Chapter 50
PRASHANT
"Umm… I don’t know how to start."
I stared at my hands, fingers twisting against each other nervously, as though the truth I wanted to spill was etched somewhere in the lines of my palms. My throat burned. I closed my eyes, exhaling a long, shaky sigh.
"The first thing…" my voice cracked, "..
.is that I never stopped loving you, Ira.
Not for a second. Not when you turned away from me, not when I walked away from you, not even when I forced myself to believe it was over.
I still love you with the same madness I did when I first saw you, when I instantly fell at your feet in that stupid, reckless thing people call love at first sight.
And maybe it was stupid, maybe it was reckless…
but it was real. It has always been real. "
My chest tightened. The words came out broken, jagged, because they carried years of unspoken wounds.
"I know we’ve made mistakes… both of us. We’ve hurt each other so badly that sometimes I wonder how we’re still alive after it all. I was shattered when you rejected my proposal, Ira. Do you know what it did to me? To see you choose Aryan over me?"
I laughed bitterly, tilting my head back.
"God, I was jealous, I was angry, I was destroyed.
And when I lay in that hospital bed, broken and bleeding, waiting for just a word from you…
and it never came, that silence killed me more than any bullet could have.
I waited, Ira. I waited for you to walk through that door, even once, even for a minute… but you never came."
My voice trembled as I forced myself to continue.
"Then later… later you came back to me, but only to use me, to fill the emptiness left in your heart.
And I let you. Because even if you were using me, at least you were with me.
At least I could still touch you, breathe you, feel that you existed in my arms. Do you have any idea how pathetic that makes me?
To take scraps of your love just because I was too weak to let you go? "
I shook my head, smiling sadly through the ache.
"But those things…" I waved my hand helplessly, "...they don’t matter anymore. What mattered was the day I left you. That was my sin. My cowardice. I wasn’t strong enough, Ira. I left because I was terrified that I would hurt you again, that the nightmares inside me would win, that one day I’d lose control and ruin you.
And I couldn’t let that happen. I thought…
if I removed myself, maybe you’d be free. "
I raised a trembling finger to my temple, tapping it softly. "It was all in here. My haunted memories, my demons, my failures. They screamed louder than reason, louder than love. And I gave in. I walked away from the only person who ever made me feel alive."
The weight of her memory pressed against my chest until I thought I’d suffocate.
"You remember that night?" I whispered hoarsely. "When you told me you loved me… when we were making love? That… that moment was the most precious of my entire existence. You don’t know, Ira. I saved those words in my head, locked them in my soul. I repeated them to myself whenever I couldn’t breathe, whenever I thought I’d lose my mind.
Your voice, your confession, became my lifeline. And yet… I ruined it. I ruined us."
I paused, swallowing the lump in my throat, staring at my reflection in the mirror.
"Fuck," I muttered, shaking my head. "I wasn’t just missing you, Ira. That word isn’t even enough. I was starving for you. I was burning. I was dying a little more every day without you. And I have no words to explain how much I wanted you back when you walked away for the last time."
My reflection sneered back at me, pathetic and hollow. I hated it.
"And about cheating…" I hissed, my fists clenching.
"No. I never did that to you. I swear on every breath I take. That night with Ridhima? It was nothing. I orchestrated it. I begged her to help me plant the seed of doubt in you. Because I thought… if you hated me enough, you would leave easily. You’d be free from me without looking back.
I pushed you away with poison, Ira, because I thought that was the only way to protect you from myself. "
I stared at the mirror again, my eyes bloodshot, my voice cracking like glass. "You must be so confused… so betrayed. But I’ll tell you everything. From the very start. Every dirty secret, every rotten piece of truth. You deserve to know. You always deserved the truth."
My shoulders slumped, a sigh tearing from deep inside me. "And look at me now… standing in front of a mirror, practicing words I should have told you long ago. Fucking pathetic."
I pressed my palms against the sink, breathing hard.
But this time… this time was different.
I had gone on another mission. And for once, I had left my haunted memories there, buried in the battlefield where they belonged. I wasn’t broken anymore. I wasn’t weak. I had found pieces of myself again, put them back together with blood and grit and sheer stubbornness.
