Chapter 27
COURTNEY
“You sure about this?” Ross asks me as our emergency family meeting wraps up.
Dad and Mom are watching him carefully. Abi is making murder eyes at him, promising pain if he so much as says one negative word to me about Kaede.
I hug him. “You have looked out for me for a long time. I don’t need your help or your approval with this.”
He holds his hands up, palms facing me. “Go get him, Sis. Make him work for it. You’re worth it.”
He turns back to Dad, effectively dismissing me to go on my mission. “Okay, let’s run through this one more time.”
At least Ross and Dad are working out more of their shit, actually working together instead of against each other for once.
“I hereby call to order this emergency meeting,” I declare, standing on my coffee table. Violet, Abi, and Archie sit on my couch, shoved in amid the pillows, with rapt eyes locked on me.
Archie leans over to Violet, singsonging out the side of his mouth. “She’s losing it. Didn’t they just have a family meeting?”
Violet talks back, her lips not moving. “That’s what Ross said. I didn’t go because I was crying over baby blankets. You know what I know, which is jack shit.”
“Zip it,” I bark.
Archie looks at me in surprise, ‘girl, you did not . . .’ written in the lift of his brows and the challenge in his eyes. I glare back, not backing down. After a moment, he nods, letting me be Queen Bee. For now.
“Yes, we had a family meeting, mostly for Dad and Ross. This is not about that. This is about something even more important.”
“More important than Ross’s business? Kaede’s business?” Violet asks, looking to Abi for backup. Abi was in our family meeting too, so she just puts a finger to her mouth, supporting me in my need for them to shut the fuck up so I can get on with this.
“This is about war . . . on Kaede,” I declare.
Well, that gets their attention.
Archie leans forward, his eyes burning. “What did he do? Never mind, I just want to know what we’re going to do.
Are we bug bombing his apartment? Vandalizing his car?
Or ooh, I saw this thing where you sneak in and put shrimps in the curtain rods and they just rot away.
He’ll never find them and just live with the stench.
It’ll permeate his furniture, his clothes, his skin. He’ll never get another woman again.”
Okay . . . Archie is weird. And vindictive to a level that makes me understand why all his former boyfriends never want to be ‘just friends’ afterward. “Remind me to never piss you off. And on an unrelated note, I’m gonna need my emergency apartment key back from you.”
Vi raises her hand. “Our place too.” Abi raises her hand silently too.
Archie huffs haughtily. “As if I need a key to get into any of your places. I can pick locks. Misspent youth.”
Why does he say that proudly?
“Whatever,” I say with a shake of my head. “Either way, it’s not that kind of war.”
“What kind of war do you mean?” Violet asks, her voice tight.
“I misspoke,” I answer, looking each of them in the eye directly. “Because this isn’t going to be a war on Kaede. This is going to be a war for Kaede. I want him, and I’m going to get him.”
Three, two, one of silence . . . and then pandemonium breaks out.
“Hell yes, girl!”
“About time!”
“Pay up!”
That one’s Violet. She holds her hand out to Archie and he tut-tuts. “Bankroll’s at home so I’ll pay you later.”
“You bet on me and Kaede?” I ask incredulously.
“Duh, darling,” Archie says. “We’ve had a pot going since dinner at Vi’s.
And can I say, for such a smart bitch, you are really fucking stupid.
My date passed weeks ago. Weeks. You hear me?
” He huffs again. “I wanted that money pot, had my eye on a new pair of patent leopard Doc Martens, but does anyone care what I want? No.”
I snap my fingers. “Guys. Focus. I need your help here.”
Abi stands and sticks her fingers in her mouth, whistling loudly. Great, now my neighbors are going to call on me. One more thing to deal with!
But as Violet and Archie hush and look at Abi, I know I’ve lost full control of this meeting. Huge board rooms full of staff? No problemo. My own living room with three friends? Zero authority.
“What Courtney is trying to say, if she’d ever get to the point, is that Kaede has some kind of inferiority complex that’s based on shit only in his head.” She shrugs, as if it’s no big deal. “We’ve all got our issues.”
Isn’t that the truth?
“And she needs us to get her gussied up because she’s going to get her man.”
It’s like she said the magic words because Archie and Violet are automatically standing too, pulling me from the coffee table. “Why didn’t you say so, darling? Let’s get to work! Get in the shower. Now. Shave everything, and I do mean everything.”
Archie looks at Vi. “Think we could get an emergency wax session?” Without waiting for an answer, he shakes his head. “No, shaving will have to do. Do a good job, no nicks on the lips unless it’s the good kind.”
