Chapter 15
Gideon didn’t get to enjoy even a single minute of seeing his son after a long week of no contact before reality intruded. Lucia had brought her new friend with her to their meetup spot to exchange Hudson.
Gideon lifted Hudson into his arms, kissing him on the top of the head before ruffling his hair. “Hi,” he said to the adults, far more standoffishly.
Lucia gave him a look—she knew him too well; he couldn’t hide any of his facial expressions from her. She turned and smiled at the man. “Ned, this is Gideon. Gideon, this is—”
“I know who he is,” Gideon said. Unfortunately. “It’s nice to meet you.” At least with Hudson in his arms, he didn’t have to pretend to be nice and shake Ned’s hand.
“I’ve heard a lot of great things about you from Hudson. He’s always talking about you.” He turned wide eyes on Lucia. “Oh, and Lucia, of course.”
Gideon’s eyebrow twitched. How often did this guy see his son? He didn’t want another man raising his child. And especially not one named Ned.
“I haven’t heard a thing about you, I’m afraid,” he said, a half-truth wrapped up in his anger and jealousy. He shifted Hudson in his arms. “So, buddy, I was thinking we could go to the park first and kick the footy around. Dawson said he’d meet us there. Then we could have lasagne with chips for tea, and I got some of the choc chip ice cream you like.”
Hudson’s eyes lit up. “With the Freddos?”
“What other kind is there?” He let Hudson down. “Say goodbye to your mum, and we can go.”
“I need to talk to your dad for a second,” Lucia said, keeping her smile in place even though Gideon could see her eviscerating him with her eyes. “How about you and Ned go to the store across the road there and pick out a treat to take to your dad’s, so you can bounce off the walls all night?”
Hudson’s head bobbed rapidly. “Okay!”
“Thanks,” Gideon said dryly. Getting him to stay in bed wasn’t a nightmare already. His heart clenched when Hudson’s hand slipped into Ned’s to walk across the street. While Gideon appreciated the care Ned put into keeping his son safe, the fact of the matter was that the guy had no right to insert himself into Gideon’s family. The key component of that sentence being his son .
“Stop glaring at him.”
“We’re not married anymore; you can’t boss me around.”
“Is this still about me dating him?”
“I don’t care who you date.” Not in the way she thought. He could admit to a twinge of loss from that part of his life being well and truly over. They’d spent a lot of great years together, and they would always have the incredible son they’d created together. He only wanted her to be happy.
“Then what’s the problem? Hudson told me about the two men at your place.”
“You have absolutely no right to lecture me, Lucia. When did you start seeing Ned? Two minutes after we officially broke up? Or before that?”
Lucia scowled at him and crossed her arms over her chest. “I know you’re upset right now, but don’t you dare try to insinuate that I did anything like that.”
Gideon deflated, and he closed his eyes on a wave of shame. That had been uncalled for. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”
“If we’re going to start pointing fingers, the fact that you’re dating your boss, the same one you’ve been working for through quite a few years of our marriage, looks a fucking hell of a lot worse than my situation.”
Gideon blanched. How did she—oh. If Hudson had mentioned Riley’s name, it wouldn’t have been hard to put two and two together. Fucking hell, he and Riley were terrible at keeping this a secret. Who didn’t know at this point? Well, no one higher up, at least, or they’d have been called into someone’s office for a dressing down, possibly a demotion or a firing. “I said I was sorry; there’s no need to keep digging the claws in.”
Lucia crossed her arms over her chest. “What is going on with you? If you have a problem, you need to tell me. We may not be married anymore, but that doesn’t mean we can’t work through things together. Especially if it involves us and our son.”
Gideon gathered her close and kissed her temple, forcing her to unfold her arms. He hadn’t liked when she did that when they were married, and that hadn’t changed. It closed her off and made it harder to communicate with her. “I’m not unhappy for you, Lucia. It’s not the dating thing that bothers me.”
“Then what is it? I can’t help fix it if you don’t tell me what it is.”
