Chapter 16
Watching Dawson kicking the ball around with his son thickened Gideon’s throat. The wide smile on Hudson’s face, every time he kicked it and Dawson caught it before returning it, was something else.
“They’re really bonding,” Lucia said, looping an arm around his. “Good pick, Dad. I like him, though I wasn’t expecting him to be quite so young.” She gave him a sly look.
“He’s only five years younger than me; let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”
“He’s very polite.”
“Because you scared the shit out of him,” Gideon said. Dawson had wanted to make a good impression, which had made Gideon feel a whole lot of things. Mostly involving getting on his knees, but other warmer feelings as well. Dawson wanted to make an effort, and that meant something.
“Who, little ol’ me?”
“Your height has nothing to do with how terrifying you are.”
She nudged him with her shoulder. “Being in love is a good look on you, you know.”
Gideon glanced at her, confused. “What are you talking about?”
“I know what you look like when you’re in love, Gideon. I saw it for years, remember?”
“I’m not in love with…” Gideon trailed off. His eyes returned to where Hudson and Dawson were still kicking the ball back and forth.
Lucia smiled warmly. “I’m not surprised; you’ve never been able to separate sex and feelings, honey. Mark my words: give it another twelve months, and you’ll be living together in marital bliss.”
“Three people can’t get married.” Gideon couldn’t think of anything else to say. They hadn’t been seeing each other long enough for love be part of the equation.
“You’re missing my point.”
“No, I heard the point.” He couldn’t even argue the point. It was way too early to be thinking about moving in with either of them—and not something he could even think about, when Dawson and Riley had their joined connection hanging over their heads—but he could admit it gave him warm feelings.
“And you’re ignoring it.”
“What else am I supposed to do with it? I think you’re getting a little ahead of yourself.”
“Am I?”
She had to be.
Gideon’s phone rang, and he fished it out in relief. “Saved by the bell.”
Lucia didn’t seem amused by that. Gideon might have cared, but he spotted the name on his screen and smiled, instead. Much nicer than continuing this conversation.
“Not in love, huh?”
“Shut up.” He turned his back on her and answered. “Hey, finished already? We’re still at Auskick, but you could meet us—”
“I’m afraid not, and neither are you.”
Ah. Not a social call, then. It should have occurred to him, but it hadn’t. So easy to ignore their professional relationship, any and all boundaries completely erased with one kiss.
“Where do you need me?” Gideon asked.
“I’ll text it to you. It’s half an hour from your location. I’ll call Angel—”
“I can call her on my way,” Gideon interrupted. He wasn’t disappointed, just tired. He hadn’t seen his son in over a week because of his illness, and he should have been taking him tonight. Instead, Lucia would have to take him back home with her. Not how Gideon had pictured the evening going.
Riley paused. “I’m sorry, Gideon; if there were anyone else—”
“Since when do you apologise for asking me to do my job?” Gideon said sharply. Riley had never said sorry, not once in all of the times that he’d called Gideon at weird times of the night. It was the nature of the beast, and one Gideon had been dealing with for a long time.
“Call me if there are any problems,” Riley said before clicking off.
Gideon ran a hand down his face. Fuckkkkk.
“Not taking Hudson, then?”
“Not tonight. It might only take me an hour, or I could be there all night. If it’s only a few hours, I could call you and swing by to get him?” Best-case scenario. Highly doubtful he’d be less than five or six hours, and Hudson would be in bed by then, and they both knew it.
Another problem with having Hudson with him in general. He never knew how long or short a callout would be, or when they could happen. He could be back in time for dinner, or he could be so late he stumbled back into the house at two in the morning. Or he could be called at two in the morning to go out. The unpredictable nature of it made Gideon’s life difficult, at best.
“I have to go into work for an important overseas conference call,” Lucia said. “I’d postponed it to tonight because you’d have him.”
“Well, I can—”
“I can leave him with Ned.”
Gideon stared in shock. “Excuse me? I was about to say, I can call my parents. You want to leave him with a guy that’s basically a stranger?”
“Gideon…”
“What? You’ve known him like… five months, and you want to leave our son alone with him? I haven’t even done a background check on him.” Yet. He’d need to do one now.
“While I appreciate that you haven’t gone crazy enough to do that, I would like to think that I’m a good judge of character. He’s met Hudson, and Hudson likes him. You’ve met him, and while you clearly don’t like him, if you really thought he was dangerous, you would have said something.”
“That doesn’t mean I want him looking after my son!”
“He’s my son too.”
Gideon ran a hand through his hair. He knew she was right, and he didn’t want her to be. Is this what his life would be like from now on? Some other man taking up the mantle when he failed because he had to work all the time?
