Chapter 20
20
RAINN
I shouldn’t have started anything because Slade is there when we get home, leaving me with blue balls and frustration that I can’t kiss Mac, hold Mac, or shout to the rooftops that he’s mine.
Because he isn’t. Casey is sending the divorce papers as soon as she gets them filed. We decided the assets and division of property should stay the same as before the wedding. Or I decided it. Mac worked at his uncle’s farm and saved money for his equestrian-assisted therapy certification. His parents don’t even know about it. I’m not letting him share his money with me, so I told Casey to take care of it. I trust she will.
I’m not sure what to do about the trust fund. Staying married to Mac for six months isn’t a hardship. For me. But I can’t hold Mac back like that. And I’m so tired of relying on everyone else. Mom. Dad. Joy and Hal. I can work. Get loans and financial aid. I don’t need to jump through hoops and prove myself worthy. I’m so fucking tired of doing that.
When school starts, I throw myself into it. I love what I do. Or what I’m studying to do. Working every spare moment at the hospital. Getting the experience I need. Cramming for exams after each rotation and preparing for my second licensing exam.
Some days, I don’t even see Mac. Hell, some weeks, I don’t see him. I leave early and work late. If I get time off, he’s in class or out working with the horses. If we’re lucky, we sneak in a few kisses or a quick blowjob while everyone’s gone. I miss the sex. But mostly, I miss him.
Six weeks into the school year, I have a rare Friday night off.
Me
What are you doing?
Mac
Getting ready to take a shower.
Me
I’ll be there in five minutes.
Mac
Take your time. I stink from mucking stalls. *poop emoji*
Me
I can still watch.
Mac
You’re killing me.
Slade has a date. We have the apartment to ourselves.
I make it to the apartment in record time. The apartment is quiet, and I put my keys on the hook and hang my jacket. Stepping into the hall I can hear the shower running. My dick perks up. Poor lonely bastard.
I knock on the door.
“Come in.”
I slip inside, prickles of excitement spreading over my body. Mac opens the curtain and looks me over with want in his eyes. “What if I’d been Slade?” I ask breathlessly.
“Then Slade would be getting your BJ right about now.”
I make a predatory sound, and he laughs. “Get your gorgeous ass in here.”
I strip as fast as I can, tripping over my jeans and feet while Mac watches and chuckles. I grab him and pull him against me. Our mouths meet in a kiss that could heat the entire Kansas City area. I’m not proud of how much I whimper at his touch or the way I lock eyes with him and say, “Slade can’t have you.”
Mac sinks to his knees. His eyes are on my face.
“Are you sure?” Any time we’ve done this, I’ve been the one swallowing his cock.
His gaze moves to my cock, and he licks his lips. “I’ve been dreaming about this.”
Holy fuck. He touches me first. Stroking me. His breaths coming fast.
“Mac, you?—”
He sucks on the crown, and my legs almost give out. I hold his head to keep steady, and he moans. Fuck. I’m already so close. He pulls off and captures my gaze. His tongue swirls around the head, and the teasing has me on the edge. Then he takes me all the way in.
“Oh God, baby, so good. I want—can I—” The words get stuck in my throat.
He pops off again, saliva stringing from my dick to his mouth, and that’s sexy as hell. “Do it,” he says, grabbing my hand and placing it on his head. And then he sinks onto my dick. I fuck his mouth, gently at first, but his growl erases all my concerns.
How is he so good at this already? A knock on the door has me jerking back. Thank fuck Mac doesn’t bite down. My gaze shoots to the door.
“Did you lock it?” Mac asks in a low voice. I shake my head.
“Rainn?” Slade. “Are you taking a shower?”
I roll my eyes. The water is running. “Yeah.”
“Alone?”
I hesitate. “No? Ow.” I push Mac’s hand away from my thigh, where he pinched me.
Slade chuckles. “Think she’d mind if I watched?”
My mouth drops open. “Dude.”
He laughs. “Just kidding. I forgot something. Mind if I pop in and get it?”