I blink. And blink again. I’ve been friends with Archie for years at this point, and I still never quite know what to make of the things that come out of his mouth. But I don’t get a chance to clarify because I’m shoved into the bathroom with stern orders to hurry, but be careful.
It’s one or the other, people!
As I strip, I can already hear the three of them going through my drawers and chatting about my closet. ‘Matronly’ and ‘uh, okay, Katie Holmes’ don’t sound like compliments ,so I’d better get my ass in gear.
My shower is fast and steamy so that I can shave . . . everything. I come out still wrapped in a towel.
Abi hands over my favorite lotion from the bedside table. “Everywhere.”
I look at Archie, embarrassed. I’m close to my sister and Violet, but we don’t exactly have naked sleepovers despite what PornHub says. And Archie’s a guy.
He turns around, heading back into my closet, though he calls over his shoulder, “Don’t want whatcha got, honey. And trust me, I’ve seen enough to know that one hole is pretty much like any other.”
Violet blanches. “Oh, my God, I just realized that when I give birth, the whole room is going to see my vagina. Like legs spread, spotlight on, with the doctor’s head and hands all up in there.
” She spreads the air in front of her with cupped hands, like the doctor is going to be spelunking in her lady cave to get the baby.
Abi pats her hand. “Don’t worry. They deliver babies all the time. They won’t care about what you look like . . . not when there’s a watermelon stretching your girly bits out like a too-small turtleneck over a too-big head.”
Violet decides now is a good time to sit down and waves the rest of us on to continue getting ready. “I’m fine. Just gonna sit down while I still can.”
A half hour later, I’m transformed, wearing exactly what I need to become Kaede’s ultimate sex bomb seductress and win this war.
I’ve got on my white pencil skirt, the one Kaede mentioned a particular fantasy about, five-inch heels, and a low-cut slinky blouse that makes my boobs swell up some.
“Shit, your ass got big,” Abi grunts as she tries to zip up the closure on the skirt.
I suck in and tighten my glutes a little, and with one more tug, she gets it past the biggest curve and then everything slides easily.
“And your waist got smaller.” To Violet and Archie, she says, “Have I mentioned I hate my little sister?”
“Squats do a body good,” I say sassily, looking at myself in the mirror. Outfit . . . on point. Makeup . . . the perfect red lipstick that screams ‘ready for sex’ and a pale gray smoky eye that makes every blink a flirt. Body . . . banging. Heartrate . . . skyrocketing.
I do look great, classy but sultry.
I’ve only got one piece of jewelry on, my engagement ring strung on a simple gold chain and hung around my neck where it dangles at the top of my cleavage. “How do I look?”
Abi whistles again, this time softly. “He’s not going to know what hit him.”
Archie nods like a bobblehead, his lips pursed. “You look so good that even I’d do you. And as we’ve established, I’m not a vajayjay sort.”
I laugh, understanding the compliment.
Violet is wiping at her eyes again. “You look beautiful, Courtney. I’m so excited for you. And for Kaede. You deserve each other.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, burning heat building behind my eyes. I fan my face. “Ahh, don’t make me cry. It’ll ruin my makeup.”
Archie fans me too. “Hell no, girl. I worked too hard on that shadow. Don’t you dare. Think about something else . . . old man farts that scorch your nose hair, baby elephants playing in mud and getting stuck on their backs, or I can tell you about my date yesterday?”
“No!” I yell. “I’m good. No tears. No story.” I breathe a sigh of relief. “Thanks.”
We take each other’s hands, a battle circle sending me off to war.
“I’ve got this. I’m going to get my man.”
They wish me well, and Archie promises to lock up when they leave. But I’m pretty sure I hear Abi ask where the good wine is and Violet says something about ordering pizza.
That’s okay. If my mission goes according to plan, and mine almost always do, I’ll be staying at Kaede’s tonight. If not, I’ll need them here when I get back to keep me sane while my heart breaks apart.
The stars are out when I get to Kaede’s home, but I’m reassured when I see the lights on inside. My heart’s hammering in my chest, and the very unfamiliar feeling of true fear races through my veins.
You drive away now, you can tell yourself that it’s on him, that you’re simply sticking to the deal. You’ll be a complete coward, though.
And if I drive away now, I won’t have him. And frankly, that’s more important than any fear.
So I pull up my big girl panties—not that I’m wearing any—put my car in park, and get out, walk up to his door, and ring the bell firmly. In one smooth motion, with no room for naysayers, especially not the ones in my head.
No guts, no glory, Andrews.