Chapter 7
7
MAC
As soon as I walk into the house after Rainn drops me off, my mom hugs me so tightly that I can’t breathe.
“Mom, I’m fine.” I don’t push her away. I just let it happen.
She lets go and brushes my hair from my eyes. “Sorry. I can’t help worrying. The wedding — well, I guess there was no wedding—but it’s all over social media. I know you and Rainn are close. And then you fly off to Vegas when we had expected you home.” She waves her hands around, something she does when she’s flustered. “Sorry, sweetie.”
I grit my teeth to keep the snarky remark from getting out. Mom being sorry isn’t anything new. She was sorry when Dad was drinking and she just took it. She was sorry when he threw his plate across the room because supper took too long. Sorry when he raised his fists. Always sorry.
All that improved when Dad stopped drinking. It interfered with his job, so the sheriff managed to stop it. Mom still finds ways to be sorry. I just don’t want to hear it.
“Everything’s fine, Mom.” I press my fingers against my chest, feeling the outline of my wedding ring. It still seems unreal that Rainn and I are legally married.
Because it is unreal. And temporary.
Kylee squeals and rushes over to hug me. My sister is four years old and the only one not pretending in this family. I mean, she does pretend, but it’s about mermaids being real, not that our family is perfect.
On the way to my room, I glance away from our family portrait in the hallway and the crack in the wall underneath. I throw my duffle bag on top of the cedar chest at the foot of my bed. No reason to unpack. Although Rainn and I aren’t due back to school for another few weeks, I have a feeling he isn’t staying. And I don’t want to be in Cedar Ridge without him. I text my sister asking when we can meet with her to talk. She has questions, but I don’t answer them, even though a heads-up would probably help her prepare.
It’s not like we’re in a rush.
Dinner that night is uncomfortable. It’s just Dad and Mom. And Kylee and me.
My gut churns. I don’t know what to say. My parents are the opposite of Rainn’s. Unlike his mom, they’re here for me. They care. Unlike his dad, they’re affectionate. Warm. Like they’re overcompensating. Trying to make up for everything in the past.
I was in therapy for years, so I’ve dealt with my crap. But now it’s all coming back. The worries. The nightmares. The past is there, reminding me not to get too comfortable.
My dad has been sober for over a decade. Why can’t I let this go?
At least Kylee never had to experience it. She grins at me as she flicks peas off her plate. She’s not a fan.
“You think Rainn will have a small wedding this time?”
I’m busy ignoring the conversation and lining my peas in a row. But the words Rainn and wedding catch my attention. My heart races. “What?”
Dad waves his fork. “Rainn and Cher. The sheriff says the wedding is still on.”
I fumble my knife. It lands on the plate with a clink, scattering the peas. I clasp my hands in my lap to steady them. “No. It’s not.”
My parents stop eating and stare at me. Are they waiting for more? I don’t have more. I said what I said. I take a sip of water so I don’t have to respond.
Mom and Dad exchange a look. “The sheriff seems sure of it.” My dad puts down his utensils and watches me.
Why are they pushing this? It’s getting on my nerves. “Well, then someone ought to tell Rainn and Cher.”
“Eddie,” he says sharply.
I flinch without reason. A while back, his rebuke would’ve included a burst of temper. Things flying. Various cuss words. Ending with quick apologies from Mom and me. Another reason I gave up apologizing years ago. But I haven’t flinched like that in years. Is it because I got drunk for the first time in my life and did something stupid? Or because I’m now married. Tied to someone else.
Trapped.
But I don’t feel trapped.
The brain doesn’t always care. I risk a look at my dad. No anger. Just disappointment. Sometimes, I’d rather have the anger. My stomach churns with all the things I could have done better. Married a nice girl. Given them grandchildren. Stayed in this small town that threatened to suffocate me. I push those unhelpful thoughts away. I sit up straighter and hold his gaze. “Rainn and Cher aren’t getting married. Not to each other.” Oh frickity frack. Why did I say that? “They’re not together. That’s all I mean.”
“I guess we’ll see,” my dad says, returning to his food.
“Does anyone want more potatoes?” My mom’s answer to everything is more potatoes.
I escape to my room as soon as it’s polite. I text Rainn, feeling guilty as heck. His dad is awful. Horrible. I can’t imagine what he’s going through. In comparison, my parents are amazing. Except—my dad still justifies everything the sheriff does.
Is that why I’m so angry? I want to yell at them. Did you even watch the wedding? The horrible things the sheriff said?
The pork chop and peas threaten to resurface, and I take calming breaths to keep my meal down. Hadn’t I said similar, hateful things to Zye? But that had been back when my dad was drinking. I was angry all the time. I blamed Zye for the sheriff treating Rainn the way he did. It wasn’t fair.
I was just a kid. But so was Zye.
And I hurt him. The anger in his eyes when I showed up at his office when they were planning the wedding told me he wasn’t over it. Another thing I should probably apologize for.
After breakfast the next day, I catch up on my laundry. Or try to. But Mom already has it done. She hands me my laundry basket. All the clothes are clean and folded.
Instead, I go out to my uncle’s farm and visit Daisy. Taking care of my horse. Riding. Those are the things that calm me. Clear my head.
Then I meet with Rainn. He’s had a bad day. We’ve been here before. Needing to get away from our families. The local bar is our safe haven. We’ve always gone there. But not to drink. We go to play pool.
