Diary #8
Diary #8
Dear Mom,
I’m trying something. I’m not sure if you’d approve or not. We didn’t really get to have these kinds of talks before you died. I like to imagine you’d be open and progressive, telling me to explore and figure out what I want.
While that’s part of why I’m doing this, I think it’s also the way forward for me. Not only because I’ll actually be able to keep living, but I think I’ll be able to get something back that was taken from me. That’s my hope anyway.
My only hesitation is Maddox. I don’t know what to say to him or how to tell him this. We’re not anything to each other, but that also feels like a lie. We were just getting started when everything stopped, and now I don’t know when I’ll see him again.
Do I wait?
Is he?
Should we talk about that? Probably.
Will we? No. It’s not part of the agreement.
So why do I feel like I’m lying to him? I don’t know how he’d take it.
I think if he was okay with it, it would break my heart. At the same time, if he’s all jealous and demanding, it would break my spirit. I’m doing this for myself, so maybe I just need to keep it to myself. For now, that’s what I have to do anyway.
Tonight is my first live. Let’s hope I don’t vomit, pass out, or freak out.
Love and miss you, Mom,
Darcie