Short of throwing Ned off a cliff or locking him up for life, there wasn’t anything she could do to fix it. He had to sort through it on his own. The second idea had merit, though. Riley might even help him.
“Gid?”
“I don’t want to be replaced, Lucia.”
“I hate to break it to you, but the place he wants to be isn’t the same place you want to be.”
“What? Not in your bed, Luc!”
Her face softened. “You mean Hudson ?” She shoved his shoulder playfully. “I can’t believe you would even think that.” She cupped his face, squeezing his cheeks. “Gideon Clark, you are an idiot. He loves you. I’m pretty sure more than me, which is why I buy him cake. Whenever he gets to spend time with you, he comes home with a glow on his face that nothing else can top. The same one I see on yours. I never want you to miss out on any of his moments, and if you want him more often, you know that I’d love that.”
Gideon wished that he could. The risk of getting called out in the middle of the night hadn’t gone anywhere. If it happened while he had Hudson, then he’d have to bundle him up and take him back to Lucia, regardless of the time. When they’d lived together, he at least hadn’t had to involve his son in that. He couldn’t do that to any of them.
“How did you meet him?” Gideon asked begrudgingly. It was only polite to show interest as much as he didn’t really care.
“I met him two weeks after you moved out,” Lucia said. “It hasn’t been half as long as you seem to think.”
“You look pretty cosy.”
“I knew that you and I were going to get married after our first date, Gideon. Where you spilled Coke all over both of us, and we had to go to a laundromat to clean our clothes so neither of our parents knew we were out together.”
“The crack in the sidewalk came out of nowhere,” Gideon protested. None of that had been his fault. “Where do you find a guy like that? A computer store? No. A comic book store.”
“Stop it, you’re being very judgemental.”
Gideon rolled his eyes. “Fine. Continue with your story.” They could be here a while. Hudson had always been terrible at choosing a treat. Ten bucks said he came out with a dozen, and Ned had a dazed look on his face. That kid was going places.
“At a local bookstore—stop that.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“I can see your face.”
“I’m not going to apologise for not putting a bag over my head.”
She huffed and flicked him in the cheek. “He was very kind, and I wasn’t ready, because I wasn’t sure that we’d made the right decision, saying that it was over. You’re in my heart, Gideon, and you always will be. It’s hard to see where the romance line ends and the friendship begins.”
Gideon nodded with complete understanding. He’d said something similar to Riley not that long ago. He and Lucia had both held on for too long for that reason alone.
“He asked me out for a coffee, and I said no.”
“If you tell me he was pushy about it, I’m gonna punch him in the face,” Gideon promised. He’d relish it, in fact.
“I don’t think he could take you.”
“That sounds like a him problem.”
“You’re doing really well with that non-judging thing.”
“Thank you.”
“ Anyway. I said no, and I thought that was the end of it. Then a month later, I saw him again.”
“Is he a reader, or was he stalking you?” Gideon asked, itching to pull his cuffs out. He didn’t have any on him, but there were probably some in the car. Always a spare pair lying around.
“He’s a reader. Put the cop away, Gideon.”
“I can’t. That was part of the problem, remember?”
“Is that why you’re sleeping with your boss?”
Gideon shifted uncomfortably. “We’re talking about you, not me.”
“Oh, we’ll be coming back to you.”
“That sounds like the best fun, can’t wait.”
“I missed you, and feeling my heart flutter with something new and exciting made me remember how you and I once were, when we were first married. Even two, three years ago. We really thought we’d found our happy ever after, and it was magical. Feeling it with someone else made me realise that we really were done because I haven’t felt that flutter with you for…” She shrugged. “It’s not supposed to be like that, is it?”
Gideon thought about the way Riley and Dawson made him feel. Excited and warm all the same time, like a teenager with his first crush. They were burrowing so deep that Gideon could feel them. “No, it’s not.”