I had spoken to my therapist, confessed everything, faced the shadows I had been running from. He told me I was ready. That I was strong again. That I could control the darkness instead of letting it control me.
I took test after test, challenge after challenge. And I passed. Every single one. For her. Always for her.
I made myself into the man I used to be, the Prashant who laughed, who dreamed, who believed in love. The Prashant who had fallen head over heels for a stubborn, fiery officer named Ira.
I wasn’t going to let those four years of pain define me anymore. I wasn’t going to let fear dictate my life.
I was ready to fight. For her. For us.
Yes, I had hurt her deliberately. Yes, I had ignored her, pretended I had someone else.
But she didn’t know the truth, the truth that my love for her had only grown deeper, darker, fiercer with every passing second.
She didn’t know that every lie I told was just another shield to keep her from the poison I thought I carried inside.
But now? Now, nothing would stop me. Nobody would stop me. She wanted me, I knew it. Somewhere deep inside her heart, she wanted me still. And I was going to prove that I belonged to her.
I had heard whispers that she was transferred to Jaipur. That was all I knew. I didn’t dare dig further, because I was terrified I’d discover something that would kill me, that she had moved on, that she had found someone else to love.
But if she had… I told myself I would step back. I would accept it. I would let her be happy, even if it wasn’t with me.
Because this time, I swore, I would never hurt her again.
I was lacing my boots, preparing for duty, when my phone buzzed sharply on the nightstand.
Avni’s name flashed across the screen.
My brows furrowed. Avni never called at night. My gut twisted. Something was wrong.
I snatched the phone up, my pulse hammering. "Avni?"
"Prashant...!" The phone almost slipped from my hand. Avni’s voice was trembling on the other end, words colliding against each other like broken glass.
“Prashant… it’s Ira. She… she’s in the hospital. She gave birth… but…” Her voice cracked. “She’s in a coma. Doctors are saying she’s not responding.”
For a second, my heart simply stopped. My chest felt like it had been caved in, my throat sealed shut.
“What… what did you just say?” I whispered, every syllable shaking.
“She delivered a baby boy… but he’s in the incubator. Premature. Weak, but alive. Ira… she’s… Prashant, she’s not waking up. Doctors don’t know when… or if…”
Her words dissolved into static in my ears. The phone fell from my hand and clattered onto the floor, but I couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. My legs buckled, and I found myself sinking onto the edge of the bed, my face in my palms.
A baby. My son.
And Ira… in a coma.
The walls of my room closed in, and my lungs burned as if I’d been suffocated.
“No… no, no, no…” I choked, shaking my head violently. “This can’t be happening. Not Ira. Not her.”
Within minutes I was at the airport, my uniform half-packed, boots unlaced.
I don’t even remember the flight, just that my hands wouldn’t stop trembling and I prayed.
..prayed like I never had before. “Please God, not her. Take me, not her. Let me suffer, not her. She’s stronger, she’s everything good… not her.”
By the time I reached Jaipur and rushed into the hospital, my body was shaking from exhaustion and dread. The smell of antiseptic hit me first, sharp and cold. My boots pounded against the sterile tiles as I followed Avni’s directions to the ICU.
When I stepped into Ira’s room, time froze.
She lay there, pale as ivory, tubes snaking out of her fragile arms, machines beeping in rhythm with her faint heartbeat. Her hair spilled over the pillow, her lips parted slightly as though she were just sleeping. But she wasn’t.
I staggered forward and stopped at her bedside. My knees weakened, and for a moment I thought I would collapse. My hands hovered above her face, afraid to touch her, terrified she would vanish if I did.
“Ira…” My voice broke on her name. Tears blurred my vision. I sank onto the chair beside her, clutching her limp hand.
In that instant, every memory assaulted me, her laughter during training in Dehradun, when she had slipped into the river and splashed water at me; her smile the first time we made love; the fire in her eyes when she argued with me, and the softness when she forgave me.
How could I have ever left this woman? How could I have doubted her, hurt her, abandoned her?
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, pressing her hand to my forehead. “Ira, please… please come back to me. I can’t do this without you. You don’t deserve this, not after everything you carried, everything you bore for me.”
