Chapter 3 #2
Adam’s fingers tightened in his hair, holding him steady as he thrust up into the wet heat of Noah’s mouth. Noah let himself be used, his head going pleasantly fuzzy at Adam’s rough treatment. When Adam bent one leg to gain leverage, Noah moaned around him, then tapped his thigh.
Adam released him immediately, frowning. “Was I too rough, are you okay?”
Noah’s heart flip-flopped behind his ribs. “Yeah, baby. I just want more.”
“More?” Adam asked, a slow smile spreading across his lips. “Yeah?”
“Throw me the lube.”
“You gonna prep yourself?”
Noah shook his head, cock throbbing where it was trapped between his belly and the mattress. “No, I’m gonna prep you.”
“You wanna top?” Adam asked, sounding more surprised than anything.
“I didn’t say I wanted to top,” Noah said. “I just asked for the lube. Don’t you trust me?”
“More than any other person in the world,” Adam said without hesitation, already reaching for the lube in the top drawer of his side table.
“Good, then roll over for me.”
Adam only hesitated for a minute, then complied.
Once on his belly, Noah hovered over him, brushing his lips over the side of his neck, just over his pulse.
He kissed his way down his spine before sitting back on his calves between Adam’s knees.
He ran his hands up Adams hairy thighs, then gripped his ass, enjoying the give of his skin.
“Ass up, baby,” Noah taunted softly, fingers teasing over his hole.
“This wasn’t at all what I had in mind when I invoked the Santa clause.”
“Well, you should have read the contract more carefully,” Noah said, smacking Adam’s ass cheek lightly.
Adam grumbled, but did as Noah asked. “This feels…weird.”
Noah shook his head, both amused and turned on seeing his husband splayed out before him like his favorite meal. He pressed his lips to one cheek, then the other, before spreading him, smiling when Adam groaned into the pillow.
Noah leaned forward, dragging his tongue from Adam’s balls to his hole, fingers digging into muscle as Adam jerked away from him instinctively.
“Why are you flinching? It's not like I've never done this before.”
“Not like this,” Adam said, not sounding grumpy so much as…vulnerable.
“I let you do this to me all the time,” Noah reminded, kitten licking around his rim, feeling him clench each time he made contact. “What do you think I’m gonna do back here?”
“I don’t know. That’s the problem.”
Noah smiled, grabbing the lube, coating his palm before reaching between Adam’s legs. He closed his fist around Adam’s cock, slowly working it up and down just once as he speared his tongue to his rim. “Want me to stop?”
“No,” Adam gasped, voice shakier than Noah had ever heard it.
Adam had done this to him a million times, eaten him out while jerking him off.
Noah knew how overwhelming it could feel.
He hadn’t thought getting Adam in this position would be something he fought him on.
Noah had topped before. Sure, it was only a couple of times and neither of them had particularly enjoyed the role reversal, but they had tried it.
But Noah wasn’t trying to fuck him, he just wanted to make him come so hard he forgot his own name.
He continued his slow tug of Adam’s cock as he went back to licking at teasing at his hole, his own dick aching from neglect.
It didn’t matter though. Every time Noah sucked at him, licked over him like his favorite candy, Adam would make the sexiest fucking sounds.
Sometimes they were low moans, other times this sort of breathy whine.
“Noah,” Adam gasped, when he sped up his hand, working him with purpose, like he was going to let him come. He stopped when he felt Adam thrusting into his tightened hand.
Adam growled in frustration. “You’re pushing your luck.”
“Shh,” Noah said, releasing him to grab the lube again.
Once he coated his fingers, he rubbed them over Adam’s hole. He jerked away almost instinctively, then pressed back against him.
“You want it?” Noah asked. He wasn’t teasing. He genuinely needed to hear him say it.
“Yeah,” Adam breathed, hips swaying closer.
Noah pressed one finger inside, both of them groaning.
Adam was so fucking hot and tight inside.
It was dizzying. He was so beautiful and he was all his.
This crazy psychopathic killer would do anything for him, even be this vulnerable for him.
There was a weird sort of power in that but it also made his heart feel too big for his chest.
He forced himself to concentrate, exploring until he found what he was looking for. Adam made a strangled sound as Noah crooked his finger against that bundle of nerves.
“There it is,” he mumbled to himself.
He worked his finger in and out, making sure to massage that bundle of nerves each time until Adam’s thighs were trembling and he was breathing like he’d just run a marathon. Noah kept his finger buried but stopped moving, fisting Adam’s cock once again, working him slowly.
