Mud (Chromatic Mages #1)

Chapter 30

Rosabel La Rouge

Present day

The food I’d wrapped up in paper towels wasn’t going to look pretty, probably, but it was delicious anyway. Half a baked potato, a piece of grilled chicken breast, and dices of cheese—that’s what Vuvu had served me, and I’d saved some for Taland. If he was going to help me with magic, might as well make sure we were both physically capable of handling this place until it was over. There was only so much apples could do for hunger, anyway.

But when Vuvu let me out, telling me he hoped to see me back there again for my last coin—he had no idea I’d already given it away—Taland was not there.

I walked out of the alleyway and onto the street, searching the many faces of the residents, as well as a couple of players. The Whitefires who’d tried to kill me weren’t there waiting for me like a part of me had feared, and neither was he. I didn’t feel his eyes on the back of my head like usual, either.

Which surprised me, but more than that—it concerned me. He’d been following me since he found me here, and now, right when he was supposed to be there, he wasn’t?

I didn’t like it, but what exactly could I do?

Looking up at the sky, I wondered if Refiq had managed to get that cloud ready yet. I wondered when he would. I wondered if he was even going to. Or maybe he just tricked me and took that coin, and now he was somewhere laughing at me.

Only time would tell.

For now, since I was not going to be planning for any of the residents to accidentally fall to their deaths in some way, I was stuck in Night City, and Taland was nowhere to be seen.

Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe I could hide in the shadows and keep watch for that cloud on my own. Maybe I could even find another place to hide in until it was time to go.

Securing the wrapped food in my pocket as best as I could—not ideal, but it was the best I had—I made my way down the street and through an alley that wasn’t a dead end but actually led to the other side of the buildings. All the while I stuck to the darkness, a gun and a dagger in my hands, my eyes wide open.

I was wide awake. Throwing up had drained me at first, but now I felt like I had let all of it out—the bad and the ugly. And Taland’s kiss and touch had revived me, sparked the wires in my head, so to speak. Even now as I thought about it, I blushed and heat spilled all over me, especially between my legs.

That guy can kiss. For all his faults, he knew how to kiss me and touch me and do all kinds of things to me that felt better than heaven. No wonder I’d never wanted to be even near another guy. As unfair as it was, who could possibly compare?

The memory of his cocky grin pissed me off, though. He thought I belonged to him—I didn’t.

Well, I did, but he would never know that. And I was going to prove it to him just as soon as I got out of here. I was going to pick a guy and I was going to try , damn it. I was going to try to get over him, and eventually, I would.

That’s what I told myself, anyway.

With all that food in my system, I had more than enough energy and patience to move slowly and in the shadows down this new street I hadn’t explored before because I thought it would be the same as the one in the middle.

I was right.

Same buildings, same asphalt, same dim white lights, and more of the same residents, dancing and drinking—but they weren’t laughing as much as they did in the beginning. Now, the few of them who saw me passing by looked terrified of me.

I wondered if more had died at the hands of desperate players who needed to find the key to get out of this challenge. I wondered how many of them would lose their lives to this absurdity still.

While I walked, I thought about what Taland said regarding the IDD. I thought about what I knew of the IDD. I thought about the Iris Roe, how many people died in it and that still somehow seemed reasonable to the people—and that’s not counting the death of the residents at all. Did they even make these numbers public ?

Now more than ever, I wished I’d cared to read more about this game.

The sound of laughter took me out of my trance—just now I was thinking how the people no longer even seemed to be chatting. But there was a bar on the other side of the street with both doors open, and music I recognized was busting through the speakers while people laughed.

Elves and orcs—and Iridians. Iridian players were sitting inside, drinking.

I did a double take. That couldn’t be, could it? The residents knew what we were capable of—that we could kill them and use their bodies to call forth the keys. So why were they allowing all those players—at least seven that I could see through the open doors—to sit and drink with them?

Unless…they had no other choice.

Or maybe the players had found coins like mine to pay with? Because I was half convinced to go back to Erfes for more at this point, having no clue when that hailstorm would be ready—if ever.

