37. Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Four
Lila
W e worked until we couldn’t anymore. The tour finally came together. I dealt with the looks Mickey kept giving me, and eventually, I figured out how to ignore them.
Barry and I talked every night. Some nights, we texted, especially when my voice was raw from all the singing. As the opening night loomed, I counted the seconds until he flew back to LA.
“Have you decided who you’re bringing?” I asked one morning as I was preparing for another day of practice. “Tom and Ruth might love to come.”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I still haven’t told them about Wilfred, and every time I look at Ruth, I feel bad for lying.”
“I agree, but maybe Max would like to go.”
“He would. I’m just . . . struggling with talking to them.”
“I could call them and offer.”
“As who?”
“Lila. I could say you gave me their number. I have Ruth’s.”
“Okay, yeah. Maybe find a way to remind her that we’re friends . Any more questioning and I’ll feel worse.”
“Of course. I won’t let who I am slip.”
I finished my makeup while we talked more about what I would say. When I was done, he had to go to the bar, and I said my goodbyes as I got Ruth’s number from Rose’s phone.
“Hello?” she asked, in the same suspicious voice I would if I got a call from a random LA number.
“Hi, Ruth. It’s Lila. Barry’s friend.”
The line was silent. “Lila?” she asked. “How did you get . . . What—why?”
“I know it’s a lot. I got your number from Barry because he’s really busy and wanted me to invite you on the tour in a few weeks. The whole family could go, actually. You could invite Tom and Max, and Lynn if you wanted to.”
“What about Barry’s girlfriend, Rose?”
Shit. “Rose? Um, of course, she’s invited. I called her earlier, actually, but she’s not a big concert person, and she’s busy with work anyway.”
“Oh, okay. That makes sense, I guess.”
I cringed, hoping I’d covered for myself well enough. “She’s just so busy right now. Oh, do you have a way to contact Barry’s coworkers, Liam and Audrey? I would ask him to mention it to them, but I’m sure he would say something about how they’re needed at the bar.”
I twirled my hair in my fingers, hoping the diversion would work. She was silent for so long I worried that it didn’t.
“I can figure out a way to talk to them. It’ll be like one big party.”
Whew. I was covered. “Right? I hope everyone can come. Barry is such a good friend that I want everyone he cares about to be there.”
“Of course. I guess I’ll be seeing you in LA, then?”
“Yeah,” I said, letting a relieved laugh escape me. “I’ll see you soon, Ruth.”
Barry
Ruth: Family meeting. Now. At my office.
I should have seen it coming. Ruth would either be excited that Lila Wilde had called her or there would be more questions. If I were unlucky, then it would be both.
Her text was oddly cryptic, but I hoped she was just about to say how wild it was that a huge pop star had called her.
Either way, it was unlike her to call a family meeting over something like this. I knew she and Tom loved seeing me in person, but this seemed out of pocket.
Which meant she probably had more questions.
Damn it.
I pulled into the garage for the PATH office just as Tom did.
“What do you think this is about?” he asked as he got out of his truck.
“I gave Lila Wilde Ruth’s number.”
“Ah,” Tom said. “So less of an emergency, then. Weird. She sounded mad.”
“She’s probably just being Ruth about this. We can’t worry too much.”
I was worrying too much, but I refused to let it show.
Tom nodded. He knew where her office was and led us there as if he knew the place like the back of his hand. As much as I wanted to pay attention to the place Ruth worked, all I could think about was all the ways she could question me about Lila again.
I really needed her to miss hints sometimes.
“Hey,” I said. “We made it.”
I readied myself for another barrage of questions as I stared down my sister. With her pursed lips and narrowed eyes, she didn’t look excited at all.
“So, Lila Wilde called.”
“Why do you look so upset about that?” Tom asked. “I thought you liked her.”
“Oh, I do. But I’m also not an idiot.”
“I’m not cheating on Rose with her,” I said before she could finish.
“Why would Barry see two people?” Tom asked. “He’s not that kind of guy. If you’re still thinking he’s—?”
“Oh, he’s seeing both Lila and Rose—?”
“Ruth,” I hissed, shaking my head. How the fuck did I convince her that I wasn’t a scumbag?
