Xavier
It still feels like a novelty being in this house during the light of day.
To be welcome in Hunter’s home without sneaking in under the cover of darkness.
Coming here after a day of work feels like the broken pieces of my soul starting to heal.
We have a long way to go before Hunter will let me back in the way he used to, but it’s a start.
Maybe it won’t ever be the way it was before; I doubt it will be.
We can’t change the past, but I can do everything to stop from repeating it. My choices are now my own.
“He has a number of secondary homes, but he’d have to be an idiot to retreat to such obvious places,” Miles says from where he’s seated beside me on the dining table. “He has to know it’d be the first place we’d look.” He turns his laptop for Hunter to see across the table.
“That could be what he wants you to think,” Hunter replies. “Hiding in plain sight. It’s been proven to be an effective tactic.”
“It’s a hit-and-miss tactic,” Miles says flippantly. “Besides, you’re assuming that he has half a brain.”
“The fact that we haven’t yet been able to locate him suggests that he has at least that.”
Miles acknowledges that with a tilt of his head, not willing to voice anything that might sound anything like a compliment to Roger.
“He’s a cockroach,” I offer. “Not particularly smart unless it’s about his survival. His business practices leave a lot to be desired, but he always finds a way to weasel out of taking responsibility when shit hits the fan.”
“He sounds charming,” Hunter says.
“A man who thinks sending a finger as a message is a good idea lacks finesse.”
Hunter slides the laptop back to Miles. “I’d like to check the houses anyway. Anything overseas, I’ll investigate through contacts or send someone I trust.”
Miles shrugs and types something on his keyboard. “If you want to waste your time, be my guest.”
“What I want is Matthew safe. Exhausting every avenue is worth the time.”
“You were the original target,” I remind him. “You still could be. You’re the one that needs watching over.” Matthew as well. But Hunter shouldn’t forget that he needs to be safe too. I won’t risk him for anything.
“I can handle myself. He can’t.”
“He’s not here,” Miles says tightly. “And you wouldn’t allow us to go to him. How do you expect to keep him safe?”
“Moira and Six have been tailing him all day. He wouldn’t have noticed.”
I lean back in my chair, stretching an arm behind Miles’ shoulders.
“That’s the plan? Have someone watch him twenty-four seven while we hunt Roger?” I ask.
“For now, yes,” Hunter says.
“Hardly practical.”
“I don’t care.”
“Hmm.” My fingers drum on Miles' shoulder absently. “You could have done that in the first place, instead of bringing him here.”
Hunter crosses his arms over his chest. Defensive. “What’s your point?”
“There’s no point. You wanted him here because you have feelings for him.” Sweet, sweet Matthew. Hunter deserves that kind of devotion. If I were a better person, I’d walk away and let him have it. I’m not. I’ll take them both without a single regret.
“He needs time,” Hunter says. “Last night was a lot for him. It’s understandable that he’s distancing himself.”
“And then what?” Has he thought about what he’ll do if Matthew turns his back and doesn’t want to return?
When the dust settles after Roger is dead, what will he do?
Let Matthew have his independence back and pretend this never happened?
That’s not how Hunter works, no matter what he’ll try to tell himself.
“He has two days,” Miles says abruptly. “And then we go for him.”
Now, that’s a plan I can get behind.
Hunter hums in neither agreement nor disagreement, switching his focus to an incoming message on his phone. He doesn’t need to say anything. We know he’ll be right there with us.
Hunter tenses, replies to the message, and then stares right at me.
“Something wrong” I straighten in my chair, feet flattening on the floor. “Matthew?” Anyone touches him, and I’ll burn them alive.
“Matthew is fine. Spence and Ken are bringing Olivia back.”
I drop back, heart thumping. “Roger is still out there.” It’s still not safe. What is he thinking?
“He’s gone into hiding, and the man who does his dirty work is behind bars. I won’t keep my daughter away from me when it’s not absolutely necessary. She’s protected here, and she’ll never be alone.” He watches me silently.
Trying to read me. There’s nothing to read. Even I don’t know what I’m thinking.
“She goes to bed at seven thirty. I can let you know when you can come back to finish this.” He smiles wryly. “I can leave my bedroom window open if you prefer that method.” There’s no judgement in his tone. No hidden agenda beneath the words. He’s giving me an out, free of strings.
The deepest, scared part of me wants to take it with both hands.
For years, I’ve blocked out her entire existence.
For her. I have nothing to give her except generational trauma, bloodied hands, and a stained soul.
A cruel legacy she doesn’t need. Hunter has given her everything that I couldn’t.
