Mud (Chromatic Mages #1)

Chapter 15

Rosabel La Rouge

2 years ago

Two weeks ago, I walked up the stairs to a brand-new high school, thinking about how drastically my life had changed in a matter of days. Thinking I was going to finally be free, be able to understand who I even was, and breathe without Madeline watching my every move.

I was absolutely right!

My lungs threatened to explode as I ran with all my strength and speed up the stairs of the first tower to the second floor. Professor Dillan’s class on Magical Diseases had already started, and I prayed with each step that he would be a little late. Just a teeny tiny bit. Three minutes was all I needed, just three minutes, because I’d been back in the third tower making out with Taland like mad until now. Time seemed to fly by when we did that, and I was always late to every class, but how in the world was I supposed to say no when he gave me that puppy-eyed look and whispered, “Please, sweetness, another minute. Don’t leave me just yet”?

Impossible, and so being late to class was my thing now, except Professor Dillan hated being late, so that’s why I was praying so hard that he wouldn’t be there.

He was.

I burst through the doors like a lunatic, breathing so heavily you’d think I ran a marathon, but my heartbeat was constantly elevated and my blood was rushing the whole time Taland kissed me, so maybe that was a good comparison. Professor Dillan, all six foot seven of him, thin, silver hair and long limbs, was at the head of the class in front of the whiteboard with a marker in his hand, and he’d been about to begin his lecture.

“I’m-I’m sorry, Professor. I was in the restroom,” I lied, and I kept my face as expressionless as ever, but nothing could be done about the red on my cheeks and the mess of my hair and the fast rise and fall of my chest—both from Taland and from running.

Lucky for me, I was not the only student who was late. Two boys, both Whitefire, came in behind me, and Professor Dillan said nothing, just gave us his most disapproving look, and turned to the whiteboard again.

I took my seat near Briar from my chambers, and she was grinning ear to ear because she knew exactly where I’d been. The girls had known since Taland left that painting with the location of our date in front of the chambers’ door. Even though I denied being involved with him any time they asked, they all still grinned at my flushed cheeks when I came back to the dorms every night—later than everybody else.

You’d think we’d get tired and want a night off, Taland and I. You’d think we’d need to rest, to be by ourselves, but no. Since that first date on the rooftop, I’d seen him every single night, no exception.

The more of him I saw, the more I wanted—and all the while I told myself that I was doing it for the mission.

Even now, I tried to play it cool and waved Briar off when she wiggled her brows at me. “Just the restroom,” I muttered, and she rolled her eyes.

“Yes—and you applied your favorite blush while there, I’m sure. Extra red to make your eyes pop.” And she laughed under her breath.

I slammed my elbow to her side and kept my eyes on the whiteboard as I pulled my textbook out of my backpack. The professor would turn around soon and Briar wouldn’t be able to tease me anymore. At least not for the duration of this class.

“Who can tell me the most powerful magical disease known to Iridians?” asked the professor, and a lot of hands rose in the air.

I knew the answer, too—the Fora Fever was the worst magic could do to a person out there—but I was still trying to catch my breath, so I didn’t bother raising my hand.

“The Fora Fever, sir,” said a Whitefire girl from the first row.

“Correct—and why is it the most powerful disease we know?”

“Because the Fora cannot be isolated and grows faster than any other known bacteria. The fever it causes on a subject strengthens with any kind of magic used against it, and it kills within seven minutes so traditional antibiotics are useless,” the girl recited.

“Excellent, Miss Moneir.” The professor then proceeded to write Fora Fever on the whiteboard while I opened my textbook and focused on slowing down my heartbeat .

“There are many diseases that Iridians are capable of creating with their magic, and the worst one of all is the Fora Fever because of how fast it kills,” he said. “Even Whitefire magic cannot compete against it.”

He was right. Whitefire magic was the best healer of all, ironically, and Magical Diseases were technically their department. You didn’t see many Iridians of other covens work in healthcare normally, but because it was so important that we all knew what could be done to us—or what we could do to others by accident—this was one of the three classes that all seniors took no matter their color.

It was also one of my favorite subjects because we were going to learn about poisons and healing herbs, too. For some reason, I found them incredibly fascinating.

Taland normally attended, too, but they’d been planing a surprise birthday party for one of his chamber mates, and all the boys of the chamber had asked for the second part of the day off today. The principal allowed it, so long as they swore to not leave the school grounds after-hours.

“But there is one condition that a human person can be born with, or an Iridian can turn to, that is considered even darker, more powerful than the Fora Fever because of its nature. It doesn’t kill—it lives with its subject to the end of their life. It doesn’t cause pain. It doesn’t torture,” the professor explained. “What it does instead is what we call stain . It takes whichever form of chromatic magic exists in an Iridian mage and spoils it. Makes it filthy. Makes it…useless.” I flinched—goddess, that sounded awful. “Anybody want to tell me what that is?”

