Chapter 47 Jude
FORTY-SEVEN
JUDE
“Are you sure you’re okay with me leaving?” I ask Charlotte for what might actually be the hundredth time.
She rolls her eyes before yanking open the front door. “Jude, I’m positive. Give me Ava, and go have fun.”
I look down to where I hold my daughter in my arms. She gives me a gummy smile when our eyes connect, and it does nothing to encourage me to leave.
As much as I’d enjoy catching up with friends at Pembroke, I meant it when I told Charlotte I prefer to be home with her and Ava.
“How am I supposed to leave her when she’s smiling at me like this? ”
Charlotte smiles before taking a step closer to us. “Just think of the smile she’ll give you when you get home.”
I sigh before pulling my gaze from Charlotte.
If I look at her too long, I’m afraid I won’t leave.
I’ve seen her in the morning numerous times since she first moved in here weeks ago.
But this morning is different. Her hair is untamed, memories of tangling my fingers in it all night flooding my mind at the sight.
Her lips are red and swollen from where I kissed them all night, and there are even small red marks along her neck that I left there.
Seeing her this morning is different from all the other mornings, because this morning, it felt like she was actually mine.
I didn’t wake up to find my arms empty. She woke up in my arms the way I’d dreamed about many times before but never got to actually experience until today.
She was there, in bed with me, and I can’t deny how perfect and normal sharing the morning with her has been.
We kissed in bed before both getting dressed and waking up Ava together. It was perfect, and it’s hard not to insist on spending the rest of the day together.
“Now tell me, am I golfing eighteen holes today or just nine?” I ask, leaning in to press a kiss to my daughter’s head.
After sleeping all night, she’s happy as can be.
Seeing her in such a good mood doesn’t do anything to help me leave the house alone for the first time since she came into my life.
This makes Charlotte laugh. “I’ve already answered this. You’re golfing eighteen, and you’re going to enjoy every second.”
I let out a groan as I pull Ava tightly to my chest. I’ve already loaded my SUV with my clubs, and I really should leave so I make it to Pembroke in time to make my tee time. It’s just so hard to leave both Ava and Charlotte.
“I miss you already,” I mutter against the top of Ava’s head. My lips move against a giant bow Charlotte insisted on putting in her hair.
“She misses you too,” Charlotte confirms. She takes a step closer until her body presses slightly against mine as she puts her hand against Ava’s back.
I meet her blue gaze and can’t help but let my lips turn up in a smile. “I meant I’ll miss both of you.”
I love how she blushes immediately. She’s so reactive, even to just my words, and it drives me crazy.
Her mouth opens and shuts as she tries to get words out.
The sight makes my smile get even wider.
It isn’t often that Charlotte is rendered speechless, but it seems that admitting I’ll also miss her, in addition to my daughter, has done the trick.
“You will?” she finally asks, her voice quiet and unsure.
I nod before wrapping my arm around her and pulling her body against mine.
I love how right it feels to hold both Ava and Charlotte in my arms. We stay locked in the embrace for a few moments as I try to come up with an excuse to ditch the guys and stay home instead.
It’s not even that I don’t want to tell them about Ava.
I’m actually really excited to let my friends know about how great she is.
It’s just that I don’t want to be apart from Charlotte and Ava that has me hesitant to leave.
“Of course I’ll miss you. With you two is where I always want to be.”
She doesn’t pull away or do anything to make me think my words scare her.
The realization makes me smile. We probably need to talk about what happened last night and what happens next, but I push it away for now.
There isn’t time to get into it this morning, and I don’t even know if I want to have that conversation yet.
I’m good with how things are right now, and maybe talking about it will make it too complicated.
I can’t tell her that I’ve fallen for her… that’ll probably scare her away.
And it probably isn’t even fair for me to confess my feelings to her yet.
There’s still a lot I’m figuring out with my life now that Ava is in the picture, and when I tell Charlotte how I feel about her, I don’t want her to question it at all.
I need more time to prove to her just how deep my feelings have become and show her that I’d do anything to make it work between us.
“As much as I’m loving this hug, I think it’s time for you to go,” Charlotte speaks up, pulling me from my thoughts of her.
I let out another sigh because I know it’s true. I give her one last squeeze before letting my arm drop.
I pull Ava away from me just enough to see her face. “You be good for Char, okay, baby girl?”
“She’ll be perfect,” Charlotte assures me. She holds her hands out to take Ava. I press one more kiss to my daughter’s head before handing her over.
“You promise you’ll call if you need anything?”
Charlotte nods. “Of course. But everything will be fine, and we’ll be here when you’re done.”
I stand there, wondering if it’s too much to kiss her. I’ve stolen kisses from her all morning, but there’s something about leaning in for a goodbye kiss that feels like…more.
She stares at me, her grip on Ava tight as Ava starts to babble to herself and wiggle.
My heart begins to double in speed because I want to lean in and kiss her, but I’m just scared she might push me away.
Char watches me closely. I lean in, watching her every move to gauge if I’m making a mistake or not. I can’t help but smile when she rises to her tiptoes to meet me halfway.
We both move slowly as we bring our heads close together. Our gazes stay locked as I bring my lips to hers.
We’ve kissed plenty of times at this point, but I think this one might be my favorite.
It might be because it’s sweet and tender, done with both our mouths slightly upturned as we both can’t help but smile.
Or maybe it’s the fact that my hand rests on my daughter’s back, and a kiss goodbye seems like the most normal thing in the world to do.
I’m saying goodbye to the two people who matter most to me in the world, and I can’t help but hope I’m lucky enough to have goodbye kisses with the two of them just like this for the rest of my life.
Charlotte’s the first one to pull away. There’s still the whisper of a smile on her lips as she takes a step back and points to the open door. “It’s really time for you to go, or you’re going to be late.”
I sigh but nod. “Okay, I’m leaving. Goodbye, girls.”
“Say goodbye to Daddy,” Charlotte says. She lifts Ava’s hand to her little mouth and makes her blow a kiss. It’s so precious that I commit the sight of the two of them to my memory.
Fuck, I don’t want to go. I want to stay home with the two of them and pretend the rest of the world doesn’t exist, but I can’t. I need to get out and find a way to merge my old life with my new one.
I press a kiss to both of their foreheads and rush out the door before I talk myself out of leaving.
Once I get to Pembroke, I’ll have fun and will thank Charlotte for giving me the time out with my friends.
It’s just hard. I’m not used to having people waiting at home for me, and now that I do, I’m realizing how lucky I am.
I used to do everything in my power to avoid being home because I hated being alone.
Now, home is the place I want to be the most, because home is not only my daughter, but it’s Charlotte too.