“I said yes because I wanted to know, and I wanted to feel it again. I never meant to introduce him to Hudson so quickly; it really was an accident. And that’s my story about venturing back into the scary world of dating. I’m far more interested in your two men. With your boss. Did I mention that?”
“A few times.”
“I can’t believe you’re boning Riley Sinclair . I didn’t even know he was gay. All this time I’ve been flirting with him, and I didn’t even have a shot.”
“You flirted with my boss while we were married?” Gideon asked, smirking. “You hussy.”
“He was my hall pass.”
“I think you actually have to declare that for it to be valid, and it’s only for celebrities and shit.”
“Are you really that blind, Gideon? You’re bisexual; I can’t believe you never noticed how unbelievably magazine-hot sexy that man is. Those eyes . That smoulder. The broodiness.”
“Do you need a moment to yourself?”
“Don’t joke; I might. I think he’s close enough to being celebrity hot that it still counts.”
Gideon stuffed one hand in his pocket. “He looks even better naked.”
Lucia nudged him, laughing loudly and startling a woman and her dog, walking past. “You tease. And who’s the second guy?”
“He’s… complicated.” An understatement. At some point, the tension between Dawson and Riley—and not the good kind that led to Gideon being thoroughly fucked—would explode. They couldn’t ignore the Sadie-shaped problem forever; it wouldn’t go away, no matter how much they tried to ignore it.
“I gathered that with the whole three-of-you thing.”
“It has nothing to do with there being three of us. He and Riley have some history to work through.”
“That sounds heavy. Are they exes? Is that really something you want to be in the middle of?”
“No, nothing like that. We met Dawson at the same time. Like I said, complicated.”
Lucia hugged his arm, keeping him close as Hudson and Ned finally came out of the store—with Hudson carrying a bag that looked heavy; Gideon would have won that bet.
“I’m here if you need to talk,” Lucia said. “Or even if you want to share hot, sexy pictures of your boss…”
Gideon pinched her, and she laughed.
Riley entered his parents’ house, confident that they’d be awake despite the early- morning hour.
The sight of them together in the kitchen while getting breakfast ready settled some of the turmoil in his chest. He’d grown up in this house, experienced everything here. Taken his first step. Broken his first bone. Fought with his siblings. Cried with them. The smell and sights here were everything to him. It would always be his home.
Theresa spotted him first, her face twisting into a bright smile. As a child, Riley used to play a game, a kind of spot the difference in reverse. He would put a picture of himself beside his parents at the same age and try to find ways he looked like them. He always found something because the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon was true of all things. Now he wondered if there’d been anything to find.
All because some random woman had walked into his office and turned everything upside down. And then her best friend had waltzed in right after her and turned him upside down.
“Riley, honey, we weren’t expecting you. Do you want an omelette? There’s plenty.”
“Mum.”
Her smile fell away, something in his voice giving him away. She wiped her hands on a nearby tea towel and circled the bench, tugging him into her arms. The height difference made it awkward, and Riley didn’t care. He never felt safer than he did in her arms.
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Do I need to get out my stern face? Because I will. I even got it out yesterday, so it’s warmed up. One word: Lucas. Actually, two words. Lucas and Danny. No, wait, three words: Lucas, Danny, and Kellan. I tried to convince your brother to hire someone to finish his house, or heaven forbid, someone to help him at his shop. You know what he did? He patted me on the head and said not to worry so much. He’s lucky I didn’t smack him with the wooden spoon.”
Riley pulled her in closer, breathing in her familiar scent. “That was four words.” More than that, actually, but the initial sentence had been four. Semantics mattered; Sebastian would agree with him.
“The word ‘and’ doesn’t count.” She pulled back and cupped his face. “Are you hungry? Food won’t be long, your father’s frying it up now. Sit down. Some juice?”
Riley let himself be led to the table, easily sinking into the chair she pulled out for him. It felt like he’d gone back in time to weekend breakfasts. Minus the chaos of all the Sinclair brothers.
