2. Carlee
Chapter 2
Carlee
Turning off the faucets, I blindly reach for a towel after exiting the shower. The hot water did nothing to heighten my mood, I still feel like I’m dying from the inside out, but the majority of my life was spent alone. I did it once; I can sure as hell do it again. I know from experience this feeling of utter helplessness will diminish somewhat in time, every day may not be good, but there’s something good to be found in every day . I have to hold on to that sentiment. Still, there’s a part of me that wonders if I’ll ever feel like the old Carlee again. The Carlee pre-Grayson Edwards that is. The damaged yet strong woman who eventually found peace in navigating this cruel world in solitude. The girl that was constantly let down and overlooked. I’d never experienced real love until him.
That’s a sobering thought.
I wrap the towel around my body and clench my eyes closed, willing back the tears. I tilt my head toward the ceiling. Be strong , I remind myself.
Bending over, I scoop up my bridesmaid dress off the floor, clutching it to my chest and burying my nose in the soft red fabric. I can still smell Grayson’s cologne on the silk. I inhale deeply. My sweet, beautiful man.
On a heavy sigh, I exit the bathroom and pad down the hallway toward my bedroom. It’s better to have loved than to never have loved at all, I suppose.
“Shit,” I squeal when I round the doorway and see a large figure sitting on the edge of my bed with his head cradled in his hands. Reece . His eyes dart up as soon as he hears me.
“Hey.” He quickly diverts his gaze when he notices I’m only dressed in a towel.
Normally I wouldn’t walk around his place like this, especially if he’s home, but it’s some ungodly hour in the morning. “I didn’t realize you were still awake,” I say, walking over to my dresser and fumbling through the drawers for some clothes.
“I wasn’t, the constant blowing up of your phone woke me.” He extends his arm and I notice it’s sitting in the palm of his hand. “You left your bag just inside the door.” He raises an eyebrow as he speaks, knowing full well that’s out of character for me. My need for order has driven him crazy over the years.
Who’d be calling me this time of morning?
Taking the few steps that separate us, I take my phone from his hand as he stands. “Emma,” he says, nodding down at the screen. “I thought it must be important.”
Emma?
Why would she be calling? It’s her wedding night, she’s supposed to be on her honeymoon.
I glance down and see that there are four missed calls and three messages.
Emma: Carlee, pick up. I need to speak to you.
Emma: Please call me as soon as you get this!
Emma: It’s urgent.
Urgent?
My stomach churns and my hands start to tremble as I press call. My heart is now lodged somewhere in the back of my throat as I wait for her to answer.
“Carlee,” she says breathlessly the moment she answers.
“Em, is everything okay?”
“Car… oh God… I’m at the hospital.”
“The hospital? Why, did something happen after I left? Shit, Charlie… is she alright?” I may only be her godmother, but I love that little girl like she’s my own. Panic starts to set in when the line goes quiet. “Em, please say something, you’re freaking me out.”
“It’s Gray, Car… he’s… he’s been in an accident.”
The phone slips from my grasp and I drop to my knees as her words settle over me like a dark cloud. Oh, dear God, no .
Reece is a man of few words, the silent broody type to be exact, but he undoubtedly has a heart the size of Texas. He’s been my rock since I was a young girl, and this time is no different. Although neither of us has said a word since we rushed from our apartment, his hand clutched around mine has been a constant. I’m grateful for that because I’m not sure I could face this on my own.
An accident … I still can’t wrap my head around those words.
Torrance Memorial Hospital is a two-and-a-half-hour drive from Temecula, but less than ten miles from Gardena, the place where I used to live. I swore I’d never go back, but given the circumstances, I can’t stay away. Not this time.
“Hey, look at me,” Reece says as his eyes move from my bouncing knee back to my face. He’s ten years older than me, but you’d never know it. He treats his body like it’s a temple and it shows. He’s a hard-ass most of the time but there’s a softness on his face, a look I’ve witnessed a handful of times over the years… one I know he only reserves for me. I divert my gaze before it becomes my undoing. I’m too fragile right now, and I can’t handle his pity. His grip on my hand tightens. “He’s going to be okay.”
Tears rise to my eyes. “You don’t know that,” I whisper, my voice cracking.
This is all my fault.
Reece was the one who finished the call with Emma—getting as much detail as he could—while I remained in a devastated heap on the floor by his feet. All we know is Grayson was stable when they wheeled him into surgery… fucking surgery . He lost control of his vehicle on a sharp bend after leaving the wedding, colliding with a streetlight. I saw what his emotional state was when he left Ashton’s parent’s house, and it wasn’t good. It was also my doing. That thought weighs heavily on my heart. I’m responsible for this. I’m the reason the love of my life is in this condition.
Leaning my head back into the seat I release a shaky breath. I should’ve kicked his ass when he barged into the bathroom instead of letting him have his way with me. It was a selfish move on my part. He’s my weakness, hence why I’ve stayed well away since we split. But I can’t help feeling if I’d only remained strong as I’ve done for the past few years, he may not be in this current situation. I’ll never forgive myself if anything happens to him.
Never .
I feel like I’m having an out-of-body experience by the time we reach the hospital. I remove my seat belt and exit the car before Reece even turns off the ignition. Be strong , I tell myself . My stomach is in knots and I actually feel like I’m going to puke, but again, I pull my shoulders back like I always do, preparing myself to tackle this catastrophe head-on.
