10. Theodore
Chapter Ten
THEODORE
I’d woken up this morning hating that I was an adulterer but not regretting a second I’d spent with River. It was a night of passion that I’d do over and over again. That was my problem. I wanted to do it again, but I’m still married. If anyone would’ve told me I’d cheat on my wife one day, I would have denied it vehemently. Yet that is how I woke up, as a cheater.
It’s not River’s fault, nor is it Helena’s. It’s mine. I should have been firmer with my wife so we could have split well before I was so done with the entire thing that I’d want another woman. I was supposed to dissolve my marriage, take some time for myself to heal, then date again. I was doing it all wrong and now I’ve placed River in the middle of my shitshow. How will she believe I truly want her? Or that this isn’t something I’ve done before? How would I prove she isn’t some rebound, or an ego boost I needed to separate from my wife?
I heard her enter, and I knew the moment our eyes connected that she saw my inner turmoil. I would explain that I need time to get divorced to do this the right way. That I don’t want her to go, but I also don’t want her to be a mistress. I know what it’s like to have a lie dangled in your face. I refuse to be the kind of man who said he’d leave his wife and never go. That’s why I want a clean break.
Her big eyes silently asked me to say something…anything. Just when I found what I hoped were the right words, Helena ruined another moment. Her arrival caused River’s retreat, and once Helena stormed in with her drama and tear-streaked cheeks, I knew I’d rather go wherever River went.
“Shouldn’t you be at ballet practice? I greeted her.
“I can’t dance without my muse,” she cried. “Your love and passion inspire me to be the dancer I am. It means nothing without you.”
I sigh because I’m sick of the song and dance. “Helena. The lawyers are working on the divorce papers as we speak. I don’t want to do this anymore. You don’t want children.”
I moved to the door to let her out, but she fell to my feet and hugged my leg, crying like a child whose life is imploding.
“I can’t!” she cried.
Her words slowed my steps until I was standing in place looking down at her. “Can’t and won’t are two different things.”
Helena cried hard and dropped her head. “I can’t. I found a little after we started trying.” Her confession is so low I could barely hear her.
“Are you telling me you’ve known for THREE FUCKING YEARS that you couldn’t have kids?”
She was on her knees, pulling at my pants and begging me to look at her. “I’m sorry. I love you so much the thought of losing you kills me,” she wailed and laid on the floor at my feet. “I knew that you’d leave me without them. I just want you to love me even if I’m barren. I can’t help that I’m broken.”
Barren. The word repeated in my head over and over like a buffering message. Now, the childless years wouldn’t feel like they were for nothing, but the lie still burned my skin like I’d been dipped in acid.
“You thought I was so cold I’d leave you for something beyond your control?”
Helena wiped her splotchy face. “Isn’t that what you’re doing now.”
No. But that’s how it’d look. “No. You’ve constantly lied to me for years. I. Can’t. Trust. You!”
“Please, Theo. We can go to counseling. I’ll do anything. We can get a surrogate or adopt. It’s bad enough that I’m defective. I can’t lose you too. I love you with my whole heart.”
It’s something she used to say to me when we first fell for each other. Seeing her on the ground broken and begging isn’t something I’d expect to see in my lifetime. I was torn between the side that promised to be with her through sickness and health and the side that had one foot out of the door. She gave a minimum of three years’ worth of lies, but I never wanted to see her lying on the floor. Reduced to tears.
Barren.
“Get up, Helena. There is no need for you to be on the floor.”
She jumped up, wrapping her arms around me, and all I could see is the table where I fucked River more than once. The guilt of duplicity hit me again and I needed air. My phone rang, and I grabbed it, looking for any reason to keep me from wanting to pull off my skin.
“Yeah?”
“Boss, it looks like the wrong wine was delivered-”
“I’m on my way down.” I said it faster than necessary. It was actually something River could have handled, but I preferred to get some space. “I need a moment, Helena. This is a lot to digest. I have to fix an issue and I need some space. Let’s go. We’ll discuss this at home later.”
The scene was the last thing River needed to see.
“Okay.” She nodded and looked over her shoulder. “Let me just freshen up.”
My phone rang again with another issue. “Okay. I really need to take care of this. Hurry up. Lock the door on your way out.”
I didn’t like leaving her alone in the penthouse, but I had pressing matters to fix before opening. I already had the vendor on the phone as I boarded the elevator. After a few transfers, I was too annoyed to stay on the phone.
“Donovan, I’m going to the site. Calling will take too long.” I stopped and looked him in the eyes. “If you don’t see my wife leave in the next ten minutes, call me.”
He nodded and gave me a salute as I fished my keys out of my pocket. Too many fires to put out at once.
Now, I stand in a tossed apartment, but there is no sign of River. She’s not at the penthouse and she’s not at her apartment. Pulling out my phone, I call the burner, but turn in a slow circle once I hear it ring somewhere in the apartment. I find it on the broken bed and stomp the other part of it until it breaks.
After a few breaths, I make a new call.
“Found out your mistress has flown the coop?”
“Andrea, must you be weird all the time? Where could she have gone? Surly is still after her. I swear, if he has her-”
“Relax, Romeo. He doesn’t have her. I made sure of that. She’s square with Surly and can now move freely. She said she was going home.”
My stomach turns because, by the looks of things, she meant Atlanta just like she’d said last night. I grip my phone harder than I should. I don’t know what the fuck happened.
“What? How?”
“I don’t know. She texted me saying she had the money to pay Surly but didn’t think he’d take it like a gentleman. I saw it in time to get there right before he tried to keep her. That dumbass upcharged a three-thousand-dollar loan to ten thousand. I told him to keep four thousand and be happy I didn’t kill him. My guys took her outside, and when I joined them, she hugged me, thanked me for saving her, and gave me a bag with ten k in it.”
“Where in the hell did she get that much money?”
“She said give this back to the Kellys. It's ten because she kept one thousand for expenses so she could go home.”
My head hurts, and I sit on the functioning part of the couch. There aren’t many ways she could have gotten that much money, and each option doesn’t sit well with me.
“Fifteen thousand. That’s roughly how much money I have in the safe in the penthouse.”
I know she went to do yoga, but there is no way she magically found the safe by accident.
“Well, I have ten of that fifteen staring at me right now. I saw some of the security footage for last night. Good job. I knew you could do it.”
He’s congratulating me for fucking a woman who’s in the wind. A woman who seems to have paid off her boyfriend’s debt with my money. It doesn’t sound like River, but I really don’t know much about her.
“She stole from me?”
Andrea is quiet for a moment as he thinks. “I doubt it. Thieves don’t call the victim’s best friend and give back most of the money. Something is amiss, but you’d need to figure that out. You don’t want me to investigate because the guilty party would die. I’m just saying.”
I hang up while I try to think through it, but my fucked-up emotions make everything cloudy. I married a liar, so what are the odds that I fell into lust with another one? Every time I think of all the ways to absolve her of this, my mind keeps going back to one fact.
I gave her my code.