Lucia softened and squeezed his forearm gently. “If you aren’t comfortable with it, then I won’t. I can call your parents and drop him off there on my way home. They’d love to see him; it’s been almost a week, and you know your mum hates it when she doesn’t get to dote on him often enough.”
Gideon almost said yes. He would prefer that. He also knew that even though they weren’t married anymore, they were raising Hudson together, and they had to be able to trust each other’s decisions when it came to Hudson, without having to constantly check with each other. “No,” he said reluctantly. “If you trust him with Hudson, then”—he couldn’t say he trusted the guy, not without lying—“I trust you.” He checked his watch. He needed to call Ange on his way, and crime scenes wouldn’t wait.
Gideon quickly said goodbye to Dawson and Hudson, hugs lingering with them both. He clung a little tighter to Dawson. Gideon ignored his curious look and kissed him once more before leaving.
Riley’s name popped up on his screen as he turned out of the car park.
“I’m leaving now,” he said as soon as he answered. “Just about to call Ange. Has something changed?”
“Let me find someone else,” Riley said after a heartbeat of silence.
What the hell? “No. If you start giving me special treatment because you’re fucking me, where does it end? Before all of this, would you have given it to someone else?”
“If you’d said you were spending time with your son? Yes.”
“No, you wouldn’t have,” Gideon shot back. That’s not how Riley operated. Unless there was some kind of actual emergency, he would expect his detectives to do their job when he needed them to. “We all have lives outside of work, things that are important to us. But our jobs have to come first, they always have. It’s what we chose when we took up the badge. Ange and I have a job to do. If you could get someone else out there, you would have done it already.”
“Gideon—”
“We can’t let this effect our jobs, or your priorities as my boss . If it does, then we need to make some changes.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“I don’t know,” Gideon said truthfully. They’d said they would keep it separate. This wasn’t that. “We didn’t think it through, at all, when we started this. And we need to make sure that it doesn’t jeopardise us or our careers. If we get caught, and this gets out”—they couldn’t be so na?ve as to think it wouldn’t eventually—“we need to make sure that we’ve upheld all the standards we had before this, and no one can even pinpoint where it started or use it against either of us.”
Riley took his time answering. “If there are any problems at the scene, call me.”
Gideon spent the next few hours dealing with a corpse that had seen better days, searching a house that needed a thorough cleansing, canvassing the neighbourhood—with more than a few disgruntled people letting him and Ange know what they thought of getting their dinner interrupted—and then a few more after that thinking they were trying to sell something and slamming doors in their faces.
By the time they called it just after midnight, they were both cranky, tired, and hungry. Gideon waved off her offer to go to hers and drink something super strong. Normally he might have, but he didn’t even have the energy to stop into a drive-through on his way home, let alone go to hers. It would mean staying the night, and he wanted his own bed. Wanted his men. He could only have one, and that kind of made him extra cranky. Hopefully, he at least had something quick and microwavable in his cupboards to eat before he collapsed in said bed.
The messages he’d received from Dawson and Riley a few hours ago were eerily similar, both different versions of “tell me when you get home safe.” They’d helped as he tried not to stab himself with his own pen.
Riley hadn’t been at the station when he and Ange had dropped off their stuff, inputted some notes to go over in the morning, and signed in some of the evidence they’d bagged at the scene. Gideon would have bet his last dollar that Riley had taken work home with him. He almost wanted to message, ask if Riley had room next to him on the couch. That felt too needy. He could deal perfectly fine on his own at home.
By the time Gideon finally got home, his feet were basically dragging on the floor, and getting one foot in front of the other felt like a monumental task. He’d never felt quite so tired as he did in that moment.
He shut his front door behind himself. The silence of the place rang in his ears. Empty apartment. Empty life . Not with his son. Not with his men. Alone, after having spent the last five hours with Ange and the dead. Dealing with bullshit, when he should have been at home cooking his son dinner, listening to him talk excitedly about Auskick and whatever he’d done that day at school.
Fucking hell, he should have taken Ange up on her offer.
With an angry cry, Gideon kicked the nearest box. It tipped over from the force, and a bunch of kid toys tumbled out. Hudson’s toys. He spent so little time here they hadn’t noticed there were some missing. Sitting in a box, forgotten, for months.
Gideon sat heavily on his couch and dropped his forehead into his hands. A silent scream left him, his nails scraping over his cheeks. Hudson should have been here. All this shit should have already been unpacked. He should have his life together. He hadn’t thought of any of this when he and Lucia had finally admitted to each other that they were over. They had talked about what was best for their friendship, and for Hudson. “What happens when we move on” hadn’t entered the equation. What happened when Gideon’s career derailed his ability to look after his son even more now that they weren’t living together.
He tugged on his hair and stood. He needed to do something before he went insane.