“Do you—” He cut off and splayed his hands over the table. He accepted the glass Theresa handed to him, curling a palm around it. “When you adopted me, was it… did you know them?”
“Your biological parents, you mean?” Theresa asked. “We didn’t know them in terms of having been acquainted before the adoption. Why do you ask?”
He understood her confusion. It’d been a long time since he’d had any questions. He’d put it all behind him as a teenager and hadn’t thought about it in over a decade. There’d been no point. It was a part of his life that had nothing to do with him and didn’t matter. He’d been days old when Theresa and Simon had taken him home. Knowing wouldn’t have changed anything about that—and he didn’t want it to—so he’d closed the door firmly behind himself. Dwelling on it meant that he cared, and he didn’t.
Except that now he had information he’d never wanted, and it did change things even if he wished it didn’t.
“And after that? Did you see them again?” Did you know I had a sister? Could he ask that? Did he want to? What if they’d known and kept it from him?
“Not since the day I had you in my arms, and we took you home. Honey, what is this about? Do you want us to find them for you? We still have their names; I’m sure it wouldn’t take much.”
Riley frowned at her. “You wouldn’t care if I did?”
“I would never deny you the opportunity to find out more about where you came from.”
“I came from you,” Riley said sternly. They’d raised him, taught him everything. His life had started with them, and it would end there too. He had no desire to make room for two people who hadn’t wanted him.
He pulled the photo from the inner pocket of his jacket. He’d stared at it for so long that he had it memorised now. Burned into his retinas. He could never unsee it. Couldn’t make himself throw it away either.
He handed it over and knew immediately that Theresa recognised it. He knew her face. She knew it. Heaviness settled in his stomach like acid.
She let out a long breath. “We have this, with your important documentation in our safe. I didn’t know there was another copy out there. Where did you get this?”
“From my sister.”
The photo slipped from Theresa’s fingers, fluttering onto the table, her green eyes wide in shock. She had the same colour eyes as Danny and Kellan. Their dad had brown. The twins, Parker and Peyton, and Lucas, had dark blue, which Theresa said came from her parents. Riley’s were blue as well, though nothing like theirs. Such a scattered array of colours that he’d never felt like the odd one out. They were all odd together.
Simon slid a plate in front of Riley. The omelette—stuffed with chicken, green capsicum, mushrooms, bacon, and tomato—covered the whole plate, still steaming. “Make sure you eat all that.”
“Yes, sir,” Riley responded automatically, the respect ingrained in him. Everything good in him he attributed to both of his parents. He looked up to Simon and tried to conduct himself in a way that would make his father proud. Would he be proud now, knowing how many mistakes Riley had made lately?
“She came into the office, with this photo.” Best not to mention how long he’d been sitting on the information. “Claimed we were siblings.” He hadn’t really doubted it, not considering their similar features, similar eyes , the photo—though he had no real way of knowing if that was him—and the randomness of it. Having it made concrete was like a swift kick to the gut.
He had a fucking sister.
He’d known. It hadn’t felt real. Now it did.
“And what happened?” Simon asked, delivering Theresa’s food to her. “When she came in to see you?”
This is where it got messy. “I told her to get out.” He couldn’t remember the exact words, but that had been the gist of it.
Theresa frowned. “Riley.”
“What was I supposed to say?” he asked defensively. He’d handled it the only way he’d been able to after she’d all but smacked him in the face with a two-by-four. “I didn’t ask for her to come in and—”
“Hey, hey, it’s alright,” Theresa said, holding his hands and squeezing. Her warmth sank deep into his bones. “It’s fine. It’s okay.”
It wasn’t. None of it. He couldn’t even say he wished he could go back and stop it from happening. That meant not meeting Dawson. He didn’t like how conflicted he felt about the whole situation.