Slowly, I went closer to the bar, sticking to the shadows, pretending to be casual when other residents in the street looked my way. The more of the bar I saw, the more I was convinced that something was wrong— nine players of all covens sat around three tables, surrounded by residents, drinking and laughing while human pop music played louder than all others in the street.

It made no sense at all. Players were killing the residents—everybody knew. Why would they allow them inside and party with them?

“Don’t worry, it’s perfectly safe in there.”

The voice came from somewhere to my left, and it was far enough away that I didn’t jump at the sound of it. I turned just in time to see a man stepping away from the shadows, his eyes wide and bright, his smile crooked. It was the Whitefire guy I’d seen in the Tree of Abundance with the horned rabbit, the one who’d spoken to me here in Night City as well in the beginning.

“No place is safe in the Roe,” I said, stepping to the side to let him through.

But he stopped right in front of me instead, an easy smile on his handsome face, his eyes a pale blue that looked like spheres filled with water. He didn’t look as miserable as when we first started the challenge. His stubble had grown a little, just there, and his dark blond hair was all over the place, but it suited him. Easily in the hot as hell category.

“That’s true,” the guy said with a nod. “Except I made a deal with the orc who owns this place.” He pointed his thumb back to the bar. “We’re free to spend time in here and even drink on the house so long as none of the players harm him or his for the duration of this loop. This is as safe as it can be in Night City.”

Yep, he’d definitely gotten his shit together since they took our familiars from us.

I squinted my eyes at him. “And how are you going to make sure that all players respect a deal you made?” Had he not been here all this time? These people would sell their own mother for the key—or even a dead body.

The grin he flashed me sent shivers down my spine. “Let’s just say I made an example out of a murdering bastard a little while ago.” He nodded at the bar again. “Not to mention nobody wants to pick a fight with ten Iridians, especially since most players are on their own.” He was right about that. “Ben Kovak.” And he reached out his hand for mine.

Damn . It almost shocked me that he was so…friendly. Th at he was smiling at me, actually offering me his hand to shake. He’d asked me if I was okay the last time I saw him, too.

And I realized how quickly I’d forgotten what it was like in the real world, that people didn’t go around killing other people all the time, that you didn’t have to fear for your life with every step you took.

Yes, shocked was the right word, but I shook Ben’s hand anyway.

“Rora La Rouge,” I said with a nod. “Nice to meet you.” And it really was— nice to meet someone who wasn’t trying to kill me.

Or was he?

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, too. I saw you in Greenfire and in the beginning. I’ve been hoping to see you again since,” he said. “May I buy you a drink?”

His smile seemed genuine. I was always good at reading people, and my instincts were calm around him. I was at ease—and it helped that he was so easy on the eyes.

“Why not,” I found myself saying, maybe because I didn’t want to be on my own until that storm was ready.

Maybe I didn’t want to be on my own until Taland came around from wherever he was and found me.

I just…didn’t want to be on my own.

“They only have wine—red and dry and not very tasty.” He laughed a bit, and it didn’t seem forced. “But wine’s wine.”

I smiled. “Wine’s wine.”

So, Ben Kovak led me into the nameless bar where the Iridians who were already there cheered at the sight of him.

“Everyone, say hi to Rora. Rora, this is everyone,” he said.

“Hi, Rora!” they all said in unison, and I had no clue if I’d seen any of them before, but none were the Whitefires from the alley, and none looked at me like they wanted to murder me right now. I took it, even if this was not real at all. Not part of the game. And most definitely not going to last.

Before I knew it, I was sitting at the leftmost table with two other Iridians, one Blackfire, the other Greenfire, and Ben sat next to me when he brought me a cracked glass half filled with blood-red wine. Just the sight of it brought bile to my throat—I was so sick and tired of blood. It seemed to be everywhere I looked lately.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” I asked Ben when the Greenfire mage told me all about the lion-like creature he’d bonded with when he first came into the game—one of the very first. The Blackfire, who hadn’t been to the Tree of Abundance yet, was way more interested in asking him questions since he was still here in the first challenge of the Roe.

