40. Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Rose
I almost forgot my worries, but they lingered, especially after Malia disappeared. I was surprised she showed up at all, considering the mess we had on our hands.
“Were you talking to Malia about . . . the issue we’re having?” I asked Barry when he finally walked up next to me. He’d disappeared with her for a good few minutes.
“For a bit. But it’s nothing we can talk about here. We’ll need to get you home first.”
“Oh my God, home . Mom’s there. I need to deal with that too.”
“We only have thirty minutes left. Let’s finish this out and deal with things one at a time.”
I nodded, forcing a smile as Ruth teased Knox about beating his score. I tried to play the happy, easygoing woman I wanted to be.
But when the game was over, Ruth hugged me tight and told me to call her if I needed any help. Tom also offered his.
Yep. They saw right through me.
I had to admit that it was nice having a bigger support system. I believed both of them when they offered their help, and it eased my nerves to know I had at least a few more people on my side.
Barry was looking off into the distance as everyone drove away.
“You’re thinking about what you and Malia talked about, aren’t you?” I asked.
“I am. She’s bringing me in to help with your guitarist problem.”
“That makes sense. It’s probably the only way we’d be able to play live, at least for this show.”
“You’re disappointed that I won’t see it, right?”
“A little, but I’ll just get you tickets to the Nashville show. Hopefully, I’ll have a new guitarist by then.”
“It’s going to work out. First things first, you should check on your mom.”
“Yeah, I should. I would invite you, but the last thing you need is family drama while also dealing with Lila’s drama.”
“You’re dealing with it all.”
“Not really. My team is on one of them. And I trust whatever they come up with.”
“Good. We won’t let you down.”
I gave him a soft smile and stood on my tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. “The limo with your family is still waiting. Go with them.”
“But if you need me, call me.”
“I will,” I said. “I promise.”
He pressed his lips to mine one more time before reluctantly leaving. I let out a long breath.
“Where to, boss?” Juno asked.
“My house,” I said. “It’s time to face the music of my family.”
When I pulled into the driveway, the blinds were drawn and Mom was huddled on the couch. Dad was next to her, talking to her softly.
“I can’t do this,” she muttered. “I can’t do this.”
“It’s okay, Linda. You can go back home.”
“But why can’t I do this? Why can’t I just be happy for her?”
“Mom?” I asked as I walked in. “Is everything okay?”
Mom saw me, her eyes wide. “Why are you back?”
“I came back to make sure everything’s okay.”
“You should be enjoying your time with your friends,” Dad replied. “Your mom told me you were hanging out with them.”
“And I did, but I’m also worried about things here. Mom snapped at me in public about inviting them and then left in a rush.”
“I’m handling it.”
“And I just . . . I just got worried,” Mom added. “Like I always do.”
“Your therapist said this might be too much,” Dad reminded her. “And it’s okay if it is.”
I blinked, still not understanding this new side of him.
He sounded . . . like a dad. Like the man I wanted to be my dad.
“Wh-why are you doing all this?” I asked him slowly. “For years, you were fine with traveling all the time and letting Mom stay alone.”
“H-honey,” Mom said. “Don’t be mad at him, I—?”
“It’s okay. She needs to know what happened.” He turned to me and my heart kicked into high gear as I thought of all the words he could say. We didn’t do this. We didn’t confront each other. We just pretended things were fine. “I didn’t know how bad your mother was. Whenever I talked to her, she said things were fine. You said they were fine too.”
“Because you didn’t seem to care.”
“Rosie, I always cared. I answered all of your calls. I would have come back if I knew how much you were doing for her. I always said I would be here if you needed me. It was the deal I made when your mother told me no to taking you with me.”
“W-what? Taking me with you?”
Mom looked at her hands. “Rose, he . . . When he left, he told me he was worried it would be too much for me, that raising you after the divorce would be difficult, and that you would be better with him, either half the time or all the time.”
“But you said he didn’t want to be a dad. He wanted to travel.”
Dad looked at Mom, his lips pursed. “I wish you hadn’t said that.”
“I-I know, but I thought you were lying when you offered.”
He sighed and then looked back at me. “Sure, I wanted to travel, but I was a parent first. I thought you two were fine, and the minute I saw how Linda really was, I came back to help her find the help she needed.”
I couldn’t wrap my head around this. He wanted me to go with him? And Mom had told him no? All my life, I’d thought he’d left because he didn’t want to be a parent. It made his sudden return impossible to believe.
But this changed everything.
“You really said no because you thought he was lying?”
Her face crumpled. “That, and I thought you would be better off with me. I thought I could handle it, but as time went on, and you wanted fame . . .?”
“Hey, it’s not because she wanted fame,” Dad reminded her.
“Well, what else could it be?” I asked. “This all started getting worse right after I became Lila.”
“There were hints of it when you were born,” Dad said. “But we all thought it was postpartum depression. Instead, it’s something else. Have you ever heard of borderline personality disorder?”
I shook my head.
“It’s a mental disorder that makes it very difficult for her to manage emotions, especially her anxiety. After you told me what happened with Juno, I knew she needed help, and now we know why.”