The shower curtain is not see-through, so as long as Slade doesn’t try to sneak a peek, it should be fine. I glance at Mac to make sure he’s okay with it.
His eyes are dark, and he’s breathing fast. Is he into this? The idea of someone watching us? His hand squeezes his dick, and holy, holy crap.
“Rainn? I can go to the drug store?—”
“It’s fine. But”—I swallow the guilt at my words—“she’s shy, so no fucking around.”
“No worries.” The door opens, and I hear his footsteps on the tiled floor. Hear the cabinet opening and closing. Then Slade says, sounding close, “Have fun.”
Once he’s gone, I stare at Mac. “Did you want Slade to watch us?” I ask as carefully as I can.
He shakes his head, his cheeks red.
“Do you like the thought of getting caught? Of someone seeing you on your knees with my cock in your mouth?”
He strokes faster. “God yes.”
This turns me on. Seeing Mac opening up. Exploring. Fuck he’s so hot, and I’m so close. My balls tighten as I search his beautiful face. “Open up for me, babe. Show them how much you love my cum.”
He opens his mouth and sticks out his tongue, his hand flying over his cock.
And I can’t hold back. My spunk lands on his face. His mouth. His tongue. Mac cries out with his orgasm. When he sinks down, seemingly boneless, I pull him up for a deep kiss. I suddenly realize how loud we were. I hope Slade is gone and not listening at the door.
Slade stays with his friend, and we get the night to ourselves. It’s amazing and bittersweet because it’s not enough. I hate that I can’t tell anyone, but I can wait until Mac is ready. Will he ever be ready?
In the morning, we share breakfast, clothes on, when there’s a knock at the door. Did Slade forget his keys?
I check that Mac is presentable, meaning his erection is hidden. I might have been teasing him while eating. When he nods, I open the door.
“Hey, boys.” Cher struts into the room like she has so many times before. “Enjoying wedded bliss?”
“We were,” Mac snaps, and Cher laughs.
“Well, put those things away for a bit.” She opens the fridge, looks around, and grabs a beer. Should I tell her it’s only ten in the morning? She takes a swig. “We need to talk.”
Great. “What happened.”
“Nothing, Rainn. Absolutely nothing.” She slams the beer on the coffee table and crosses her arms. “We were supposed to plan this charity event together. And I get that we aren’t a couple anymore. But I’m the one doing all the work.”
“Don’t you have people who can help?” I regret the words as soon as they’re out.
“This was your idea. To help with trans awareness. To help kids like Hettie?—”
“Okay, I get it. What do you need help with?” I calculate the time I have to do anything not school-related. It’s almost nonexistent.
“I found some Vegas acts I like. Narrowed it down to those who are LGBTQ-friendly and interested. I even had one who heard about it and reached out to me.”
“What would you like me to do?”
The look she gives me tells me I’ve already messed up. “I sent you the links last week. All you had to do was choose the ones you liked.”
“Oh yeah. That’s right.” I nod.
“You didn’t watch any of them, did you?”
“No. I’m s?—”
Mac knocks into my leg, and I snap my mouth shut.
“I’ll watch them now.” I grab my phone to run through the clips.
Cher sighs and waves a hand at me. “Never mind.”
“I trust your judgment, Cher. You know more about this stuff than I do.”
She plops down on a chair and takes another swig of beer. “I want this to work out, Rainn. Especially now with a prince practically in the family.”
I exchange a look with Mac. “What?”
“God, you really are clueless. Do you watch any news? Check social media?”
“I’m in med school. I have more important things to do.”
Her eyes darken, and if I wasn’t sitting down, I’d take a step back. “What did you say?”
I rush to fix my mistake. “Nothing. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I just have no time for anything.” Even Mac is on the tip of my tongue, but I hold it in.
She huffs. “Including your brother. Or you’d know that Isaac is dating the prince of Lutiana.”
That can’t be right. “Isaac? Zye’s assistant? Are you sure?” I ask, and she nods. I remember the magazines we saw over the summer. “I thought that story was fake.”
