him, my eyes dropping to the drenched parts of his hoodie, stained with my tears. “I thought I was fine.” I wiped at my cheeks. “Just seeing him I—”
“Don’t,” Marcus whispered, holding my hand right by our faces, like it was keeping him steady, too.
“Don’t let him be a thought right now. Or ever.
” He slipped his hand from mine to brush my cheeks, and I felt them instantly redden for a whole other reason.
“You’re safe, with or without me. I know you’ll survive this. ”
My eyes were so close to his that I could almost see my reflection. “How do you know?”
“Because I’ve been around you too much not to know you.” Another brush of my cheek. “And I’ve never met anyone stronger than you.” Those dark eyes kept me steady as they lowered, our faces closing in. “Never.”
The moment slowed as his words faded, as our eyes glided between each other, as our bodies settled into one another.
And I don’t know what compelled me, maybe it was the rain, maybe it was the hold he had on me, or maybe it was the undeniable feeling that I was starting to like Marcus Romano, but a heartbeat passed, and, before I could think, I dropped my mouth onto his.
Like a strike of lightning, his hand rose to my cheek, kissing me back with just as much force as I was giving him.
Our mouths moved on instinct, like this moment was never going to end with anything other than a kiss.
I let my body sink deeper into his as he moved his hand to the back of my head, and the warmth of his chest collided with mine.
His lips were soft. And for a man with tattoos snaking his arms, who could probably have someone killed with one press of a button, he was gentle, too.
So gentle that I found myself burrowing my hands into his hair to make whatever this was move faster.
His stubble was rough agaisnt my skin, but I liked it.
It grounded me, in a way. It made a moment that I was sure I'd dreamed up the first real thing that I'd had in forever.
But as our tongues barely touched, thunder rolled through the air, crackling above us like a warning bell. I was willing to ignore it, happy to, but the second it sounded, Marcus pulled back, his hand slipping from my cheek, melting that layer of warmth my entire body was wrapped in.
The breath I’d held came rushing out, panting right along with Marcus and his rapid breaths. He looked almost scared, his eyes wide and white and very clearly aware of what we’d just done. And that look, my God, I think it broke me a little.
Panic set in my bones as he swiped a hand down his mouth, like his mind was catching up with his body.
Suddenly, how close we were felt wrong, and with that, I quickly scrambled off him, the leather of my seat as cold as my body felt.
I pulled down the hem of my cardigan from where it had creased against him, pulling my sleeves over my hands, like that would hide me from the embarrassment settling over me.
My entire body was cold. And I hated the feeling. The emptiness. Like I was nothing but a mass of dark smoke.
Out of the corner of my eye I watched Marcus scrub both hands over his face, that disbelief still a mask on his features. His deep breaths the only thing tying me to the moment. Slowly, he turned to me, but I kept my eyes trained on my lap.
I felt like if I said anything, it would make the whole thing real. And now I'd changed my mind. I wanted this whole thing to be nothing but a dream. And if the look on his face when he pulled back meant anything, it was that he shared the sentiment.
The thought hollowed me out, and another tear slipped down my cheek before I could stop it.
His voice broke the silence. “Cora, I—”
“It’s fine.” The words scraped out of me, barely a breath. I turned to the window, tracing raindrops as if they could drown out the ache in my chest. “Just… just take me home.”
He shifted, restless. “Don’t do this—”
“Please.” My voice cracked, frayed with everything I didn’t have the courage to say.
I couldn't look at him. Couldn't breathe near him. So I kept my attention fixed on the dueling rain drops, racing down the window, identical to the ones falling over my cheeks. "Take me home."