CHAPTER TEN
Cara
I stared in the mirror after applying a swipe of red lipstick. Memories were bombarding me, and I was wondering if it was even a good idea to attend this party. I swallowed hard as I remembered just how badly things had gone between Edward and me at his father’s funeral.
The funeral I’d had to move heaven and Earth to attend. I closed my eyes, overcome momentarily by the distance he’d put between us at that funeral. I’d been doing my best to comfort him, but he’d wanted nothing to do with me.
Yes, I thought, firmly applying the finishing touches to my makeup. I remembered why I should avoid Edward like the plague if he was at the party. Nothing good had happened between us since the night his father had passed away. It had been as if our relationship died right along with Edward’s dad.
I steeled myself against all positive memories of Edward.
I wouldn’t be giving him the time of day this evening.
I’d say a brief hello at the very most, then excuse myself.
Satisfied that I had my emotions in order, I took one last look at myself before grabbing a clutch and hurrying out the door of my townhouse and down the brick front steps to the Uber waiting below.
I didn’t want to fight to find a parking spot amidst the insanity that was a Hart soiree.
They were always incredibly well attended because the Harts were at the very top of the social ladder in Charleston.
If you weren’t invited to their parties?
You weren’t anywhere close to being anyone on the Charleston social scene.
I also didn’t want to worry about how much champagne I drank tonight. I didn’t drink very often, but just thinking about Edward and our times together made me want to toss back a couple of glasses.
I glanced at my watch and bit back a curse.
I’d taken way too long to get ready. But the pressure of knowing that Edward freaking Ashton would most likely be at the Harts’ party had been too much for me.
My God. I’d tried on every evening gown I had before settling on a long, slinky number with really high heels to hide how short I was.
As if he didn’t know.
Edward had always liked me in dark green. He’d said it matched my eyes. I’d also worn my hair down because he’d liked it that way.
What was I doing?
I wanted to believe that I just wanted him to see what he’d been missing all these years. The mistake he’d made choosing someone else over me.
But the truth was a lot less flattering.
I knew I’d never gotten over him. And I wanted him…
no, needed him to still think I was as beautiful as he had when we were eighteen.
Even though I was only twenty-five, it felt like a lifetime ago.
Maybe that was because there was a big split in my life—a clear delineation—between who I’d been before Edward broke my heart, and who I’d become afterwards.
I hurried down my front steps and got in the Uber. I chatted for a bit with the driver, then looked out the window at the city lights going by. They turned into a blur as I quit noticing anything I was looking at and found myself reminiscing once again.
***
Cara, nineteen
I was nervous. I knew Mom had invited Edward and Lufton to the summer kick-off party.
Everyone knew that Edward and I were no longer a couple, but they had mistakenly assumed we were still friends.
Only Livy and Declan knew that Edward had cut off all contact with me.
I didn’t have the heart to explain it all to Mom or Orla.
I doubted Edward would come anyway. I just wished the hyper butterflies in my stomach would get that message.
Just in case he did come, I was wearing my favorite new breezy summer dress, and I’d spent extra time and effort on my hair and makeup.
I could tell myself it wasn’t because I secretly hoped I might see him, but I’d be lying.
Even though he’d treated me badly and left me in a state of confusion after ending our relationship so abruptly, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him.
And I sure as hell wasn’t going to let him see me with my hair in a messy bun, no makeup, and wearing raggedy jorts.
My cute dress, styled hair, and carefully applied makeup felt like armor. Like if he saw me looking my best, he’d think his rejection hadn’t bothered me at all. He wouldn’t be able to see the cracks he’d left on the inside as long as the outside looked perfect.
Nothing was enough, though, to prepare me to see the man I’d been in love with—was still in love with, if I was being honest with myself. And when I thought back over what had happened between us, I still felt blindsided.
I’d tried to be there for Edward after what happened with his dad, but he’d shut me out.
I’d headed off to college worried about my boyfriend, but confident in our love for each other—until he’d ignored my calls and texts and barely acknowledged me at his father’s funeral.
