Chapter 31
thirty-one
SKYLER
My mind has been in a wild panic ever since I realized Ayda was gone. I keep going back to that moment – the one where I picked up our plates and glasses and put them on the tray. Ayda was with me, I’m sure she was.
And then she wasn’t.
They say that your life can change within a heartbeat. All I can think about is that Ayda is alone, scared. And it’s all my fault.
“Hudson’s here,” Parker says to me as we reach the jetty. He’s still holding onto Barney’s leash. We’ve spent the last hour combing the coast, looking for signs. The police have helicopters out, there are boats in the water.
But there’s no sign of a little girl who can’t talk but can love fiercely.
I look over at the crowd that’s gathered on the dock. Everybody wants to help. The police have had their work cut out trying to take statements and listen to suggestions of where Ayda might be.
But she’s nowhere. And the pain of it is like a knife in my chest.
I spot Hudson almost right away. He’s taller than the cops he’s standing with, still wearing his suit, his tie neatly knotted. He’s talking rapidly to one of the plain clothes detectives that took my details earlier.
Then his gaze slides to me.
His expression doesn’t change when our eyes meet. His skin looks gray in this light, his jaw is set grimly.
“Oh God,” I whisper to myself. Because he looks broken.
“Come on,” Parker says, though I’m not sure if it’s to me or himself. He insisted on joining me to search the coast even though he can barely walk two feet without dissolving into a coughing fit. The man should be in bed. And he won’t even let me take the dog.
“Any news?” Parker asks Autumn, who’s standing next to Hudson.
She reaches out for him, cupping his face. “Honey, you need to rest. And yes, there’s news.” She takes Barney’s leash from him, and he doesn’t protest.
For a second my world stops. Please let it be good news. Please .
“What is it?” I whisper.
Autumn looks at me, her face full of kindness. “They think she was taken by her grandmother. They have photographs that they think are Ayda and Catherine on the ferry. She’s taken her to the mainland.”
Relief rushes through me. She’s alive. She’s with somebody she loves.
Hudson is still staring at me with that unreadable expression on his face.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I’m so, so sorry. She was there, then she was gone.”
“They’ve taken her,” he says, sounding as broken as he looks. “How could you not notice she was gone?”
“Hudson,” Autumn says softly. “It’s not her fault.”
I open my mouth, trying to find the right words. But what words are there? “I’m sorry,” I say again. “I was…” I can’t tell him about Dr. Methi’s call. I can’t tell him how distracted I was. Not now. He has enough to deal with. “I was an idiot,” I say. “I’ll never do it again.”
“Ma’am,” one of the detectives looks at me. “Can we show you some photographs? See if you recognize any of them?”
I nod, so aware of Hudson’s scrutiny as I look at the phone the policeman is holding out. A woman’s face appears on it.
“She looks familiar,” I say, my voice thin.
“You’ve seen her?” Hudson asks.
“Sir, please let us do our job,” the detective tells him. “Where have you seen this woman?” he asks me.
And then I remember. An older, elegant woman was a few tables down from where we were eating. “She was at the bar today. She had a drink and was sitting out on the deck near us.”
“Are you certain?” the detective asks.
“Yes.” I nod. “I remember noticing her. She was very well dressed.” I look at the detective. “That’s good, isn’t it?” I ask him. “If she’s with somebody who loves her? That means she’s safe.”
“She’s not safe,” Hudson says. “She’s with two people who made the last few years a misery. They didn’t let me see her. I had to fight them. I might never get her back.” He shakes his head.
Autumn shoots me another sympathetic look. But I have to look away. I can’t take sympathy from her, I just can’t.
Mylene and her staff arrive, carrying trays of coffees and cookies that they hand out to the policemen who take them gratefully. I can see Eileen standing on her porch, her arms folded as she watches.
“Is there anything we can do?” I ask the detective. “There has to be something.”
He shakes his head and looks at his phone again, then calls over another detective. The two of them talk quietly for a moment, before they turn to Hudson.
“Can we talk over here?” the older detective says to him.
Hudson nods and follows them over. Parker sits down heavily on the wall, drinking one of the coffees Mylene brought over. And Autumn walks over to me, still holding Barney’s leash.
“He doesn’t mean it,” she says. “He’s just stressed, that’s all. We all know this isn’t your fault. It’s not like Ayda hasn’t run off before.”
I’d forgotten about that. The way she’d disappeared from Autumn’s care and arrived in the bar the day after I arrived on the island.
