Chapter 13
The little Boss doesn’t stay asleep for long, but I didn’t expect him to.
Despite how exhausted he is, his monsters won’t allow him to rest, not when the source of his pain is also the one who always gave him comfort and solace.
I’ve dealt with enough of Hollis’s nightmares over the years to know how the mind can be a dark and twisted place.
All the pain and stress Emilio’s been carrying for far too long have no barriers to stop them when he's asleep.
When he stirs and realizes he’s being touched, he jerks and tries to escape my hold, but I simply tighten my arms, making soothing sounds while Hollis runs his fingers through Emilio’s honey colored hair, and eventually, he calms enough to lay quietly in my arms once more.
“You can let me go,” he says quietly. “I…can go back to my room. Or Benjamin’s. I’ve taken up enough of your time and—”
“Stop,” Hollis chides gently. “You're not going anywhere, Cucciolo. You're mine, and you belong where I am.”
Emilio shudders. “You…you know what happened to me. What good am I now? Wh—what if I can't… I don't even want to be touched by Benjamin. What if I can't give you what you want?”
He tries to wiggle out of my grasp again, and this time, I let him. He doesn't go far, sitting on the bed, drawing his knees up and wrapping his arms around himself.
“The only thing I—” Hollis looks at me and then back to Emilio before correcting himself. “The only thing we want is to take care of you. Sex, no sex, on your knees or not, you are what matters most, Emilio.”
“Lio,” he says softly. “I think you two are the only ones who still insist on calling me Emilio, but…Lio is fine.”
Broadcasting each movement, I sit up and edge closer to him.
Careful not to touch him, I note the way he flinches and it only makes me wish I had Allesandro in one of my torture rooms. I’d work him over slowly.
Keep him for a month, maybe a year, however long it takes to work through the current rage filling my system.
“Did you know that Emilio means ‘rival’ or ‘eager’? It comes from Latin. Il tuo nome è bello quanto te. Whatever we call or don't call you, it doesn't take away how we feel about you.”
“Both of you?”
I grin. “You've impressed me from the very beginning, Little Monster. I like what I see. It's as simple as that.”
“I…I don't know what to do anymore… I… Don’t know if I can do this.”
“You can,” Hollis says fiercely. He reaches for the boy, and although Emilio flinches, Hollis doesn’t hesitate, he grips Emilio’s chin and forces his gaze.
The wide, hopeless, pain-filled moss green eyes kill me.
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for the people I care about, and Emilio—Lio—just got added to that ever-growing list. I’d burn the world down for the boy.
Hell, if he wants to do it himself, I’d hand him the match and then hold him through the destruction.
“You’re stronger than you believe, Little Puppy. You can, and will, get through this. Is it going to feel better anytime soon? No, but it’ll stop eating you alive.”
“How do you know? Maybe I’m broken. He’s broken me.
I’m so fucking tired of being strong, of having to pretend I know what I’m doing.
I’ve been doing what’s expected of me for so long.
His rules and expectations were at least supposed to come with a soft place to land.
Who am I without him? How am I supposed to sleep, to breathe, to rule without him? I…don’t know who I am anymore.”
Lio sobs, and Hollis tries to pull him close, but gets brushed off.
He looks at me, heartbreak, anger, and the same haunted look in his eyes that I saw years ago when that bastard from his past was taunting him.
If I could kill that asshole all over again, I would.
I’ll have to settle for Il Padrone…if my Tesoro doesn’t get there first, that is.
“He made me who I am, and then he destroyed me in one fell swoop. I don’t know what to believe anymore.
What’s real, what’s not. How can I still want his touch when I don’t want to be touched by anyone ever again?
” He wipes his face, his features shifting as anger and disgust take over.
“Fuck! Look at me, I’m crying and dumping all my shit on you.
This is why feelings are stupid. They’re worthless, and now, so am I. ”
“Am I worthless, Emilio?”
“What?” He looks at Hollis in confusion.
Hol shrugs. “If emotions are worthless, then you’ll hate to know how much I broke down just a few short years ago. If you’re worthless, then so am I… After all, I didn’t try to kill myself when I was nineteen for no reason.”
He flips his arm over, showing off the still-healing wound from just a few short days ago. Tracing his fingers over it, he stares down at the scars, old and new. I watch as raptly as Emilio does, curious about what he’s going to do next.
When he told me about his past, breaking down in my arms and giving me pieces of himself that I hadn’t had in the first three years of being together…
never once had he uttered those words out loud.
I already knew, of course. I felt his scars the first time we slept together.
There was never a moment where he’s hidden it from me, though he keeps it close to the chest as much as possible.