“Of course,” said Ben, turning toward me with his whole body, glass of wine in his hand, almost empty now.

“You said loop back there.” I pointed my finger toward the door. “For the duration of this loop—that’s what you said.” I was sure I’d heard him right.

He nodded. “That is correct.”

“What does that mean exactly? What loop?”

Ben’s brows shot up. “Oh, you don’t know?”

There went my stomach, twisting and turning again. “Know what?”

“That Night City is a loop of tomorrows and the only way to move forward is with the key,” said Ben, and his smile faltered a little as he waited for my reaction.

Of course, I gave him none.

“A loop of tomorrows.” Vuvu’s voice was in my head— this is Night City. The time is nighttime—we have no other time.

“So, we’re…” The words escaped me like my own mind didn’t want to make sense of them.

Ben was more than happy to fill them in for me, though.

“We’re stuck in a never-ending night, possibly the same three hours, if my calculations are correct, and the only way to get out is with the key.”

Exactly what I feared. Which would explain why the players had become so ready so suddenly to kill anyone in their path. Not that they’d needed much incentive, but still. A loop.

“And if we don’t find the key?” I dared to ask, though I suspected I already knew the answer.

Ben shrugged, drinking the last of his wine. “Then we remain here until they either kill us, or we die of hunger, or we off ourselves.”

Red stained his lips. I saw it because I read the words coming out of his mouth.

Stuck in Night City. “The game never ends.” If I didn’t find a body, this game would never end for me.

“Pretty much,” Ben said. “You haven’t touched your wine.”

“Please take it.” I pushed the glass toward him absentmindedly. “So, how much time passes in the real world then? How long have we really been here?”

“Three hours,” Ben said. “And I’m not sure how much time passed out there. I’m hoping not a lot.”

I swallowed hard, my mouth suddenly so dry. “Do you…do you have a plan for the key then?” Or are you just going to try to kill the residents until one counts as a natural death? was what I didn’t say .

Ben met my eyes. “Keep searching,” he whispered. “The plan is to keep searching for a cemetery until I get lucky.”

Except I wasn’t entirely sure he meant those words.

“But what—” what if you don’t, was what I wanted to say, until the curious Blackfire guy sitting on my left interrupted me.

“What about you? What kind of an animal did you bond to?”

I flinched at the reminder. “A vulcera.”

They all ooh -ed and aah- ed in surprise, their eyes lighting up instantly, intrigued. “You must be powerful then.”

“They said magical animals required a lot more effort to be subdued,” said the Greenfire. They’d told me their names, but I’d forgotten them—and can you blame me?

“I don’t…I don’t know,” I muttered, wishing I hadn’t given my wine to Ben so I’d have something to do.

It got so hot in there so suddenly.

“We’re all powerful here,” said Ben. “The first challenges weed out the weakest. The rest of them requires skills and a good bit of luck.” He brought the wine to his lips before he added, “And, of course, magic.”

My stomach twisted.

“Yep. Did you hear there was a Mud somewhere among us?” said the Greenfire, and it took all I had not to let my panic show on my face.

“ Mud ?” said the Blackfire. “Are you serious? They would never let a Mud in the Roe—they’d die before the game even began!”

“I swear it, I heard from the players,” said the Greenfire.

“Yeah, I heard, too,” said Ben, and when he turned to look at me, I thought for sure he knew. I thought he was going to tell me that he saw me, and that this was a trap I’d willingly walked into, and now he was going to kill me. Or paralyze me and make me fall onto something so he could use my body to get the key.

“They said it’s a Redfire. Any idea who it might be?” he then asked.

No laughs, no smiles, no hint that would indicate he knew.

I shook my head. “No clue.” The words tasted stale on my tongue. I really wished I hadn’t given him that wine now.

“He’s probably dead by now, anyway,” said the Bluefire.

“I heard it’s a she,” said the other, and again, I fisted my hands on my lap and kept my expression perfectly neutral. It had gotten so hard to do since this game began

Maybe because I was tired and beaten up and with so little hope. I was so damn exhausted.

“Regardless—he or she is dead already. Good riddance.”

