Chapter 11
Dean
Hello, abandonment issues. It’s been a while .
Grace doesn’t deserve the shit I’m now giving her. She’s too sweet and I’m a brute with no sensor. The instant I named my condition, the glass bubble we’ve been in shatters.
Jesus, the hurt in her eyes because of what I just said… I should throw myself in the woodchipper for this.
If she truly wants to help, I’m desperate enough to take it, but not at the cost of my soul being torn to pieces afterwards. I’ll owe her everything. And I’m not even sure how she’s going to help me, but just like anything else with Grace, I won’t deny her what she wants. Honestly, I should be flattered, not terrified.
“Is that what you really want?” she asks, cautiously.
No. It’s not. But if she doesn’t meet this condition, my heart won’t survive seeing her again when she leaves in the spring. I’ll be pining and waiting for a woman who might never come back. I’ll wait for her… and wait… and wait… and wait. It’s better to know that once spring comes, and she leaves, that she won’t return. There will be no guessing on my part. No staring out the window, hoping to see the glare of her car come up the drive. No checking my phone for a text or notification.
I waited for my parents to come back once. I thought… Hey, this is just a temporary thing. I’m their kid. They’ll come back .
They didn’t.
I can’t go through that heartache again, so I say, “Yes.”
I’ve never been good at relationships. I can count on one hand how many girlfriends I’ve had, and they each ended the same way: Me left alone and them moving onto something better. Some one better.
A life with me at Bear Creek wasn’t their dream, and since I’m never leaving this mountain, they did. They didn’t look back, either.
The girlfriend I had in high school left right after graduation. Never saw or spoke to her again. The next one I had for two years, and she said I didn’t give her enough attention and moved onto someone else… while she was still with me. The woman after that left me once my grandfather got too sick. And the one after her was a quick fuck in a bathroom. She wasn’t from around here, and didn’t stay longer than one night for a work thing. I’ve given up on finding love. This place sucks up all my energy and asking a woman to stay up here, cut off from society, isn’t fair to her. I’ll never have time or money to travel, so all I have to offer are long, hard days, and dark, solitary nights. That’s not enough.
Grace isn’t going to want to stay longer once she suffers her first winter here, anyway. The fascination will wear off, she’ll get cabin fever and hightail it out of here once the snow melts, leaving me alone on my mountain again .
I think even if she left today, right this second, my heart would break.
I’m not in love with her. I’m enamored by her. She’s the exact opposite of everything I know. Soft, dainty, sweet. My world is harsh, bitter, and desolate. Beautiful but brutal. There’s a tiny part of me that wishes I’d just sell it all and walk away. But the biggest part of me refuses to give it up. I needed this place when I was a kid, and I need it now. It’s all I know. It's what I love.
And I’ll never walk away from what I love.
So, this is the mountain I will literally die on one day. Most likely alone. How sad is that?
Grace looks over at Oscar and I can see her swallow hard. “Okay. Deal.”
It takes me a second to hop back onto whatever train wreck we’re on. Oh, right, she’s going to never come back once this is over.
I’ll make sure she has the time of her life while she’s here though. Hopefully she’ll always remember Dean Morgan as the man who worshipped the ground she walked on.
Desperate to show her I’m not a cold-hearted piece of shit, I run my hand around the back of her neck and kiss her forehead. Then I tug her hair and kiss her again.
I’m not good at saying I’m sorry, but I try. “I’m bad at being vulnerable.”
The chill between us remains. I deserve it.
Maybe business talk will help thaw the ice we’re packing around us? “What kind of sponsorships do you have in mind?”
Grace gulps and stares at me. I have no clue what’s running through her head. I wish I knew her better. I wish she knew me better. I wish I could turn back time and have a do over with her because this sucks, and it’s all my fault.
“Umm.” Grace blinks, clears her throat, and turns into the woman I first met, with her sassy, classy, badassy attitude. “Beard oils are the obvious choice. Tools and outdoor equipment would work. Outdoor clothing is a definite possibility. I have some companies in mind, but your following isn’t big enough for them yet.”
Ouch . “What am I big enough for?”
She crosses her arms at the same time her gaze drops to my crotch. It lingers for a few seconds before she glances over at Oscar. “Pet supplies might work too.”
I don’t really see her vision. No one’s going to give me a snowmobile to flaunt on my page, or a set of wrenches to show off. It’s not my style. I’ve been thirst trapping this whole time, not making high-quality review videos on products. Besides, no one’s going to care about what I put in my beard.
“I’m struggling to make the connection to my audience with any of this.” She probably thinks I’m a fucking idiot for not getting it. “How will beard oil help? My audience is mostly women.”
“Every woman knows someone with a beard, Dean. And they do most of the shopping. Besides, you have quite a few followers who are men. Don’t sell your sex appeal short.”
I cock my eyebrow at her. “You think I have sex appeal?”
“Ugh. You know you’re sexy.” She playfully pushes me back, and the icy mood around us melts a little. Thank fuck .
I tease her by running my hand through my beard. “I’m not sure beard oils are the way to go. Besides, I’ve got a way better conditioner on it now.”