“Am I worthless because I was held captive and raped for close to three years, Cucciolo? A better question would be: Am I more worthless than you are because I had two ‘Masters’ to serve?”
“No!” Lio reaches across the bed, taking Hollis’s hand in his and running his own fingers over the wounds and scars. “You’re my Angel. The one who’s held me up this entire time. You’re not worthless. You never could be. Not when you’re mine.”
“And neither are you, Baby. You’re gonna feel low, and confused, and lost. You’re gonna be angry and sad. All those things? Let yourself feel them, as they’re real and will help keep you here. With me. You want to be here with me, right?”
Emilio’s lip wobbles. “What if I don’t want to live for anyone else again?”
“Then do it for yourself. You stood up for yourself, you’re taking up your birthright and building something that's for you. You, Roman, and Carter are doing big things. There’s plenty of reasons for you to stay, not just with me, but with everyone you love, and who loves you.
You’re more than you’ve been led to believe.
Your happiness doesn’t start and end with anyone but you. ”
Hollis drags the boy into his lap, and Emilio goes willingly. “Start with you, remember why you’re doing this; why was it so important to take up the O’Connel name, and go from there.”
“I… He betrayed everything we’ve been taught. How can I trust him to keep me safe, to keep Cole and Benjamin safe, if he allowed that to happen to Ignacio of all people?”
“Okay, good. You want everyone to be safe, right? To love who they want to love?”
Lio nods. “They were supposed to be safe with him. I did what I had to. I’ll do whatever needs to be done to keep the promises of home and safety—everything he was supposed to be for us. I’ll work to do the same, only I will never become him.”
Hollis nods. “Good. That’s where you start.
Let me be the end. I’ll keep your heart safe, Baby.
I’ll be your soft place to land, your so-called Angel in the dark.
You don’t have to be, or do, anything, except what you want.
When you’re not being a Boss, you can just be Lio. I love you, my beautiful Little Puppy.”
“And Tennant?” he asks, his voice soft, quiet, submissive.
I move toward him, carefully settling my hand on his back, but instead of flinching, he sinks into the touch, encouraging me to get closer so he can sit between us. “Whatever you need me to be, Mostrotto. I’m yours.”
Gently, I press a kiss to his shoulder. Lio shudders and lets out a deep breath.
He lays his head on Hollis’s shoulder, his sniffles and the shaking of his body tells us he’s crying again, but it's much calmer this time. He's letting in the relief of knowing he’s not alone, that we believe in him, and he doesn’t have to hide anything. Not from us.
After a while, he falls back to sleep. Carefully, I help Hollis lay him on the bed. Lio doesn’t stir, even after we undress him and then each other, climbing into bed on either side.
“I’ll kill him,” Hollis says softly. “A good Master,” he spits the word, “should have been building him up. Making him feel both powerless and powerful on his knees. Instead, he kept him on the ground, and made it so that Lio would be devoted to him and only him, giving him no other options or recourse… I want you to torture him, Ten… But I get to kill him.”
“I do love when you’re bloodthirsty, Tesoro.”
Hollis huffs a laugh and looks down at Emilio’s sleeping face. Unlike his short sleep earlier, this one looks actually restful.
“You really do love him,” I say with wonder in my tone.
Hollis smiles and leans down, pressing a kiss to the boy’s head. “Yeah, I do. I don’t know how he got under my skin, but he’s there, forever.”
“Are you worried about your feelings for him?”
He meets my eyes and shakes his head. “I meant what I said, Emilio is welcome wherever I am. Problem?”
“Of course not. Roman will enjoy having his friend close. Jude will probably make you sleep on the floor until there’s a bed big enough for the five of us, but it’s fine.”
“Six.” He shrugs when I raise a brow. “Benjamin is welcome, too. I’m sure with you and Lio close at hand, he’ll want to join in sometimes.”
“Six then. We’ll make it work. We always do.”
He leans over the boy and kisses me. “We do. I love you. Thank you, for everything.”
“You’re mine, Hol. You always have been. I’ll do whatever you need me to.”
My words earn me another kiss and then he slides down the bed to hold Emilio close. Reaching over, I remove his glasses and carefully set them on the nightstand behind me. “Sleep, Tesoro. I’ll watch over both of you.”
Hollis, for once, doesn’t argue, but cuddles his Boy and closes his eyes. Leaning against the headboard, I watch as his body relaxes and he finally falls into much needed sleep.
Anything. I’ll do anything and everything to keep everyone they love safe, even if it means breaking myself apart. All five of the people who somehow managed to see the monster in me and not only not run, but embrace it, deserve that much from me.