“It is my fault though. I should have kept an eye on her. I promised.”
“You did. You thought she was following you. It’s not like she’s a chatterbox and you would have noticed the silence. I’ve been there. One moment she’s there, the next she’s gone.”
“What if her grandmother refuses to give her back?” I whisper.
“They’ll make her,” Autumn says stubbornly. But we both know it’s harder than that. It took so long for Hudson to get her back last time. And it damaged his daughter so much.
I swallow down the nausea that’s threatening to rise up.
Hudson walks over, still not meeting my gaze. “They have a lead. They’ve found her car,” he says quietly.
Autumn snaps her head up. “Where?”
“Thirty miles away. Near an English tea shop of all places. They think she’s inside with Ayda. They’re sending officers there right now. I’m heading over to the mainland.”
“I’ll come with you,” Autumn says.
He nods.
“And Skyler,” she adds.
But he shakes his head. “No, they said just family,” he says firmly.
I think it’s those words that finally break me.
Just family.
“I’ll take Parker and Barney home,” I say to Autumn. “He’s too sick to drive.”
She nods, touching my arm softly.
“Take him to the Captain’s House,” Hudson says, distracted by the detectives who are getting ready to leave. “Asher’s on his way. I told him to meet us there.”
“Asher’s coming?” Autumn asks.
Hudson nods. “He’s been staying locally, wanted to help.”
The cops call Hudson’s name, and he and Autumn head over to the police boat, and I take a deep breath.
This is good news. It has to be. Her grandmother loves Ayda, she would never hurt her.
Or at least that’s what I pray as I walk over to where Parker is slumped over against the wall.
* * *
HUDSON
“It’s going to be okay,” Autumn says as we speed along the water toward the mainland. We’re both wearing blue lifejackets, and sitting exactly where we were instructed, because we want to get there as soon as possible.
“Of course it is,” I say, my voice tight. Because I can’t think of any other option. The very fact that the police – and Skyler and Parker – were searching the coast makes my stomach twist.
I thought this island was safe. I thought she’d be protected here. But the fact is, there’s danger everywhere.
“Why were you so mean to Skyler?” Autumn asks me.
I let out an annoyed grunt. I don’t want to talk about Skyler right now.
“Leave it,” I say. “I’m not in the mood.”
“We’ve gotten word that your daughter is in the café safe and well,” the detective says, hunkering down in front of me. “We don’t want to scare her by sending in SWAT. We’ll wait for them to come out.”
I open my mouth to tell them to unleash the dogs of hell as long as Ayda’s okay, but then I close it. They’re right. I know Catherine won’t hurt her. Although, she’d hurt me in an instant.
But getting Ayda out of there without causing her any more trauma seems like a sensible thing to do.
“Thank you.” I nod. I can’t feel relieved until my daughter is in my arms. “Will it take us long to get there?”
“Twenty minutes. We have a squad car waiting to drive us straight there. If the timing is right, we may arrive at the café before your daughter and her grandmother come out.”
I narrow my eyes. “Good.”
But those twenty minutes are the longest of my life. And each one of them feels like a dagger piercing my cold fucking heart.
* * *
SKYLER
Asher arrives at the Captain’s House about twenty minutes after Parker, Barney, and I get there. He and Parker hug and then he holds his hand out to me. “I think we met at Ayda’s party,” he says. Barney is laying by the door. He looks up hopefully when it opens, then drops his head when he sees it isn’t Ayda.
“We did meet.” I shake his hand. “I’m Skyler.”
“Asher. Or Ash. Whatever.” He takes a deep breath and looks around. “Have you heard from Hudson?”
“Not yet.”
Asher has the same unreadable face as his brother. Parker is currently shivering on the sofa. I gave him Tylenol when we got back to the house, and I’ve made him hot tea and have instructed him to drink it.
Parker’s phone rings and he answers it. I can tell by the softness in his voice that it’s Autumn. Their conversation is brief, but Asher and I keep silent until it ends.
“They’ve had a positive sighting,” Parker croaks when he ends the call. “She’s safe and well, and having a fucking English afternoon tea.”
Asher coughs out a laugh. “Jesus. Hudson must be furious.”
Parker’s gaze shifts to me then away again. “You could say that.”
I let out a long breath. “Would you like a coffee?” I ask Asher. “Or another drink?”
He shakes his head. “I’m good. Go sit down. You look about as sick as Parker does.”
