CHAPTER FIFTEEN #3
I did. I was shocked that she didn’t have a boyfriend right now.
And it had torn out my heart to lie to her last night.
I didn’t have any feelings for Sara. I never had.
But it had felt wrong to admit that to Cara.
For more than one reason. I hadn’t wanted her to think I was just like every other guy and couldn’t keep my dick in my pants.
Even though that’s exactly what had happened.
Admitting that I’d never developed feelings for Sara and that I’d only ever wanted her for sex was… not exactly flattering.
And it wasn’t fair to Sara. I had to talk to her first. She’d never gotten any emotional connection from me—the least I could do was show her the decency to break things off with her the right way.
She was on vacation with her family in Florida, and I felt I owed her a face-to-face explanation instead of a break-up text.
I hated that was more than Cara had gotten. I’d been awful to her at Dad’s funeral. I was treating Sara, a girl I barely cared for, better than the only girl I’d ever loved. But I was trying to do better—be a better person again. I just hoped I hadn’t screwed things up worse in the process.
I shook my head with wonder thinking back to my conversation with Cara the night before.
She was giving me another chance. It was like a miracle.
She wanted to be friends, and even though my insides curled up at the thought of only being friends with her, it was a start.
It was something. And I was going to grab whatever she’d give me and run with it.
I’d do my best to show her I could be the person I used to be.
I could be the Edward Ashton who’d disappeared for a while after everything blew up.
I could be the guy she’d fallen in love with, because that’s who I really was.
Not the asshole who’d hooked up with Sara so soon after I’d told Cara I loved her.
I knew in my heart that if I hadn’t been drunk, I never would’ve gotten with Sara.
But once it had happened, I hadn’t exactly stopped it.
I’d been so depressed over losing Cara that I’d just buried myself in a meaningless relationship.
It had been completely unfulfilling.
Because I did love Cara. I’d never stopped. Now, I wanted to try to earn the chance to be with her again.
I just had to handle a few things first.
Once I broke up with Sara, I was going to ask Cara if she’d be willing to try a long-distance relationship with me. Just like Lufton felt he was meant to be with Olivia someday, I pictured Cara by my side when I thought about my future.
“She said she’d be friends with me. That’s the first step.
Once Sara comes back from vacation, I’ll break up with her.
And then? I can try to make up for this horrible year to Cara.
To fix the mistakes I made. To make her see that I was trying to do the right thing by pushing her away at Dad’s funeral.
And then maybe we can put it all behind us,” I said happily.
Lufton was giving me a look I didn’t quite understand.
“What?”
“Did you at least tell Cara you didn’t start dating Sara for real until well after you’d tried to fix things with her?”
“No,” I said softly, looking out the window. The truth was I’d never have ended up dating Sara in the first place if things had worked out the way I’d hoped they would.
But that hadn’t happened.
“I just hope you’re right to hold those things back. You don’t have to be so damn honorable, Edward. You could’ve just fucking told her that you’re about to ditch sexy Sara for her.”
“Could we maybe not call her sexy Sara anymore? Jesus. That’s the last thing I want Cara overhearing.”
“That’s all she was, though, right?” Lufton chuckled darkly and looked out the window. “Someone to take your mind off things? A hot body to learn things on? To perfect your skills with?”
I felt my cheeks flush. Yes. He was totally right, but I didn’t feel great about it.
I also heard the censure in his voice, though it was mild.
He was friends with Cara, and I knew he was upset with me.
But I also knew he was friends with me first, and he was loyal as hell. He’d stick by me no matter what.
“At least Cara will benefit from all that sex you were having. You’ll know what the hell you’re doing now.”
“Yes. Yes, Lufton, I get it. Thanks for pointing all of that out. All I wanted was for you not to call her sexy Sara in front of anyone, for the love of God. I didn’t need a rundown of things I did wrong this year. Believe me, I’m aware of how much I screwed up.”
His face softened. “I shouldn’t give you so much shit.