“It’s real. And the entire world will be watching everything happening in Mule Creek. And I can’t believe I’m saying those words.” She leans forward and points at me. “This will not be like the wedding, Rainn. I don’t want another disaster on my hands.”
“It worked out okay for you,” Mac says with a bit of snark. I squeeze his leg. Cher is irritated enough as it is, and the wedding is still a touchy subject.
“My wedding worked out for me?” Her voice rises with each word. “The wedding that wasn’t? Which part, Mac? Finding out all my friends lied to me? That my fiancé had slept with my dude of honor and not told me?” Mac’s jaw tightens and I could have warned him Cher doesn’t hold back. “Or do you mean my honeymoon where my fiancé married someone else…because that’s been a blast. Watching my man pine for someone he clearly already had feelings for while we were together. And now, now, I’m all alone.” As she speaks, Mac sinks into the couch. But his eyes are bright. Defiant. “So, tell me, Mac. Which part worked out for me?”
He straightens, raising his chin. “You raked in new endorsements worth loads of money. Got tons of new followers.” He holds up his hand when she starts to speak. “That doesn’t make it easier. I get that. But if your relationship couldn’t even make it through the wedding, not sure the marriage had much of a chance.”
The room is quiet, and I wonder if now is a good time to step in—or bail and let them duke it out. Cher tilts her head, studying him. “Mac has claws. Anything else?”
He clenches his jaw so hard I’m worried he’s going to break some teeth. “One more thing,” he says in a tight voice. “He is not your man.”
He punctuates that statement by grabbing my face and crushing our lips together. I gasp in surprise, and Mac uses it to his advantage, deepening the kiss until my brain no longer works.
His gaze swivels back to Cher, but I can’t look away from him. I fucking love it when Mac takes charge.
Cher does this coughing-laughing-choking thing, and my eyes dart to her face, hoping I don’t have to provide medical care on my day off. She waves away the concern on my face and clears her throat. “Thank fuck.”
“Excuse me?” Mac stares at her, a cute little furrow between his eyes.
“The sexual tension between you too—I knew in Vegas, maybe before, that you guys would end up together. Or at least bone. I’m relieved you got your head out of your ass, McVay.”
Wait. “What about me?”
“We both know you weren’t the holdout.”
Jesus. I rub the back of my neck, needing to change the subject. “So about the performers. What are your—our—options right now?”
She grins and downs the rest of her beer. “A comedy act. And the tape guy—he mimes stuff. An Elvis impersonator. He sounds like him too. Roz—they’re a glitzy variety act. Lots of glitter and sequins. Zye would love it. And a hypnotist. I don’t think we need more than three.”
I think about it for a minute. “If they’re all good, and they’ve made it this far, so I assume they are, I’d say keep the glitzy variety act and Elvis to feed into the excitement of New Year’s Eve. I’m not into mimes, but that’s your call. If it’s between the hypnotist and the comedian… What do you think, husband?” I wink at Mac.
He shakes his head, but the smile is worth it. “Not fond of hypnotists. So I’d go with the comedian or the mime.”
“Sounds good. I’ll let you know,” she says, standing. “And now, I’m gonna leave you lovebirds alone.”
I don’t correct her or dare look at Mac.
Keys scrape in the door and Mac shifts away from me on the couch. Cher shakes her head. Slade walks in and stops, looking between us. Do we look guilty?
He shuts the door and frowns. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”
“Surprised,” I ask, my voice a little high. I clear my throat.
“Not by you. I expect this crap from you. But, Cher, sweetheart, you deserve better.”
Should I be offended? I’m not sure what he’s even talking about.
“Better than what?” Cher asks, going to the fridge and getting another beer.
“Oh God,” Mac whispers, “the shower.” I should tell Slade he’s completely wrong. But what harm does it do?
“Better than a guy who keeps things from you. Lies to you. Dumps you at the altar?—”
“I stopped the wedding.” She points her beer at him. “The damn video has millions of views. Why does everyone forget that part?”
