Chapter 5
5
MAC
“Put on your ring. That’ll stop her.”
I can’t believe he said that. I’m not used to Rainn puffing up like a jealous bird. He’s too laid back. Wants to please everyone. Not that he’s ever liked Sally Jo that much. But he’s never been rude to her. “What about your dad? Heck, what about my dad? It would be around town faster than the rumors two years ago that Mrs. Harland’s cookies for the bake sale weren’t homemade.”
Rainn hides behind the menu. “The French toast burger looks good.” I push it down so I can see his face. He jerks the menu away and slams it on the table. His cheeks are red and his eyes flash with anger. “She just needs to back off. You already told her it was over. And you’re m—” He stops abruptly. Was he going to say married? Or…mine? That has to be wrong, but now I can’t hear anything else.
“I’m what?” I ask, keeping my voice low.
He shakes his head and then takes a breath, his hand going to his chest. I can almost make out the outline of his wedding ring. “My husband.”
I grip the table, trying to get my thoughts together. He doesn’t like Sally Jo, but this doesn’t make sense. “Rainn…” I start to say this isn’t real. But instead, I say something just as true. “She doesn’t know that. And we can’t tell her.”
He nods, staring at his menu.
The girls return, and we order lunch. Rainn gets the French toast burger, which looks as decadent as it sounds. I go with a salad. My stomach still hasn’t recovered fully.
Sally Jo chats with Holly and Cher but finds every opportunity to touch me. My back. My leg. My arm as she laughs at something I say. And I’m not saying much. I don’t think I’ve seen her smile this much since we went to prom together senior year.
Rainn tries to hide his annoyance, but he barely eats his burger, stabbing it with his fork instead.
“You ordered it well done. I’m fairly sure it’s dead.” I’m trying to get a smile out of him, but it has the opposite effect. Mostly because Sally Jo laughs like I’ve said the funniest thing ever and slings her arm around me.
Rainn slams his glass of tea on the table, and everyone jumps.
“God. What’s gotten into you, Rainn?” Holly studies him. And then his demolished food. Cher hides her smile behind her hand, but I can still see the humor in her eyes.
It should bother me. I hated when Sally Jo would get jealous of my relationship with Rainn. I freaking hate drama. I had enough of that growing up. But Rainn jealous of Sally Jo? I kind of like it. I shouldn’t, but it’s cute.
Obviously, Rainn and I are just good friends who accidentally got married. And slept in the same bed. And shared a kiss…or two. But it really isn’t like that. Rainn knows Sally Jo and I don’t belong together. He doesn’t want me to get hurt. Knowing all that doesn’t stop the words my husband from running through my head like the blue LED lights on the ceiling. This entire marriage thing doesn’t feel real. That’s why I’m not panicked about it yet.
And I’m enjoying Rainn’s irritation a little too much.
As we get up to leave, Rainn leans in. “Something funny, asshole?”
“Yes.” I give him a bright smile. His mouth drops open. And then he shakes his head. But his lip curls up just a bit.
That night, when we return to our room, we’re both exhausted. The room is nice, with floor-to-ceiling windows and a spectacular view of the Vegas strip. Unfortunately, it’s wasted on us.
We sleep in our own beds. Of course we do. Rainn falls asleep first, and like a creeper, I watch him. How is this going to work out? His dad will freak out. And even worse, he’ll take it out on my dad. I’m unsure how my dad will act, but it doesn’t matter because he works for Sheriff Harding.
What if it’s all too much? If it’s the one thing that puts my dad over the edge. One drink. That’s all it takes to undo a decade of sobriety.
Being married to Rainn doesn’t bother me as much as it should. But the town finding out? My family finding out? That part scares me.
The next few days are filled with Vegas shows. Cher is determined to see as many acts as possible to determine what she wants for the charity event. We see singers. Variety acts. Hypnotists. Magicians. Cher pays for everything, determined to keep Rainn involved in the plans. I get the feeling she’s still angry with him over everything that happened at the non- wedding. And she’s determined to not let him off the hook since the charity event was his idea to begin with.