“Let me finish,” she snapped. “He’s seeing them both because they’re the same fucking person.”
Oh.
Fuck.
I thought I’d thrown Ruth off the trail well enough to where she wouldn’t pick up on any similarities.
Obviously not.
Time ticked by, the seconds agonizing.
“I figured it out when Lila called me,” Ruth said, leaning back in her chair. “I knew there was something off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. The second she spoke, I was thinking about how much she sounded like Rose, just with a projected voice. Then I asked if Rose was coming to the concert, and she stuttered out some excuse about how Rose will be busy working . Which, duh . She’s onstage. How did I not see it when I met the two of them? They look exactly alike.”
Goddammit.
“I knew Barry wasn’t cheating, but I couldn’t deny that he looked at both of them like they were the moon and stars. It’s the only explanation.”
“That seems far-fetched,” Tom began.
“Okay then.” She looked at me. “Barry, tell me I’m wrong.”
“You’re wrong.” I managed to strangle it out.
“Sound a little more sincere next time.”
Was there any way to deny anything to Ruth once she had it figured out?
I knew the answer. No.
“Did you have to bring Tom here for this too?” I asked instead.
“Honestly, yes. Because I was thinking about strangling you for lying to me.”
“It’s not my secret to tell.”
“Wait,” Tom said, looking in between us like he was watching a tennis match. “They really are the same person?”
“Yes,” I said lowly.
“How?”
“Wigs, Tom.” Ruth rolled her eyes like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“But who is wearing the wig?”
“Considering the bangs? Lila. Definitely her.”
Tom slowly covered his mouth, the truth dawning on him.
“You can’t tell anyone,” I said quickly. “Seriously. No one.”
“Haven’t we proven you can trust us?” Ruth asked. “We won’t tell a soul. And I’m sure Tom will agree once he stops internally calculating everything over there.”
“She always wears a wig as Lila ?” he asked.
“Yes, she does.”
“Can someone do that? Like onstage?”
“Uncomfortably, yes. A lot of lace wigs require glue.”
Tom’s face twisted. “That sounds like torture.”
“It probably is,” Ruth said, “but her having it means she can go out in public and no one follows her. That’s why she does it, right?”
“Mostly. And some of her family can’t deal with all the attention that comes with it. This is why no one else was supposed to know.”
“And no one will,” Ruth said. “We’ve not let anything slip, ever. I thought we were getting closer, not lying to each other, Barry.”
And now I saw why she was mad. We had been getting along and feeling more like a family than ever before.
And this felt like something the old us would do.
“It had nothing to do with the three of us. I didn’t even know until a few months ago, either.”
“What?” Ruth asked. “She didn’t tell you?”
“No.”
“Even when you met her at the bar?”
I shook my head.
“Is that why you were mad at her?” Tom asked.
“When was Barry mad at her?” Ruth’s eyes went wide.
“The day I told you that Barry and I went to the gym and got breakfast with Max. I told you he was out of it.”
“Yeah, that’s when I found out.”
Ruth blinked. “But you knew her for months. You wrote an album with her.”
“And I knew Rose separately. It was . . . bad. And she admitted it was. Publicly.”
“The apology song,” Tom said. “That was about . . . She mentioned someone getting to know both sides of her. How did no one catch onto the meaning of that?”
“Thankfully, it’s not a person’s first thought to think of a secret double life. But I’m telling you, there’s a reason she hid it like she did. Until me and her bodyguard, no one knew.”
“No one?” Ruth repeated.
I nodded.
“Okay, that makes sense, then.”
“You’re going to let it go that easily?”
“Fame sucks, Barry. I get it. And besides, I have another thing to bitch at you about. Why did the offer of tickets for her opening night for all of us come from her and not you?”
“Tickets to opening night?” Tom repeated, raising an eyebrow. “What?”
“Would you believe me if I said it was because I felt bad for lying?”
Ruth crossed her arms. “If you said it sincerely, yes.”
“Okay. It did feel bad to lie. I hated it, and I know Rose did too. I’m sure if it wasn’t for the tour and us being separated right now, we would have been able to discuss all of this more, but neither of us is in our best mental state right now. Being across the country from each other isn’t fun.”