You’re tough enough on yourself, and sometimes I forget that.
You were under stress no one should have to be under,” he reminded me.
“Especially at eighteen. Quit beating yourself up.” His eyes met mine, and he started to say something else, but he caught sight of Olivia.
She walked in front of the car, and Lufton reacted like a dog who had seen a squirrel. He bounded out and rushed after her.
“Livy, my love! Wait up.”
I turned off the ignition and hurried to get out as well.
I chuckled, watching him chase her. If all the girls who’d been crazy about him from our boarding school in Atlanta could see this, they’d faint.
Alex Lufton literally chasing after a girl?
No way. They wouldn’t believe it. And yet he’d done it every summer since we were fifteen.
I followed them at a slower pace, looking around for Cara.
I didn’t see her. I bent down on one knee to pet Athena and scratch Davenport underneath his chin when they came over to greet me.
Athena ran off jumping and bleating every few steps, while Davenport snorted his thanks and went to sit at the edge of the lake and wait for Aidan, who was sitting on the floating dock.
Maybe Cara was still in bed. She’d told everyone she was exhausted from the strain of dance and school.
I smiled and took a deep breath. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders after last night.
I’d come clean. I’d told her what I needed to say.
Sure, I didn’t go into all the details, but I didn’t think she needed to hear about that.
Not yet. Sara would be home from vacation in a couple of days, I’d break things off with her, and then I could tell Cara everything else.
And ask for another chance.
I surveyed what I could see of the vast farmlands, the farm buildings off in the distance, the pool, the lake, the path down to the grove where we always ate—I loved it here.
It truly felt like summer when I was at Wixby River Farms. An escape.
I knew my time would be limited here from now on, though.
The lazy days of summer were a thing of the past for me now.
I had a business to run, after all. But I was going to make the absolute most of the time I had, even if it was grabbing a day or a few hours here and there.
I saw Declan and Aidan play fighting to see who was king of the floating dock. I took off running, ditched my shirt, crossed the length of the lawn, and dove into the lake. I swam with strong, even strokes until I reached the dock.
I pulled myself up and then flopped down on my back, threw an arm over my eyes, and settled in for a relaxing summer day.
“You’re cheerful, considering,” Declan said grinning at me. “It’s nice to see you looking more like yourself, Edward.”
“Thanks.” I propped up, using my elbows for support. “What did you mean by ‘considering’?”
Declan’s eyes widened slightly. “About Cara?”
I sat all the way up now. “What about Cara?” Alarm bells were ringing inside my brain.
“Um…” he got a panicked look on his face and turned to Aidan for help.
“No way. That’s all you, man.” Aidan chose that moment to dive off the dock and swim towards shore.
Declan watched after him for a minute and rubbed the back of his neck. It was taking forever for him to finally speak. “She’s… gone.”
Gone? “What the hell are you talking about?”
“She, um, went back to Charleston this morning. Oh, look, there’s Livy. She’ll tell you everything else.” He dove in after Aidan, both of them swimming away from me as fast as they could.
I turned and stared after them. Olivia and Lufton were swimming out to the dock, racing each other.
Normally, I would’ve enjoyed watching. It was hilarious to see petite Livy kick Lufton’s ass at swimming.
He was a few inches over six feet and built like a dolphin.
He was lean and muscular, just like the Olympic swimmers shown on TV every four years.
Still, no matter how hard he tried, she beat him every time.
Today’s race was closer than normal, though. Livy was having to push herself to win. I wondered if Lufton had been training at the student center pool all year at Vandy.
She climbed up the ladder onto the dock, and flopped down, breathless. “You’ve been swimming somewhere,” she accused between sucking in deep breaths.
“Maybe,” he gasped, equally out of breath. He grinned at her, and she rolled her eyes.
“Whatever. I still beat you.”
“That you did, Livy,” he said with a grin.
I’d never seen anyone so happy to lose. God. He was sickening around her. As long as he was in her company, he was ridiculously pleased with anything and everything.