Reece’s hand is resting on my shoulder as he maneuvers me to where Emma told him they’d be waiting. The moment we round the corner and see them, my heart drops. They’re both still clad in their wedding attire. Ashton is sitting on a chair positioned along the wall with his face buried in his hands. His wife is beside him, her hand soothingly running up and down his back. Her lips are moving, but I can’t hear what she is saying from here. Words of comfort, no doubt. After all, Grayson is like a brother to him. They’ve been best friends since elementary school.
Grayson’s mother is leaning against the opposite wall and Kaitlin, his little sister, is wrapped in her arms. The graveness I see on her face does nothing to ease my anxiety. I divert my eyes when she looks in my direction because I’m a coward. I avoided his mom like the plague at Emma and Ashton’s wedding. Not because I don’t like her, because I do. She welcomed me into her family with open arms from the very beginning. I’m embarrassed… ashamed of how I have treated her son. He deserved so much more than what I gave him. So much more.
I come to a complete stop, unable to take another step forward. Reece pauses beside me but doesn’t remove his hand from my shoulder.
Emma’s head darts up, eyeing us down the corridor. She doesn’t hesitate as she leaps out of her seat and rushes toward me. “Carlee,” she mutters as the tears stream down her face.
“Em,” I cry, closing the distance between us. The tears I held back on the drive here, are now finally falling free.
She wraps me in her arms, squeezing me tight. I bury my face in the crook of her neck and my body shudders as I break down.
“How is he?” I ask although I’m petrified to hear the answer to that question.
“No news yet, he’s still in surgery.”
I pull back from her, trying hard to hold myself together. I’m sure the worry and devastation I see on her face is mirrored on my own.
“What the fuck are you doing here, Carlee?” Ashton sneers, coming to stand beside his wife. I resist the urge to roll my eyes at his douchebaggery. Don’t get me wrong, I love the guy, but we’ve had more than our fair share of clashes throughout the years.
“Ashton,” Emma gasps. “She’s here because I called her… because she cares about Grayson. ”
She’s right, I do. We may no longer be together, but she knows how much he still means to me.
Ashton’s eyes ping-pong from me to Reece, and I feel Reece’s hand squeeze my shoulder. It’s his silent reminder that he’s still here and has my back. He always has my back .
“I came as soon as I heard. I… I—” I stammer.
Ashton holds up his hand, stopping me from finishing my sentence. “I don’t give a shit. And the audacity of you to come here with… him .” His piercing gaze moves back to Reece as he flicks his chin in that direction. “That’s a new low even for you, Carlee. Leave, you have no right to be here. You gave all that up when you walked away.”
As much as I hate to admit it, he’s right. To this day, nobody knows why I left, why I had to leave . Not even Reece. It’s my shame… my secret. One that I refuse to share with anyone. Some things are better left unsaid.
“Hey,” Reece barks, suddenly moving me behind him and stepping up to Ashton. “Who the fuck are you?”
Ashton’s face contorts in anger. “Who the fuck are you is more like it?”
Ashton has no idea who Reece is, or how important he is to me. Emma does, but I know my secrets are safe with her. God knows where I would’ve ended up if it wasn’t for this man. He was the first person to ever show me kindness and compassion, and I doubt I’d even be alive today if it wasn’t for him.
“Don’t,” I warn, reaching for Reece’s arm when he growls. He’s about to lose his shit. His body is rigid and his stance tells me everything I need to know. I know what he’s capable of and this isn’t the time or the place. Besides, Ashton has a point. Do I have a right to be here? I can’t fault him; he’s only looking out for his friend. “Reece, we should go. ”
Reece frowns as he glances at me over his shoulder. “You sure, killer?” It’s his nickname for me, which is kind of ironic coming from a guy like him. The ninja skills I have are because he taught me everything he knows.
He studies me for a moment as his eyes scan over my face, I know he’s giving me a choice, despite what Ashton’s saying. If I want to stay, he’ll make it happen. Reece doesn’t know the logistics of my and Grayson’s breakup, but he knows I still care about him, even after all this time. I’ve fallen apart twice in front of him—once when I first returned to Temecula, and again tonight—that alone speaks volumes because, despite the shit I’ve gone through in my life, I’m not usually a crier.
“Yes, I’m sure.” I give him a small nod. “Please.” It’s going to slay me to leave, but I know it’s for the best.
Emma shoots daggers at her husband as she steps toward me, gathering me in her arms again. This is their wedding night, and the last thing I want to do is cause trouble for them. I shouldn’t have come, but when Emma called, I didn’t give it a second thought.
I needed to be here.
I needed to know he was okay.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers into my ear.
“Don’t be. I understand.” It hurts like hell, but I do. “Will you keep me updated?”
“Of course.” She tightens her embrace and I hear her sniffle. I squeeze my eyes closed attempting to halt a fresh wave of tears from falling. “Jesus, Carlee, I hate this,” she utters before she eventually releases me and takes a step back.
Her eyes dart to Reece. They both know about each other, but they’ve never officially met. “It’s nice to finally meet you,” Emma says, extending her hand to him. “I only wish it was under better circumstances. ”
“Likewise,” he replies with a small nod.
Emma’s gaze moves back to me and the conflict I see on her face makes my heart ache. As much as I hate this whole situation, leaving is the best option for everyone involved.
With that in mind, I reach for her hand and give it a reassuring squeeze before I turn and walk away from my heart, my everything… and probably for the final time.