The machines continued their cold beeping. Her chest rose and fell in a mechanical rhythm.
I broke. Tears slid down my cheeks, unchecked. I had faced death, torture, war, but nothing had ever terrified me like the thought of losing her.
Kavya entered quietly, her face etched with exhaustion and sorrow. She didn’t say anything at first, just placed a hand on my shoulder.
“Prashant…” her voice was gentle, almost reluctant. “There’s someone you need to see.”
I looked up, confused. “Who?”
“Your son.”
Oh, I have a son now and why Ira didn't tell me she was pregnant.
My lips trembled, my hands clenched. “No.” I shook my head violently. “I don’t… I don’t want to see him.”
Kavya frowned. “What are you saying?”
“This… this happened because of him!” I snapped, my voice raw and broken.
“Ira is lying there because of that child. She almost died giving birth. She’s in a coma because her body broke down carrying him!
” My chest heaved as anger and grief twisted inside me.
“I can’t… I can’t look at him. I can’t.”
Kavya’s eyes flared, and she stepped closer, her tone fierce. “Don’t you dare say that, Prashant. Don’t you dare blame an innocent baby for this. That little boy is the only piece of Ira we have right now, the only living part of her outside that room.”
I turned away, my fists trembling. “I don’t care. I don’t want him.”
Her voice cracked like a whip. “Do you even know what Ira went through? Do you know how many nights she cried for you? How many times she held her belly, whispering your name? Even when she knew she might die, she never gave up on carrying your child. She begged me… begged me… that if something happened to her, you must see his face. That’s the last thing she asked of me before they wheeled her into the labour room! ”
I froze, my breath caught in my throat. My heart stopped.
“She begged… to see me?” I whispered.
Kavya’s eyes glistened. “Yes. She said, ‘Tell Prashant… he has to know, he has to see our baby.’ That was her last thought, Prashant. Not herself. Not her pain. You.”
The words shattered me. I staggered back, my legs giving way, and I sank into the chair again, burying my face in my hands.
My son.
Her son.
Our son.
The boy she nearly died was brought into this world.
I had hated him for stealing her from me, but now I realized he was the only reason she had fought so hard. He was the proof of her love, her sacrifice, her faith in me even when I wasn’t there.
“Where… where is he?” My voice was hoarse, broken.
Kavya’s expression softened. She extended a hand. “Come.”
We walked down the corridor, the sterile air heavy with the smell of medicines. My chest was tight, my steps hesitant, my palms sweating.
When we entered the NICU, the world seemed to slow. Rows of incubators lined the room, tiny fragile lives fighting for existence inside them. Kavya stopped in front of one.
I stepped closer.
And there he was.
So small. So impossibly delicate. His tiny chest rose and fell weakly, his skin pale, his little fists curled tightly beside him. Tubes were taped to his fragile body, a mask covering his nose.
My throat constricted. My vision blurred with tears.
“My son…” The words slipped out.
For a moment I couldn’t breathe. He was so helpless, so innocent, and yet he carried the weight of everything Ira had endured. My knees buckled, and I pressed my hand against the glass, my tears falling freely.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry I hated you. You didn’t deserve that. You didn’t ask to come into this world… but your mother fought for you. She nearly died for you.”
My hand trembled as I traced the glass. “And I… I will fight for you too. I promise.”
Kavya’s hand rested on my shoulder, her voice breaking. “This is what Ira wanted, Prashant. She wanted you to hold him, to love him, to see yourself in him. Don’t turn away now. Don’t make her sacrifice meaningless.”
I nodded slowly, my body shaking with sobs. “I won’t. I won’t let her down again. I swear.”
I stood there for hours, watching my son, memorizing every breath he took, every tiny twitch of his fingers. At that moment, I felt Ira with me, in his heartbeat, in his fragile existence. She was there, holding us together.
“Ira,” I whispered, clutching the glass. “Come back to me. Please. Your son needs you. I need you. We’re waiting.”
The machines beeped. The baby stirred faintly, as if responding.
And I vowed, with every fiber of my being, that I would never leave them again.
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