31. Cassidy
CASSIDY
I woke with a start, my body warm and cozy despite the early morning chill. Harle’s muscular arm draped over my waist, and we were facing each other, our legs in a tangle.
I squeezed one eye open to orientate myself. Shit. I’d migrated to his side during the night.
Don’t get too clingy. Men hate clingy women.
Lifting my head just enough to see the alarm clock, I bit back a groan. It wasn’t even six o’clock yet. Way too early to be awake. But what if he woke up and found me like this, all snuggled up? The last thing I wanted was for him to think he had to pander to me like that. I tried to shift away, but his arm tightened around me.
“Mornin’,” he mumbled, his voice thick with sleep.
“Sorry,” I whispered. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”
“S’okay.” He nuzzled into my hair. “You’re warm.”
“I’m just going to…” Get out of your way.
“Don’t go. You feel good.”
I stilled, goose bumps rippling across my skin as his fingers trailed lightly down my spine. Oh, of course. He just wanted sex. That made perfect sense. We probably had time before I had to get up and get ready for work.
He shifted a little, his hand drifting to my lower back and pulling me closer, before sliding down to the back of my thigh and lifting my leg, settling it over his hip. Then he pressed a soft kiss into my hair, shifted one more time and relaxed completely. In no time at all, his breathing deepened.
He just…went back to sleep? So the cuddle was just a cuddle?
I lay there, frozen in place, my mind racing because I had no fucking clue what to make of this.
Cuddling wasn’t supposed to be on the menu. No matter how good it felt. And god, it felt soooo good.
The steady rise and fall of his chest against mine was so comforting. I tried to ignore the warmth spreading through me, the way my body seemed to melt into his. This was dangerous territory.
I should move. I should definitely move.
But I didn’t.
Instead, I found myself studying his face in the soft morning light. The strong line of his jaw under his beard. His perfect nose. His eye lashes. He looked younger when he slept.
A lock of his blonde hair had fallen across his forehead, and before I could stop myself, I reached up to brush it away. My fingers lingered for a moment, tracing the curve of his brow. He really was gorgeous.
Harle stirred slightly, and I froze, ready to take flight at the first sign of irritation. But he just mumbled something unintelligible and wrapped his other arm, the one that had been under his pillow, around me.
Maybe... maybe it wouldn’t hurt to stay like this for just a little while longer. He clearly didn’t mind. I closed my eyes, letting out a slow breath. Just five more minutes, I told myself. Then I’d get up and start my day.
I settled into the booth by the window at the diner, wrapping my hands around the lukewarm cup of coffee in front of me. The view outside was a blur of people moving in and out of shops, cars rolling by, but none of it really registered. My mind was still circling back to Harle. How sweet that was this morning. How hard it had been to finally drag myself out of the bed, after we’d snuggled for another hour.
Then when I’d come out of the shower, he’d already made my breakfast and packed my lunch. A ham and cheese sandwich, an apple and a yogurt. It was so... I couldn’t even think what it was, but it made me feel a little like crying. When was the last time someone had packed a lunch for me?
I barely noticed the bell over the door chiming, the muffled hum of voices rising and falling around me. I was too lost in my own head, chewing over thoughts I wasn’t ready to face.
“Cassidy!” The familiar voice cut through my haze, but it took a second to register.
“Cass!” Hannah called again, louder this time.
I blinked, snapping out of it, my eyes shifting to where Hannah stood by the edge of the booth.
“Hey. Sorry, got lost in my thoughts.”
She plonked down across from me. “Are these thoughts Harle related, by any chance?”
“Um, yeah.”
“How is it? Lots of orgasms?”
“Yeah. Lots of orgasms.”
“Okay, I’m weirded out by the fact that you don’t seem too happy about that.”
Before I could reply, the bell over the door chimed again, and I looked up to see Mia and Emily making their way over to us. They slid into the booths, Emily next to me, Mia next to Hannah.
“Dammit,” Hannah whispered under her breath, clearly disappointed at being interrupted.
Emily didn’t seem to notice. She was grinning from ear to ear. “Guess what, guys? I’ve figured out who the mystery person is that’s been leaving those nice Post-it notes on Mia’s desk!”
Hannah’s curiosity instantly shifted gears. “Oooh, who is it?”
Emily looked positively triumphant as she announced, “Mr. Sullivan!”
Mia burst out laughing, shaking her head. “It is NOT Mr. Sullivan, Em.”
“Well, who else could it be? I’m pretty sure he gets there before anyone else every morning and it’s the only way I can think that anyone would be able to slip past my surveillance.”
“You’re crazy.”
“Who is this Mr. Sullivan? Is he hot? He doesn’t sound hot.” Hannah, just calling it how she saw it.
“He’s very hot!” Emily confirmed. “All dark and brooding. Sits in his corner office with a direct line of sight to Mia’s office since she got her promotion. I swear I’ve caught him staring at her a few times.”
“You fucking have not!” Mia was still laughing.