“As it should be. Imagine a Mud winning the Roe. Pfft. ” The Blackfire guy waved his gloved hand.

Which was funny because he wasn’t Mud, but he still hadn’t completed even the first challenge—the challenge of his own coven.

Meanwhile, I had two keys in my pocket.

“Yes. Imagine that,” I muttered, more to myself than to him.

“What about you?” Ben then asked me. “What’s your plan? Any fancy Redfire spells that’ll help you get to the end of this?”

“No, actually. There is no spell that kills in a way that’s considered natural ,” I said, a bit bitter now, too.

I mean, so what that I was Mud? I was here, wasn’t I? I’d made it this far, which meant I was just as capable, and just as deserving of being here as all of them, regardless of magic.

Damn it—why are they getting to me?!

“I meant to search , actually,” Ben said, and my cheeks heated up. “Spells to search for buried bodies.”

“ Oh. ” Fuck. “Um…no. I don’t know of a spell like that, either.”

“So, no plan.”

“Uh…nope.”

I don’t know why I lied.

Maybe because I was scared of what he’d do if I told him the truth?

But if it happened, if Refiq managed to do what I paid him to do, it would be good for everyone—all the other players. None of the residents had to die, right?

Iris, my head was killing me. So many options. So much of the unknown was ahead.

I stood up. “Thanks for the wine, Ben. But I need to go now,” I said because turns out I’d rather be out there than in here talking to people who thought I should be dead just because I was Mud.

Fuck you, assholes, I thought, but I kept the thought inside.

“Hey, mind if I show you something first?” Ben said, putting down the glass as he stood up, too.

“Something like what?” I asked, suspicious already.

“It’s just upstairs, in this building. Come on, I think you’re gonna like it.” And he moved back, pushed his chair to the side to make way for me to go deeper into the bar.

I looked at the Blackfire and Greenfire mages as they drank, lost in another conversion already, clueless that the very Mud they spoke so passionately about had been sitting at the table with them. Then I looked outside, hoping maybe a dark cloud had taken over the sky in the distance.

Nothing there.

“Sure,” I ended up saying. “Why not?”

Because whether I liked it or not, Ben seemed to have more answers than I did about his challenge. And the more I knew, the better off I’d be if my initial plan failed. I just hoped Taland stuck to his word about helping me with the necromancy spell.

After all, he could have been messing with me just for kicks. It would explain why he disappeared so suddenly like that.

And why the hell wouldn’t he?

Ben Kovak took me up to the fifth floor, to an empty room with nothing but mice squeaking in the corners, the hardwood floors cracked and ruined and eaten, the dust in the air sticking to my nostrils.

At first, I thought he wanted to take me upstairs to the rooftop hoping a dragon would kill me—maybe because he didn’t know that that didn’t count? A dragon was a living being killing another—not natural. He probably didn’t see the man on fire falling from the rooftop that first day I came here.

Or maybe the better word would be, the first loop.

I wasn’t worried, to be honest. I had my gun and my daggers, and we were close enough that I could shoot or stab him before he could finish chanting a spell. I was ready to move the moment I heard even the slightest whisper—but turns out killing me wasn’t Ben’s plan at all.

“You can see the edges of the playground just barely— look, up there,” he said, taking me to a half-broken window with a scorched frame on the side, like someone had spit fire on it.

And he was right—you could make out the edge of the tall wall that surrounded the playground of the Iris Roe from here, but only the silhouette.

“It looks far,” I said in wonder.

“Who knows how far it really is.” Ben shrugged. “But look—that building that looks like a triangle.” He pointed his finger ahead again, coming even closer until we were almost cheek to cheek, showing me where he meant—a building two streets ahead, on the other side of the one I’d been in since the beginning.

A massive triangle-shaped building, taller than all others to its sides.

“I don’t—” see anything, I wanted to say, but the words got stuck in my throat when something moved close to it—a big something that was holding onto the tip of the building with claws, spinning around it as it looked outward.