But I was about to bring the mood way down.
“Livy,” I said, “Dec said Cara went back to Charleston. Is that… true?”
She grimaced. “Yeah. She gave me a message for you, though.” She wouldn’t meet my eyes as she said it.
I blinked. There was no way I was going to like this.
“She said that she wanted you to feel comfortable hanging out here. She thought that if she was around, it might be hard for you to relax. She, um, thought you might even like to bring Sara out here. She said that was fine with her, but she didn’t want to have to see it, you know?
” Livy looked miserable to share the news.
She also looked pissed at me. I didn’t blame her.
“I would never bring Sara out here. I can’t believe she wouldn’t know that…”
“There’s a lot about your behavior this year that’s been hard for all of us to believe, Edward,” she said sharply.
I winced and looked out over the water. Sun sparkled off the gentle waves the wind had whipped up that morning.
Several geese were swimming a few feet off the dock, and I remembered that summer I saved Cara from the goose attack.
That felt like a million years ago now. I turned back to Livy. “Did she say anything else?”
“Yes. She said that she was going to follow your lead and move on. Really move on. I think she’d been holding back, thinking that things would still somehow work out between the two of you.
But she got your message loud and clear last night.
She said she’d like to be friends, but that she wasn’t ready for that yet.
” Olivia took her hands off her hips and softened her tone a bit.
“She said… she wasn’t sure she’d ever be ready for that. ”
The words, though delivered gently, hit me like a punch in the face.
“Since she’s in the corps de ballet for the Moonlight Ballet Company,” Livy continued, “she was only going to be here for a couple of weeks anyway. She decided to just go on back. She took off right after breakfast.”
I nodded. I caught Lufton’s eye. I could sense him urging me to tell Livy the whole truth. But I couldn’t. If I hadn’t told Cara the truth, how would she take it if I told her sister that I was going to break up with Sara before I told her? It just seemed wrong.
I stood up. I couldn’t stay here a second longer.
Knowing I was the reason she’d given up time with her family?
She’d been so tired from dance and school, and to get away from me she’d thrown herself right back into it.
I hadn’t felt this bad since right after my dad died, and I found out that not only my mother, but the entire workforce of Ashton Orchards was looking to me for guidance.
Cara left. Because of me. I couldn’t handle it. I had to get out of there.
“I just remembered something I need to take care of at the office.” I looked at Lufton. “Can you get yourself back to the house?”
“Do you want me to come now, man?” His eyes were sympathetic.
I appreciated the offer so much. That he was willing to give up time with Olivia for me meant a lot. “Nah. You stay and have a blast.” I turned to Livy. “I’m so sorry.”
Her face softened even more as she looked at me.
“I believe you, Edward. I’m just sorry about the whole thing.
I hate everything that you’ve been through over the past year, but I can’t help but be angry at you on Cara’s behalf.
Even though she told me not to be, of course, because that’s just who she is.
” She paused. “And I’m mad that you’ve deprived me of my sister for the brief time she was going to be here.
” She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly.
“There. I said it. And now I’ll be able to be nice to you the rest of the summer. ”
“I don’t deserve for you to be nice to me. Not one bit. I really am so fucking sorry.” I walked to the edge of the dock. “I’ll see y’all later.” I dove in and swam to shore.
As I walked through the plush, well-kept lawn, I heard Declan and Aidan calling out for me to come hang out. I just waved over my shoulder and kept going.
Cara had never intended for us to be friends, and she certainly wouldn’t have considered anything beyond that. She’d just been placating me, telling me what I’d wanted to hear. Then she’d gotten away from me as fast as she could.
I knew it would have been a miracle for a girl like her to give me another chance. It had been too much to hope for. I’d loved her, and I’d lost her.
End of story.
My summer, like Cara’s, was over. I knew I wouldn’t be spending any more days at Wixby River Farms that year. Maybe not ever again.
It felt like all my summers were over.