I don’t want to sit down. If I sit down I’ll have to think and that’s the last thing I want to do right now. Thankfully, Parker’s phone rings – again – and his croaky voice cuts through the air.
“Francie. Hey.”
From the corner of my eye I see Asher frown at the name. At any other time in my life I’d be interested by that.
“Nah, she was just on the phone to me. That’s why you probably got voicemail.” Another pause. “They think they’ve found her.” He coughs. “Yeah, I know.” He glances at me again, like she’s saying something. God, I need to get a grip. I feel like I’m on the edge about to tumble over.
“Uhuh,” he murmurs. “No, no need to come. It’s mayhem on the island and it’s only gonna get worse when Hudson and Autumn get back with Ayda. You know what he’s like. He’s gonna wanna hermit it up again.”
Asher grabs a book from Hudson’s table and starts to thumb through it. I can just about see the title – Weather Systems of The Atlantic Ocean . I don’t bother to point out to him that he’s looking at it upside down.
We’re all doing what we can to keep our sanity right now. If he wants to pretend he’s not interested in his sister’s friend, he can have at it.
I’m pretending I never got that phone call from Dr. Methi, after all.
While Parker is talking to Francie and Asher is pretending to read maps upside down, I head into the kitchen and clean up. I check the refrigerator for supplies, because if Hudson needs to ‘hermit it up’, whatever that means, he’ll need food in the house.
There’s milk and juice and fruit and cheese. All good healthy food that a great father would have for his kid. Then I see a pack of ground beef with a day until it spoils, so I grab it and some ingredients for a chili, because there are going to be a lot of people here, and they’ll be hungry, no matter what happens.
“What’s going on?” Asher asks a few minutes later. “Jesus, that smells good.”
I’m frying off the onions. “I’m making chili.”
He tips his head. “You cook in a crisis?”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure I’ve been in a crisis like this before,” I say, adding in some spices. “And chili is about the only thing I can cook.”
“Parker says you think this was your fault,” Asher says, grabbing a carton of juice from the refrigerator and pouring himself a glass. He takes a long sip, looking at me over the rim of the tumbler.
“It was my fault,” I tell him. “I was the one in charge of looking after Ayda. I’m the one who lost her.”
“Parker also thinks it’s his fault for being sick,” Asher says.
I frown. “Well it isn’t. He can’t help being sick.”
“And I’m almost certain Autumn will say it’s her fault because she was supposed to be looking after Ayda.”
“It’s nobody’s fault but mine,” I say. “I think we can all agree on that one.”
“She’ll be okay,” he says softly. For a moment he looks so much like his brother it makes my heart tighten. I know how close he and Hudson are. I want to be his friend. I want to accept his understanding.
But I can’t. “Thank you for trying to make me feel better,” I tell him.
He nods. Then Parker calls out his name.
“They’ve got her,” he shouts out, his voice so thin it sounds almost transparent. A second later Parker appears at the door, his fingers gripping onto the wood to steady himself. “They’ve got her,” he repeats, quietly. Then he crumples to the ground, his eyes hazy, his body weak.
We both run over to help him, Asher lifting one arm, me catching the other, and somehow we manage to get him back to the sofa as he starts to mumble incoherently.
“Listen, has Ayda had the flu?” Asher asks when we finally get Parker’s legs up so he’s laying out.
“Not yet.”
Asher lets out a breath. “Okay, I’m going to take him home to the lighthouse. Put him to bed there. As much as we all love him, he’s going to be no use to anybody tonight.”
I really like this man. I nod at him. “Okay.”
Both our phones start to beep at once. I pull mine out to see a message from Autumn.
The police have Ayda. We’re on our way to pick her up. She’s absolutely fine, though they want her to be looked over by a doctor. Hudson’s determined we’ll be back on Liberty by nightfall. – Autumn.
I look back at Asher, who no doubt got the same message. “Okay,” he says. “It definitely feels like a good plan to take Parker home. You all right to stay here?”
“I’ll be fine.” I nod. I need to see Ayda. I need to say sorry to her. For letting her be taken.
He sniffs. “What’s that burning smell?”
My eyes widen. “Oh shit, the onions.”
And I rush back into the kitchen, to the charred onions. The little black dots clinging to the pot are more proof – if I needed any – of how undomesticated I am.
I can’t cook, I can’t take care of a child, I can’t even take care of my own birth control.
Right now all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry.