Chapter 10
TEN
JUDE
The sound of my doorbell ringing pulls me from a deep sleep. I groan, adjusting my position on the couch. I wrap my arms tighter around Charlotte, wanting just a few more minutes with her in my arms instead of answering whoever is at the door.
Except I quickly realize it isn’t Char’s body that I’m cuddling anymore—it’s a throw pillow.
My doorbell rings again, and the sound of it has me leaping off the couch. The gates must’ve been left open overnight, and the front door auto-locks. It could be Charlotte at the door. I’ve told her the code to the keypad, but I’m sure she’s forgotten it.
I smile and run to the front door, more excited at the thought of seeing her than I should be. I know we drank a lot last night, and at first, she turned me down after kissing her, but the mood still shifted after that.
Once we both got ready for bed, we put on a movie, and it hadn’t even started before she was lifting my arm from my side and tucking her body next to mine.
I don’t remember when exactly we fell asleep watching the movie, but I know nothing will ever beat the feeling of falling asleep with her in my arms.
The night was perfect. So perfect that part of me wants to do something I never expected to do—I think I want to ask Charlotte on a date. It was on the tip of my tongue last night to ask her, but I never did because it wasn’t something you ask when you’re not sober.
But now, we’ll both be sober—both probably fighting a hangover—and I can ask her on a date. The tension between us last night can’t all be in my head.
My cheeks spread in a wide smile—despite the dull ache at the back of my head—as I yank the door all the way open before even looking through the peephole to see who it is.
My eyes land on the woman in front of me, and my smile falters.
Because it isn’t Charlotte standing at my door.
It’s someone from my past, a face I wasn’t really expecting to see again, and someone I certainly wasn’t expecting to see carrying a baby.
“Hi, Jude,” she says, her voice void of any emotion.
“Karina?” I ask, my fingers holding tightly on to the door.
I hadn’t thought of anyone but Charlotte being at the door, so I hadn’t bothered putting on a shirt.
It feels weird to be standing here in nothing but a pair of athletic shorts while Karina stands in front of me dressed up for an event.
I try not to feel too weird about standing in front of her without a shirt on.
After all, this woman has seen me naked.
Although at this point, it must’ve been a little over a year since then.
She gives me a tight smile before taking a deep breath. Her eyes move to the baby, who is sleeping peacefully in a car seat.
“I don’t know how else to say this,” Karina begins, her voice stiff. She watches the baby, still without any hint of emotion on her face. I watch her closely, wondering what’s even happening.
Am I still dreaming?
Maybe this is a dream. It has to be.
There’s no reason Karina Walters would be standing on my doorstep with a sleeping baby.
She was a model I met at some party last spring.
It was weeks before I was set to return to the Hamptons, and we shared a great night together.
But she didn’t seem like the type to ever reach back out, making seeing her on my doorstep even more odd.
Especially with a baby. Karina never struck me as someone who spent time with babies in her spare time.
“How else to say what?” I ask, unable to wait for her to offer the answer herself.
Karina meets my gaze, and there’s something about the way she looks at me that tells me exactly what her next words are going to be.
“This is your daughter,” Karina explains, lifting the car seat slightly. “She’s four months old, and she’s yours.”
My grip gets even tighter on the door. It’s the only thing holding me up at this point as my eyes bounce between Karina and the baby she claims is mine.
“What?” I croak, my vision going blurry with the way my head spins with questions.
“This is your daughter,” Karina repeats, setting the car seat on the ground. With the movement, I notice she’s also holding a large duffel bag. She sets it down on the ground next to the baby.
“My daughter?” My mind flashes to our night together. I know I used protection. I always use protection. Plus, I never heard from her again. There’s no way that the baby in front of me is mine. She wouldn’t have waited a year later to tell me about it.
“Yes, your daughter.” She has the nerve to sigh as if there’s something wrong with me clarifying what she said.
“I don’t understand,” I mumble, my head spinning as I try to figure out if this is really happening or not.
“We had sex a year ago, I got pregnant, I didn’t want to keep the baby, but my family convinced me to, and now I’m just…
I never wanted a baby, Jude. I didn’t want to be a mom.