Again, half the class raised their hands, and this time so did I. My heartbeat was steady and I was no longer breathing heavily, so I could speak. It was one word, anyway .

But the professor picked a Greenfire boy to answer.

“Mud,” the boy said.

The professor turned around and wrote the word on the whiteboard, then underlined it.

“ Mud, ” he repeated. “And why do we call it that?”

“Because the disease mixes all the colors of magic into one body, turning them to a muddy brown, and rendering them useless,” the boy continued.

“Very good, my boy,” the professor beamed. “It is important to understand that those born with this condition are not Iridians. They cannot use magic, even if they do emit a signal, and their color is one that has no power, no way to leave a body, to be channeled by either the subject, an anchor, or a spell.”

Not Iridians, I wrote in my notebook, but it struck me as odd.

“What about those who are Iridian first?” I asked, then bit my tongue, afraid the professor was going to be pissed like the teachers back home that I talked without his permission. He wasn’t.

And another Blackfire girl asked another question after me, “And how would one be stained ? Why? Is it an attack spell or something?”

“I thought you were only born Mud,” said another girl near her.

“Me, too. A family of them lives near my house back home. They are disgusting,” said a Whitefire boy to his friend. He whispered it, but I heard because they were sitting right behind me. “The things we used to do to that boy when we were kids…”

And he and his friends laughed about it.

I turned just to see their faces, know who they were. It wasn’t often that I hated a person before I’d even laid eyes on them, but this was one of those times.

They’d bullied a kid just because he was Mud?

You’re the one who’s disgusting, I wanted to say, but of course kept my mouth shut.

The professor continued.

“Silence now, class,” he said, tapping the lid of his marker to the whiteboard. “The Iridian Department of Defense decreed the law on what is called the Drainage forty-two years ago. We do not serve the death sentence as Iridians, but our courts can choose to sentence those who disturb our peace with the Drainage. Note that this is reserved only for the worst of criminals, and the Drainage has been used only eleven times as a punishment tool since it became legal for the IDD to perform it.”

Goose bumps crawled all over my skin. Drainage. That sounded extra awful.

“The Drainage is the process in which Whitefire magic does as the name suggests— drains the colors of an Iridian to such a degree that their magic becomes stained, and they become Mud. Naturally, it requires a series a fourth-degree spells, a very powerful Whitefire, and it is still very difficult to achieve. Some find the punishment cruel, while others feel it should be used more liberally—but either way, this process exists.”

It shouldn’t, I thought as I wrote in my notebook again.

“Is that the only way?” someone asked.

“And why are some people born Mud?”

“Can you undo Mudness—if that’s even a word?”

“One at a time, one at a time,” the professor said. “And, no, the drainage is the safest, fastest, and most efficient way to turn someone Mud, but cases of accidental staining have been recorded throughout history, where Whitefires have drained themselves by trying to use their magic without their anchor, or they’ve done it to loved ones, too, when the magic was too raw and impossible to put under control. Which is why it’s important, students, to never let out your magic without the guidance of an anchor and a spell. Far too dangerous.”

“Then you should start letting us have anchors before we turn eighteen,” someone from the back said in a hushed voice, and those who heard him laughed. The professor was too far away.

“We don’t know why people are born Mud—our best guess is because the magic, though stained, is always inherited, and so Mud parents would naturally conceive a Mud child, as is the case with Iridians.”

Doesn’t that make them Iridians as well? I wondered, but I didn’t ask, figuring the answer would be somewhere in the book.

“And no, Ms. Bali, you cannot undo Mudness. In theory, it is possible to cleanse a Mud’s magic, give it back its original color, but one would need incredible power to achieve it. Alas, it is illegal to do so in practice. It is illegal to perform any kind of spell on a Mud because the results are too unpredictable. There is a good chance that the Iridian himself would stain his or her magic in the process.” The whole class flinched visibly, and so did I. “We as Iridians are always free to give and take magical energy from each other, even mages from different covens—but never with the Mud.”

“That’s fucked up,” Briar said from my right. “Can you imagine? And I thought I had it bad for being born in a poor family.”

I thought I had it bad for being born in a rich family, too!

Yet there were those who were stained, who had no magic at all, or whatever they had was useless, brown, filthy. For the first time in my life—and only for a couple of seconds—I was happy to have been born as Madeline Rogan’s granddaughter.

I’d known about the Mud my whole life, of course, but never really came into contact with any of them, now that I thought about it. Which didn’t surprise me. Mud were considered the lowest of the low in society, treated worse than elves and orcs. Of course, none of them would have had the chance to even get close to my grandmother or the places she took us to, the places where we were allowed to hang out.

