Chapter 14
Another night of shitty sleep. Fucking hell. It didn’t help that I waited up way too late for Lio. I had expected him to climb into bed with me, but when he didn’t, I tried to find him. Finding him curled up on Tennant? That was…unexpected. Even though Hollis was right there.
I’m fairly certain the knife I put in Cristian should end up in Il Padrone as well. Maybe that’s where Luca got his idea that assault was an appropriate way to behave with me. Fucker. And now he’s back. Good luck to him with Il Padrone. Fuckers.
Shaking off my mood, I pop my head into Roman’s room first. There’s a nurse sitting next to him, but Roman is still sleeping.
Frowning, I’m not sure what to do with this one.
I’m not used to seeing him without one of his lovers, his father, or Leandro.
Still, he has someone with him, so I doubt he’d appreciate me watching him sleep.
That may cross the line, even if he’s aware I’ve claimed him.
Slowly, I back away, hoping not to wake him.
It’s only a few more steps to Ignacio’s room, and I walk in just as Dr. Ranlen is setting down his chart. She crosses her arms as she stares at me. I rub the back of my neck, uncomfortable with her scrutiny.
“You’re lucky I couldn’t sleep last night.
He should be waking up any minute now. I’ve been tapering him off the sedatives since about one a.m.” I check the time and nod.
After seven hours, she’s right, he should be awake soon.
“He’s been in and out a little bit already.
If I leave you with him, will you behave? ”
“Of course. I’m a professional.” I bite back my frustration when she raises a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. Waving my hand in front of me, I brush off her contempt. “Yes, he’s technically my ex, but he’s still mine. And I’m the Second of the O’Connel Family.”
“You can throw any damn title around that you want. He’s still my patient.
I won’t leave until I’m sure you won’t mess with him.
Especially, since we don’t know where he stands in this—if he’s an O’Connel or not.
” I pale, as it’s entirely possible he’ll want to join Roman’s Family.
Fuck. No, that’s not going to happen. Dr. Ranlen rolls her eyes and mutters, “Exes, my fucking ass.”
Clearing my throat, I glare at her, even though it does nothing except amuse her. “We’ll be fine. I won’t upset him, but he will need to know what happened.”
Sighing, she runs her fingers through her hair, as her smokey gray eyes take in every inch of me. “Fine. But if I find out you’ve upset him, I will ban you from the entire medical suite. Not only his room.”
“It’ll be fine. Really.”
She presses her lips into a flat line before giving up. “Don’t fuck it up. I don’t need Doc bitching me out if Ignacio has a set back.”
I breathe out a sigh of relief when she leaves, listening to the tapping of her heels as she goes. I take a seat next to Ignacio’s bed and study him silently. Despite having major surgery, he’s as handsome as ever.
Fucking hell. We’ve been through so much, and almost losing him? It’s wreaking havoc on my emotions. I love Tennant. I know that. But there’s a part of me—a major part of me—that still loves Ignacio. No matter how I try to figure it out, I can’t.
Dropping my head, I struggle to put into words what I can’t understand.
I want to lay this at Il Padrone’s feet, to blame him for the way sex snapped the connection between us back into place.
Or hell, I'd even blame Cristian for reminding me what life would look like without Ignacio, the cold, blinding panic that encased me.
Yet, at the end of the day, it’s just me and him and my ball of feelings. For once, I think Lio may be right about that shit—feelings fucking suck. Because all I want to do is beg Ignacio to give me another chance, while selfishly keeping Tennant as well.
“’Ater?” I jolt at Ignacio’s croaky voice, jumping up to meet his dazed brown eyes. The eyes that steal my breath every time.
His tongue darts out, trying to moisten his dry lips, and I fumble for the water pitcher. I quickly pour him a glass and grab a straw. Holding it up to his lips, I watch as he takes a few powerful pulls before dropping his head back onto his pillow. Groaning, he mumbles, “Fucking hell.”
I snort as I set the water nearby and help raise the bed. “You’re going to be sore for a while.”
“No shit,” he grumbles. “What the fuck did Cristian do to me?”
“Ah, yeah… He, uh, gutted you.” My voice goes high, and I cringe from it, especially as Ignacio’s eyes widen in response. Clearing my throat, I try to maintain a calm demeanor so I don’t piss Sarah off. “He kind of went off the rails a bit.”