Slade smiles. “You did. And I was cheering you on.”
“Thanks.” Cher’s smile seems real for the first time in a while.
“Which is why I’m surprised you’d take this jackass back.”
She stops with the bottle raised mid-swig and looks from Slade to Mac to me. “Yeah?”
The tension in my body relaxes. Cher has no idea what’s happening, but she’s not blowing our cover. Yet.
He gives her a sheepish grin. “I guess I should apologize about—you know—I didn’t realize it was you in the shower with Rainn. I shouldn’t have said…what I said.”
“Why is that?” Cher asks. I know that look in her eyes. And I almost feel sorry for the guy.
A blush takes over his neck and face. “Well, I know you…I mean, I respect you…asking to watch was inappropriate.” He jumps to his feet. “Anyone else want a beer?”
“It’s ten-thirty in the morning,” Mac points out, but Slade is already at the fridge.
“So,” Cher says, her eyes wide with amusement and something else. “Rainn and I were in the shower this…” I shake my head. “Last…” I nod. “Night, and you asked to watch. Kinky, Slade.”
He doesn’t answer because his head is still buried in the fridge. Looking for food or cooling off?
Cher presses her lips together like she’s trying not to laugh. She glances at Slade and back at us, fanning her face. My mouth drops open. Is she into him? I mean, the guy is cute.
He finally returns with a beer and a bag of chips. “I’m not…I didn’t mean?—”
Cher stands and pats his bicep. “You’re fine. No worries.”
“Thanks.”
There’s a moment of awkward silence where we all look at each other or in the case of Slade and Cher, not look at each other.
Cher sighs. “As much fun as this has been…and it’s been fun…I’ve got a gala to plan.” She grabs her jacket.
“Want some help?”
We all stare at Slade, and he shrugs. “I’m majoring in event planning. I’d love to get some hands-on experience.”
“I bet,” I mumble.
Mac stares at me and then Slade. “I thought you were in med school.”
“Dude. That was like three majors ago. Premed. Accounting. That was brutal. And now event planning.”
“Are you changing majors before New Year’s Eve?” she asks.
“Um. Nope. Not planning on it.”
“Good,” Cher says with a nod of her head. “I need all the help I can get.”
Mac and I barely see each other after that, especially during the day. At night, I’m asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. Sometimes, Mac sneaks into my bed. We’re both too tired for anything to happen, but I sleep better with Mac’s arms around me.
At the beginning of November, Casey sends the divorce papers. I’m surprised she sends them to me and not Mac. She’s filed them with the court. We just need to sign.
Hal and Joy are sure to find out, which will mess up the trust fund. But those worries are secondary.
I stare at the words until they blur together. I can’t lose Mac, and I feel like he’s slipping away, but holding on too tight never works. Mac cares about me. I know he does. But every time he looks at our marriage, does he just see a drunken mistake? I can’t be the one to take that control from him. Mac deserves better than that.
This is the right thing to do. Taking a deep breath, I sign the papers. I leave them in his room, where I know he will find them with Casey’s note.
Mac doesn’t say anything about the papers. Which is fine. Casey will let us know when it’s done. But I feel like I signed away the best thing in my life. Especially since Mac stops sneaking into my room. It wasn’t all the time, so it’s probably just a coincidence. I pour myself into my studies and try to ignore the hole in my heart.
When Thanksgiving break arrives, we go our separate ways. Mac goes home. When I tell him I can’t go back there, that I might never go home again, he nods like it’s inevitable. And another piece of my heart breaks off.
I want to be with Mac. But I can’t deal with my dad or my stepmother. She hid—the letters. I forgot to read them. No, not forgot. I didn’t want to lose focus.
Mama Gladdie invited us to spend Thanksgiving with her, Cher, and Hettie. At least I’ll be with family. Even if I can’t be with Mac.
Or Zye. I need to talk to him. Tell him everything. But first, I need to read the letters.
Thanksgiving break seems like the perfect time.