Even so, I felt bad for them. It wasn’t our fault how we were born, or who our families were, or what color our magic was, or if we were born human or a different species completely. It wasn’t fair that they’d have to suffer for something that wasn’t their choice. The book said that we weren’t allowed to heal Muds at all, not even with a spell because we had no idea what it would do to their body or ours. Nonsense , I thought, but what did I know?

The professor went on with the lecture, and I continued to take notes, and when class ended, I went straight to the cafeteria to eat because I was starving. No more classes for today, but tomorrow was Tuesday. We had six classes on Tuesdays, so that meant a lot of running around the school to get to class, and it also meant less time to sneak in make out sessions during breaks.

That was starting to bother me so much. Tuesdays had become my least favorite day of the week all of a sudden because of it, and Taland agreed.

I finished my homework in record time that day to go meet him near the main entrance when they were done with the surprise party. We met around a corner where the statue of a phoenix sat all alone and forgotten. The little corridor behind it led you nowhere, so it was empty most of the time.

He’d started to text me— don’t rush, sweetness. I’m waiting. Don’t rush, and then every five minutes after, seriously, don’t rush, it’s not like I might die if I don’t see you soon. Take your time, don’t rush…

The same text over and over, and it never failed to make me smile until I practically flew out the door half an hour before curfew began.

I found him sitting on the phoenix’s claws playing with a coin between his fingers. He was always playing with something when we weren’t together, I’d noticed. His smile was like a miniature sun when he saw me, and mine hurt my damn cheeks. I looked at his face and suddenly I was soaring. Reborn. On top of the world.

He stood up and spread his arms, and I ran like a little kid and jumped him, locking my arms and legs around him like I hadn’t seen him in ages. The sound of his chuckle in my ear washed away every other thought and feeling inside me.

From this moment on and until I went back to my room, all I’d see and hear and smell was him.

“Twenty-three minutes. That’s better than last Tuesday,” he teased, and kept his arm around my waist and his hand under my ass to keep me there, even when I unlocked my ankles from around his hips.

“I had a lot of homework to do. Not my fault you have your classmates do it for you.” He said they jumped at the opportunity to finish his homework for him, but he never quite specified why. One of these days I was going to force him to tell me how he did it, though I was pretty sure he paid them. Some girls in my class went around offering their homework services for a price, and I’d have honestly gone for it if I wasn’t supposed to pretend that my family had below average yearly income.

“It’s okay, sweetness. I’ll wait years if I have to. I don’t mind,” he said, walking closer to the wall behind the phoenix statue so he could put me against it. “How was your day? Did you make it to Dillan’s class on time?”

“Barely,” I whispered, playing with his hair that felt like silk between my fingers. “How about you?”

“It was time away from you. What can I say? I survived,” he teased, but it wasn’t just teasing. He meant every word. I felt it. He was just as infatuated with me as I was with him—and maybe that was a bad thing if I stopped to analyze it, but I didn’t. Not even close.

Instead, I laughed. “Such a charmer, Mister Tivoux.”

“You bring out the best in me like that,” he said, and I about melted.

“Mhm. How was the party?” We were face to face, noses touching, eyes half closed.

“Fine. Couldn’t bring you cake because they ruined it two seconds in, but it was fun.”

I nodded. “Good. I don’t want cake. I just want you.” It wasn’t a joke.

Taland knew. That’s why he growled and kissed me the next second, and stuck his tongue in my mouth. I was moaning within the minute.

My body came alive when I was with him, something that had never happened to me before. I was still a virgin for a reason. I never used to be turned on by anyone, and I never thought I was even capable of thinking about sex and Taland’s lips as much as I had been doing since the moment I met him.

I wanted him .

I wanted him with my whole being, and I showed it every time we kissed when I gave him my everything. It was like my body had changed completely since I met him. I got wet when I fantasized about him during class just as much as when he was kissing me, and it had shocked me that first week, but I was quickly getting used to the way of things here. The way it felt to be me with Taland.

We kissed for what could have been five minutes, probably more. By then his eyes were bloodshot and he was breathing heavily, and he was so hard, pressing against my center, my panties soaked. He’d hiked up my skirt and his hands were on my ass and he dug his fingers in my skin, and goddess, I wanted them lower still.

“You taste better every time,” he told me. “How do you do that, sweetness? How do you taste better every time?” He grabbed my bottom lip between his teeth right away, and the best I could give him was a moan while I continued to grind against him.

With a growl, he slammed me against the wall again and kissed every ounce of air out of my lungs.

