Chapter 27 Raya
Raya
I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here staring at my husband. Maybe minutes. Maybe hours. He actually fell asleep for a little while.
It’s just like a man to relax and rest after he’s fucked your life up.
When he finally wakes up, he looks around like he can’t believe he’s still here.
“Untie me, Raya. I need to piss.”
“Too bad.”
He shoots me a look, which makes me smile. I’m not a monster. I’m not gonna let the man’s bladder explode.
I get up and reach down next to the nightstand, pulling out a brand new bucket. Ace looks at it, then me, then back at it, then back at me before sucking his teeth.
“Fuck outta here.”
“Do you need to go or not?”
“Look. You played your little game and you made your fucking point. Let me loose.”
I’m about to argue with him, but then I remember I’m in charge here, so I march over to him, pull his dick out of his boxers, and angle the bucket so he can aim.
“You out your motherfuckin’ mind.”
“You can go in the bucket or in the bed. Your choice.”
I almost laugh when he closes his eyes. This man is legit concentrating to relieve himself. He must be nervous. After several seconds, the stream starts, and I angle my head back and to the side to get out of the way of the little splashes.
Once he’s done, I empty it into the toilet and flush, wondering if he knows all he has to do is tell me he needs to take a shit and this will all be over.
I might be crazy, but even I have my limits.
When I return, he’s right where I left him, of course. I take my seat again and stare, wondering what I’m gonna do next. It feels unfinished. It feels like he didn’t really hear me. Like he doesn’t quite get what he’s done to me.
“What time is it?”
I check my phone. “Three-fifty.”
“Fuck.” He shakes his head. “I should have been at work. I got so much shit to do.”
“At work. With her?”
“Yeah, let’s go back to that. You really thought I was fucking that lady?”
I cross my arms in front of me. “Were you?”
“No! I wouldn’t cheat on you, Raya. For several different reasons.”
“But you’re attracted to her.”
“She’s a pain in the ass.”
“That didn’t answer the question.”
“Honestly?" He thinks for a minute. Seems like he's choosing his words carefully. "I mean…she ain’t ugly.”
“Are you attracted to her?”
He seems to weigh the question on his mind’s emotional scale. “Yeah. I find her attractive. I’m human. I have eyes.”
“I’m aware.”
“Attraction doesn’t just turn off because you’re married. I’m sure you see plenty of men you find attractive.”
“Actually, I don’t. Most men are ugly as fuck nowadays.”
“Okay. Well…me finding a woman attractive don’t mean shit. Because you’re still the finest woman I’ve ever seen. I don’t wanna fuck anybody else.”
“I didn’t actually think you were, but I did and still do wonder why you hid her.”
“Look at me. Look at my hands." He pulls at the cuffs, making a metal clinking sound. "Look at my stomach. Look at the fact that I just pissed into a bucket. You still wondering, or you just playing dumb?”
“So, what, she’s annoying at work? You couldn’t have just told me that? You think I would have nutted up?”
“Yeah. I do think that. You go from zero to sixty, Raya. You get mad and start wildin’. I might hate her ass, but I didn’t want you crashing out.”
“You couldn’t even give me a chance to do the right thing?”
“Nope,” he says, no hesitation. “I don’t trust you.”
“And now I don’t trust you. So where do we go from here?”
“We become parents.”
“Fuck you, I’m killing it. I meant after that.”
He looks away.
I can't believe he thought this would work. I can't believe he sat up and planned this shit. Who the fuck did he think he was dealing with?
“Wait…did you trap me?”
“What?”
“Did you pull an Offset on me? Like when a woman has something good going on in her life, you trap her with a kid?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Cardi. Halle. Them two bitches from Sinners. All of ‘em doing big things and then oops, they pop up pregnant.”
“What big thing are you doing?”
If looks could kill, he'd be six feet under. “Getting my fucking degree, asshole.”
“Oh. Right. Fuck no. You know I’m proud of you.”
“You sure about that?”
“Haven’t I told you that a million times? Ain’t I payin’ your expensive-ass tuition? Don’t I read your assignments for you? And encourage you when you don’t feel like studying?”
“Yes, but…”
“Ain’t no but. You’re my wife." His voice softens. "I want you happy. I want you to do everything you ever wanted to do. I would never undermine that. I got you pregnant to calm your ass down.”
