Chapter 14 If This Is Such a Great Idea, Why Do I Feel Like Crap? #3
I think about his honesty, his willingness to admit where he was wrong and that he has been arrogant.
I feel a surge of emotion. “Thank you, Ben. I appreciate you saying all of that. We’re going to be family, in a weird way, and it’s important that we can get along and try to understand each other.
And I’m sorry for disrupting your life like this.
And Henry’s. He’s a terrific little human, and the last thing I’d want to do is hurt either of you. ”
A flash of anger crosses Ben’s face and I know he’s tempted to tell me I am hurting them, but he doesn’t. Instead, he smooths out his features and says, “Thank you.”
“Not that me saying any of this is going to help you at all. In the end, Dominic is going to leave and you’re going to be on your own to figure this out.”
Rubbing the back of his neck, Ben says, “Yeah, but we’ll be okay.”
“Will you?”
He offers me a small smile, and I can’t help but notice how handsome he is when he smiles. “We will. We’ve got lots of friends, and Mrs. Wilson from across the street would be happy to babysit on school holidays and when Henry’s home sick from school.”
“But still, it won’t be the same as having Dom here to be your partner in all of this.”
“No, it won’t, but at least I’ve had him here for the last five years.
That’s more than a lot of people get,” Ben says.
“And I want Dominic to be happy. I want the best for him, and this opportunity you’re offering is …
well, it’s incredible. I’d never get in the way of his dream.
Not after everything he’s done for us.” He turns his gaze to the TV, then says, “Anyway, I’m tired. Should we watch the show?”
“Together?”
“If you don’t mind.”
“Hmm, I don’t think you’ll approve of the storyline. It’s about two people pretending to be in love so one of them can get a green card.”
“I know, I saw it with my ex. Betty White makes the movie, if you ask me.”
“Agreed.” I’m about to hit play, when curiosity gets the better of me. “Did you watch it with Henry’s mom?”
He shakes his head. “After her. I dated a woman named Maisie. It was pretty serious actually. She even lived with us.”
“Oh,” I answer, not sure what to say. As much as I’d love to know what happened between them, I’m not exactly in a position to ask. It’s not like we’re friends or something.
“Maisie wasn’t ready to be a step-mum,” he says, his gaze set on the coffee table.
“So, she thought she could handle it when you started dating, then she realized it was too much for her?”
He shakes his head. “No, we were already together when Henry’s mum left him on the doorstep.”
I laugh, because surely this must be a joke. No one would do such a thing. As soon as I realize he’s not laughing too, I stop. Oh, blerg. “Actually? No. She couldn’t have … nobody does that.”
Nodding, Ben says, “Cressida did. I had no idea I was a father until the doorbell rang at six a.m. on a random Saturday, and there was this little bundle, screaming so loud he was waking up the entire neighborhood. I swear he knew she was never coming back.”
My heart squeezes at the thought of it and my mind reels with all the questions I want to ask. Finally, I settle on one. “How old was he?”
“A month.”
“Wow,” I whisper. “What a shock for you. And poor Henry.”
“Yeah, it was rough. Honestly, so rough for him having to put up with a guy who didn’t have the first clue how to look after him.
I was hopeless at first. I didn’t have any of the stuff you need—and you need a lot of stuff for a tiny baby.
My parents were in Nigeria so I had to figure it all out.
Well, Dom and I figured it out together.
Maisie moved out after two days,” he answers.
“Oh my God, I wouldn’t even know where to start.”
“It was the scariest thing I’ve been through. My first thought was to find Cressida and get her to come back because I was one-hundred-percent sure I was going to screw it all up and wind up killing him somehow.”
“I’d feel exactly the same way,” I say. “Especially that soft spot thing? Terrifying.”
“Oh, totally,” he answers with a nod. “I almost bought a tiny helmet online for him, but Dominic convinced me not to.”
I laugh, then my mind wanders back to Henry’s mom. “Did you ever find her?”
“Eventually,” Ben says. “It took a few weeks, and by then I was pretty much panicking. Things were going better with Henry, but I was scared maybe she did something to herself, because leaving your baby is … drastic, you know?”
“Was she okay? She must have been distraught to have to make a decision like that.”
He lets out a sound that’s halfway between a scoff and a chuckle. “I don’t know. Maybe she was, but when I tracked her down, she seemed to be over it. She was in Bali partying. As she put it, she thought having a baby would be ‘super cute and fun’ until the reality of it set in.”
“It’s not like getting a kitten.”
“Not at all,” he says, shaking his head.
“I actually don’t think she should get a kitten.
Anyway, parenting is the hardest, most intense, most exhausting experience a person can have.
It’s also the best, most wonderful thing I’ll ever do, and I am grateful every day that she left him here with me.
” Ben’s voice cracks and I can tell he means it.
“Sometimes I think about what would’ve happened if she hadn’t left him here?
I might not even know he exists, and he’s the most important thing in my life.
” He turns his gaze to the television and I know the conversation is over.
“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather watch something else? Or, if you need to work, I could go hang out in my room.”
“No, I’m too wiped. Let’s just Netflix and chill.” His face turns red and he looks slightly panicked. “Chill out. Not chill like chill. That’s not what I meant at all. What I mean is … having my mum here is exhausting.”
I tuck my lips between my teeth to stop myself from laughing. “She’s like a tiny ball of energy, right?”
“Yup, she’s got a very big personality wrapped up in that small package.”
“But she’s also really awesome,” I say. “She’s been wonderful to me. So welcoming, and she definitely didn’t have to be.”
“Yeah, she could’ve acted like me and tried to chase you off,” he says. “But she would never do that, and my parents taught me better than to act the way I did. They’re all about empathy and understanding and community.”
“The world needs more people like them.”
“Yes, it does. I know they do a lot of good everywhere they go.”
I think about how Ben and Henry are going to be truly alone. “Would she and your dad ever consider spending more time here to help you out?”
“I wouldn’t want to ask. They love their volunteer work, and the people they’re helping need them far more than I do.” He yawns, then nods toward the TV. “Should we watch the show?”
I turn it back on, but I’m not really paying attention to the movie.
Instead, I’m thinking about everything Ben’s told me, from his selfless attitude to having a baby abandoned on his doorstep.
It makes me want to go into Henry’s room and give him the biggest hug ever and tell him that he’s worthy of love and that being abandoned was not about him at all and that he’s enough, exactly how he is.
I won’t, but boy, do I want to. I also want to give Ben a big hug.
(Okay, maybe more than one hug.) He’s not who I thought he was.
He’s not arrogant or rude or selfish. He’s a guy caught up in a weird situation.
One that I created. He’s someone who believes in marriage and love, and who would never abandon his family, no matter what.
As if that’s not the sexiest thing of all time…