“ Dragon .” It was a dragon half the size of that entire building, holding onto the rooftop and spinning all around, searching for anyone stupid enough to climb the rooftops of Night City. Its wings were spread halfway, big and clawed and membranous, almost as black as the night. It was too far away to see any details, but I could make out the long, pointy tail as it moved slowly, and the two horns on its head that grew bigger or smaller depending on which side the dragon moved.

“There’s three of them,” said Ben, and I turned to him like I’d completely forgotten he was even here.

He was—and he was really close to me, looking at me with half a smile, the kind of smile that made me want to back the hell away from him immediately.

“Oh,” I said and stepped aside as if I wanted to see better outside the broken glass.

I had no clue how to tell him I wasn’t interested like a normal person, and damn it, I didn’t want to make it awkward.

“So, they just stay up there and keep watch?” I mumbled, trying to figure out how to get downstairs again without being rude. Ben had been nice to me since the beginning. If I could help it, I didn’t want him to hate me.

“Pretty much, yeah,” he said, moving to lean against the wall by the scorched window frame, arms crossed as he watched me. “We could help each other, Rora.” His voice was low, barely a whisper, like he didn’t want anybody to hear. “I know you have a plan. I have a plan, too. There’s a bar here with bones in it—a snake and an elf that I know of.”

“I—wait, what?”

A snake and an elf? That sounded terribly familiar, didn’t it?

“That’s right—the bones of a deceased snake and elf.” Holy shit, it did sound familiar! “Both, I believe, died of natural causes. Bones are not a whole body, but they’re parts of a dead body, and I really think it’s going to work. If you come with me, if you help me get in there, you can take one, and I’ll take the other.”

Oh, no.

“I, uh…I don’t really think bones are going to work, though,” I said, the memory of the enlarged skull with the ruby eyes that Erfes used as a table for her radio perfectly vivid in my mind.

And the large snake skeleton she used as a counter .

“Logically, it should,” said Ben, leaning a bit closer, catching a string of my hair between his fingers and putting it behind my shoulder. My cheeks were so flushed they were burning, but I wasn’t very focused on him.

I was focused on Erfes, on her husband Werry, his enlarged skull with the ruby eyes.

Could it really be that simple? Could a skeleton really work?

“Goddess, you are so beautiful…”

I blinked, pulled out of my train of thoughts violently, to see Ben had been leaning even closer again, and he was watching me like I was a goddamn miracle come alive before his eyes.

Oh, hell…

I should have moved away immediately. I should have gone back downstairs on my own, but I hesitated for just a single second, and Ben kissed me.

His lips crashed on mine, and his arms wrapped around me so fast the shock held me in place all on its own.

“I’ve wanted to kiss you since I first laid eyes on you,” he whispered against my lips, then kissed me again.

Alarms rang in my head. Move! my mind called at me, and I finally was in control of my body again.

“Ben, stop,” I said and stepped away immediately.

The second I did, he raised his arms to the sides and looked completely mortified.

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Rora. I didn’t mean to—I’m really sorry.” His every word rang true.

And now I felt even worse. Shit.

“It’s fine,” I muttered, smoothing my hair behind my head as I took another step to the side, just in case. “It’s fine, Ben.”

“I’m usually a gentleman, I promise,” he said, rubbing his face furiously. “But this game…” His voice trailed off and he forced a smile on his face. His cheeks were flushed, too, same as mine, and it was easy to see he felt awful.

Which put me at ease again.

“This game gets to you, yep,” I admitted with a nod.

He laughed a little, like he was relieved that I got it. “Right? Death is more certain than life here, and it’s not like we have a lot of time.”

“No, we don’t.” And once again, I was reminded of the fact that I would die in this game. I was never going to make it out of the Roe, no matter what I thought or planned or hoped when I forgot to remember this small detail.

“I’m really sorry, Rora. Please don’t think I’m a bad guy or anything. It won’t happen again,” Ben said, stepping away from me even farther.

So lost in my head was I that I almost asked, sorry for what ?

The kiss. Ben had actually kissed me just now, and it occurred to me that I hadn’t felt it.

The third guy I’d ever kissed, and I hadn’t felt a single thing. No butterflies, no tingling, no nothing—just the urge to move away.

