Chapter 13 Charlotte
THIRTEEN
CHARLOTTE
I don’t know where to look. A million different questions run through my mind as my eyes dart between Jude and the baby lying on the ground, who looks almost identical to him.
Jude whistles before tucking his hands into his pockets.
He pulls his gaze away from me to stare adoringly at the baby for a moment before meeting my stare once again.
“So,” he begins, taking a deep breath. “I don’t really know how else to say this.
It’s been a crazy morning, and I still haven’t really even processed what’s happening, but it turns out that I have a daughter. ”
I blink.
And then I blink again.
“I have a daughter.”
The comment runs through my mind on a loop as I try to make sense of what he’s just said. I don’t think I heard him correctly. There’s no way I heard him correctly. And yet, I know I did because the baby on the ground, kicking her feet and cooing, looks exactly like him.
“A…a daughter?” I manage to get out.
I focus on Jude, trying to push all the questions running through my mind away and instead wait for him to explain before I try to fill in the blanks myself.
He nods as his shoulders rise and fall with a deep breath.
“This morning, I woke up to someone knocking on the door. When I realized you weren’t…
” He stops and clears his throat for a moment before running a hand over his mouth.
He doesn’t finish at first, but I realize I know exactly what he was going to say.
When he woke up and found out I wasn’t here anymore. I blush, wondering what he remembers from last night.
“When I realized you weren’t here, I thought the person at the door was you,” he continues.
“And then I was shocked to find out it wasn’t you.
It was…” He pauses, and I wait for him to continue, hanging on every word of his story so I can try to make sense of the fact that he apparently has a child.
His eyes scan my face carefully. His features are tight, his lips pulled together in a straight line as if he’s unsure if he should tell me the next words or not.
“It was someone I had a one-night stand with over a year ago. It was right before I met you, actually. She informed me today that the baby is mine and that she didn’t want the baby—Ava—at all. ”
I can’t hide the gasp that leaves my lips. I bring my fingers to my mouth, wondering if my gasp was as loud as I think it was. Jude’s daughter lets out a little squeal, drawing my attention to her.
Sadness washes over me as his words sink in.
She has a mom who doesn’t want her. As someone who has the best mom in the world and who’s always dreamed about eventually becoming a mother, it’s hard to process that Ava’s mother doesn’t want to be involved in her life.
I swallow, trying to make sense of his words.
Surely I misunderstood him. “I don’t understand,” I confess.
“What do you mean she didn’t want Ava at all? ”
“I mean, she told me she didn’t want to go through with the pregnancy at first but had Ava anyway, hoping that it would change her mind. But she realized that she didn’t want to be a mother and thought it’d be better if I took her.”
“She’s her mom. How did she just decide now that she doesn’t want her daughter?” I shake my head, looking over at the squealing baby on the ground. She continues to keep herself entertained by kicking her feet.
“Except she did decide that,” Jude offers, taking a step closer to me. It’s only now that I notice he’s holding what looks like a can of formula in his hand. “She said she’d sign over all parental rights to me.”
“Holy shit,” I mutter, not knowing what else to say. This is too much to process at once. I can’t even imagine what Jude is feeling right now.
Jude chuckles before pointing a finger at me. “Don’t cuss around my daughter.” He wears a lopsided smile, his words more teasing than they are serious.
My mouth falls open. “Your daughter. God, Jude, you have a daughter.”
Jude nods, his eyes moving to Ava’s moments before mine do. “I know I’ll have to do a paternity test, and there will be a million hoops to jump through to really make sure no one can take her from me once it’s confirmed, but is it weird that I already know she’s mine?”
“She looks just like you.” I walk over to Ava and crouch down in front of her. She smiles the moment she sees me, showing off the same deep dimples that her father has.
“You think?” Jude asks, closing the distance until he stands at my side.
I look up at him from the ground. “I do. Except she’s way cuter.”
He laughs and doesn’t even pretend to be hurt by my comment.
We settle into a quiet moment as we both focus on Ava.
She’s still happy as can be as she finds her toes and attempts to put them in her mouth.
I try not to smile at the area Jude’s created for her.
She rests on top of a pile of throw pillows, her little body wedged comfortably between them so she can’t get into any trouble.
“What am I going to do with a baby?” Jude asks from my side.
His voice breaks a little, and it’s the first time I see a crack in his demeanor.
I know him well enough to know he’s trying to hold it together, but it’s a lot to take in.
Jude’s as carefree as they come, but even he has limits, and it’s clear that a baby getting spontaneously dropped off at his doorstep might be his.
I get so lost in worrying about him that I forget to even respond to his question. He lets out a sad laugh, breaking me from my thoughts. “I can’t even make her a bottle of milk without second-guessing myself. I’m not cut out to be a dad. And I definitely don’t know how to do this alone.”
“Hey.” I place my fingers against his cheek, pulling his attention to me. When his eyes find mine, I smile. “You’re not alone. You have me. And lucky for you, I’m great with babies.”
I take the formula canister from his hand before standing to my full height.
I was a big oops! for my parents, so all of my four siblings are quite a bit older than I am.
The oldest, Carly, had her first baby when I was only twelve, so I grew up taking care of her kids.
I love kids, and I’d do anything to help Jude.
“We’re going to start out giving her six ounces and go from there. She might not drink it all, she might want more, but we’re going to start with that. Your water is filtered, right?” I ask, setting the formula on the counter and looking in his direction.
Jude just stares at me for a moment before nodding. “Yes, it’s filtered.”
I give him what I hope is a confident and reassuring smile before turning on the sink.
I let it run for a moment before sticking my fingers under the stream of water to test the temperature.
“We’ll probably want to get a formula dispenser or at least a bottle warmer, but for now, I’m just going to test it on the inside of my wrist to make sure it isn’t too hot for her to drink. ”
Jude still doesn’t say anything. All he does is stare at me with an unreadable expression. Eventually, the uneasiness of the quiet between us gets the best of me. Once I get the bottle filled with six ounces of water, I set it on the counter and aim my gaze at a silent Jude once again.
“Tell me what you’re thinking.” My words come out soft and unsure.
I stare at him, waiting for him to answer me.
I can’t even begin to imagine everything that’s going through his head right now, so I don’t push him to talk before he’s ready.
I just wait patiently, my gaze staying trained on him the entire time.
Eventually, he looks from Ava to me. He swallows slowly before opening his mouth to speak. “You said we’ll probably want to get a formula dispenser.”
I frown a little, wondering why his words come out hoarse. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to. It’s just that I though—”
Before I can get the rest of my words out, Jude is closing the distance between us and stopping right in front of me. He lifts his hand as if he wants to touch me before letting it fall in front of him.
“You said…we,” he says, his words coming out so quiet it’s almost as if he’s in disbelief. “You said we, and it’s the first time I didn’t feel completely alone in this.”