Matthew
No one is in the living room that’s all part of the entryway. Or the kitchen. “Hello?”
Immediately, a voice calls from the other side of the house. “Matty?” Lana.
“Marco.”
“Polo.” The voice is closer now.
“Marco.”
Her head pops through the doorway, grinning. “Polo.” She moves into the kitchen properly, and my eyebrows lift into my hairline.
“Whoa.” She’s wearing a sparkling black-and-gold flapper dress with black T-strap heels and black sheer leggings. Her hair has been permed and is bouncing around her ears, the look completed with a sequined and feathered headband. “Uh… did I go back in time when no one was looking?”
“We’re going to a Gatsby dress party.” She twirls for me and bends a knee, lifting her foot. “What do you think?”
“You look beautiful.”
She beams at me. “Do you like my feathers?”
“They’re very feathery.” And shiny.
“That’s what I was going for.”
Jack joins us, dressed in a white striped suit with black tie and black bracers, a black trilby hat, and a scarf with tassels. They’ve really gone all out on their costumes. They always do, no matter where they’re going.
“Oh my God, you look like a gangster.”
He tips his hat and winks at me. “Why, thank you.”
“It wasn’t a compliment.” Maybe. A few days ago, I’d have meant that.
Now I don’t know what to think. It’s not like the men that I’ve…
slept with? Been with? Am involved with?
Any of those. It’s not like they’re paragons of society.
Nothing seems black-and-white anymore. It’s all grayscale, in a way I’ve never had to think about before.
“You should come with us,” Lana says. She looks into the mirror above the side table on the opposite end of the dining area and puffs up her curled hair.
“I’m not exactly dressed for the occasion.” And they’ve gone all out. I’d look incredibly dull and out of place next to them.
“Jack has spare outfits. You’d look like a million dollars.” She looks over her shoulder and waggles her eyebrows at me. “I bet there are some single men just waiting for you to rock their world.”
“I…” How do I even begin to explain? “I don’t think I’m single.”
They both turn to look at me, shocked. Is it really that shocking?
Lana was literally just saying I was a catch.
Was that a line to get me to go? No, that’s not her.
She doesn’t even generally try to set me up with people, but every now and again, both of them introduce me to someone.
It never pans out, but I guess it’s nice they don’t want me to die alone or something.
But I’m not sure I’d want to meet my soulmate at a dress-up party.
Besides, I have my hands full right now.
Literally and figuratively. Well, not literally right now since my hands are empty, but with three men they have the potential to get full.
That sounded dirty. I guess it kind of was anyway.
“Since when?” Jack asks. He pats the stool at the breakfast bench. “Sit down. Tell us everything.”
“Everything?” I blink. I’m not really comfortable telling them about the sex stuff. Or the killing stuff. Or the “what they do for a living” stuff. What does that leave? What I’m doing with them? What they’re doing with me? I wish I had answers for that. “I don’t know—”
“Ignore him,” Lana says, waving Jack off.
“Juicy details are for cocktails. Tell us who he is, how you met him, all the sweet details.” She slides onto one of the stools and pats the same one Jack’s hand is on.
Their fingers touch, and they smile at each other so sweetly it gives me a pang in my chest. I’d love for someone to look at me like that, to find what they have.
Xavier and Hunter look at each other like that.
Will they look at me like that? And Miles?
There’s a lot of unknowns, and the situation with them is definitely complicated.
“Is that too hard to answer?” Jack asks. “It’s okay if you met him at a strip club.”
“I—what? No!”
Jack shrugs. “Lots of relationships start in lots of places.”
“Good for them? I have never been to a strip club.” If I did, would I meet a stripper or someone going there to see the strippers? I’m not adventurous enough for that. What if a parent from school saw me? No. Just no. “Anyway, it’s not a him.”
Jack tilts his head. “You met a woman? Hey, good for you. Bisexuality is great. I’m here for that.”
“Are you auditioning for best ally or something?” I ask, flicking his arm. “I’m not bisexual. I did not meet a woman. It's not a him; it’s a them.”
Jack’s lips part in surprise. “Oh.”
I shift uncomfortably. “Right, so…”
“Do you need a drink, honey?” Lana asks, directing the question at me.
“No, I drove.”
“I have some virgin mojito; we were going to have some before we left.”
“Yes, please.” Lana makes the best mocktails. Great for a summer night where the heat won’t quit. Getting drunk makes the heat worse, I swear.
She touches my forearm gently as she passes. “It’s okay, you know. Having multiple partners.”
“It’s not cheating, is it? What do they call it? Open relationship?” I love how hard Jack’s trying to be supportive, but I’m not sure he listens to himself sometimes when he talks.
“It’s not like that. I don’t think?” What if it is? Are they seeing other people? No. No, there’s no way. Not with the way they all look at each other. I don’t think that would end well.
Well, I guess I was another person, wasn’t I? When Hunter went on a date with me? Xavier and Miles were quick to swoop in and assert their claim. And then somehow, I was dragged into all of it. I can’t even begin to explain all that. “They’re all together, and I’m… with them?”
“Why do you keep saying that like it’s a question?” Jack asks. “Are they just fucking with you?” Red spreads across his cheeks. “Not in the sexual way. I meant—”
“I know what you meant.”
“Okay, good. I’m not doing another birds-and-bees talk with you.”