“Wow,” Ruth said. “You really like her, don’t you?”
“I love her,” I said. “I’ve known it for a long time.”
“Love?” Ruth’s eyes went wide. “All right, then. I mean, I should have seen it coming when you met her. What do I call her?”
“Whoever she is in that moment.”
“Seems simple. Now, we need to figure out how to get to this concert.”
“You’re really gonna accept the double identity that easily?”
“ I haven’t accepted it yet,” Tom grumbled.
“It is . . . different, but ever since that time that I was caught with Knox, I’ve learned that people can be invasive. Especially when she has a tour about to start that I am definitely going to.”
“She’d also understand if you’re busy.”
“Are you kidding?” Ruth scoffed. “I’ll cancel a meeting with the president if it means I can go. This album is her best and the whole tour sold out in seconds.”
“And Max would love the opportunity,” Tom added. “I can use his noise-canceling headphones to be sure he doesn’t get overwhelmed, and I’m sure Selena would enjoy getting out of the house. If she doesn’t want to go, she has a friend she’s been visiting in Atlanta. We can make it work.”
“It’s across the country, though,” I reminded them. “It’s a lot for anyone to try to make work, especially since you’re both executives of your companies and one of you has a family.”
“Barry,” Ruth said, leaning forward. “We’ll make it work. I’m sure Lila is proud of her album. Plus, you worked on it. Why would we miss seeing it live?”
“You don’t need to make it some huge deal.”
“Why not?” Tom asked. “You’re our brother.”
An uncomfortable feeling crawled up my neck at his words. “ Half brother. I have a different dad, remember?”
“Why would that change anything?” Ruth asked, frowning.
“It means I’m the odd one out. You guys don’t have to care as much as you do.”
“We do care,” Tom said. “Even if you think we don’t.”
“But you don’t have to,” I huffed out. “I’m different than you guys. I always have been. It’s okay if me having someone else as my dad means you feel differently.”
It wasn’t okay, but I would deal. I couldn’t imagine the jealousy I would have felt if they had an out and I was stuck with Todd for a father.
And if they were jealous, it would fester and break us. And when it did, I would be alone. They didn’t need me. They had incredible lives I’d never been a part of because I was too busy making my own.
But now, as the words hung in the air and my heart pounded in my chest, I realized that maybe this time, I needed them .
“Barry,” Ruth began. “We’re never going to figure out that we don’t need you. Even if you weren’t related to us at all, we will always care.”
“Yes,” Tom said. “We’ve been through a lot together, and no matter how much you say you want to be alone, we know you still care. Why else would you have come to those stupid dinners?”
“But—?”
“No buts,” Ruth interrupted. “We love you, Barry. Nothing you say can change that.”
My mouth snapped shut. The words hit hard, harder than I ever thought possible.
“Is this why you’ve not told us about Wilfred?” Ruth’s voice was soft.
“I just thought it would add insult to injury if I said I liked him. Especially since he’s nothing like Todd.”
“There’s no anger at all,” Tom reassured.
“If he’s a good guy, why would we be anything but happy?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you’d be jealous or something.”
I couldn’t look either of them in the eye, so I looked at the floor, begging that this be the one time that they were not like me.
“We would never be jealous,” Tom said. “Do I wish Todd had been different? Sure. But that doesn’t change the fact that you have something better.”
“And we’re not shit out of luck anyway. We’ve made better families. We’re not bitter because you have someone better who’s related to you. It’s far easier just to be happy for you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. The competition is over. It’s time to live now.”
“I wasn’t a competitor.”
“No, but you saw it. And you walked on eggshells for far too long because of it.”
I closed my eyes. I needed to hear what they were saying more than anything, but it still hurt to talk about our past.
“Are you—?” Tom began.
“I’m not crying. Just give me a second.”
It took far longer than a second, but eventually, I was able to breathe again.
“I like Wilfred,” I admitted. “A lot. I should probably see him now that I’m back in town.”
“Definitely,” Ruth agreed. “And you can invite him to family dinner! We’d love to meet him.”
“Just no text chains. The man absolutely cannot text.”
“Aw, why is that kind of adorable?” Ruth asked.
“Because it is. He’s a dork, but he’s my dad, so . . . he’s not all that bad.”
