22. 22 November, 1811 #2
Charlotte did not reply, other than to shift uncomfortably on the settee.
“Even if you were to see Mr Darcy and I kissing and embracing, I would assume that you would think, ‘Oh, joy! They must be betrothed!’”
“Do you really think that Mr Darcy—with his ten thousand pounds a year, his gigantic estate, his noble relations—will propose to the daughter of a country squire? I thought it must be Mr Goulding you were with. He is the sort of man I can see you marrying, since you apparently will not have my brother.”
“Mr Goulding has blond hair and is quite short, for a man; Mr Darcy has very dark hair and is very tall. I do not think it is possible that you did not know which man you saw.”
Charlotte stayed silent.
Elizabeth said, “We ladies are in a scary position, and you and I know that all too well. We do not have the opportunity to join the Army or the clergy, we cannot train to be a barrister; we cannot even become an apprentice and learn a trade. We have to stay inside most of our lives and wait and hope for some man to discover us and ask us to marry. We have little power to go forth and meet men, we have no expectations that we can choose to court or propose to them, we have merely the power of refusal, which is no power at all if there are no proposals to refuse. I understand all of that.”
Charlotte blushed, but she still said nothing.
“Even so,” Elizabeth said, “I would always wish that all of my sisters and friends will be happy, and I would wish to aid them in finding the man or situation that will make them happy. I would hope that my friends and sisters would do the same for me.”
Charlotte gave Elizabeth a quick smile and said, “Well, perhaps that is exactly what I was doing—helping you! I did not mean to start the rumour, but you could see the rumour as providential. Surely Mr Goulding is a gentleman, and he will offer to marry you. You should not hold out for Mr Darcy, for he will never propose.”
You do not really know Mr Darcy. You are going by assumptions—prejudice, really—just as I used to. Elizabeth felt glad to have learnt a lesson from being proved wrong.
She said to Charlotte, “I was very grateful that Mr Goulding took the time to tell the truth and refute the gossip, but he and I met this morning and together decided that he will not suit me, nor I him. We decided that he should not continue to call. So…no, the rumour was not in the least providential.” She bent to see Charlotte’s eyes and said, looking straight into them, “It was poorly done, and it caused harm to Mr Goulding, my parents, my sisters, and myself.”
“I am sorry! I am truly sorry, Eliza, and I did not mean for all of this to occur.” Charlotte started crying.
She continued, “I truly do worry about you, you know. Two years ago you laughed at Mr Goulding, and a year ago you laughed at John. You should feel incredibly lucky that Mr Goulding apparently forgave you and tried again, and I guarantee that Mr Darcy would despise you for laughing at him.”
“Actually, Mr Darcy loves when I tease him.”
Charlotte’s tears became wracking sobs. Elizabeth had never seen her friend—or her former friend, or whatever Charlotte now was to her—cry like this before. Elizabeth reached out to hug her. Charlotte clung to her.
Minutes passed. When Charlotte’s tears finally became gentler, she began to whisper a repeated loop of “I am sorry, Eliza! I am so sorry.”
Eventually, Charlotte pulled away. She whispered, “My brother hid it well, even to my parents, but you really hurt his feelings. He told me so, in private, and he swore me to secrecy, begging me not to tell you. But….” She shook her head, hiccuped once, and then started explaining again, “...Well, he recovered surprisingly quickly. I have to admit that it must have been just an immature infatuation, not the kind of mature love that would be the basis for a marriage. But….”
“But?”
“I always thought you would be perfect together. For years, I thought so. You were the perfect age for one another. You got along. I thought that, if no man ever offered for me, I could still live with you and my brother, when he inherited, and we could still be the best of friends.”
“So it was harder for you than it was for John, when I dismissed the idea as impossible? When I said so casually that John was like a brother to me, and we could never marry?”
“I suppose.”
“It sounds like your decision to tell your mother what you did was a bit of jealousy, and a bit of worry for your own future happiness, and bit of heartbreak for an idea that could never happen. Do I have that right?”
“It was entirely selfish, in other words,” Charlotte muttered.
Elizabeth could not think how to respond.
She said, “I hope that, by the end of the day today, the rumour will be dead, and the truth will continue to spread. For now, I will continue to tell the truth to people who matter to me—such as Miss Darcy and my father. In an effort to further restore the truth between the two of us, let me say that I think the courtship between Mr Darcy and me has become more serious.”
“Really?” Charlotte asked. She sounded truly amazed, and Elizabeth felt an urge to be insulted by her surprise.
Instead, she said, “Really, truly. But nothing is settled. Nothing is official. So…please do not tell your mother.”
“I definitely will not,” Charlotte promised. And her attempt at a little laugh somehow transformed into sob and a gulp.
Elizabeth gave her one more quick hug and left.
Mr Darcy and Georgiana both came all the way out to the carriage to greet her when she arrived at Netherfield. Mr Darcy handed her out himself and spoke to his driver and footman before putting her hand on his arm and asking tenderly, “How did your meeting with Charlotte go?”
Georgiana had taken Elizabeth’s other arm, and at her brother’s question scolded, “William! It went poorly! Look at her—is there any doubt?”
“Well, Poppet, I wished Miss Elizabeth to be able to use her words to express anything and everything she wished to express.”
“Oh, of course. Apologies.” Georgiana blushed as if she had made a major faux pas.
Elizabeth said, “Honestly, it went as well as it could. I understand Charlotte’s action better, and more importantly, she does as well.
Still, I cannot feel as close as we once did.
Perhaps that would have happened, in any case, as we grew and moved apart.
But…part of me feels so sad for her and also for me, because for years Charlotte was the friend I had felt closest to… and I do not have many friends.”
“I am your friend,” both Darcys said.
The perfect unison made all three laugh, but Elizabeth almost immediately sobered, and she said, “In just two days I hope to call you something infinitely more dear, Mr Darcy. And if that happens, I will be able to call you sister, Georgiana.”
Darcy murmured, “It will happen, if you still choose it, my infinitely dear Miss Elizabeth.”
“Before we go inside, please tell me what I need to know about your relations. What do they know and what have they understood of the comings and goings and my father’s nonsense?”
Georgiana squeezed her arm in a show of support. “Our uncle and aunt like you.”
Mr Darcy said, “They asked Richard some very pointed questions last night, and he judged it would be best to tell them everything he knew. He reported to me when I saw him mid-morning that they are surprisingly supportive of us, and I have not seen anything that gives me pause in their behaviour.”
“Perhaps Richard expressed the mess in a kindly sort of way.”
“Perhaps he did.”
Elizabeth said, “I have one more question before we go inside: how did Jane cope with my disappearance yesterday? And my father’s sudden appearance? And did your aunt and uncle say anything about her?”
Georgiana and Mr Darcy took turns assuring her of Jane’s placid acceptance of all that had occurred.
Mr Darcy said that he would be shocked if his friend did not propose, soon, and Georgiana said that Aunt Ellen was so impressed with Miss Bennet, she is insisting that they all pay a visit to Longbourn tomorrow.
“Oh, dear,” Elizabeth said. “I believe I need some food to fortify me.”
The Darcys whisked her inside.