The Loose Brick Bar and Grill is so named because all the buildings on this street are old, and a while back, several of them crumbled. The bar was renovated, reinforced, and renamed. The inside feels like home. The long bar and bar stools. The pool tables are in the back, along with shuffleboard tables and darts.
We weave through the tables to the bar. Only a few dedicated customers are here this early. The bartender, Tad, nods to us. He’s always been friendly, and sometimes it irritates me. Not sure why.
We each grab a soda and head for the back. I’m better at pool than Rainn. That doesn’t stop him from trying to beat me. And sometimes, he gets close. I win the first game easily. He seems distracted. I catch him staring off.
“You okay?” I nod at the table. “Seven-ball in the corner pocket.” After I make the shot, I catch him watching me. Not the table or the balls. Me. I tilt my head, trying to get a sense of what’s going on as I chalk my cue. “Is it your dad?”
He looks away with a shake of his head. “Sorry. Yeah. Dad…I don’t want to talk about him.”
“Sure.” I survey the table, looking for the best shot. “Two-ball, side pocket.” I tap the pocket with the cue stick.
This shot is a little trickier, and I crouch to check the angle. Then I lean over the table to shoot so the cue ball taps the two hard enough to make the shot but not so hard that it bounces off. The two-ball slides perfectly into the pocket. I turn to grin at Rainn, and his eyes dart up to my face. Was he checking out my butt?
“Are you going to leave any for me?” He keeps his eyes on the table.
What’s going on? “Sure. All the stripes.”
“You guys need anything?” Tad asks, sauntering toward us. The man has a swagger and likes to use it. The girls love him. I guess he’s cute if you’re into guys.
“I’m good.”
“What about you, Rainn? You need anything?” He grins, and it almost seems suggestive. Heckity heck. The video. Rainn announcing he’s bi. And now Tad is sniffing around. Well, he’s barking up the wrong tree. He’s not Rainn’s type at all. My eyes dart to Rainn.
He’s wearing that sweet smile that’s usually reserved for me.
“I wouldn’t say no to another soda.”
Is he flirting? With Tad? I realize my mouth is open, so I snap it shut. I’m half tempted to pull out my wedding ring just so this guy knows Rainn is mine.
Shoot. Rainn isn’t mine. At all.
But he is my friend. And I don’t want him to get hurt. Everyone knows Tad is a player. Though I didn’t know he plays for both teams.
“You got it.” He winks at Rainn, and I almost smash my cue over his head. I glare at his back as he saunters toward the bar.
I turn to Rainn. “Are we playing pool or what?” My voice comes out a little loud, but I’m not sure I can lower the volume.
Rainn folds his arms across his chest and bites his lip. “It’s still your turn.”
Right. I study the table, but my focus is crap. I pick a ball and a pocket. And miss. Rainn laughs, and I glare at him.
The fondness in his eyes, for me, not Tad, helps soothe my temper. Why does it matter anyway? It's not like we’re married for real. But it is for real. And maybe we need to have that conversation. No sex with anyone?—
And then my brain shuts down. Rainn is bent over the table, trying to get a shot. It’s not the easiest one he has. But it’s the one that shows off the strong muscles in his back, his butt hugged by his tight jeans, and those long legs. I fan my face because it’s freaking hot in the bar.
“Fuck, man.”
My eyes shoot to Tad, but he’s too busy ogling my best friend to notice my glare.
The ball goes in. I only know that because of the wide grin on Rainn’s face. “Dude, did you see that shot?”
I almost never lie to my best friend, but in that moment, I have no other choice. “Yup. It was amazing.”
Tad laughs, and I’d like to just ignore him. “Damn, that was a sight to see. And I’d love to see it again.”
Rainn rubs the back of his neck and smiles. “Not sure I could do it again.”
“Hell, you don’t even need to make the shot. Just do that thing again where you bend over the table?—”
“Back off, Tad,” I say with a definite growl.
Tad gawks at me and takes a step back. “My bad.” He glances at Rainn and then back at me. Rainn resembles the wide-mouth bass we caught last summer. “I didn’t realize you two were together.”
Oh heck. Heat rushes to my face. “We’re not,” I say loudly. Too loudly.
Rainn flinches, but what else can I do? We’re not together. And we definitely don’t want Tad telling everyone we are. But now I need a reason for jumping on his case. And I’m not sure I have one. Not one that makes sense.
“But you’re just after a quick…fuck.” My face is an inferno. I never say that word, but how else can I get my point across?
Rainn stares at me like he’s trying to figure me out. Good luck with that. Tad, the jerkwad, laughs again.
“After a fuck, hell yeah. But I promise nothing about it will be quick.” His last statement is addressed to Rainn.
His eyes linger on Rainn as he devours him. I’m about to yell some more when he turns to me. “If you guys aren’t together, why do you care, Mac?”
“I’m straight.” Why did I say that? It seems important.
Tad grins and holds up both hands. “Got it. Even more reason for you not to care if I rail your friend.”
“Stop.” Rainn sets his cue stick on the table and grabs my arm. “Can I talk to you for a minute, Mac?”
I try to relax and act like everything’s fine. “Shouldn’t we finish our game?”
He straightens and sets his jaw as his hand squeezes my arm painfully. “Now.”
Without waiting for an answer, he pulls me toward the hallway that leads to the back door and the alley. Tad waves his fingers at me. I wish I had a clever comeback but all my energy is focused on how I’m going to explain this to Rainn.