When we heard the footsteps of people approaching, we had no choice but to stop.

Taland let me go and stepped to the side, back turned to whoever was passing by—some students probably sneaking out the building—his hands on the wall near my head, his lowered as he tried to control his breathing. Meanwhile, I crossed my legs and pretended to be looking at my nails while my cheeks remained red and my heart thundered in my chest like crazy.

The students barely noticed us half hiding behind the bronze phoenix statue, and when they walked to the other side, I let go of a long breath.

“Where do you want to go tonight, sweetness? Where do you want me to take you?” Taland asked, moving backward to sit on the phoenix’s claw again to get himself together because he was hard. Very hard if the tent on his pants was anything to go by.

“I don’t know,” I said with a shrug. There was no place we hadn’t been to already. He’d planned little dates for us on rooftops and in a deserted cafeteria, and in classrooms in the middle of the night—we’d even watched a movie in the small theatre at one in the morning just six days ago.

“How about outside? We could sneak out, too. I know a great Mexican place, if you’re hungry,” he said, and I had never been more embarrassed than when I said,

“Or—we can sneak inside . To, um…to my room.”

Silence for a second.

Taland’s lopsided smile made my insides tremble. “If I’m alone with you in a closed space with a bed, sweetness, I’m going to do things to you.”

Oh, goddess…

“We can just…we can-we can lie down.” Because I was sick of just standing with him, you know? I wanted the full experience. I wanted to feel every inch of him, and even if I was shy enough to want to run right now, I didn’t.

“I’m going to do a lot of things to you if we lie down.” He said it so simply, calmly, like it was a fact.

I tried not to, but I adored the confidence with which he spoke.

Taland got up and stalked toward me— stalked like he was a lion and I the helpless gazelle. He was in front of me, towering over me, and even though most of the time I felt like I’d known him my whole life, in moments like this it all felt brand new, too.

“Is that what you want, sweetness? ‘Cause I’ve been fighting with myself to give you time,” he said, putting his hands on the wall on either side of my head. “Look at me.”

His words were my command. I raised my head and met his eyes, and I didn’t think I’d ever seen him look more… intense.

“You can have all the time you need, do you understand? We’re in no rush. I’m not going anywhere you’re not anytime soon,” he said, and my knees became even weaker. I don’t know if he said it because he knew that was what I needed to hear—though I really didn’t think so—but I adored it all the same.

“I’ve had time,” I whispered, my voice barely there. I raised my hands and grabbed him by the shirt, and his arm snaked around my waist immediately.

“Tell me something, sweetness,” he whispered against my lips.

Anything, I thought, but didn’t say it because I knew he knew.

“Have you ever been with someone before?”

Oh, goddess… “Of course, I have.” Why the hell was that so embarrassing to talk about?

Throwing his head back, Taland chuckled. “Try again.”

My cheeks were red, my palms sweaty, and I couldn’t bring myself to look at him at all when I said, “I’ve…I-I’ve kissed a guy before.”

Somebody shoot me now.

His fingers were under my chin and he raised my head up again. “Only kissed?” I swallowed hard and nodded. “I wish you hadn’t. These are mine .” He ran his thumb over my lips, gently at first, and I was going to say something, probably tell him that what I’d done before wasn’t any of his business or something like that, but then he pushed my chin down just slightly and stuck his thumb inside my mouth.

Instinctively, I pulled it in and wrapped my tongue around it, whatever the hell came over me.

The smile dropped from Taland’s face. He looked at my lips wrapped around his thumb like he couldn’t quite believe what his eyes were telling him—and I couldn’t believe it, either.

But, damn it, it felt good. It felt great. More than that—it made me wonder what having… other things in my mouth would feel like, and my own thoughts terrified me.

Luckily, Taland replaced his thumb with his tongue the next second, kissed me feverishly, with twice as much urge as before until I couldn’t feel my lips at all.

“Then let’s go,” he whispered when he moved back.

At that point I was pretty sure I couldn’t walk straight. I was too drunk on his kisses. “My room?” I whispered, completely disoriented, thinking about the best way to sneak into my dorm, but…

“No, sweetness. We’re not going to your room,” Taland said. “We’re going to mine.”

Just like that, I didn’t have to think about sneaking in or whether somebody would see us, or whether I’d get caught. All I did was trust Taland, and he made sure that everything went smoothly.

From that night on, his room became our safe haven, and we never once got caught.

It was a simple room, same size as mine, with a bed and a desk and a wardrobe. He had a baseball bat in there, a glove, a ball, a Rubik’s Cube, this weird ash tray that looked like melting glass, a digital clock that claimed the time was one in the afternoon, and an unopened bag of almonds. All of it was neatly organized over his desk, not a speck of dust anywhere, and his window that was on the wall left of his bed, was probably cleaner than mine—which was typical Taland.

