23. Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty
Rose
W ilfred’s house felt like an old log cabin. The only light filtered in from the front windows and the dimmer space was small but packed. An old, well-loved couch sat in one corner, a small table in another, and through a small doorway was a kitchen. Next to the table were racks of home canned goods and Wilfred picked up a red jar.
“I made this using tomatoes and jalape?os from my garden. I sometimes sell some at farmers markets, but I always keep a little bit for myself. I made homemade chips as well.”
“So, you like cooking?” Barry asked.
“It’s one of my favorite pastimes. It’s only second to sharing the food.” He set down a plate of chips paired with a bowl of salsa.
“Thanks,” I said, taking the first one. The chip was crunchy and salty, but the salsa tasted like it had just come out of the garden. “These are great.”
“Thank you,” he said. “How was the drive?”
“Um, good.”
A silence fell over us, broken a moment later by an awkward laugh from Wilfred.
“Shit, kid,” he said. “I’m bad at small talk. And polite talk.”
“Me too,” Barry admitted.
“Got it from me, I guess.”
“You know what usually worked for me when I met Barry?” I asked after another silence fell over them.
“Getting hit on by a weirdo?” Barry asked.
“Ask him about his bar,” I stage-whispered to Wilfred. I glanced at Barry, and my heart sank when I saw his jaw tic. I knew the bar was not a good subject for his usual family, but was it also banned with Wilfred?
“Right, the bar.”
“You know about it?”
“I looked it up, once I figured out how the Google works. It’s one of the few bars on the main strip that isn’t all country, right?”
“Yeah, that’s it. It’s called—?”
“Movers and Shakers. Cool name. Miriam and Bill have a hard time remembering, but I tried to commit it all to memory.”
“Who?” I asked.
“His grandparents,” Wilfred said. “I’m good friends with them, even after everything. They keep tabs on that bar. They did on all of you kids. You are one impressive bunch.”
“Ruth and Tom are the impressive ones.”
“No,” I said. “You are too.”
“I mean in the normal way. Owning a bar isn’t really what anyone had in mind for me.”
“It’s amazing, kid. And from what I can tell, you’ve hosted some famous people in those four walls. I want to go, but I, uh . . . don’t know how the website works.”
“You want to go?”
“It sounds like a fun place. I’d like to see what you’ve been up to. You . . . all of you made names for yourselves. I wish I could say that I had a part in your upbringing. That man . . . Todd . . . must have been good for you three.”
Barry’s lips pressed together and I wondered if I should step in to say that Todd had been the opposite of good. He’d been evil.
“Did I say something wrong?” Wilfred asked.
I wondered if Barry would tell him what Todd had done to them. But his eyes fell to the floor, and when he looked up, all the emotion was gone.
Just like when I’d been Lila.
“No, you didn’t. We’re still getting the hang of this, that’s all.”
Wilfred smiled, unaware of how Barry had shoved all of his pain into a box.
But I saw it.
And I hated it even more when it wasn’t directed at Lila.
Barry
“So, Rose”—Wilfred turned to her as she’d been watching me like a hawk—“how did you and Barry meet?”
Rose’s eyes slowly slid from me and I knew she had seen what I’d just done. I didn’t know how she caught it, but she always seemed to.
“His bar,” she said. “It’s a funny story, actually.”
“Something to do with being hit on by a weirdo?”
“She was there one night and a guy came on too hard to her. I kicked him out.”
“And then I followed him like a lost puppy until he talked to me.”
“That isn’t how I remember it.”
“Maybe my desperation didn’t show, but I felt it.” She shrugged, a smile on her face.
My heart, even when down, skipped a beat. If it hadn’t been for Lila, I might have felt more.
I cleared my throat. “She’s been a good friend,” I said. “A great part of my support system.”
Her grin fell and I wished I could offer her more than friendship, but I knew I wasn’t ready, not after Lila.
“We all need that,” Wilfred said, oblivious to the meaning that Rose had picked up on. “Now, can I show you my garden? I think you’ll like it.”
I nodded, letting him lead me outside. The air was warm even this early in spring. He had just started pouring new dirt onto the old, telling us about his plans to get tomatoes, peppers, and other vegetables once the risk of frost was gone. It was nice to see a man doing something he enjoyed.