He’s exactly the kind of father that I knew he would be, which is why I wanted to give him the one thing he wanted more than anything else.
A child. It suits him, this quiet domesticity.
My absence was the biggest favour I could do for her.
I should leave, continue on the way I have been all these years.
Or I can be brave. I can try. For him and for her.
“I’m staying.”
Hunter’s next smile is almost shy, and I want to capture it. Memorise it. Hold it close. “Yes?”
“Yes.” I can only hope that there will always be more Hunter in her than me.
He nudges my foot with his under the table. “They’ll be here soon. I should get dinner ready.”
The next thirty minutes are strangely harrowing. Spent watching Hunter throw together a casserole with a bunch of random ingredients from his fridge. The steady clack, clack, clack of Miles typing.
“You can’t have people on him indefinitely.”
Hunter briefly pauses from spreading cheese over the top of the dish. “I know.”
I could. I have the money to hire someone whose entire job would be to follow him, keep him safe. Only I would never trust anyone outside this circle enough to do that. Theo and Adam are better suited to other jobs, though they’re available if we’re ever desperate.
“Should we invite him to dinner?” Extend an olive branch for him to reach for, so to speak? If he needs it.
“If he wanted to be here, he would be.” Hunter sounds nonchalant, but he’s stirring the casserole with more aggression than necessary.
“Alright.”
Based on his expression, he clearly doesn’t agree with me. Luckily, I’m saved from his response by the opening of the back door.
Spencer comes in first, carrying a small suitcase, followed by a boisterous young girl with a braid that’s half undone, then Kendrick.
I’ve seen Olivia before. In pictures and from afar. A safe distance where reality can’t destroy my illusion.
Being this close to her, knowing that she’ll see me for the first time, is an entirely different experience. Everything I worked so hard to avoid is coming at me like a freight train that I can’t stop.
I can see pieces of the egg donor in her—even just one profile picture shows a lot.
The surrogate had no biological tie to her, to prevent issues in the future.
No one will ever try to take Hunter’s daughter from him.
Even so, it’s too easy to see the parts of her that came from me.
Her eyes. Her nose. The way she looks at Hunter, like he’s responsible for putting all the stars into the sky.
That part of her I understand. I’ve felt it from the moment I met him.
Even if we were apart for lifetimes, I would still feel that way.
“Daddy!” she cries happily, jumping into his open arms. “Missed you.”
“I missed you too. Did you have a good time with your uncles?”
She nods enthusiastically. “Uncle Spence showed me how to submit.”
Hunter’s left brow rises in confusion. “He what?”
Kendrick rubs his forehead in exasperation.
Spencer cackles. “We were practising her wrestling skills,” he explains. “She has a mean armbar, and she can take idiot boys to the ground if they don’t take no for an answer.”
“She’s seven.”
“It’s never too early to learn.”
“How thoughtful,” Hunter deadpans. “A useful skill for her, I’m sure.”
“You’ll thank me one day.”
“Not today.”
“It was fun, Daddy.”
Hunter ruffles her hair. “We can talk about situational context later.”
“What-ever,” she says mockingly, eyes rolling as she turns to face us, leaning back against her father’s legs.
Kendrick eyes me curiously. “Heard you were back in the picture.”
“The rumour mill is correct for once. Mark that down in the calendar.”
Spencer brushes Kendrick’s shoulder with his own. “Where’s the teacher? Jericho said you took him with you. Bold.”
“It wasn’t entirely intentional,” Hunter says. “He insisted. He’s gone home now. Six and Moira are watching him.”
“Too much for him?”
Hunter does a one-shoulder shrug. “Perhaps.”
There’s no “perhaps” about it. Only time will tell if he’ll come back. He asked for our world, and he got it. Be careful what you wish for and all that.
Hunter places his hands on Olivia’s shoulders, squeezing. “Vee, I’d like you to meet some people.”
She tilts her head, looking so much like Hunter it’s beautiful. They may not be of blood, but they’re so similar it would be difficult to tell. “Hello.”
Neither Miles nor I respond. What do I say to even begin making up for my absence?
“This is Miles,” Hunter follows up, allowing us our silence. “He’s a… friend, and he’s helping me with an important job.”
She nods seriously. “You better keep Daddy safe.”
Smart girl. I doubt Hunter shares specifics, but she knows he isn’t like other dads. I know he got her out of the state when the issues with Sebastian arose. I’ll never atone for that mistake. Just another nail to add to my coffin. What’s one more?
“I will,” Miles says with complete sincerity.