He got us through his chamber with ease—all he had to do was text a guy, a sort-of friend he said. Three minutes later he got a text back, and we were running up the stairs and into the boys’ dormitory. It felt so surreal, but I didn’t let myself think or worry.

And then we were in his room and the door closed and the lamp was on and we were all alone.

Finally, we were all alone in a closed space with a bed in it, and we could lie down.

Taland took my hand in his without a word, went to the edge of the bed and sat down, then pulled me to sit on his lap. I’m about five seven but my frame is pretty petite, so I was basically wrapped up in him, and it was the best place in the world to sit. His shoulders were made for my head, and the way he held me, like I was the most important thing to have ever been in his arms, made me feel like I belonged here, despite how long we’d known each other.

“You wanna lie down?” Taland whispered, bringing his hand to my cheek, raising my head to see my face. I nodded, too embarrassed still, but getting more and more comfortable by the second.

Alone. We were alone. We didn’t have to worry about being seen here. We didn’t have to worry about anything.

“Okay, then. We’ll lie down,” he whispered and kissed the tip of my nose. “But first I need you to know that we can stop any time you want. If you’re even a little uncomfortable, even just lying there, you tell me about it, okay?”

“Mhm,” I said with a nod, stifling a smile.

“You’re not allowed to feel bad about it—you tell me right away. Do you understand?”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not a baby, Taland. I’m almost eighteen. Just lie down so I can hug you properly!”

He chuckled. “You have no idea what’s coming for you, sweetness. No idea.”

It was a threat as much as it was a promise, but he finally laid us down on his bed. Didn’t let me move or stand from his lap at all, just leaned down with me in his arms and positioned us on his pillow, like I weighed close to nothing.

Within the second, we were wrapped in one another’s arms, face to face, chest to chest, his hand on my ass, big, goofy smiles on our faces. We stayed like that for a while, whispering about how good it felt, then kissing like we had a limitless amount of time at our disposal.

But we did. The night was young, and more than that— we were young, and we had a whole lifetime to do this with each other every single night.

That’s all that mattered now. That’s all I wanted. In a matter of two weeks, I’d inched into my skin little by little in every second we spent together. Like he had finally given me the courage to just be who I was, or at least who I’d wanted to be since I was aware of myself and the way I lived. I wanted to do this every day, be me and be with Taland because turns out, I wasn’t just the boring, worthless, unlovable granddaughter—I was funny, too. Taland laughed at my jokes. And I had opinions on stuff as well—he always listened to them, and always asked what I thought about anything he’d been wondering about. And I had style —he said he loved the way I dressed when I wasn’t wearing the uniform, and how I did my hair, and how I wore my makeup. He thought I was incredibly smart, too—I knew random facts about everything and could tell him exactly what any book I’d ever read had taught me about the world. I knew a lot in theory, that was true, but I’d never thought it was that big of a deal until I saw the fascination in his eyes.

That made me want to continue to just…expand. Be more of myself. Allow myself to grow.

And, of course, allow myself to explore. Mostly him .

He had one hand under my skirt, a denim one he liked the most, and the other was wrapped around my back, and all the way to my front so he could cup my boob. He was hard—I felt him against my pelvis when I rocked against him, and when he pulled me to him with a new urge each time.

I was burning.

“Remember what I told you earlier?” he whispered when he let go of my lips for a second.

I nodded—yes, I remembered, but how could I tell him that I didn’t want to stop at all?

No, I was too shy still.

But lucky for me, Taland didn’t need more reassurance. The next second, he moved us, put me on my back and fell on top of me. The weight of him pressed against every inch of my body.

Pure bliss.

This was exactly what I’d wanted when I said I wanted to be alone with him. This is what I wanted to feel every single day of my life—and I would. Because David Hill and the IDD were wrong—Taland was not conspiring against anyone about anything at all. He was not planning to steal anything from the school grounds, of that I was sure. He spent every second of his time in class, doing homework, or hanging out with me. Neither he nor I had time for anything else—literally. We even had to shower when everybody else was asleep or early in the morning because we spent every spare second together, the way it had been every day for the past two weeks.

No, he was not who the IDD was looking for, and once the month was over and I was to report back to Hill through the phone he gave me, I was going to tell him that. You might want to search again for the guy you’re looking for because Taland Tivoux is not him, Mr. Hill. Good day.

And then we would be perfectly okay because just like that, in only two weeks, I’d forgotten what it meant to be Madeline Rogan’s granddaughter. I’d become just Rosabel.

So that night I was completely certain that this was what my life would look like forever because this was the only thing I truly wanted—being wrapped up in Taland, just us and a room and a bed somewhere, anywhere in the world.