“She’s pregnant,” he blurted. Fucking hell, she was pregnant. He’d be an uncle . Whether or not he claimed their connection, it wouldn’t change that fact. None of his brothers had kids; she would be the one that made him an uncle. “She found the photo, confronted her parents, and they told her about me. She tracked me down, wanted to talk to me. I had nothing to say to her.” Less than nothing. He didn’t know what he’d have done if Gideon hadn’t been there, like a knight in shining armour. When she’d left, he’d figured that would be the end of it. He could move on, and she could… continue living her life, whatever that meant for her.
Now he had no idea what would happen. Dawson complicated all of it, and Riley couldn’t let go of him, the same way he couldn’t let go of Gideon. Both mistakes he would make a thousand times over.
Simon took a bite out of his omelette before speaking. “Family’s hard, son. Good family, bad family, estranged family. You don’t want to know her? Don’t. You want to? That’s good too. You’re looking for an answer that we can’t give you.” He cut off a piece of the omelette with his fork. “Whatever you pick, we’ll be here for you.”
There had never been an instance in his entire life where he’d ever thought they wouldn’t catch him if he fell. He’d fallen headfirst into the rapids this time, and he’d suddenly forgotten how to tread water.
“You are our son in every way that matters,” Theresa said, squeezing his hands. “Nothing will ever change that. If you want to know your sister, and your parents, and have them be part of your life, we support that.”
“I don’t want them to be,” Riley said coldly. “And you’re my parents.” Why did he have to keep repeating that to everyone? Had everyone suddenly decided to start questioning it? “Or is that a lie?”
“Hey, now,” Simon said gruffly. “None of that.”
“None of your life has been a lie,” Theresa said fiercely. “I don’t want to hear that coming from your mouth ever again, or I swear, I’ll bring out the soap for the special occasion. I still have those ones you all got me for Christmas twelve years ago, with your names carved in each one. I will get the Riley-shaped one out, don’t test me.”
It had been a coordinated effort: they’d each given her one with a different sibling’s name on it, in a special dark-wooden box that had “for when regular soap just won’t cut it” carved into the lid. They were on the mantlepiece, and he didn’t doubt she’d use it.
“She looks my age. Or close to.” After so many years on the force, he liked to think he could judge someone’s age at a glance, at least to a few years. She couldn’t have been more than three or four years younger than him, if that. Her parents had thrown him away like yesterday’s leftovers and then… what? Started the family they’d actually wanted?
“I’m sorry,” Theresa said softly.
“I’m not.” If he could reverse time and stay with them, he wouldn’t choose to. Wouldn’t give up his family for anything in the world, even answers he’d thought he’d given up on a long time ago. They weren’t worth losing for this.
“I’m sorry that it’s hurting you,” she amended. “Do you want to speak to your sister again?”
Your sister. “No.”
Theresa lifted off her chair and kissed him on the forehead. “You are strong, and resilient, and you get all of the best parts of yourself from me. The stubbornness and other unsavoury elements are from your father.” She patted his cheek and sat back down. “Now eat your food before it goes cold.”
Simon snorted but didn’t argue, either too focused on his breakfast to disagree, or he didn’t have an argument.
He didn’t get a chance to take another mouthful before pandemonium struck in the shape of two of his younger brothers. Lucas and Peyton waltzed into the room like they owned the place, as loud and boisterous as ever.
“Riley!” Lucas said, dropping into the seat beside him and nudging his knee. “Man, I was not expecting to see you. I can’t believe you left your office; are you feeling alright?” He pressed a hand to Riley’s forehead, and Riley shoved him away.
He grinned, unperturbed, and tugged Riley’s plate to himself. He plucked Riley’s fork out of his hand and stabbed it into the food, taking a bite.
Peyton chose to seat himself opposite, beside their mother. He closed his eyes and smiled when she wrapped an arm around him and kissed his cheek. “Hey, Mum.”
“You should visit more often,” she said. “I know you’re busy with all the men in your home, and I totally understand that; if I had four virile men living with me—”
“Mum! I can’t believe you just said that!”
Lucas snickered.