“Vee, this is Xavier.” He bends and kisses the top of her head. “You’ve never met him, but you know him.”
“I do?”
She does?
“He sends you flowers every week.”
I do?
Her lips part instantly, eyes widening. Her little hands clench at her sides. “You send the flowers.”
That part is true, at least. I don’t know what to do with the fact that he’s been giving those to her all these years. And that she knows who I am. Why would he do that?
I glance at Hunter before replying, “Yes.” He gives nothing away, allowing space to breathe.
“You’re my dad.”
I shouldn’t be surprised by how direct she is. Hunter doesn’t dance around the hard questions; I couldn’t expect different from his daughter.
“One of them.” Through DNA only. Hunter will always be her father. Her real father.
She squints at me, like she’s trying to see underneath. I can guarantee she doesn’t want to see that.
“You have my nose,” she declares, wrinkling hers.
“I believe you have mine,” I say. “I had mine first.”
She puts a hand on her hip, unimpressed. “Why didn’t you come see me? I haven’t been naughty.”
Jesus. “No, you haven’t.” She’s Hunter’s daughter. She’s fucking perfect. “But I have.”
She twists her lips, thinking. “Did you say sorry? Dad says if you do something wrong, you should apple-gize.”
“I’m trying to.”
She nods. Such a serious gesture. Deliberate. “Are you here to stay?”
My eyes lock onto Hunter’s. He doesn’t say a word, and his face reveals nothing. He remains a statue, leaving it in my court.
“Yes.”
She takes a tentative step forward, Hunter’s hands slipping from her shoulders. “Do you promise?”
I shouldn’t. I should backtrack, let her live a life that doesn’t involve me. A place where I can’t hurt her the way my father hurt me. Perhaps not physically, but there are worse things. Mental manipulation rewires the brain in ways that physical pain couldn’t hope to do.
What if I can’t help but be just like him?
“I promise.”
Another step closer. Her shoes have badly drawn skulls all over them. Some have “Pirate V” scrawled underneath. And… fairy wings. An interesting combination.
“Do you want to play Captain Toad with me? Two people can play; you don’t have to wait for your turn.”
I have no idea what Captain Toad is, but I’ll play any games that she wants me to. I’ll do anything to ensure that she never looks at me with hatred in her eyes. The way Hunter did with me for so long. He followed me without thought once, too, and he paid for it.
Olivia turns her gaze on Miles. “Do you want to play?”
“Not really.” A clear rejection but softer than Miles would normally present.
“That’s okay. My friend Sammy doesn’t like video games either. We go outside to kick the ball instead.”
It was smart of Hunter to have his planted garden enclosed, with the open space further into the backyard for child shenanigans. He’s always three steps ahead, thinking of everything.
“A sound compromise,” Miles says. “I don’t want to kick the ball either.” Clarification so that she can’t rope him into that either.
She smiles toothily. “We’ll find something.” Caught hook, line, and sinker.
“It’s almost dinnertime,” Hunter says. “Why don’t you save it for afterwards?”
“How long?” she asks, like she’s had this conversation a thousand times over.
Hunter sighs. Definitely a common debate. “Twenty-five minutes.”
“I could play for twenty minutes,” she says reasonably. I’m impressed; I need to bring her into the boardroom during negotiations.
“Make it fifteen minutes; you need to set the table.”
Olivia beams. “Yes! Let’s go—” She stops. “Dad says I shouldn’t use adults’ first names. Mr. Snow’s first name is Matthew—I saw it on a form—but I call him Mr. Snow.”
Ah, Matthew. Miles isn’t wrong. He has two days, and then we’ll talk.
“Very polite.”
“I don’t want to call you Dad.”
“I understand.” I’m not sure that I’m ready for that either. Having her within arm’s reach is surreal enough. I’m quite content with baby steps.
Her face scrunches in concentration. “What about Daz?”
That’s… a choice. I’m not sure what kind of one. “May I ask why?”
“It’s short for Dad Xavier.”
Logical, I suppose. “What is the Z for?”
“Xavier,” she says slowly.
Hunter places a hand on top of her head. “Vee, Xavier starts with X, not Z.”
She blinks up at him, not dislodging him. “Does it?”
“I’ll write it down for you later,” Hunter promises. “Right now, your time is running out, though.”
“Crap.”
“Olivia.”
“Sorry. Crud?”
“Marginally better. I’ll allow it for now.”
Olivia bounces across the room to the hallway heading to the bedrooms. “C’mon, Dax, we’re running late. I have to show you ‘The King of Pyropuff Peak.’”
The what?