And that begged the question, why ?

Ben was a very handsome guy. I’d definitely say that I was attracted to him—or I would be if I wasn’t in the middle of the Iris Roe. Probably—who wouldn’t? Blond hair and dreamy blue eyes, not to mention a beautiful smile.

Yes, yes, I absolutely would, I said to myself.

And the only reason why I hadn’t even allowed myself to taste that kiss was Taland.

That arrogant prick who believed he owned me and took pride in the fact that I’d only ever been with him. You saved yourself for me— ugh. I couldn’t stand how right he was, and it just pissed me off.

He considered it a win that I hadn’t kissed another guy since him, and I sucked at lying to him to convince him otherwise—but…what if I was actually telling the truth? What if I made good on the promise I gave him earlier?

I smiled at Ben. “It’s fine, really. I was just…surprised is all.”

Naughty Rora…

“Oh,” said Ben, scratching the back of his neck, visibly uncomfortable. “Are you…are you okay now?”

No, I’m not okay.

No, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I just really, really don’t want Taland to win this.

I cleared my throat, and for a moment, it was like someone else had taken over my vocal cords.

“Wanna, um…wanna try that again?”

Holy shit, I can’t believe I said that— and I didn’t need to say it twice.

Ben grabbed my face in his hands and slammed his lips to mine the next second, and this time, I kissed him back.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, and I followed the motions of his lips with mine, and then his tongue was everywhere. I didn’t really have much experience with these things, but he was definitely what Poppy or the girls from school would refer to as too-much-tongue guy. It felt kind of weird, and not at all like Taland.

When Taland kissed me, it felt like he was worshiping my lips in this delicate ritual. Whether he went slower or fast, it was like he was singing praise to me with each movement. He?—

No .

My eyes opened to find Ben completely immersed in the kiss, his closed.

Damn it, I was not going to think about Taland while I was kissing another guy. This was exactly what I’d always feared would happen, that I’d compare everything and everyone to him—and now I was doing exactly that.

No-no-no!

Squeezing Ben tighter between my arms, I rose on my tiptoes and deepened the kiss, and he went crazy.

He moved us, put me against the wall, ran his hands down my body, and kissed me without ever stopping for air.

I tried to find the feeling, that spark ignited by his lips, his moans, his grinds against me while his hard cock pressed against my body. I tried to moan, too, thinking it would put me in the mood. Thinking it would make make me feel something because things were not looking good for me at all. I was not feeling a single thing other than a brand-new train of thought, with wagons full of what the hell am I doing?

This isn’t right.

Pretty sure I’m doing something wrong.

Why am I wasting time with this guy again?

Who even cares about kissing in Night City?

I should probably go check on Refiq.

I should probably grab a wine on my way out just to get a little buzz…

Yes, that’s what went on in my head while the guy poured his whole heart into kissing me.

But then he began to slow down.

His moans turned lower, the grip of his hands softer. He no longer pressed against me as hard, and his tongue was no longer as…erm, present. He slowed down, first a little bit, then almost all the way .

And I liked it. I liked to take my time and see if I could make this work, if I could make myself feel something other than this weird, wet sensation. I was glad for it, thinking he was finally matching my vibe, figuring out I liked it slower—which I didn’t normally, but still.

I shouldn’t have been so hopeful.

“Ben?” I whispered when he suddenly stopped moving his lips altogether.

Maybe he wanted a break?

My eyes opened lazily, and I was still against the wall, and he was…

“ Ben! ” I called before I could help it because the guy fell to his knees and his eyes were closed and he was breathing like he was in a race—but not only that.

Blackfire magic was all over his body, coming out of his parted lips and spreading down the length of him.

Goddess, I nearly passed the hell out. A voice in my head said, scream, scream, scream for help! but if I did, every person downstairs was going to come up here and see Ben like that and turn on me.

No, I couldn’t scream. They’d kill me on the spot.

“Hold on, Ben. Hold on, I’ll help you up,” I whispered, leaning down to grab him and put him against the wall.