“Well, that was a mistake.”
“I honestly didn’t know you would take it this fucking hard. It’s just a baby.”
“Just a baby?” I scoff at that. “You really don’t get it.”
“You right. I don’t.”
“You have no idea what it feels like for somebody to choose for you. For somebody to make your body do something you didn’t choose for it to do.”
“Okay, well, My bad.”
“Your bad? Oh my God, you really ain’t shit.”
And then it comes to me.
“How did it feel, Ace?”
“What?”
“How’d it feel when you were fucking me knowing the whole time that you were getting me pregnant against my will?”
Before he can even answer, there’s a twitch in his boxers.
I guess that’s my answer.
“You loved it, huh? That’s why it was so intense. I was wondering what got into you, and the whole time, you were plotting on my fucking uterus.”
“You’re doing too much, Raya. It’s not—“
“That serious?” I finish for him. “Fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.”
At a loss for more substantive words, I walk back over to the nightstand and pull out a few items.
It takes Ace a second to catch on, but when he sees me pull the latex glove on, he yanks at the restraints.
“Raya. Come on. Don’t do this.”
Next, the lube.
“I said I was sorry,” he pleads. “I do understand what you’re saying.”
“No, you don’t.”
With my left hand, I pull his boxers down, then toss them onto the bed.
“Raya!”
“It ain’t shit you can say to me right now that would change my mind,” I say softly. “You might as well just lay there and take it.”
Oxygen rushes out of him, caving his stomach in. The blood has clotted on the scratch I gave him, but the damage I’m about to inflict will pale in comparison.
“Any last words before I get started?”
“I hate you for doing this shit.”
“Good.”
I perch myself gingerly at the end of the bed, curious about whether he’ll fight back. His feet aren’t tied, so he’s in perfect position to kick the shit out of me.
I have a feeling he won’t.
His dick is still soft, but that won’t last. With my left hand, I drag a finger up his thigh, teasing, smiling as his abs contract. With my right, I sneak past his thighs, making little crawly fingers like the troll I am.
He’s not amused.
“Put your feet up, Ace. Make this easier on both of us.”
“Nah.”
“It’s happening, negro. I’m about to play in your ass. Put your feet up, or I’ll make this worse.”
“What could be worse than this?” he mumbles as he does what I said.
“Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.”
And with that, I slide a lubed finger inside his tight asshole, giggling when it clenches around me. Now he’s hard, which is just the funniest thing, because so many men swear they don’t want anything near their ass when really, that’s where their pleasure center resides. And they end up loving it.
I stroke him with my finger, going deeper with every thrust until I hit the spot I’m looking for. He’s trying his hardest not to react, but he’s breathing faster. His brows are knitted. His jaw is tight.
“You okay, babe?”
He glares at me. “Just get this shit over with.”
“No problem.” I press harder, and his dick jumps. “Ooh. I think I just hit something. Did that feel good?”
He doesn’t respond.
I switch to a massaging motion, and that seems to be the move. Now his nostrils are flaring.
“Stop acting like you don’t like it.”
Through gritted teeth, he says, “Put it in your mouth.”
“Oop. Not you giving me a command right now.” I speed up. “You ain’t runnin’ shit, Ace. Say whatever you want, but I’m gonna do what I wanna do. To you. We’ll see how much you like it.”
He’s out his rabid ass mind if he thinks I’m putting my mouth anywhere near his raggedy dick after what he did.
Although it is pretty. It’s hard to keep my eyes off of it.
Or my fingers.
With my free hand, I reach out and grab it, and for the first time since I started, Ace groans under his breath.
Damn, I’m getting turned on.
I truly enjoy having power over him. Making his body do what I want it to do. Which, given the situation, might be a tad bit hypocritical. But it’s not nearly the same, because he’s enjoying it, too, and he won’t be left holding a nine-month burden afterward like I am right now.
But that’ll be over soon.
“Damn, babe, you’re so tight,” I moan, which earns me a mean glare. I can’t help but giggle again, because this man is so sick of my shit.
“How bout you stop talking?” he grits.
“Boy, fuck you.” I form a fist around his dick and pump. I’d use lube, but his bitch ass doesn’t deserve more than a dry palm.
“Fuck,” he groans.