Tom only laughed. He sat on the office’s extra chair and Ruth leaned forward at her desk, asking me more about him. I gave in, deciding not to be alone with my thoughts for once and to enjoy the company of the two people I’d waited so long for.
Barry: Hey. How are you? Maybe we can meet up soon?
Wilfred: Is there a way I can come see all your hard work on your bar?
Barry: Sure. When?
Wilfred: Tomrrwo?
Wilfred: dang it
Wilfred is calling . . .
After the plan for Wilfred to visit was finalized, I had a text from Rose that she was free. I immediately called her, knowing that she needed to know about Ruth and Tom.
“Hey,” she said. “Good timing. I just got home.”
“How was your day?” I asked. She’d been growing increasingly stressed about the tour, and while I would never keep anything from her, I wanted to know if we should FaceTime about this. Sometimes, seeing each other helped, but other times, it was a painful reminder of the distance.
“Busy as always. I’m going to take the longest bath after this.”
“If only I could be there.”
“There’re only a few more days,” she said, laughing.
It trailed off as I tried to work out how to tell her about all of the things happening at once.
“Are you okay?” she asked after a long silence.
“I know you’re busy, but I have something to tell you. Are you sitting down?”
“Uh, yeah?” she asked. “Is everything okay?”
“It is okay, but you should know that Ruth figured out your secret.”
“Which secret?”
“The big one.”
“What? How?”
“Ruth figured out that you two sounded the same on the phone, so she called Tom and me for a family meeting to talk about it.”
“Damn it. How many people are going to figure it out before everyone knows?”
“I stand by what I said before about Malia. She needed to know. And my family won’t tell. They know how much you need privacy. Ruth has a famous boyfriend, remember?”
“But they can’t be happy about the lying.”
“They were angrier at me for that, but we’re all good now. Tom was more confused about how you wear a wig onstage.”
I heard her take a stilted breath. “This could be bad.”
“But it won’t be,” I insisted. “I trust them.”
“And I do too, but it’s complicated.”
“Yeah, it is. But that’s the thing about having people on your side: they’ll help you too. Don’t just think about how this could go wrong. Think about how it could go right. Malia can now bury leads and Ruth can stomp on anyone who thinks twice about it.”
“Okay, yeah.” She was trying to sound confident, but her voice was still shaking.
“Everything’s fine.”
“It’s easier to believe that when you’re here in front of me. When I’m alone, all of this feels . . . heavier.”
“I know, and I would be there if I could.”
“Just a few more days until the concert. I’ll try to keep my shit together until then. Thank you for telling me, though.”
“No secrets, remember? And besides, there’s more.”
“How can there be more?”
“I haven’t even told you about how Wilfred’s coming to the bar or how I finally opened up to Ruth and Tom about him.”
“What?” she nearly yelled. “Okay, start from the beginning and tell me everything .”
“How much time do you have?”
“For you? I’ll make time.”
I didn’t want to be nervous about my biological dad seeing my bar, but I was. He’d agreed to come an hour before opening and stay a while to see it in action. I’d never had a parent in before, and despite his constant kindness over the last few months, I was terrified he’d tear it down like Mom and Todd did.
Rose had given me plenty of positive reinforcement, giving my own advice back to me.
I needed to focus on how this could go right .
Unfortunately, it was easier said than done.
I’d been disappointed by this part of my life a lot, and yet, each time, it felt like a little more of my soul died. As much as I wanted to pretend it didn’t matter, it did, and I was starting to realize that.
And now that Ruth and Tom hadn’t disappointed me, I needed the trend to continue.
“Why do you look like you’re about to shit your pants?” Audrey asked as she walked in. “Is you know who coming here or something?”
“No, but my dad is.”
She froze. I didn’t mention my family very much, if at all.
“Like, your asshole dad?”
“Nope. Apparently, I’m not related to him. My real one is coming.”
“What? You have a different dad?”
“It’s new to me too.”
She blinked. “Okay. Wow, um, so how did you take the news?”
“Terribly. But I’m adjusting to it now.”
“And do you need us to do anything?”
“No. In fact, don’t even listen in on anything.”