But the moment I touched him, more magic spilled out of his mouth like vomit, and spread down his neck faster, paralyzing me in place for a second.

Move!

My thoughts raced. My body moved on its own and I found myself by the door, shaking, tears streaming from my eyes, completely disoriented. My heart was in my throat and I held onto the door frame with all my strength, watching without daring to even blink as the Blackfire coming out of Ben’s mouth slowed down and began to fade away.

Yes, yes, please fade away…

But when I stepped into the room again to try to help him up, thinking it was over, the magic came back, as black as the night. So much magic just spilling out of his mouth like his insides were made of it.

This time, when I ran to the door, I didn’t stop until I was at the stairs.

I only gave myself a second to stop and breathe and collect my thoughts before I continued downstairs, wiping my face and putting on my mask, one that didn’t let you see what went on inside me.

Goddess help me, I’d almost killed a guy by kissing him just now—and I knew exactly who was responsible for it.

Nobody at the bar saw me crying. I’d composed myself completely before I stepped onto the ground floor. They all asked where Ben was, and I said he was in the bathroom. Not sure if there even was a bathroom upstairs, and I didn’t much care if they even believed me, but they did look at me suspiciously.

Nobody stopped me, though, and as soon as I was out in the street, I ran to the nearest alley to disappear in the darkness as fast as I could.

Sonovabitch!

The sight of Ben on the floor like that was imprinted on the back of my lids. Killing criminals who’d done very bad things with magic and weapons, and killing players while under the influence of a magical rage was one thing—but to do that to a guy just by kissing him ?

I’m going to fucking murder him, I told myself in my head, and I would as soon as I saw Taland. Because he was the one to blame for this. Somehow, he’d done this, even though he was nowhere to be seen.

Nowhere to be found.

I must have searched the entire city for what could have been hours, and I still didn’t find him. He could have moved on to the next challenge and I would have no clue—which was probably what happened. As much as it sucked to admit it, that was the most reasonable explanation of his disappearance.

Eventually, I stopped searching, and I couldn’t decide what made me more sick: the memory of Ben, the thought that Taland had done something to me, or that Taland was gone. My suspicion of him just messing with me when he made me that “deal” was true—he’d never really had any intention of helping me.

But then I wondered, why would he do that? He killed a player for me right in front of my eyes. He killed him and carried me in his arms and held my hair back while I threw up all night.

Well, the three hours of this loop we were in, apparently.

Why would he go through all that trouble just to get me to agree to a deal with him, then disappear?

The sky was as dark as always. No cloud in sight, unfortunately, and my hope slipped away from my fingers a little more. It did so slowly at first, and then all at once. Refiq had either fooled me, too, or he’d genuinely failed to prepare his cloud for the sky.

Or maybe even the magic of the Roe didn’t allow it—who knew?

Definitely not me .

I must have gone through at least ten dark alleys and to the other sides of the streets, having no clue where I was headed, no longer searching for anything, just waiting for that cloud to miraculously appear over my head. Reality had started to feel very unreal, so when I saw a wide, open field with no buildings anywhere near it, only the silhouette of some trees in the middle, it was easy to convince myself that I was dreaming.

My feet were heavy, but I no longer feared that someone was coming behind me. That someone knew I was Mud or that someone had found Ben upstairs in that building, dead or dying, and they were running after me to make me pay for his life. My eyes remained on those trees, thin and dark and barely standing, and I somehow made it all the way to them. Somehow, I went close enough to touch the cold, rough bark, to sit near a trunk, and rest my back against it.

I looked up, but I saw no fruit, just leaves here and there. Tired leaves, pointing at the ground, the soil dark, barely any blade of grass or bush in sight. Definitely no flowers.

But I knew these trees had once held apples on those branches—green, juicy apples—even if none remained that I could see. I knew this was the orchard Taland had talked about, and for whatever reason, I was so glad I’d found it. Here, I felt closer to him, could almost swear the scent of him lingered in the air, the warmth of him pressed against my skin.

I closed my eyes to rest for a minute, head against the tree, my worries nonexistent.

Sleep took me right away.

When I woke up, Taland was there, eating an apple.