He righted the box he’d kicked over and looked inside it. Along with Hudson’s toys were DVDs and a blanket shoved at the bottom. Random things that he should have unpacked months ago. More than a dozen boxes were still lying around. Half his life, packed away. He hadn’t been able to stomach putting the stuff away, accepting his new reality.
He ignored the box and moved through the living room, randomly picking up objects that Hudson had left lying around. More boxes pushed against the wall, in corners, one next to an empty bookcase. It looked like he’d only moved in a week ago.
Gideon spent the next hour unpacking all the boxes in the kitchen, putting away glasses and plates and random Tupperware—where the hell had that even come from? He flattened the boxes and left them beside the front door.
He didn’t feel better.
Instead of doing any more, he raided the snack shelf—filled with food for Hudson but also for occasions like this. He took one look at his messy round dining table and decided that he couldn’t be fucked with cleaning it off and instead slid to the floor right there, against the cupboards between the oven and the fridge. He spread the food around him like a summoning circle.
He got halfway through a bag of Freddo Frogs, one packet of Tiny Teddies, a few snakes from a party-sized Allen’s bag. He stared contemplatively at a pack of Wizz Fizz. Did he feel like a sour hit? No, he had an urge for something else.
He reached over again, lolly packets sliding over his thighs and onto the tiled floor. He opened the bottom freezer and looked for—there. Chocolate chip ice cream. Mostly full since he’d only bought it a few days ago. Luckily, he’d set up shop right under the cutlery drawer and didn’t even have to move to get a spoon.
He’d managed to eat almost half the small container when his front door opened. Gideon froze, spoon halfway to his lips. He cannot have been so scatterbrained as to have not locked his front door. Right? Christ, he could not handle someone coming in here and fucking up the rest of his night. Had he not had enough issues to deal with? Kicking him while he was down seemed uncalled for.
He slid his spoon-filled hand down his side, curling his palm around the clip over his gun. Good thing he hadn’t put it away in the safe yet.
Maybe his next-door neighbour needed a cup of sugar? He at least had some in his house, unlike some people. They could grab it themselves and leave.
“Gideon?”
Riley . Gideon relaxed, a flutter of happiness dancing in his chest. The sound of his name coming from that voice somehow made everything better. He had no idea how much he’d needed to not be alone until right then.
“Down here.”
Riley came into view, immediately spotting him. “What are you doing on the floor? And why was your front door unlocked?”
“Forgot to lock it.” The unfortunate truth. Thinking had become difficult hours ago.
“You forgot to lock it?”
Gideon scooped up more ice cream and shoved it into his mouth. “Mhmm.”
Riley glanced over the array of food surrounding Gideon on the floor. “May I join you?”
“Please.” Gideon didn’t care how needy that sounded. He wanted Riley closer, in touching distance.
Riley gingerly moved some of the food out of the way and sat beside Gideon. Their thighs pressed tightly together, and Gideon relaxed even further, melting against him.
“Chocolate chip?” Riley said, tilting his head to read the side of the ice cream.
“Want some?” He had enough left to share. “I can get another spoon.”
Riley glanced between Gideon and the tub. “Alright.”
They were silent for a few minutes as they finished off the rest of the sweet dessert, each scooping in turn. It sat uncomfortably in Gideon’s gut, and he kept eating anyway. Totally valid for him to be eating his feelings.
“Did you and Ange—”
“No,” Gideon interrupted. “No sex at work, no work at sex.” He frowned. That hadn’t come out right. Whatever. “You know what I mean.”
“A good thing that I do.”
Gideon reached forward and snagged another packet of Tiny Teddies. Caramel flavoured. Not his favourite—he liked the choc chip vanilla. They would still hit the spot. The packet exploded when he tried to open it, and they sprayed everywhere. Over his lap, over Riley’s, into the ice cream, and some on the tile. Honestly, that tracked, considering the night he’d had so far. He couldn’t even be mad they’d decided to join in on the fun.
He rescued the ones that had fallen in his lap and ate them one by one. “I always bite their heads off first,” he said conversationally. “So that they can’t watch as I eat the rest of them.”
“I believe they call that anthropomorphism,” Riley said.
Gideon grunted in agreement. “Does that make me psychotic, then? To give the Tiny Teddy a personality and then eat him?”
“Probably.”
“Would you have to arrest me? For Tiny Teddy murder?”
Riley chuckled. “I won’t tell if you don’t.”
Gideon grinned, turning his head to face Riley, leaning against the cupboard. He was too heavy to hold himself up. He could fall asleep like this. “How do you eat them?”
“They’re the size of my thumbnail, Gideon. I put the whole thing in my mouth. Do you eat your Easter bunnies like that as well?”