“Gonna add another finger, okay?” Noah asked.
“Mm,” Adam grunted.
Noah pulled out, then returned with two fingers, keeping the same rhythm, abusing his prostate as he jerked him off. Adam was whining, working himself back onto Noah’s fingers before thrusting into his fist. God, he was so gorgeous, so perfect.
Noah couldn’t stop himself from kissing, then biting the flesh of his ass cheek as he watched him fall apart.
He got it now. Why Adam was always leaving marks, bruises, bites.
He wanted to claim Adam somehow, in some deep primal way.
He wanted to leave something of himself behind.
Was this how Adam felt every day? Was this why he’d insisted Noah get the snake tattoo so quickly after they’d met? So he could feel ownership of him?
“Noah, fuck. Please,” he gasped. “I can’t do this much longer.”
Heat rocketed through Noah’s core at his plea. He sped up his hand, baring down on that spot inside. Adam started swearing, just chanting, “Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck,” over and over again.
Watching him fall apart was the sexiest thing Noah had ever seen. He felt him come from the inside, the heat spasming around him as he clenched down on his fingers, his cock pulsing in his hands as he painted the comforter below.
Noah waited until Adam stopped shaking before he released him, pulling his fingers free then grabbing the wet wipes from the drawer, wiping the lube from his hands before cleaning Adam up.
He’d just tossed them into the trash can beside the bed when Adam pounced, pinning him to the mattress, his mouth closing over his.
He swallowed Noah’s noise of surprise, thrusting his tongue past his lips. Noah melted into it, his whole body going lax. Adam obviously had something to prove. He didn’t bother to remove Noah’s sweats, just plunged his hand past his waistband, gripping him in his hot hand.
Noah moaned into his mouth, hips jerking as Adam worked him roughly with only his own precum as lube. “Adam,” Noah gasped against his lips. “Hurts.”
“Good.”
Noah whined, the pleasure/pain of Adam’s grip making his head spin. Adam pulled back, staring down at him intently as he jerked him off, watching his face like he just had to see him fall apart beneath him.
“Not gonna last.”
“I know you’re not,” Adam said, dipping his head to lick into his mouth before pulling back. “You look so wrecked and you were doing all the work. Does getting me off get you this excited?”
“You know it does,” Noah said, voice shaking as pleasure sparked up his spine, that familiar tightness growing in his belly. “You look so hot when you come. You make the hottest soun—”
Adam captured his mouth again, thumb swiping over the head of his cock. Noah cried out into his mouth, thrusting into his hand. “Gonna come,” he said against his lips, working himself into Adam’s dry hand.
“Do it then,” Adam taunted, biting Noah’s lower lip painfully.
That was what pushed him over the edge, his orgasm ripping through him as his release spilled over Adam’s fist. He heard himself cry out, felt the pleasure pulsing through him as he stared up at Adam who watched him with an intensity that had his insides clenching.
He closed his eyes, catching his breath. Adam released him, then collapsed beside him. The mattress dipped and settled, the room quiet except for the hum of the heater and the distant howl of wind outside. When he managed to pry his eyelids open a second time, Adam was watching him again.
“Are you okay?” Noah asked.
“Me? You’re the one who just came so hard you screamed.”
Noah frowned. “I did not.”
“No? Then why are all our dogs staring at us from the doorway?” Adam countered, nodding toward the door.
Noah followed his gaze. The four stood shoulder to shoulder, heads tilted, judging them silently. Like a very disappointed panel of elders.
“Maybe they’re hungry,” Noah muttered. “Besides, you were into it. Don’t act like you weren’t. I felt how hard you came.”
“I was into it. Very into it. It was hot,” Adam said. “Just… don’t get used to it. I prefer you underneath me.”
“Oh, I know. You make your wants very clear,” Noah said, ducking under Adam’s arm when he lifted it, a silent invitation to curl closer. Noah fit there easily, like he always did, his head against Adam’s chest, Adam’s arm heavy and warm around him.
“We are gonna be so late,” Noah said around a sigh.
“So what?” Adam said. “All we’re gonna miss is the ankle-biters ankle-biting, Dad letting them run wild, Aiden watching Dad while he lets them run wild, Calliope and Lola bickering, Jericho eye-fucking Atticus in front of all of us.
Mac and Archer talking about their latest vacation…
and August and Lucas worrying about when Cricket’s gonna pop. ”
Noah snorted despite himself. “That’s disturbingly accurate.”
