44. Harle
HARLE
T he dogs shifted in the backseat, their excitement building as they recognized where we were. They loved visiting Sarah’s, mainly because of the kids.I glanced at them in the rearview mirror, trying to muster a smile. Buddy’s ears perked up, and Max, always the big oaf, was already halfway leaning out of the window, tail wagging like mad.
“Alright, guys, let’s get this over with.” I cut the engine and just sat there for a long moment, staring through the windshield. Dreading getting out of the truck and knocking on Sarah’s door. She’d read me in a fucking nano second and the last thing I wanted to do was talk. The time for talking was over, well and truly over. Now, I just needed to get away from it.
Needed to be as far away from Cassidy as possible. Fuck, I couldn’t even be mad at her for it. Maybe that was the problem. If I could rage at her, I could burn away all the hurt. But she’d looked so sorrowful and so incredibly alone, that I hurt for her almost as much as I did myself.
I forced myself out of the truck. The dogs bounded out, their energy making a mockery of my own heavy steps. As I approached Sarah’s front door, I plastered on a smile that felt more like a grimace.
Sarah swung the door open before I could knock. “Harle! We were wondering when you’d—” The smile died on her face as she really looked at me, that same sharp awareness I’d seen after Jackson’s passing crossing her features. But she covered quickly as the kids came running. “Lily, Jake, look who’s here!”
“Yay! Uncle Harle’s here!”
Lily latched onto my leg while Jake made a beeline for the dogs. They were so damn cute, it was almost enough to make a man feel better. Almost.
As we moved to the living room, Sarah handed me baby Gracie. Holding my niblings had never weirded me out before, but the moment the little bundle was in my arms, it took all my resolve not to hand her straight back. Lots of things had changed.
“How about a coffee?”
Fuck me. All I really wanted to do was hit the road, but that would only get me more sharp stares and hard questions, so, “Yeah, okay.”
I took a seat on the couch, letting Gracie settle against my chest. Her tiny breaths were calming, and for a moment, I closed my eyes, just listening to the soft rhythm. The kids played with the dogs, their laughter echoing through the room. I really tried to let it lighten the heaviness in my chest.
But the weight was still there, a constant reminder of what I’d lost.
Sarah returned with two mugs of coffee, setting them on the table before sitting beside me. She took Gracie from my arms and settled her in the crib. “Okay, I’m not going to make you talk about it, but you can’t fool me. Something is very wrong with you right now. I’ve only seen that look in your eyes once before. It’s all I can do not to freak the fuck out.”
I knew if I met her gaze, I’d let it all out, so I stared down at my coffee mug. “I’m fine.” The biggest lie I’d ever told my sister, right there.
She let out a frustrated sigh. Knowing she needed a little more reassurance than that, I said, “Okay, I’m not fine. But I will be.”
“I’ll take that, if it’s all you’re going to give me.”
“It is, for now. I just need time, Sarah.”
Sarah gave me a sad smile. “You take all the time you need. Just know we’re here for you, okay?”
“Yeah, I know.”
We drank our coffee quietly after that, the silence broken only by the kids’ laughter as they chased the dogs around the backyard. It was peaceful in a way, but it also made the emptiness inside me feel sharper, like I was watching a life I couldn’t have.
Fuck that noise. I finished my coffee, set the mug down and stood up. “I should get going.”
Sarah got up too, giving me a long look before she nodded, not in the least reassured. “Alright. Let’s get the kids to say goodbye.”
The goodbyes were quick. Hugs from the kids and slobbery kisses from the dogs, then Sarah led me outside. We walked in silence to my truck, and when we reached it, she turned to me, her eyes filled with worry.
She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug. “Text me every day, okay? Just so I know you’re alright.”
I hugged her back, the lump in my throat making it hard to speak. “Yeah. I will.”
She pulled back, her hands on my shoulders. “I love you, Harle. Just remember that.”
I swallowed hard, nodding. “I love you too.”
With that, I got in the truck, started the engine, and pulled away from the house. I drove down the long drive, the dogs watching me from the front porch, tails wagging. At the gates, I paused, staring at the intersection. Left or right? North or south? It didn’t really matter.
On a whim, I turned north, the road stretching out ahead of me, and let the unknown pull me along. Away from Cassidy.