She gave me a look that told me she wouldn’t be doing that. “Yeah, right. I want to make sure you’re okay. And if I’m not around, Liam will be.”
“I should be fine either way.”
“But if it goes south, we’ll be here.”
“I’m not worried.”
“Do you remember when I said you looked like you were about to shit your pants?”
“I blocked it out because you sounded too much like my sister.”
“Who I need to meet, by the way,” Audrey said. “But seriously, we’re your friends too.”
What was with people caring about me? Would I ever get used to it?
“Okay,” I grumbled. “I’ll let you know if I need you.”
“Really? You’re not going to fight us?”
“I’m trying out the idea of not being alone for everything.”
“Finally. It only took me like four years of knowing you.”
I gave her a smile before I saw him at the front door. My heart stuttered in my chest.
I don’t want to be hurt again. I don’t think I can take it.
“You’ve got this,” Audrey said, smiling. “I’m going to get Liam and catch him up. He’s gonna be so mad he was in the back for this.”
I watched her leave before I turned back to the door.
“Hey,” I said as I let him in.
He whistled. “This place is nice . People are already at the front door.”
“They line up early.”
“Wow,” he said. “I saw all the buzz, but it’s wild to see it in person.”
“Hi,” Audrey said, returning with Liam on her arm. “I’m Audrey, his favorite employee.”
“Don’t lie,” Liam said. “ I’m his favorite employee.”
“You’re both equal.”
Wilfred laughed. “Really? I heard the boss was strict.”
“Oh, he’s the worst ,” Liam said. “A real hard-ass. Did you know he didn’t even tell us about you until today? He actually didn’t tell me at all.”
“You’re falling down the list, Liam.” But I wasn’t mad.
“He’s a little quiet,” Wilfred said. “But I’m starting to see that he opens up over time. Now, can I get a tour? I want to see it all before the people pack in here.”
Liam gave me a thumbs-up as I led Wilfred away. We went to my apartment first, to the back kitchen, and then to the front where I turned on the lights for him.
“This is something ,” he said in awe.
“It’s pretty good for a guy who didn’t attend college,” I said.
“Not everyone needs that. You did what makes you happy.”
“Some people think everyone needs college.”
Wilfred raised an eyebrow. “Who?”
“Did you see the Murray building on the way over here?”
“That’s Todd’s business, right?”
“Not anymore. Tom took it over.”
“He retired?”
“No, he was fired.”
“Why?”
“Because he was a terrible fucking person.” It blew out of me, shocking Wilfred into silence. “And I don’t want you to feel bad about it because it isn’t your fault, but he was . . . He almost broke us. All of us. He’s the one who told me I was one of the biggest disappointments in the family and that I’d never make it if I didn’t go to college.”
“I . . . I thought he was good to you all.”
I shook my head.
A frown pulled on Wilfred’s face, a stark contrast to the smile he usually wore. “I’m sorry. I never liked the man, but I assumed I was just jealous because your mom chose him.”
“She thought he was the better option, but money didn’t buy my peace. It only bought us more misery.”
He blew out a long breath. “Damn it. I was hoping that . . . Never mind.”
“You were hoping I was at least happy?”
“All of you, even the two older ones. I thought . . . I thought your mom loved Todd.”
“I don’t know if she did. He was a shit father and she was his enforcer. If there was love between them, I’ll never know. I got out early, but Ruth and Tom . . . well, they just figured out that life isn’t your parents yelling at you to be the best at everything. For a while, I didn’t know if they would ever figure it out at all.”
“I hate that,” he said, his voice shaking. “I would have been there. For all of you.”
There was that damn emotion again, the one that weighed me down and made it hard to speak. “You didn’t know. It wasn’t your fault.”
“Look, I’m far too late and I don’t exactly know what I’m doing, but if you need a dad . . . I’m here.”
“I know. That’s more than Todd was. More than Mom was, even.”
“I always thought that if she came back, I’d be with her. But I don’t think I can now that I know about you.”
“You could do whatever you want.”
“She hurt me by telling me. What’s worse, she hurt you. I’ll always think of these years and wonder what could have been. I don’t think I’ll move past that.”
“Me either. But on the bright side, we have time now.”
“We do. So, let’s make the most of it.”