Grace’s eyes widen and her jaw drops. “Oh my god!” She pushes me harder this time and I stumble back, chuckling. “That’s just…” She shakes her head, giggling.
“Just the facts, sugar.” My smile feels good on my face. “You gushed and my beard soaked it up.”
“Never say that again.” Grace peels off her coat as if the mere reminder of me eating her pussy has her hot. “Okay, beard oils and other grooming products are a must.” She paces back and forth. Oscar lifts her head, watching her closely. She’s not the only one. Business Grace is just as sexy as Screaming-Through-Her-Orgasm Grace. It’s a hell of an honor to have a woman this smart, sexy, and sweet all to myself up here.
I lick my lips, desperate to take her home right now.
“I can make a call to this company in Switzerland that sells—”
“Sindra’s Soap Shop,” I say, cutting her off.
“What?”
“There’s a shop in town that uses all natural ingredients. Woman-owned. Local. She’s got three kids to feed, and her family’s been here as long as mine. If we do beard oil videos, I want it to be with her products.”
Grace slows her pace. “She’s not the level I want you at, Dean.”
“When you climb a mountain, you always start at the bottom, Grace.” I lean against the door and cross my arms. “She needs to pay her bills too. Lots of folks around here are going through tough times. The resorts in the next town took most of the tourists so we’re suffering. If I can make a difference in her life, I’d like to try.”
Her gaze softens. “Okay… Yeah, okay. We can make that happen.”
I swear she thaws even more.
Grace shoots me a genuinely sweet smile. “You’ll have her inventory sold out in no time. You know that, right?”
“You’re overestimating the power of my reels.”
“You’re underestimating the power of mine ,” she retorts.
My throat tightens. “You’ll help her, too?”
“Of course.”
“She can’t pay,” I warn. “She’s not like your big fancy companies.”
“I’m very aware of that.” Grace puts her hands on her hips. “And I never said I was charging. Just like when I post about Bear Creek Cabins once we’ve got them all glorious and perfect, I won’t charge you either.”
“We?”
“Yes, we . This is a joint project. You’re not going to have all the fun here, damnit.” Her hands are still on her hips. “I want to help.”
“Working the social media angle with me is help enough.” I don’t want her to do hard labor. “You’re not picking up a single tool.”
Grace’s eyes narrow. “Oh, yes I am.”
“No. You’re not.”
“Then the deal is off.”
I jerk back. “What? ”
“That’s another condition,” she snips. “I get to help in all the ways, or I don’t help at all.”
This woman is out of her goddamn mind. “Are you threatening me?”
“Are you holding me back from living my best life?”
I prowl over to her. “Laying tile, chopping wood, mounting cabinets, and hammering nails is not living your best life.”
“Says who?”
“Respectfully, you’re mental.”
She shrugs and doesn’t argue. “I like the idea of working with my hands.”
“Then take a pottery class.”
“Maybe I will,” she shoots back like a brat. “And I’ll make a big fat vase just to chuck at your hard fucking head.”
A laugh blows out of me. “What is wrong with you, woman? No one wants to do this kind of work, let alone do it for free.”
“ You do.”
Her retort shuts me right up. How dare she be right.
Grace marches over and drops her arms to her side. “What’s so wrong with this kind of work, Dean?”
My heart slams into my throat, making it hard to swallow. “It’s hard.”
“The best things usually are.”
Her gaze flitters all over my face, as if she’s trying to read my expression and can’t. When she hooks her arms around my neck, I exhale slowly and try to not get upset about her stupid decision to help me with my shithole cabins. And my pride is absolutely crushed that I can’t pay her for any of the work she’s offering to do. It isn’t right, and I’m not someone who takes handouts.
“Do you believe in love at first sight, Dean?”
If she’s about to tell me she’s in love with me, I’m gonna…. Fucking hell, I have no idea what I’ll do. “Why?”
“Because I fell in love with this place the instant I turned onto the road. The trees. The silence. The peace and beauty.” She looks around the torn-up countertops and tools lying around. “When I stepped into my cabin that first day, I felt so happy and content.” Grace meets my gaze again. “And when I woke up this morning to your note and Oscar sleeping by the fire, and coffee already brewed… the warmth of the cabin, the coziness, the quiet…” She shakes her head slowly. “I fell in absolute love with every bit of it.”
Why does that sound like she’s talking about more than the cabin and my dog?
“I don’t walk away from things I love, Dean.”
I can’t breathe. The pain in my chest is excruciating. “I can’t pay you for any of this.”
“I don’t need money.”
Of course not. She’s already loaded. “What is it you do need?” Whatever it is, I’ll make sure she gets it.
“This,” she whispers against my mouth. “Let me have this kind of happiness until spring. Please .”
My payment is to give her a taste of my heaven. My mountain. Me . I close my eyes and succumb to her wishes. “Okay.”
Grace kisses me softly. Sweetly. When she pulls back, her victorious smile shoots an arrow straight through my heart. “This is going to be amazing.”
Or devastating .
My hand trembles when I cup her cheek. “If you end up hating it, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”