“—but it would be nice to see you. Why don’t you all come over for dinner tomorrow night? I’ve been having the loveliest chats with Jericho. He has a niece; do you think she could come over too? It’s been a long time since I’ve had another woman at the table.”
“Isn’t she seven?” Riley asked. “I don’t think you can call her a woman, not for a while.”
“Riley.”
Riley closed his mouth. He knew better than to keep going after that voice.
“You should probably take that up with Kell, just sayin’,” Lucas said with a full mouth.
“Your brother can’t even finish his house; he’s not having children any time soon,” Theresa said.
Peyton leaned forward and snatched up the photo. “What’s this? Are you showing all our baby pictures? I bet Lucas has some ugly ones.”
Riley froze with his glass of orange juice halfway to his mouth.
“Uh… it’s—” Theresa hesitated, looking to Riley. He nodded subtly. He would never expect or want her to lie for him.
“Riley’s biological sister approached him with the photo,” she said tactfully.
“Fuck off,” Peyton said instantly, face twisting in anger.
“Peyton,” Theresa admonished.
“Is she lying?” Peyton asked, unrepentant. He didn’t attempt to apologise or use the smile that always charmed their mother. His focus stayed on Riley, anger swirling in his blue eyes.
“No,” Riley said reluctantly. He wanted to say yes.
“Did you tell her to crawl back under whatever rock she came out of?” Lucas asked, leaning back in his chair and balancing on two legs. “I can do it if you want.”
Theresa gave him a look and flicked her finger down. Lucas sighed and returned to four legs with a heavy thud .
“That,” Peyton said, pointing at Lucas. “Let’s do that. We can put an even bigger rock on top, so she can’t escape.”
“And here I thought I’d raised gentlemen.”
“Why would you think that?” Peyton asked.
“He’s our brother, not hers,” Lucas said. “She can find her own.”
“Simon, would you be a dear and perhaps say something before they get their torches and pitchforks and form a mob?” Theresa asked.
Simon, watching them over the rim of his coffee mug, inhaled deeply. When he spoke, he did it with quiet deliberateness, the same way he always did. “This family is the cornerstone of everything that I do, and the love I have for everyone in it is incomparable.” He took a sip of his coffee. “Family means loving, without limitations. We’ve already said that if you choose to engage in a relationship with this woman, then that’s your right, and we’ll support it.” He gave Lucas and Peyton a look. “All of us.”
“C’mon, Dad, you can’t be serious,” Lucas protested. “Who even is she? What if she’s a serial killer? Do you want to dine with a serial killer?”
Riley had no idea how they’d gotten here.
“It would make the evening more interesting,” Simon said gruffly. “And I’d still expect you to treat her with courtesy and kindness, just the way we raised you.”
“If you want interesting, we could do that without blood at the dinner table,” Theresa said.
“I’m pretty sure the last guy that Danny dated was a serial killer,” Peyton offered.
Lucas snickered, which turned into a half-assed cough when Theresa’s shrewd gaze fell on him. Good thing he’d gone into a career that didn’t require subtlety.
“The one I didn’t get to meet?”
“Would you have wanted to? Doesn’t sound like a catch,” Riley said, in an attempt to save his drowning brothers. “A hired killer at least has some form of morals.”
“They take money for killing people; how is that more moral than a serial killer?” Lucas asked, outraged.
“Business, not pleasure,” is all Riley said. He wouldn’t ever show them behind the curtain, or the kinds of people that he associated with on occasion. There was no dirtier business than keeping people safe.
“This is not appropriate breakfast conversation,” Theresa said. “I need far more wine, which means at least wait until dinner.”
“Are you going to see her again?” Peyton asked quietly, his eyes seeing too much. A strand of his hair fell across his forehead, and the lines of anger smoothed out. That didn’t mean the anger had left yet.
Riley couldn’t answer. He didn’t know. He didn’t want to, but time would likely make a liar out of him. Dawson made separation impossible, and soon Riley would need to make a choice.