He started to thrust against me while we kissed, growling and holding onto me tighter than ever. I’d only ever come at my own hand before, but I swear I was about ready to jump over when his hard cock pressed against my center like that.

I wanted to say something, beg him to take me, but all I seemed to know how to do with my voice was moan, so I switched strategies and I began to touch him instead. I began to undo the buttons of his shirt and slid my hands underneath to touch his smooth skin. The heat between my legs intensified when I pushed his shirt down his shoulders and reached for his back. He was more ripped than I’d thought. Every curve and every shape of him was perfect to me though I hadn’t seen it yet.

He whispered under his breath how much he loved the taste of me and how much he was looking forward to kissing every inch of my body. And when he let go for a second and raised his head, I cried out in complaint.

“I’m not going anywhere, baby,” he said chuckling, his eyes sparkling like fireworks. “But I need to know if the rest of you is as sweet as these lips.” He pulled my lips inside his and bit hard, moaning, then proceeded to move down to my neck, planting kisses, licking and biting as he went.

I lost track of time and space and everything that wasn’t Taland by the time he pulled my shirt up, pushed the cup of my bra down, and took my nipple in his mouth.

He’d touched my boobs before, but that didn’t even come close to his mouth. I never knew I could even feel as much as I was feeling right now or that I could move the way I was moving. No thought in my head, only pleasure and only instincts, so my hands were in his hair, grabbing and pulling him down harder as if I wanted him under my skin completely.

Goddess, he felt good. I never wanted to stop.

The need to scream tortured me, but I held it back because I knew how dormitories worked in this school. Louder noises made it through the walls every time. I bit my lips and closed my eyes and felt his tongue as it trailed the space between my breasts. Then he devoured my other one the same way he’d done the first.

He kept going, kissing his way down my belly button, taking his sweet time. I needed to feel everything from him all at once in the same minute, but he refused to rush.

“Breathe, baby,” he said when he reached my pelvis, hooked his fingers under the waistband of my skirt, and looked up at me with a mischievous little grin on that face. “Are you okay? Are you comfortable?”

“Yes,” I choked—hell, yes, I was okay, but he needed to keep going if he wanted me to remain okay and not lose my mind.

“Then I’m not going to rush, sweetness. The taste of you is something else,” he whispered, sticking his tongue out to lick just below the line of my panties while he held my eyes. “I’m going to take my time with you.”

“What are you…what…” What are you going to do to me, was what I wanted to ask, but he never gave me the chance to gather the courage to say it. He just pulled my skirt and panties down to my hips, continued to kiss my pelvis and the soft spot where it connected with my leg. I was already a goner.

He really didn’t rush at all, just like he said. It was a long time before he took off my skirt completely, then my panties. Just like that, I was half naked on his bed, and I’d never been naked with anyone before, and the need to cover myself up was so strong. Except the moment I made to bring my hands to my stomach and cross my legs so he didn’t see between them, Taland was already moving. He kneeled on the bed, grabbed my ankles and pushed them to the sides, then pulled his shirt off him completely.

Iris, I was dying of embarrassment, but I also didn’t even consider telling him to stop.

“Remember,” he said, as he settled between my legs, pushing my hands down on the bed, then wrapping his arms underneath my thighs. He held my eyes all the while until he was comfortable, and my pussy was right in front of his face.

“All you have to do is tell me to stop,” he whispered, slowly, like he enjoyed the torture he was putting me through.

For a second there, I imagined grabbing his head and pushing his face down, and my own self mortified me. I gripped the sheets to keep my hands busy, closed my eyes, and just nodded.

Don’t stop, don’t you dare ever stop!

His lips pressed on my pelvis. I counted each time they connected with my skin until he was a kiss away from my clit.

So many sensations inside me—shame and arousal and impatience and anticipation—were going to make my head burst.

“Don’t you want to watch me do my new favorite thing for the first time, sweetness?”

Oh, goddess…

My eyes opened and I raised my head. I had no clue what the hell to say— no-yes-I don’t know-do I?!

He decided for me when I opened my mouth to speak and he stuck out his tongue and licked my clit before I had the chance to blink.

My head fell back, and my hand closed over my mouth before I screamed with every ounce of my being. Then Taland dove in, no longer looking at me, no longer smiling or teasing me—only devouring me like he meant to pull my soul out of my body.

I might not have had any experience prior to this, but even I knew he was very good with his mouth when I came less than a minute in. My muscles tightened. My eyes squeezed shut. My mouth opened, but I didn’t dare allow myself to make a single sound, knowing I wouldn’t stop screaming if I started. My hips still moved in rhythm with his tongue, chasing the high, my mind completely blank. My hands had ended up in his hair without my even realizing it.