I don’t want to be a mom. I want to be a model.
I want to be the best model. And I can’t do that while taking care of her. ”
My jaw flexes as my brain tries to play catch-up with what she’s just said. Not only is she telling me that this baby is apparently mine, but it also sounds like she wants nothing to do with the infant.
“Karina,” I begin, letting out my own sigh. I take a deep breath, trying to force myself to think clearly about what’s happening. “You can’t just drop a baby off on my doorstep and say she’s mine.”
“I didn’t have sex with anyone else, Jude,” she explains, her tone annoyed.
“I was too busy with work, and no one interested me until you. And the weekend after we hooked up, I went on a four-week safari, where I spent half the time throwing up and in denial that my period was late. She can’t be anyone’s but yours. ”
I shake my head as I look down at the sleeping baby. She’s cute, with her round cheeks and her blonde hair, but I can’t look at her and have any idea if she’s mine or not. She looks like a baby. All babies look like babies to me because I don’t have any experience with them.
“You still can’t leave her with me. We’ll do testing, and if she’s mine, I promise I’ll help.
I’ll be there for her and for you, but you can’t just drop her off and leave her.
She might be mine, but she’s yours too.” By the end of my words, my voice is barely above a whisper.
My words come out strained and choppy, because for some reason, I believe her that this baby is mine.
There’s something about the way she looks at me that makes me believe she’s telling the truth.
But still, I’ll need to confirm that. We’ll need to do testing and plan schedules and…
“I don’t want her, Jude. As harsh as that sounds, it’s my truth. Everyone told me once I had her that I’d want to keep her, but I don’t want to keep her. I can’t. She deserves more. And I couldn’t decide what to do with her next before telling you that she’s yours if you want her.”
I swallow through the emotion that clogs my throat.
I think everyone should have the choice if they want to be a mother or not.
But she’s talking about this baby as if she were some inanimate object.
She isn’t talking about her like she’s a real baby, and something that feels a lot like anger blooms in my chest because of that.
“We have to talk about this,” I manage to get out through the countless different emotions completely taking over.
Karina shakes her head. “I don’t want to talk about this. I’ve had months to make this decision, and my mind has never changed. I’m trying to do the right thing by giving you the chance to take her if you want her.”
The baby makes a cooing sound in her sleep and catches my attention. I stare at her, wondering how things have even come to this.
I have a daughter?
I stare at her and feel it deep in my bones that she’s mine. It’s a weird feeling, one I’ve obviously never felt before. It’s like everything just clicks, and some weird sort of sixth sense tells me that Karina is telling the truth. I have a daughter. She’s mine.
I tear my eyes from her and look at Karina. “So that’s it? You’re going to drop her off and pretend that you’re not her mom? So…what? You just forget about her forever?”
It’s the first time that Karina actually looks sad. She glances over at the sleeping baby once before meeting my gaze.
“I’m not her mom,” Karina offers, her tone dry and void of any emotion.
“Not in the ways that matter. I won’t ever be, and I don’t want to be.
” She emphasizes the last part, leaving no room for interpretation on how she feels.
“I’ve already spoken with a lawyer, but before I can fully sign my rights over to you, you’re going to have to do a paternity test. But it’ll come back that she’s yours, and I will do whatever I need to in court to make her fully yours. ”
I close my eyes to try and escape the ringing in my ears. It almost feels like I’m having an out-of-body experience. I know I’m standing on my doorstep in front of a woman I slept with once and that I’m not dreaming, but it feels like none of this is real.
When I open my eyes, the ringing subsides, and an eerie kind of peace settles over me. I have no idea what’s happening, but I know that I can’t abandon this baby.
“You’re sure about this?” I ask, keeping my eyes trained on her.
It’s not that I’ve never pictured myself as a dad.
I always figured if I ever met the right girl that I’d settle down and maybe have kids, but I never could’ve pictured it happening this way.
I thought I had more time. I thought I’d have someone on the journey with me.
I never thought I’d venture into fatherhood completely alone.
Karina’s shoulders sag with what might even be relief. “Yes, I’m sure. I’ve been sure since the moment I figured out I was pregnant, but I held off on the decision because the people around me told me I’d change my mind.”