Chapter 42
Kacey
The Ranch
Kacey
Have you heard if Dax is okay?
Knox
Yeah, I talked to him, he’s good. It split his ear open and he got stitches but he can ride again once the swelling has gone down enough to get a helmet on haha he might borrow mine since his is totaled.
Kacey
How are you laughing about this?! That was terrifying. He could’ve been really hurt.
Knox
Sorry, force of habit. He really is okay, thankfully it looked worse than it was.
I run my fingers through my hair, baffled by how nonchalant Knox is about Dax’s wreck.
I know they see this stuff all the time, and I’m sure he was worried about him until he found out he was okay, but it’s still jarring to see him laugh it off.
My anxiety has been off the charts since I watched that wreck, but clearly, he’s not bothered.
My fear for Knox isn’t getting better like I hoped it would.
His words the night of his hangup were comforting, but not enough for me to move past this.
I realize now it probably has a lot to do with my mom’s death.
Watching June handle Dax’s situation so differently than I would’ve solidified that for me, but I still don’t know what to do about it.
I spent most of the flight planning what to say and how to ask my dad about the foreman job, so I was surprised yesterday when Carson showed up at the airport to pick me up.
He told me Dad had a last-minute meeting with a potential meat buyer, so Carson volunteered to come get me.
Grumpy Carson might not admit it, but I think he missed me.
We used the ride back to the ranch to catch up.
It sounds like everything went smoothly without me and Carson asked me a few questions about life on the road.
I was tempted to ask him about the foreman job—I’ve never understood why he turned it down repeatedly—but in the end I chickened out.
This is a conversation I need to have with my dad, anyway.
So, as I make my way up the walk to dad’s house, I shove my nerves down and mentally recite what Knox said to me.
'Your dad loves you and wants the best for you. The way he talked to me about you when you weren’t around, he’s so proud of you. And I believe there is a reason for everything that man does. If he told you to come out here, he had a reason for it.'
When I open the door, Rein goes running in like she owns the place. Dad totally made her a house dog while I was gone. When I walk into the living room, I find her on a dog bed, next to my dad, who’s in his recliner. I give them both a judgmental look.
“Don’t give me that look; I got her a bed. She could be on the couch right now.”
He’s still in his work jeans and pearl snap with the DHR brand on it.
I shake my head at them both and sit on the end of the couch closest to them.
Dad asks me questions about the trip, what Knox’s upcoming schedule is, and how he’s feeling.
After a few minutes, I take a deep breath and, apparently forget everything I rehearsed.
“Why did you hire Chet for the foreman job and not me?”
His eyes snap to mine. He runs his hand down his beard, contemplating his answer. “I wasn’t sure if you want it and—”
“Of course I wanted it,” I cut him off. “You know how much I love this ranch.”
He sits up in his chair and reaches over, resting his hand on top of mine. “I know you love it. It’s because of how much you love it that I don’t want you to run it. Not completely, and not by yourself.”
“Why? Do you not think I’m capable?”
“Bug, you are more than capable. You run circles around most of our ranch hands. I don’t want you to spend your life shackled to this ranch.
When I was your age . . . .” He sighs, shaking his head.
“I don’t want you to pour so much of yourself into this place that there’s nothing left for you.
Or someone else who loves you. When was the last time you saw Chet take time off?
If you were the foreman, there would be no roping with Carson, trips to Estes with Jessie, horse sales with me, or traveling with Knox.
And that’s not the life I want for you. I want you to chase your dreams, do the things you love with the people you love.
Not wake up every day and live your life on repeat. ”
“Oh.” I swallow, throat suddenly dry.
“One day, you will run things, go to the meetings, decide who to hire, and make the big decisions. And I have no doubt you will do an amazing job when that time comes. But if you want more responsibility now, say the word. It’s your choice, I won’t stop you, but please think about it.
I can see how much you care for Knox, and this ranch isn’t worth ruining that.
I’d give this entire ranch away tomorrow for one more day with your mother. ”
I try to swallow the lump in my throat as my eyes water.
He’s right. How had I never put this together?
I spent so much time being angry about it, even resenting Chet who probably has no idea I feel this way. I never looked at the big picture.
Wait, did Carson turn down the job so we could still rope together?
“I never thought about it like that. But you’re right, it’s a huge commitment. Did Carson decline the job because of me? So we could rope?”
He smiles behind his beard. “That boy loves to rope and train horses just as much as you do. It was his choice whether to take the job, just like it’s now yours.