It was amazing.

Taland moaned as he licked my folds and pressed that tongue to my clit and teased my entrance with his fingertip like he was my god and he’d made me himself.

He stayed down there for a little while longer, licking every little inch, then proceeded to kiss and bite my thighs slowly. When he was done, he rose to his knees again, put my heels on his shoulders as he touched my legs and kissed my feet slowly, gently.

All the while he kept his bloodshot eyes on me.

I was still breathing heavily, still clinging to the sky he’d just sent me to, and my instinct was to be embarrassed when our eyes locked. He was grinning at me wickedly, and damn if I didn’t want to try to cover my body again.

Knowing he wouldn’t let me, I said, “ What ?” out of sheer panic.

His grin turned wider. “Pretty sure I just found the purpose of my life, sweetness.”

Pulling my lips inside my mouth, I brought my hands in front of my face to hide my smile— the asshole . He always said stuff like that to make me feel like I was lying on clouds for real , even though he was half teasing me.

“Don’t cover your face from me, Rosabel. Look at me,” he said, and just like before, I obeyed like a good little pup and brought my hands down immediately. “Did you like that?”

Oh, hell…

Yes, I liked that—I loved that so-so-so much!

I barely managed a nod.

“Do you want to stop now?”

No !

The panic that came over me could have been funny.

“No,” I said, voice breathless, head shaking like I needed to make extra sure he understood.

“Good. Don’t look away from me,” Taland said, then gently pushed my legs off his shoulders and stood up at the side of the bed.

He began to unbutton his pants, pull them down, and then his boxer shorts followed. Thirty seconds later, I was looking at a completely naked Taland, cheeks flushed, heart thundering in my chest, but I didn’t even blink for a second.

Iris, he was so perfect it wasn’t fair. Every inch of him was made out of toned muscle. Lean and strong, with softly defined abs and a V between his hips that made my fingers itch to touch him.

Then his cock. A moan ripped out of me, and if I didn’t die of embarrassment in those moments, I never would. Like I said, not very experienced here, and his was the first cock I’d seen aside from those few times I’d watched porn, but wow. Long and thick and smooth and hard, the tip curved up as if it was reaching to touch me, too.

Just like that, I discovered a new level of heat that I could feel inside my body without actually combusting into flames.

Taland came closer, eyes on me, then leaned down to grab me, I thought, but he reached for my shirt instead. He pulled me up with it and took it off me, then unclasped my bra. I’d forgotten I still had them on.

Then he was on top of me again, his lips on my neck, right over my pulse. He moved his hand down my chest, gently touching my boobs, and whispered in my ear, “Do you think you’re ready for me, sweetness?”

I thought he was still asking me just to torture me, but he really was trying to make sure he wasn’t taking advantage of me. For all his wicked grins and the way he looked to the outside world, Taland might be the best person I had met yet.

“I am,” I told him, reaching out to touch his hand where he touched me, running it up to his shoulder. It felt so good to be so comfortable with him. To have all of him to see and touch and feel.

“Are you sure? Because I’m going to ruin you a little bit…”

His voice trailed off as he planted kisses up my jaw and pressed his lips to mine just as he slipped his hand between my legs. When I moaned, he seemed to swallow the sound, then bit my lip with a moan of his own.

“Goddess, you’re perfect. Every little bit of you,” he said. “Tell me you’re sure about this, sweetness. But understand that once you’re mine, you’ll be mine for the rest of your life. Mine and nobody else’s—ever.”

Did he actually think that was a threat? Because it sounded exactly right to me.

I brought my hands to his face and held him there for a second so I could kiss him, not entirely sure what to do with these fuzzy feelings that took my breath away. I knew what they were— love, raw and unapologetic, consuming every little bit of me, but right now I kept it to myself. Right now, when I kissed him, I pushed him back a bit and asked, “Will you be mine, too?”

He was shocked by the question, but then found it funny. His chuckle came second only to his moans.

“Can’t you see I’m already on my knees? I’ve been yours since the day you smiled at me.”

Not enough air in the world, and not enough space for my smile to stretch wider on my face. “For the rest of your life? ”

“For the rest of eternity,” he said.

I believed him.

“Then, yes, I’m sure,” I said breathlessly.

He closed his eyes and kissed me as he settled between my legs.

Meanwhile I was already a nervous mess.

This is happening. Iris, this is actually happening…

“Will it hurt?” I asked, even though I knew it did. I’d heard stories, and the girls in our chambers overshared. They had no idea I was still a virgin, so they talked about their first time freely—and often.

I knew it hurt, but I needed him to reassure me. Everything sounded different when he said it.