I’m pleased by that sound. He’s trying so hard not to enjoy this, but the more I work his prostate, the more pressure I apply, the more he unravels.
“I can feel how conflicted you are,” I murmur. “On the one hand, you hate it. Me playing in your ass makes you nervous. But on the other hand, I know it feels good to you, and you’re wondering what that means. Or if it means anything at all.”
His eyes roll back.
“And when you cum, it’ll be because I made you cum, not because you wanted to. It’ll feel amazing for a minute, and then it’ll be over, and you’ll be laying here with a sore asshole and a stomach covered in nut, and then that clarity’s gonna hit you like a fucking MARTA train.”
“Raya…”
“And I’m gonna be watching. I can’t wait to see the shame on your face.”
He’s breathing hard. Fists clenched. Then I start jackrabbiting him with my finger, hitting that spot. He opens his eyes, but when he goes to speak, I shake my head.
“How does it feel to lose control over your own body?”
“Ease up.”
“Nope. I’m not slowing down, and I won’t stop.”
I press deeper and pump faster until his groans turn into pants and grunts.
“Almost there,” I say. “A finger in the ass. A finger in the ass. High-ho the derry-oh, a finger in the ass,” I sing.
He looks horrified.
That just makes me let out a genuine belly laugh that throws off my rhythm.
“I wanna ride you so bad,” I admit. “But I won’t. As long as your fucking baby is inside me, your dick won’t be. I’m not gonna reward you.”
“Ohhh fuck…I’m bout to…” he trails off as his eyes roll back again.
I can feel it, the way the tight muscle pulses against my finger. He’s fighting it, but I refuse to ease up.
“Tell me to stop,” I tease. “All you have to do is say the word, and I’ll stop.”
Just as I thought, there’s only silence.
“Here it comes. Right about…” I dig deeper, fingering him until he yells out. “…There.”
His dick pulses violently in my hand as cum spurts everywhere. I aim it at his face, but most of it lands on his chest. Ordinarily, I’d lick it all off, but after what he did, those benefits are revoked.
I yank my finger out and go to dispose of the glove and wash my hands. He’s staring at me when I come back into the room, his brows furrowed.
“You gonna bring me a rag?”
“What do you think?”
He blows out a breath. “You made your point.”
“Not yet, I didn’t.”
“What the fuck else could you possibly do to me?”
“You really like getting finger fucked in the ass, huh?" I stare at the little puddles of jizz glistening on his chest. "That’s a lot of cum, Ace.”
“What else, Raya? I’m sick of this shit.”
"It must have felt so good."
I push my sweatpants and panties down, stepping out of them as I pull my hoodie over my head, revealing my naked body. He looks down at his limp dick, I guess because he’s thinking I’m about to ride him. But he has the wrong body part in mind.
I march over to him and mount his face.
“This isn’t personal,” I say. “Fucking you in the ass—“
“Would you stop sayin’ that shit?”
“FUCKING YOU IN THE ASS kinda turned me on.”
“Yeah, I see. You’re dripping on my face.”
“Okay, so anyway, I need a release. Eat me out so I can go on about my day.”
“Raya—“
“Do what I say or I’ll kill your fucking baby.”
He closes his eyes and blows out a breath. “Fine. Sit all the way down, I can’t reach you.”
Once I relax my body and rest my full weight on him, his tongue goes to work.
God, my man is so good at this. I still can’t believe there was a time I didn’t enjoy this.
I’ve come so far. Ace has brought me so far. I guess that should count for something. Not enough to forgive him for this, but enough to maybe not commit murder-suicide.
I open my eyes and look down while I grind against his face, and the shame I predicted still lingers like a mask.
I stare into his eyes and feel something pass between us, and it’s something I can’t say—and probably can’t even put words to—but I feel it acutely.
I understand the people who say married sex is spiritual.
Our souls are tied, alright, as dark and evil as they are.
His groan brings me out of my trance.
“Uh uh, you’re not supposed to enjoy this,” I admonish. “This is for me, not you.”
“But I love how you taste,” he murmurs against my pussy lips. “And it feels so good when you ride my face.”
“Shut the fuck up and make me cum. And don’t make me tell you again.”
A few minutes later, that's exactly what he does. After, I grab a rag out of the bathroom and clean him up, but I leave it in the bed next to him.
And I sleep on the living room couch.