Take all the time you need to decide—the ranch isn’t going anywhere.
I’m sorry I didn’t offer it to you before; I just want what’s best for you.
Now I realize this is a conversation we should’ve had a long time ago. ”
“It’s alright. I should have brought it up before now. I was so afraid you didn’t think I was up for the job that I never said anything, but I understand where you’re coming from. And I’m glad I have you looking out for me.”
He gets up and holds his arms out. I unfold my legs from the couch and stand.
We hug for several seconds before he says, “I love you and I’m so proud of you.
I know your mom would be proud of you, too.
You are smart, capable, and more stubborn than all of us.
You can do anything you put your mind to. Always remember that.”
“Thanks, Dad. I love you, too.”
I head home a few minutes later, Rein by my side. It feels like an enormous weight has been lifted off my shoulders—knowing Dad’s decision to hire Chet as foreman has nothing to do with how capable I am, and everything to do with how much my dad loves me and wants to see me happy.
Knox was right.
Dad told me to think about it, but I don’t have to. If it’s between Knox and the ranch, I choose Knox. Every time.
I pull my phone out of my pocket, making the decision not to wait a full month before I see him again. Three weeks is enough.
Kacey
Want to burn a couple days of PTO?
Jessie
Sure, I have PTO coming out my ass. Where are we going?
Kacey
South Dakota.
Jessie
I’m going to pretend you said a tropical
island with hot cabana boys and mojitos.
Kacey
Sorry. You’ll have to settle for hot cowboys and beer.
It’s been three weeks since I flew home, and each day only gets worse.
I miss Knox more than I thought it was possible to miss another person.
We talk every day, sometimes multiple times a day, but it’s not the same.
I miss the feeling of his arms around me, the sound of his laugh, and the way his eyes heat at the sight of me.
I’m in my bedroom, packing my bag for my trip with Jessie to South Dakota to surprise him at the Governor’s Cup Rodeo when she comes bursting into the room. She throws herself onto my bed, right on top of the clothes I have laid out.
“Hey! I’m packing those.”
She holds up a light blue top and grimaces. “Not this one, you’re not.” She unceremoniously throws it on the floor.
I cross my arms and glare at her. “Then help me pack. I worked later today than planned and I’m stressed. I haven’t seen him in weeks. I want to look nice.”
She rolls off the bed and starts digging around in my closet. “Grab the dark wash Lola Kimes jeans, the light brown bodysuit, chocolate-colored boots and wear this.” She holds out a dark brown vintage style western jacket.
How does she do that? She can make an outfit in five seconds and it’s always cute. It takes me twenty minutes, and I always send her pictures.
“Thanks.” I take the jacket and put it on the bed with the other potential outfits I know she’ll help me sort through.
We fly out for South Dakota tomorrow afternoon.
The first round is tomorrow night, followed by another round Friday.
Then, hopefully, he makes the finals on Saturday night.
Neither of us bought return flights. I talked to Trey, and he said Knox was planning to drive straight to the ranch after anyway so we could just ride with them.
Trey has no idea how he’s getting back to Oklahoma, but he seemed unbothered.
I don’t think a whole lot of things bother him.
All day long, I’ve been so excited about pulling off the surprise that I can’t sit still. I pace back and forth across my room while Jessie pieces together the remaining two outfits I need.
When she’s done, she turns around, eyeing me warily. “What’s going on with you? You’ve been anxious since I got here.”
“Nothing; I’m just ready to see him. I really miss him.”
She watches me carefully before a borderline-creepy smile takes over her face. “You’re in love with him,” she declares.
“What? I didn’t say that.” I start folding clothes to put in my suitcase.
“You don’t have to. It’s all over your face,” she says, still wearing her creepy-ass smile.
I throw myself back onto my bed. “Ugh. Fine, yes, I’m in love with him. Happy now? And wipe that creepy smile off your face.”
“My smile is not creepy. But yes, I am happy.” She plops onto the bed next to me. We both turn our heads to face each other. “Have you told him?”
“No.”
“Why not? I’m sure he feels the same way. I could see it way back in July.”
“I haven’t seen him in person. It’s not something I want to say for the first time over the phone.”
“That’s fair. But you could tell him this weekend,” she says with a squeal, kicking her feet. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Thanks. I’m glad you’re coming. I know Trey annoys you, but if you get to know him better, I promise he’s really nice.”
“Yeah, yeah, so you’ve said. I’m going because I love you. Now, let’s finish packing.”
I take a calming breath, get up to start packing.
I’m so fucking excited.