“A little bit,” Taland said, dropping half his weight on me, and it felt mighty good. “I want you to hold onto me as hard as you can, okay? And I need you to breathe, to try to relax your muscles. It will hurt, sweetness, but I’ll take the pain away fast. I can promise you that.”

Again, I believed him, so I nodded and wrapped my arms round his neck, and I held on tightly like I was about to jump off a plane without a parachute. Iris, I was shaking so badly…

“I’ll be gentle. Trust me, Rosabel. You can trust me.”

I did. He slipped his arm underneath me and hugged me to his chest, then reached between our bodies with his other hand to position his cock in front of my entrance.

He started slow, pressing against me gently, moving the tip of him up and down my folds, teasing my clit until I forgot what was about to happen, and the fear melted away into raw pleasure.

His touch was out of this world, and the idea of his cock touching me down there made me moan harder, so I bit his shoulder to try to keep it down. He didn’t complain if it hurt him, so I kept on doing it, and the more he played with me, the more my hips moved, the more my muscles loosened, the more I wanted to feel him all the way inside me.

But when he brought himself down to my entrance again, and this time thrust his hips hard, it still hurt.

I bit onto his skin with all my strength to keep from screaming, and all the pleasure ran from me, replaced by red-hot pain. It was mind blowing, like being cut open with a sharp blade that was also on fire.

“Breathe, sweetness, breathe,” Taland kept whispering in my ear. “It’s over, just breathe with me.”

So, I breathed, and I tried to calm my racing heart and slow the thoughts in my head. I focused on him, on his body, holding onto him just like he said.

Little by little, I began to feel him.

Inside me. Taland was inside me, and we were completely connected, our bodies one. It had hurt like hell but now that we weren’t moving, just taking a moment to let my body relax, it didn’t anymore.

In fact, the idea of being like this with him erased any trace of pain I had within seconds.

It’s over. I was no longer a virgin, and no matter what happened tomorrow, I couldn’t be happier that Taland had been my first. No matter what happened tomorrow, in those moments, I wished with all my being that he was my last, too—and only.

“Was it bad?” he whispered in my ear, slowly raising his head, planting kisses on my cheek as he did, until we were face to face.

“It was…yep, pretty bad,” I said because I couldn’t bring myself to lie right now.

Taland smiled, but it was a sad smile for once, one I’d never seen on him before. “I’m sorry, sweetness. It couldn’t be avoided.”

“Don’t be,” I reassured him. “I’m perfectly fine.”

“It won’t hurt so much anymore,” he said.

“I don’t care.” And really—I didn’t. Not even a little bit.

“Try to relax your muscles for me,” he said, his lips pressed to mine, though we didn’t kiss.

And slowly, he began to move out of me.

It was painful, not going to lie. A lot more than I thought it would be, actually, but the pain faded way. Taland took his time, gently sliding in and out of me, and I had no idea if I’d bled or what the hell was happening down there, but he held my focus by keeping his eyes locked on mine every second, until he stretched me wide enough that I barely felt pain when he moved.

Until I felt all the pleasure.

“I can’t hold back much longer,” he told me a couple of minutes in, and I nodded because I wanted to see him come, too. I’d imagined it so many times. It was one of my favorite fantasies.

“Are you on the spell?” Again, I nodded. Madeline had had Poppy and me on a Whitefire spell that prevented pregnancy since our fifteenth birthdays. We got it every year on the clock.

“Good. I want to come inside you so badly,” he whispered, closing his eyes, resting his forehead to mine. “Hold onto me, sweetness. Bite as hard as you can, but tomorrow I’m buying a ward.”

I flinched. “Does it hurt?” I’d made a mess of his shoulder with my teeth—a bloody mess. Of course, it hurt.

“Fuck no,” Taland said. “But I’m gonna need to hear you screaming. Something tells me it’s going to be my favorite sound of all, too. ”

I closed my eyes, still embarrassed, though half of it had faded. “Then by all means, buy a ward.”

He continued to move, picking up the speed, and it still hurt a little bit, but most of it was lost to the blinding pleasure feeling him so deep inside me brought. We went like that for a little longer, and then Taland came, moaning that sexy sound, eyes squeezed shut and my bottom lip between his teeth.

It was better than my fantasies, better than anything I could have ever imagined. To see his pleasure so clearly and to know that I gave it to him fulfilled me in a way I never knew I could be fulfilled.

And that’s how I lost my virginity to the guy I love.

Things were simple then. All we needed was time and each other. It was easy. Talking and laughing and kissing and fucking—it was all so easy.

Little did I know how quickly the darkness would find us and ruin everything we’d tried to build in those months that were so long, yet passed in the blink of an eye forever.