“Well, yeah. Ears first, then their eyes. Then they can’t hear or scream.”
“Morbid.”
“It helps me sleep at night.”
Riley nodded thoughtfully and pulled out a lolly snake, biting its head off. It fascinated Gideon, watching Riley eat junk food. Gideon couldn’t recall ever seeing it before they’d started sleeping together. Or seeing him so relaxed. Rolled-up sleeves, messy hair, sitting on Gideon’s kitchen floor and eating ice cream straight out of the tub.
Fucking hell. If Gideon weren’t so tired, he might have taken advantage of how hot that got him and taken off Riley’s clothes right here amongst all the packets of lollies and biscuits.
“Quinn and Grady were already at a scene across town. Henry can’t go out by himself, and Greer just got off a job that kept him awake for three days; he needed to rest.”
That didn’t sound like any kinds of cases Gideon had worked before. “You don’t have to justify it to me. I’m a detective— your detective—and it’s my job.”
“We can’t ignore that this has changed things, Gideon,” Riley said quietly.
No, they couldn’t. “What are we going to do?”
“I don’t know.”
Gideon found a strange kind of comfort in those words. He turned and shuffled closer to Riley, resting against his chest. Riley pulled him closer and kissed the top of his head. He put the ice cream down beside his hip and picked up a Tiny Teddy from his leg. He turned it over between two fingers contemplatively and then bit off the head before giving the body to Gideon.
Gideon closed his eyes with a smile as he chewed. Could they fall asleep right here? It would even be worth the aching back he’d have from it in the morning.
He jerked upright at the sound of his front door opening and closing. No one but Lucia and Ange had a key, and neither of them would be coming here this late without calling. Hadn’t Riley locked it behind him when he’d come in?
“Relax, it’s just Dawson,” Riley said, tightening his hold and encouraging Gideon to settle back down.
Dawson came around the corner a second later, wearing jeans and a dark-blue jumper with rolled sleeves.
“Your door’s unlocked,” Dawson said in greeting. “Well, it was. I locked it.”
“I left it unlocked for you,” Riley said.
“What if it had been someone else?”
“Both Gideon and I are armed,” Riley said, shuffling through the Wizz Fizz bag and pulling out a blue one. “And the likelihood that someone would just happen upon Gideon’s apartment the one time—hopefully the only time—that it’s unlocked is minimal at best. A calculated risk.”
Dawson sat opposite them, leaning his back against the cupboard. “It gets me hot when you think so hard about an answer. Are we having a party? Ooh, Shapes.” He picked up the box that Gideon hadn’t gotten to yet and turned it around. “Barbecue. My favourite.”
“You can have some,” Gideon said. He could always get more later. Not like he had many opportunities to pack Hudson’s school lunches anymore. Or even had him here all that often to eat all the snacks he kept buying anyway. He stared down at the Tiny Teddy in his hand, his hunger abruptly leaving him.
“What’s going on?” Dawson asked, reaching out. “Shape?”
Gideon took it despite not wanting to eat it. Ate it anyway. Why did they call it comfort food when it didn’t bring him comfort?
“I was supposed to have Hudson tonight, but I had to go out on a job, so Lucia took him. Except she had an important work thing as well, and she got Ned to look after him.”
Gideon closed his eyes and thumped his head back against the cupboard. Jealous of another man with his son. That’s what his life had become. All because he’d fallen out of love with his wife and done what had been best for both of them. Punished for setting them both free before their friendship could turn into resentment and hate.
“Have you met him?” Dawson stretched out his legs, tangling them with Gideon’s.
“Briefly. He’s… fine, I guess. Nice enough. No red flags. I didn’t even do a background check on him and should be applauded for my self-control.”
“I can do one,” Riley offered. “I know some people who can do it more thoroughly than we can. If he got a detention in primary school, they can find out about it.”
“Who would care about a detention in primary school?” Dawson sucked his barbeque-flavour-covered thumb into his mouth. “What are we doing with that information?”
“I appreciate the offer and… might take you up on it. Later. But I have to trust that Lucia knows what she’s doing, and that she wouldn’t let anyone who’s an asshole near our son.”
“Still hard,” Dawson said. He leaned forward and pulled out a snake from the Allen’s bag that Riley had sandwiched between his thighs and then bit off its head. “Man, I haven’t had one of these for years. I remember them getting stuck in my teeth as a kid. Do you remember those giant ones you could get? They were as long as my arm.”
“I think you can still get them,” Gideon said. Now he wanted a really big one. The small ones were so… small. Had he gotten Hudson one? He’d have to rectify that.
“I have to bite their heads off,” Dawson said. “So that they can’t watch as I eat the rest of them.”
He blinked in surprise when Gideon and Riley both burst into laughter.