The setup for most of the shows is the same. A stage up front with seating, but there are also tables to sit at. The servers all wear skimpy outfits, and at Ceaser’s Palace, they’re actually dressed in togas and wearing strappy Roman sandals. Most acts include showgirls in colorful plumage and feather headdresses, even the comedians. The variety acts are fun. The comedians are hilarious. I even enjoy the magician and the hypnotist.
Two of the acts Cher wants to see are sold out, so she and the girls are staying an extra week.
The shows are great, but I don’t enjoy them as much as I normally would. I had a nightmare last night, and it freaked me out—and Rainn since I woke him up. I haven’t had them for years. They’re never the same dream. But they involve the same fear. I’m not safe. I can’t protect myself or the people I love. In last night’s dream, I ran through Rainn’s house, looking for him and hiding. I woke up in tears with Rainn’s arms around me.
I’m sure it’s just stress. Once Rainn and I figure this all out, everything will go back to normal.
Except the weight of the ring on the chain around my neck and the faint outline of Rainn’s ring that I can see under his shirt indicate that things might not be normal for a while.
That night, as soon as we step off the elevators and head in a different direction than the girls, Cher changes course and catches up with us. “Tomorrow, you boys are on your own. I need content for my viewers. And the almost-groom and his husband are not allowed.”
My stomach flip flops, but this time in a pleasant way. It will be less stressful without pretending, and Rainn and I haven’t had much time to ourselves. “Cool.”
She shakes her head slowly as if I’m an idiot. She might be right.
Cher runs off to join the girls, and Rainn leads us to our door and unlocks it. He holds the door open and waves me through. “So it’s just us.”
His voice sounds funny, and I turn to look at him. He crosses his arms. Uncrosses them. And jams his hands in his pockets.
“Yeah.”
The excitement turns into full-blown nerves. Just us. Alone. In this room. All night. Which makes no sense. I’ve spent countless nights with Rainn. And even a few in this room. As his husband. But suddenly, it’s awkward. It doesn’t help that he’s so nervous.
“Should we talk about how we’re going to get out of this marriage?”
I shrug. “If you want.”
He shifts on his feet. “Or we could talk about your nightmare?—”
“Hard pass.”
He laughs. “Or we could relax and hang out.”
Relief floods through me. Thank God. “Sounds good.”
“How about a movie?”
We decide on what to watch and then sit on Rainn’s bed. We’ve done this a thousand times before, but this time feels different. Awkward. I’m acutely aware of my limbs. And his. My arm brushes his, and I pull away. “Uh, sorry.”
“No worries.”
I hate this. John McClane is barely in Nakatomi Tower when I close the lid on his laptop.
Rainn glances at me and then at the closed laptop. “Okay. We don’t have to watch a movie.”
“Do you remember it?”
“I mean, it’s been a few years?—”
I shake my head. “The wedding, idiot.”
“Oh.”
“Or anything that came before it?”
“I get bits and pieces.”
I wrap my arms around my legs. “It bothers me.”
“I’m sorry?—”
“If you apologize again, I’m going to kick you in the balls.”
He laughs. “Harsh.”
Shame clogs my throat. “I don’t drink, Rainn. You know I don’t.”
“Oh.” He nods. Thank God he gets it. I hate talking about my stupid family. “You’re nothing like your dad, Mac.”
“It’s not even that. I’ll never be like him.” And if I say that enough times, I might even believe it. “The next day, after—he acted like nothing happened. He didn’t remember any of it. Not the yelling. Not the fighting. Not the—” I shake my head, not wanting to go there. I thought he was lying. Pretending everything was fine. “I can own up to doing something stupid. But not knowing…that’s killing me.”
His hand reaches out and then drops. “What’s the last thing you remember? I bet we can retrace our steps.”
The silence drags on as I think about it. Not what I last remember. But how to say it. The bedspread is a bright floral with pinks and purples. I trace the pattern with my finger. “Dancing with you.”
He sucks in a breath, and my eyes dart to his face. He nods. “What about back at the table?”
I try to focus on that. There were shots. Lots of shots. The hairs on the back of Rainn’s neck. Wanting to touch them. Lick them. Heat surges through me, and I blink, pulling my legs closer to cover any evidence.