“A bit?” Ignacio shakes his head. “I don’t think I want to know what happened afterward. Fuck.”
“Yeah, probably not, but unfortunately, you have to know. On the plus side, I did stab Cristian. On the maybe negative side, notice anything different?”
Ignacio blinks and glances around, his brow furrowing in confusion. “Where the fuck are we?”
“So…funny, but not, story. Il Padrone also went off the deep end. It basically ended up with Lio claiming his right as the O’Connel Boss, Roman splitting from his dad—there’s more bullshit there—and oh, Carter!
He took over as the De Luca Boss. And we ended up here in the O’Connel territory, alongside all three of them.
We decided to kidnap you, because fuck would I let you stay with those assholes.
Pretty much everyone came, except for Doc and Luca, who turned out to have been kidnapped by whatever asshole wants to fuck with us. ”
Ignacio’s jaw drops as he tries to take everything in, but admittedly it may be a bit much, especially since he’s likely still groggy from the meds.
He gestures for more water and I gladly give it to him, content to let there be silence, because I know he’ll have questions. Questions I don’t want to face.
“Well. Fuck.” I snort at his succinct response. It’s accurate, but fucking hell, it's an understatement. “Sounds like I need to get off my ass so I can help out.”
Scowling, I stand up straighter, thrusting out my chin in defiance. “No. You will rest and recover. And don’t think you’ll be getting out of doing physical therapy with me. Your ass is mine.”
With a cocky grin, he retorts, “You know I never mind you having my ass.”
I inhale sharply before losing it, as sudden tears stream down my face. I barely manage to get out, “You can’t fucking say that. You almost left me.”
Ignacio struggles to sit up, cursing at the pain, and I roll my eyes as I push him back down. He manages to scoot over and pats the side of his bed. “Get in here. You’re overworked.”
Growling, I barely manage to hold back my own curses. “I’m not fucking weak.”
“Fuck no, you’re not. But I know you, Little Mouse. You’ve given all of yourself to everyone else. You’re tired and worried. You need to get some sleep, and this is me offering you a place to do that.”
My breath catches in my throat, because fuck, I want to take him up on it. It’s so fucking selfish though. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Oh, fuck off with that. Get in here. I promise not to feel you up. I’m not exactly capable of doing shit right now. I remember that you’re Tennant’s. Just…come on. I want to make you feel better.”
I slump, giving in, because fuck, I need this connection right now, and while I could seek Tennant out, I’m not ready.
Not knowing he still wants Cristian in his life, and not knowing how to handle these competing feelings.
I crawl into the bed next to him, and very carefully set my head on the crook of his arm.
“I was so fucking scared. I love you. I don’t know where that leaves us, but…I love you.”
“I know you do, Little Mouse. I love you, too. And I’ll take as little or as much as you’re willing to give me. You’re still part of my heart, no matter what.”
For a moment, I decide to be selfish. It’s not fair to him to dangle the possibility of us getting back together unless I’m certain.
This wouldn’t hurt so damn bad though if I wasn’t still in love with him.
Maybe I need that lecture from Tennant again, the one about loving others.
Because fuck, Ignacio does still own me, and it’s far more than just friends.
It’s just not enough for me to give up Tennant.
Then again…Ignacio’s not asking me to do that.
He has Roman. Could we make it work? A relationship like that, being both his and Tennant’s.
It settles in my heart, and I’m surprised by how much I want that.
To belong to them both. Of course, there’s the small matter of making sure Tennant doesn’t kill Ignacio. That may be an issue.
“Close your eyes, Little Mouse. Get some sleep. I’ll watch over you.”
Relaxing my muscles one by one, I let myself sink into his warmth. He’s right. He has me. He always has. Now, the question is…will I have him when I wake up? Fuck. Maybe Lio can help me with this shit. Preferably without any stabbing…
It doesn’t take long for me to drift off when he starts to rub circles on my back.
This is hell and heaven. It’s everything and nothing.
Sighing one last time, I drift off to the sound of his murmurs, content in the knowledge that I’m safe in his arms. At least, for however long this moment can last.