“But I’ve been going to therapy,” Mom said. “I did everything they said and I’m still so scared. I’ve done so many stupid things because of my own emotions, and I want to be better.”
“I don’t think that’s how getting better works,” I said.
“It’s not,” Dad agreed. “And while I wanted you to enjoy your time in LA, if you’re not, then it’s okay.”
“I liked part of it, but the minute I met those people—?”
“Ruth and Tom?”
“Yes. Them. I was so nervous they knew.”
I wanted to lie and say they didn’t, just so she would feel a little better.
But that wasn’t the right thing.
“Mom, a secret like this is huge. People are going to know.”
“But—?”
“I need a support system. I need people I trust so that I can be myself with them and so they can help me keep everything straight. I know you didn’t want me to tell anyone, but they have to know.”
The words hung heavy in the air. Mom’s eyes were wide and I saw the spark of defiance in them. She was going to argue.
“Linda,” Dad started, “you know she’s right. She’s kept this to herself and it’s gotten more complicated over the years. This is her life too. Not just yours.”
“And even if it all blows up someday, I have people who can protect both me and you. You haven’t met her, but my new agent, Malia, is incredible. She works so hard and even helped me cover my tracks so no one knows. And today, Ruth saw me stressing about the show and made me have fun so I could breathe for a second. And it helped . Living a double life keeps people safe, but what’s the point if no one actually knows me?”
“You’re right. I know you’re right, but I’m so . . .?” She shook her head and turned to Dad. “Can you call an emergency session? I should talk to my therapist about this.”
“Of course.”
“And . . . I don’t know if I can see your show.”
“It’s okay. I have a ton of other ones. I’d rather have you take care of yourself.”
“Thank you,” she said. “I’ll get better. I need to.”
“And I’ll be here until she does,” Dad added. “No more miscommunication. If I return to traveling, I’ll be sure everyone is okay with it.”
A weight lifted off of my shoulders. Dad wasn’t going to flip a switch and leave.
It wasn’t just me .
“Thank you,” I said. “I’ve been so stressed—?”
“Come here, kiddo,” Dad said in that same soft voice he’d used with Mom. “You look like you need a hug.”
I really did. He wrapped his arms around me, giving me an embrace I didn’t know I needed. Mom joined in, and for once, this didn’t feel like a split family. Things were shifting.
And we were entering an era of healing.
Barry
The second I got back, I went to my hotel room to grab my guitar. I’d brought it on impulse, but something in the back of my head told me I would need it.
I’d taken to playing the setlist whenever I missed her, which meant I was in perfect practice for this. I could step in like I was never gone, even if I remained backstage.
But then what? How long would it take for them to find someone else? How long did I have before I was needed back at Movers and Shakers?
The future wasn’t clear, which was terrifying.
I got through four of the songs before there was a knock at the door. I paused to answer it and found Tom on the other side.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“You were off after Malia talked to you. I’m worried. And Ruth is too. She would have joined, but I told her not to. She’s a little more intense than I think you need right now.”
“I’m fine,” I muttered.
“Are you sure?” he asked. “Because Selena and Max are hanging out with Lynn, and I have nothing but time.”
“Why are they hanging out with Lynn?”
“I sent them to. I wanted to be sure you were all right.”
“Oh.” I blinked. “You care that much?”
“We’ve been through enough that you know I do.”
“It’s still weird, you know. We’ve fought or ignored each other for so long that I’m still shocked when it’s not like that anymore.”
“It’s going to take time to adjust, but the more we talk, the easier it’ll get. Can I come in?”
I nodded, stepping aside. I shut the door behind me, knowing we were free to discuss whatever we needed to.
“Something is going on with the tour,” I admitted. “Something I can fix in the short-term.”
“Then do it.”
“But this problem will still be there after, and I can’t do this and be at Movers and Shakers simultaneously.”
“I’m guessing this is music-related.”
“Yes. And I care about it so much that I could almost leave Nashville for it. But I made something back home. I need to stay there.”
“Wow,” was all he said.
“You think that I should stick with the bar, right?”
“Why would I think that?”
“It’s my responsibility.”
“It’s still your bar . . . unless you’re thinking about selling. And from what I’ve heard, you have a good team.”
“But I should be there in the flesh, working.”
“Working? That sounds like something Dad would say.”
“You know what I mean. I’m sure Todd and Mom were waiting for me to step away, but they’d want me to go to college. I promised myself I could never do this.”
“Things have changed, though. You have an opportunity that you want. Go for it.”
“For the record, I’d be backstage. I’m not . . . No one will see me.”
“Do you want them to?”
Yes.
But I couldn’t say that out loud.
Tom got the message anyway.
“If I know one thing about you,” he said, “it’s that you’re the most creative of us. This problem you have? I have no doubt you’ll find some way out of it.”
“But I have no ideas this time.”
“Give it time. Put away any expectations you have. No matter what you do, we’ll be proud.”
“Even if I streak across the stage in the middle of the show?”
“Is that an option?”
“No, but it would be wild.”
He laughed. “Then we’d make fun of you, but ultimately be proud because you’d be happy.”
“You have that much faith in me?”
“I do. You’ll find some way to make it work. You always have. And you know what? I can’t wait to see what you figure out.”