“Mac? Do you remember anything at the table?”
“Um. Yeah. But not after.”
Rainn rubs his eyes. “There was talk of marriage and how that would fix everything.”
I laugh. Jesus. “I can’t believe we did it. Without the girls.”
“They thought we were kidding. Didn’t want to leave the bar.” He stares off. “We walked around, I think.”
Lights. Music. People. Worrying about getting lost. Then Rainn and I holding hands. Without thinking too much about it, I grab his hand and hold it between mine. His fingers are long. A surgeon’s hands. I thread our fingers together.
“Mac?” His voice squeaks, and he clears his throat.
“It helps me remember.” I let go, but he grabs my hand and holds it against his leg. “If it helps.”
I don’t remember the walk to the wedding chapel, but I remember Elvis. “The place was busy. We had to wait. I remember…exotic flowers. And…the tacos.”
“Oh my God. And the keychain for luck.” I laugh. His eyes crinkle and his mouth…the kiss. “What else do you remember?” I ask, hoping he doesn’t notice the heat on my face.
“Not much of the ceremony. He rushed through it. Others waiting. But I remember the…” He licks his lips. “We kissed.”
I nod. “I remember a little of that.”
He pulls on my hand and my eyes dart to his face. “We could do…that. Help you remember. Like with the hands.”
My heart jumps around in my chest. “You want to kiss me?”
“I mean, if it will help.” He pulls his hand away with a shake of his head. “Never mind.”
“Rainn, wait.” I grab his arm before he can get up. “It’s…a good idea.’
“Yeah?”
I nod again because my voice is apparently on strike. Even breathing seems ten times more difficult. He shifts on the bed to face me. “Are you sure, Mac?”
Not helping. If he keeps asking, I might chicken out. And I really want to remember. I grab his shirt with both hands. “Shut up and kiss me.”
He laughs, and some of the tension leaves my body. It’s not like we haven’t kissed before. His hand cups my face and my thoughts scatter like fall leaves on a windy day. How are his fingers so long? The meaty part of his palm rests against my cheek and my eyes flutter shut. The faint scent of his cologne reassures me. This is Rainn. Geeky. Kind. Too sweet for his own good. His breath teases the side of my face, and I lean in, trying to keep my lips normal. What’s normal anyway? Pressed together? Parted a little?
Rainn brushes his lips against mine, and my lips tingle. I need to relax. The kiss before was more—he slots our lips together, his tongue teasing, and oh, that’s good. More than good. I open wider, accepting his mouth. Accepting him. He pulls back, tugging on my bottom lip.
All I can do is feel as our breaths mingle. Please, don’t stop. Did I say that aloud? His hand moves to the back of my head as he pulls me in for another kiss. I gasp, and his tongue slips in. And for a second, one second, it’s pure bliss. I’ve never had anyone kiss me like this. I’m so freaking turned on…and confused. I push against his muscled chest, almost losing my way again, but this is Rainn. My best friend.
A guy.
I tear my lips from his, gasping. “Wait. Please.”
He pulls back. His lips are red. Eyes glazed over. Confusion spilling from every pore. “Mac? Oh God. I’m?—”
“Don’t say it.” I scoot back to get some room and because my dick needs adjusting. “We agreed to this.” I wave my hand between us. “I’m not upset. Just…confused.”
“Did it spark any memories?” He pulls his legs up and wraps his arms around them, not looking at me.
I focus on his question. I think about the kiss. The one after we got married was less intense. Almost sweet. And we were laughing as people we’d never met before congratulated us.
The intense kisses came later. In our hotel room. Frantic kisses while we undressed each other. My hands pulling down his briefs. Curious. His cock right there. I’d seen it many times, but I’d never before wanted to touch it.
I scramble off the bed. “I’m sorry. I—” But what can I say? I rush to the bathroom and close the door.
“Mac?” Rainn calls from the other side, knocking softly.
“I’m fine. Need a minute.” But I’m not fine. I’m painfully hard and not sure if I want to jack off or cry. Or both.