“I’m observant,” Adam said smugly.
Noah shook his head, fingers idly tracing circles over Adam’s ribs. “I can’t believe she’s five days late. I don’t know how she does all the shit she does with that giant belly. If I could get pregnant, I would lie on the couch all day and force you to fan me and feed me grapes.”
“If you could get pregnant, we’d need a bigger house,” Adam said, his voice dropping into a sudden low rasp.
Noah smiled faintly, then hesitated. “You love the idea of knocking me up,” he said carefully, “but I doubt you’d like being a dad.”
Adam stiffened beneath him. Just a little. Enough that Noah felt it immediately.
“That’s not true,” Adam said. “You’re the one who’s afraid to have kids.”
Noah went very still.
“That’s not fair,” he said quietly.
Adam exhaled through his nose. Not angry. Not sharp. Just… careful. “I didn’t say it was wrong. I get why you’re scared. We all do. I just said it was fear. And it is.”
Noah swallowed. The room felt warmer suddenly, heavier. “You think I don’t want kids.”
“I think you want them,” Adam said. “And I think that scares the shit out of you. I think the fear of losing them is bigger than the fear of wanting them or at least it was. Is it still?”
Noah’s jaw tightened. He stared at the far wall, at the faint glow of Christmas lights reflecting off the window. For a moment, he felt very far away.
“My mom wanted me. Then they kidnapped me. Used me. Sold me. And there was nobody to protect me. Nobody to stop it. Every person they said I could trust, cops, priests, teachers…all participated. I learned early that no one would stop it. No one would protect me. And years later, even as an adult, my mom decided I wasn’t worth the effort.
” His voice was steady, but it took effort.
“Loving something small and vulnerable is dangerous.”
Adam didn’t interrupt.
“I want kids,” Noah admitted. “I do. I just—” He shook his head. “Every time I imagine it, all I can think about is how easy it is to lose them. How fast something could go wrong. How I wouldn’t survive that.”
Adam shifted, rolling slightly so Noah was half on top of him now, one hand coming up to cradle the back of his neck. Not restraining. Just anchoring.
“You know I would never let anyone hurt our kids. Right?” Adam asked. “You know that, right? I would protect them the same way I protect you. I would destroy anyone who hurt you or them.”
Noah let out a shaky laugh. “That’s not comforting in the way you think it is.”
“It’s not meant to be comforting,” Adam said. “It’s meant to be true.” His thumb brushed Noah’s hairline, gentle. “But I wouldn’t force you. Ever. I don’t want a kid more than I want you.”
Noah finally looked at him. “I see how happy August and Lucas are and even Atticus and Jericho. Atticus who used to freak out if someone sneezed too close to him. I literally saw him let Jagger spit a half eaten sandwich into his palm the other day. How is it they’re not afraid of something happening every single day? ”
Adam’s expression softened, something raw flickering there.
“I think they are. I think all parents are. Especially in this day and age of true crime shows and podcasts and books and documentaries. We are fed the worst case scenarios every single day. And you lived it. That makes it all too real for you. Nobody blames you for being afraid. I’m perfectly happy with the life we have. Are you?”
Noah exhaled, his forehead dropping to Adam’s collarbone. “I keep thinking one day I’ll wake up and the fear will be gone,” he admitted. “But it’s not. It’s just… quieter lately.”
Adam smiled faintly. “Yeah?”
A beat.
“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like the idea of having a little version of you running around,” Adam added. “A version who knows they’re safe with us.”
Noah’s chest tightened. “I don’t know when I’ll be ready.”
Adam kissed the top of his head. “Then we wait. Or we don’t. Or we change our minds a dozen times. There’s no clock on this.”
Noah nodded slowly. “Okay. But we aren’t getting any younger.”
Adam laughed. “Well, luckily, we’re men. Our biological clocks don’t really have an expiration date.”
They lay there like that for a moment, the storm pressing in around the house, the dogs finally wandering off, satisfied.
Noah sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe one day?”
Before Adam could respond, Noah’s phone started ringing where it was plugged in on the side table.
“I’m sure that’s dad wondering where we are,” Noah said.
Adam snagged the phone from the side table without even disturbing Noah’s position, handing it to him.
“Lucas?” Noah questioned, glancing up at Adam.
Adam blinked. “That’s… not good.”
Noah answered. “Hey—”
Lucas’s voice came through breathless and urgent. “Cricket’s in labor.”
Noah sat bolt upright. “What?”
And just like that, everything else vanished.