“I have!He wants you.”
“Doubtful,” Mia protested, though her cheeks had gone pink.
“He’s older, yeah?” Hannah asked.
“I’d be surprised if he’s over forty,” Emily replied. “And he works out. I’ve seen him coming back from the gym during lunch.”
“Oh my God, are you stalking him now?” Hannah was clearly delighted by this turn in the conversation.
“It’s not stalking if his gym bag has the same logo as mine,” Emily’s voice was prim. “I’m just observant.”
“She means nosy,” Mia stage-whispered to me.
“I prefer to think of it as gathering intelligence,” Emily sniffed. “Someone has to keep track of the office drama. Speaking of which...” She turned to Hannah. “How’s that grumpy mechanic of yours?”
“Don’t even start,” Hannah warned, pointing a finger at Emily. “And don’t think I didn’t notice you changing the subject.”
There wasn’t much to say to that, and in the lull, the waitress came by to take our order. Hannah ordered chicken salad and fries, while Mia and Emily both opted for burgers. When they got to me, I waved it off. “I already ate.”
Hannah frowned, her eyebrows pulling together. “Wait, why’d you eat if you knew we were meeting for lunch?”
I hesitated, feeling a little silly. “I, uh, had a packed lunch.”
Now it was Emily’s turn to frown. “Packed lunch? You never pack lunch.”
There was a beat of silence, and I found myself suddenly fascinated by the condensation running down my water glass. But Hannah’s sharp intake of breath drew my eyes up just in time to see the realization hit her.
“Oh my god. Harle made you lunch, didn’t he?” The words tumbled out before she could stop them. Realizing what she’d just done, she slapped her hand over her mouth, sending me a silent apology.
The silence that followed was deafening. I could feel the heat creeping up my neck as Emily and Mia’s gazes snapped to me like heat-seeking missiles. Desperately searching for a distraction, I grabbed a paper napkin and methodically started shredding it into tiny pieces as I avoided eye contact.
“Who the fuck is Harle?” Emily leaned forward, elbows on the table, like she was settling in for story time. “And why is he making you lunch?”
“And is he hot?” This from Mia, who had that gleam in her eye that meant I wasn’t getting out of this conversation easily.
I let out a sigh and, accepting that resistance was futile at this point, said, “Very.”
“Okay, well, we’re gonna need details.” Emily’s voice had a tone that I knew meant she wouldn’t be taking no for an answer. “Like, all of them. Now.”
“There’s really not much to say.It’s not really... serious or anything. We’re just... spending time together. That’s all.” While he’s trying to help me have a baby. A fact I definitely was not ready to share.
Emily raised an eyebrow, her lips curling into a small smirk. “Really? Because staying at his place and getting him to make you lunch sounds a little more than just ‘spending time’. Sounds like you’re getting the girlfriend treatment.”
I shook my head. “It’s not like that. It’s just convenient, you know?”
“Where does he live?”
“Up near Creswell, by the lake.”
That made Mia snort. “That’s a forty-five-minute drive. Not my idea of convenient.” Her expression softened and she reached across the table to poke me with her finger. “But it sounds like he’s treating you really well, Cass. And I think you deserve that, even if it’s just casual.”
Hannah nodded in agreement. “You do. After everything...” She trailed off, giving me a look that said everything she wasn’t saying. Brian’s name hung in the air between us. Imagine what she’d think if she knew the truth of what happened. “You deserve someone who’s going to treat you right, without you having to question it.”
I swallowed, my throat suddenly tight. I hated how much those words hit me. “I know, it’s just hard. Letting my guard down, I mean.”
Emily bumped me with her shoulder. “That’s understandable, Cass. But maybe this is exactly what you need. Maybe this is a chance to see that it doesn’t always have to be so complicated. You don’t have to keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
I stared into my coffee cup. “That’s the thing though. Every time something feels good, feels safe...” I trailed off, remembering all those times with Brian when I’d thought things were finally okay, only to have him twist everything around until I was apologizing again.
“Hey.” Mia’s voice was gentle but firm. “Brian was a manipulative asshole who got off on making you doubt yourself. The way he treated you, that’s not normal. That’s not what relationships are supposed to be like.”
Fuck, she didn’t even know the half of it. “I know that. Logically, I know that,” I said, my voice smaller than I intended. “But it’s like my brain and my heart aren’t on speaking terms anymore.”
“Then maybe it’s time to let them have a conversation again. And this Harle guy...” Mia smiled softly. “Anyone who packs lunch for someone they’re just ‘spending time’ with? That’s someone who cares.”
“Exactly,” Emily chimed in. “You deserve that much, Cass. Someone who shows up, who does the little things without being asked. Someone who makes you feel safe instead of scared. You just have to let yourself trust him.”
Scaling Mount Everest or swimming to the bottom of the Mariana Trench sounded easier than just trusting, just letting go. Still, I wasn’t going to tell them that, so I said, “Okay. I’ll try.”