“I was traumatised enough, thanks.” Not that Dad’s was any better.
Mum’s was somehow even worse than that. Make sure you use protection, test regularly, and only kiss on the mouth if you’re in love.
Which then devolved into Dad explaining that Pretty Woman is not the movie we should base our romantic expectations on.
And something about strawberries. They tried their best.
I understood better once I was experiencing it for myself.
And I never told Mum I kissed boyfriends on the mouth, even when I only liked them.
Though when I was twenty, I felt the need to tell Mum that I gave serious consideration to being a sex worker, but that ultimately, I decided I wanted to keep teaching, in case she had dreams of me being like Julia Roberts’ character.
I’d never pull that dress off the way she does anyway.
“They’re not, um, messing with me.” I don’t think so, though I can’t be sure. Best not to say anything about that.
Jack studies me for a moment that feels like a lifetime of scrutiny. What is he looking at? What is he seeing?
“Do you remember that time at your sixth-grade graduation, where they were giving out lollipops and told you to only take one, but you took two?”
A memory that will forever live in my shame box. To be fair, I saw apple-flavoured ones, and those were hard to find. Probably still are. I made a split-second decision that wasn’t my best. “So?”
“You were a terrible liar then, and you’re a terrible one now.”
Drat. “I don’t know, okay? I don’t know.”
Lana hands over a virgin mojito topped with a lemon wedge and a colourful umbrella.
Hers is the same. I could try for a thousand years and never be as elegant, or extra, as her.
She lives life to the absolute fullest, keeping my brother on his toes and bringing light to every room.
If I ever have to choose between her and Jack, I’m choosing her, hands down.
“Have you tried asking them?” she asks, swirling her umbrella.
“... No.” That’s too scary. What if they say, “Yeah, this was fun, but see you later.”?
I’m not sure how to open myself up to that kind of rejection.
I mean, it’s not over yet, is it? The threat of the man who sent people to shoot me—or Hunter; we’re still not clear on who the target was—is still there.
I don’t know if his man Lester has talked since I left Hunter’s earlier today, but I left before anyone was up, so there’s that too.
No one has contacted me asking where I am, and no one showed up at school even though I stayed an hour after the kids left, so I assume they already know. The same way that Xavier and Miles seem to already know everything about me. Keeping tabs somehow.
Or maybe they don’t care one way or another.
Except that can’t be right, after the trouble they went to.
Hunter even sent his brother to take me to a safe house.
Why would they do that if they don’t care?
Too many unknowns. After what happened last night, I just…
don’t know what to do. I thought talking to my brother would help. He’s always been the one I go to.
“I can see your brain moving like a rat in a hamster ball,” Jack says, shaking his head in fond exasperation.
“Do you mean the spinning wheels?”
“Potato, potahto.”
“They’re not even the same thing.”
“Focus, Matty.”
“I’ve only known two of them for a few days.
And the other one I’ve had a crush on for forever.
So it’s really new, and there are other things in amongst that—no, I can’t tell you, it’s complicated—and I don’t know where it’s going, or if it’s going anywhere?
” Crush sounds juvenile, but how else do I explain how stupid obsessed I got with Hunter?
Hearts over the i’s and writing our names together.
I’d call that juvenile. I’m not even sure I felt that for anyone while I was a teenager.
“Wait, wait, wait, you mean that guy, the parent of one of your kids?” He clicks his fingers. “What was his name? Harry?”
“Hunter,” Lana supplies. “But close.”
“When did that happen? I saw you last week, Matty, are you holding out on me?”
“I told you that it’s new. He invited me on a date, and while we were there, we met his ex and… a friend.” I assume Miles is the bodyguard, but I’m not actually sure on the dynamics.
“They were there?” Lana asks. “Were they following him or something?”
“No.” Yes. “His ex owns the hotel.” And that’s all I’m going to say about that night. Some things are just better kept to myself.
Jack whistles. “Nice.”
I guess so. I hadn’t really thought about it. “Right, so one thing led to another, and things are happening.” I hope they’re following this conversation because I’m definitely not explaining it well. To them or to myself.
“Do you want it to be something more?” Lana asks.
It’s such a loaded question. Yes is the first thing to go through my head.
They’re all incredible men. Strong, loyal, handsome.
Thinking about them makes me smile. If that were it, then so much yes.
But there’s a lot more to consider. Their lives, the fact that they have people wanting to kill them, and they don’t so much as blink an eye?
That feels like something that should be a shock.
Be scary. Be not okay. And they act like it’s just an everyday occurrence.
Maybe it is. Do I want to be near that? “I think so.” I know that I want to be near them.
The rest of it will sort itself out, won’t it?
Lana sighs and nudges my knee with hers. “Maybe you should ask them. You won’t know otherwise. You are a man of many talents, but mindreading is not one of them.” She squints. “Unless it is, and you’ve been hiding it from us.”
“I’d have told you,” I promise her. It would be handy for so many things, and I’d want to use it to help my loved ones too.
“This is why you’re my favourite.”
“Do you two want me to leave you alone?” Jack asks, rolling his eyes. “Seriously, though, Matty, just ask them. The worst they can say is no, and then you know, and you can move on.”
He says it like it’s simple. No, and continue on with your life, like they haven’t turned it upside down and changed everything.
I don’t know if I’m brave enough to ask.