Peering around the side of the house, I saw a massive pile of split wood and an axe. I may not have known much about country life, but I knew there was no reason to split it when it was warm. A question bubbled up, but I shook it away. I doubted he would want to tell me.
Then Wilfred caught my line of sight.
“So you’ve seen my pile,” he said.
“Is wood splitting a fun pastime?”
“I do it when I’m mad, and after I found out about you . . . Well, I had to process it somehow. And I can still use it in the fall.”
I looked back at the pile. I was glad I hadn’t told him about Todd. If he’d already been this mad, just how much worse would it have been if he knew how awful it was?
“I felt the same way,” I said. “Let’s not mull on it.”
“Definitely not. The sun is setting and you probably have to go back to the bar.”
“I do.”
“I won’t keep you, then, but I also won’t let the two of you leave empty-handed. Come on, I have food for you.”
Wilfred sent us both home with salsa and chips. Rose offered to drive back, which allowed me to think.
I wondered what Ruth and Tom were going to say. We’d spent our entire lives in competition with each other and I questioned if they would be secretly jealous, or if they would be, once they knew it had gone well.
I would have been.
“You did good,” Rose said as we pulled off the smaller highway and onto the main interstate to Nashville.
“It doesn’t feel real.”
“To have a nice parent?”
“Yes,” he said. “I’ve never had one before.”
“Why didn’t you tell him about the man who raised you?”
“I don’t think he needed to know. He was already angry.”
“You don’t have to hide things to protect people, you know.”
“It’s a habit I’m trying to break.” I let out a sigh. “Doing it already messed up something once, but it’s hard when I look up to someone. I want to be easygoing.”
“Who did you look up to?” she asked slowly.
“It doesn’t matter. It didn’t work out and now she’s across the country.”
“Did it really affect you that much?”
I knew I should tell her it didn’t, but I also couldn’t lie.
“I fear I’ll never be able to look at another woman without comparing them to her.”
“Oh.” Rose’s eyes went wide. “It was that serious?”
“I tried to focus on her, but in the end, it only pushed her away. It’s why you and I can’t have anything more. I’m sorry.”
She was silent for a long time, and when I looked over, her lips were pursed. “It’s okay.”
“You’re disappointed.”
“Not in you,” she said. “Just in some choices that were made.”
“By me.”
“By the woman who broke your heart,” she said. “I feel it like . . . like I did it.”
“But you didn’t. She’s a different person.”
“Yeah.” Her voice was low. “A different person.”
Something about her tone set off alarm bells, but I couldn’t place why .
“I won’t make you hear about her if you don’t want to. Hell, you don’t even have to be friends with me if you don’t want to.”
“I want to be friends with you. I’ll take anything you give me.”
“I don’t know if I deserve that.”
A half smile was on her face. “You do.”
“I’m sorry. I feel terrible about . . . us getting closer while I’m not being open to dating.”
“You have nothing to apologize for. You really don’t. I’m just glad you hang out with me at all. That woman before . . . she was that special?”
“She was, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like you. If I’d met you first, then things could have been different. This feels natural, but going into something with you when I’m thinking of someone else isn’t fair.”
She slowly nodded, but she was still thinking about something.
I desperately wanted her to share it so I could say anything to make this better. She’d been kind to me from day one, letting me open up to her and even coming to meet my real dad. She’d done so much.
“Are you okay?”
“I will be,” she said. “I just need to think for a bit.”
“Okay,” I replied. “Take all the time you need.”
“Time is something I don’t have much of.”
We lapsed into a silence, broken only when she pulled up to her house.
“Have a good night, Rose.” She gave me one last sad smile before she got out of the car. I watched her until she walked through the front door. Then I sighed and got in the driver’s seat.
I didn’t pull away immediately, in case regret hit me. If it did, I’d go to the door and take it all back. I’d push past this thing with Lila and start something new with Rose, the woman who wasn’t the tornado in my life.
The feeling never hit.
As I pulled away from the curb, I was only sure of one thing: I was desperate to hear Lila’s voice. I turned on her music, letting it fill the quiet car.
She sounded as she always did, but familiar in a new way. It had to be because of how much time I’d spent with her. She’d infected everything, making me hear her even in Rose.
But that was a ridiculous idea and I didn’t know why I kept returning to it.
Because they were obviously two separate people.
Right?