And I sure as hell hadn’t expected him to tell me he didn’t want a girlfriend.
He’d gotten the point across, though. He was too busy for me, and he wanted me to move on.
Then I’d heard from Olivia that Edward had started ‘hanging out’ with other girls.
It had been a shock. I couldn’t believe how quickly he’d let go of what I’d thought we had.
Then I pictured him surrounded by all those pretty girls at his house after his father’s funeral.
That’s the last image I had of him, the last time I’d seen him.
Maybe I shouldn’t have been so surprised by him starting to date again.
Still, it left me reeling to know he’d chosen other women so soon after ending things with me. I had thought Edward was the one. He’d seemed perfect, but he’d ended up hurting me. Badly. My first taste of heartbreak had left me doubting my ability to discern whether or not a guy was good for me.
I’d thought Edward had been wonderful, after all. And look how that had ended.
I was left wondering what the hell had happened.
I couldn’t help but think that he partly blamed me for his father’s death, whether or not it was fair.
Maybe that’s why he’d pushed me away. Maybe the sight of me reminded him that his father was gone.
Did his love for me vanish in the face of his family tragedy? Or had he never really loved me at all?
I’d spent a couple of weeks after the funeral hoping he’d contact me, begging to see me and telling me he had been stupid.
But that hadn’t happened. I’d heard nothing from him.
So, even though my heart felt empty and numb, I’d slowly realized he was serious.
That his feelings for me were gone. Then I’d tried to do exactly what he said and move on without him.
And failed miserably. I’d moved numbly through my days like a robot.
I’d cried myself to sleep at night. It was awful.
It had been Nora Hart, my roommate and fellow dance major, who’d intervened and helped me through it.
I’d barely known her then, so in a way, it had been Edward who’d brought us together. Indirectly, of course.
I never told her all the details or who it was who had hurt me, but she knew enough to know that I had a broken heart. She’d picked me up and carried me through it. She’d forced me to socialize, to go to parties, to do things besides just dance and go to class.
She’d snapped me out of it and made me see I had to get back to living my life again.
After a while, I quit crying. The numbness and shock had worn off.
I began to laugh and talk with new friends.
But when I’d gone out with a guy, it had felt like I was cheating on Edward.
So, I’d sent him one more text telling him there was someone I was interested in dating.
I’d given him one more chance to save what I’d thought we had.
But really I’d just handed him another opportunity to break my heart.
Because that’s what he’d done. I’d felt like a complete idiot when he’d texted back that all he could offer me was friendship.
And I’d done my very best to ignore the part where he’d said he would always love me and that he hoped we’d get another chance to be together some day.
I couldn’t let myself believe he was being honest; it was easier to just accept that it had been his way to let me down easy.
I’d ended up dating several guys, but that hadn’t worked out well.
I kept comparing everyone to Edward. Or who I’d thought Edward was.
And they never matched up. Edward had been like a constant shadow who hung over everything.
He was in the back of my mind when I danced, when I studied, when I dated, even when I slept.
Our romance, once so promising, had been nothing more than a flash in the pan. It had burned bright, then faded quicker than a cool breeze in the middle of a hot summer day.
So, here I was. Standing outside my family’s and the Whittakers’ kick-off to summer party, nervous to go in and possibly face him.
I heard the laughter, talking, and squealing that accompanied every get together we’d ever had. I stood there for a minute, caught between wanting to go in and have a good time or choosing to run back home and hide from everything instead.
I chose to be brave. I rounded the corner, and my eyes widened at how many people were in the backyard. It seemed like half of Wixby was there. I scanned the crowd for Livy, but my mother saw me first.
“Oh, there she is. Welcome home, Cara!” she yelled at the top of her lungs.
I stopped in my tracks, shocked, as everyone started clapping and cheering. I didn’t plan on being the center of attention. “Thanks everyone,” I said and gave a little wave, embarrassed. I hurried over to the outdoor bar where Declan and Livy were standing, deep in conversation.
“Did they do that to you, too?”
Declan laughed. “Yeah. But not as loud. I came home more often on the weekends. You basically disappeared.”