Chapter 23
23
MAC
I’m not ready to be back in Cedar Ridge so soon. But Rainn needs me. And as scary as it is to have someone dependent on me, we’ve been doing this forever. Taking care of each other.
Cher stays behind to meet with Slade. More gala planning. At least, that’s the excuse she gave. I have my doubts.
Mama Gladdie insisted on driving. Mac and I are in the back of her teal Cadillac. I didn’t know people even drove those anymore. We don’t talk. At least Rainn and I don’t. Mama Gladdie and Hettie discuss YouTube videos, and it takes me a minute to realize they’re talking about the possible headliners for the charity.
“He has tape over his mouth. And he’s miming.”
“It’s original. But this is a party. We need pizzazz. Roz has spectacular costumes. And when they belt out those high notes, goosebumps all over my body. And let me tell you, that’s a large area to cover.”
“What about Elvis? Everyone loves a good Elvis impersonator.”
“Pshaw. Elvis is way overdone.”
Rainn lays his head back and closes his eyes, but his body is tense. I scoot closer so we’re touching and hold his hand between mine. He relaxes against me. Not all the way, but I’ll take what I can get.
But as soon as we pull up to his house, he puffs up like an angry blue jay ready to attack. Normally, I’m uncomfortable with anger. I never know when it might escalate. But with Rainn, I feel safe. That hasn’t always been true. I never thought he would hurt me. He was more likely to hurt himself than anyone else. But now there’s a trust there I didn’t feel before.
“Try not to peck her eyes out. We’re here for information.”
He squeezes my hand and then removes it from my grasp. He has to let go to get out of the car, but I still miss the contact. There won’t be any of that once we get inside.
As expected, the sheriff’s truck isn’t there. I’m not sure what we would do if he were here, but I’m also glad we don’t have to find out.
“We’ll hang back until you give us the signal,” Mama Gladdie says in a serious but excited tone, like we’re running an op.
Why did they tag along? But Mama Gladdie’s support isn’t unwanted. I’m glad Hettie has her.
The only sound in the house is the shopping channel on the television. Selling diamond earrings that aren’t really diamonds, but no one will ever know. Only two hundred and ninety-nine dollars a pair. And if you order in the next?—
“You’re early, Donna. I’ve got—” Belinda stops midway down the stairs. “Rainn, honey. I thought you weren’t able to make it home?” I only have a moment to wonder why she’s expecting my mom. She takes the rest of the steps down and smiles. It’s a little too forced. An impression of a smile.
Heckity heck. She knows why we’re here.
Abort mission. I check for any signal from Rainn. But he straightens his shoulders, his eyes determined as he nods to his stepmother. “I need your help.”
She falters at that, as if he threw her off guard, but then that fake smile returns. “Of course, dear. Would you like something to eat? We have turkey left. And pumpkin pie. That’s your favorite.”
“Cherry pie is his favorite.” Not sure why I say that. But I’m so tired of people pretending. And Belinda’s been pretending for a while now.
A line appears between her brows, but she laughs. “That’s right. Silly me. We have cherry left over too. No one—” She laughs again, dismissing that comment, and heads to the kitchen. Does she expect us to follow?
Was she going to say no one likes cherry but you? Had she expected Rainn to show up for Thanksgiving when he told them he wouldn’t? Or did it mean something else?
Rainn turns to me, his face a tight mask of barely controlled fury. Then he stomps after her.
Belinda already has the pie out and plates. “Cherry for Rainn. What would you like, Mac?”
She’s not going to make this easy. “We’re not here for pie.”
“Even so,” she says, gesturing with the pie holder, “pie makes everything better.” Her hand trembles, and she sets the utensil on the counter. Her gaze remains on the pie instead of us.
“Not everything.” Rainn’s voice is hard. “You know why we’re here, Belinda.”
“No, I…don’t.” She turns toward the cabinets as if looking for something and turns back.
“When did you realize they were gone?”
Her eyes fly to my face. They’re as wide as the dessert plates. “Mac, I don’t—” She blinks rapidly and swallows a few times. “A month ago.” She clears her throat. “I—something happened, and I wanted to read them again, but I couldn’t find them. It had to be you, Rainn. If your dad found them—” She breaks off, but she doesn’t need to finish. We all know how that would have gone.
“All this time,” Rainn says, his voice shaking. But not with rage. Or only rage. His mask is gone and pain is etched in every line of his face. “You’ve been in contact with her.”
“I never meant to hurt you, Rainn.” Her eyes fill with tears.
“Ten fucking years!”
Unlike me, Belinda isn’t able to hide her flinch. “It wouldn’t have helped. I didn’t know where she was. If you read the letters, you know they don’t have a return address.” She stacks the plates together so hard I’m surprised they don’t break. “I’ve been doing everything within my power to hold this family together. And it hasn’t been easy.” She puts the plates away and slams the cabinet. “None of this has been easy, Rainn. You, of all people, have no right to judge me.”
“Does he hit you?” His voice is flat like a deflated balloon. As if he’s not sure he wants to ask the question or know the answer.
“No.” She shakes her head. “Never. He’s a good man?—”
“He really isn’t.” I feel as if all of Rainn’s anger transferred to me. “And you’re not a saint for staying with him. Emotional scars still hurt. And moms are supposed to protect their kids.”
I stare at her, but all I can see is my mother. Making excuses every time my dad yelled or broke something or told us he wished we’d never been born. I’m shaking with the need to hurt something. Someone. And it terrifies me. “You’re complicit, and the pain Rainn has gone through…” Emotion chokes me, and I can’t talk. I swipe at the tears on my face.
Rainn’s hand presses into my back, and I lean into him like an anchor. What is wrong with me? I’m here to support him. Not fall apart.
“I know you don’t understand, Mac. Your mama?—”
My head jerks up. “Don’t.”
Her head bobs around like she can’t settle on an emotion or thought. “I love my family and my children. All my children,” she says, looking at Rainn. “I have to live with my choices, but it’s always been about protecting them. Loving them.”
Rainn squeezes the back of my neck, and I close my eyes, soaking up his unconditional support. And lordy, that’s the part that gets me, but I can’t think of that right now.
“What about Hettie?”
Her face, so fierce, crumples. Rainn seizes the moment. “Did you support Hettie when Dad threw her out? Did you love her once she became your little girl?”
Belinda lifts her chin. The tear tracks are evident on her face. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I know she’s no longer living here.”
“Who do you think found Edgewood?”
“And when they threw her out, what did you do?”
“You’re twisting things. At least get them right. Your father refused to pay, and they couldn’t let her stay. Did you think she could just come home? Even if your father had allowed her to stay here as Hettie, it would have been torture for her.”
All the shouting is causing my anxiety to spiral. I want to find a corner or a cedar chest and hide. But I’m not seven anymore. Instead, I focus on the surprising words from Belinda. Her. She. Hettie. I’d assumed Belinda hadn’t accepted Hettie. Had I been wrong? And then I remembered Mama Gladdie’s words. Don’t be so hard on her. “You signed her over to Mama Gladdie. So she could live there and go to school.”
Rainn stares at me, his mouth open, and looks at Belinda for confirmation.
“Hettie is safe there.”
He shakes his head like he’s trying to process it all. “What about Dad?”
Belinda straightens and lifts her jaw. “He’s written her off. And I hate to say it, but that’s a good thing.” She dashes a hand at her eyes.”
Rainn swallows. His eyes are distant. “But it could change,”
“Yes.”
The room seems quiet after all the yelling. The calm before another storm? The television harks the merits of a coat you can never find anywhere else for only fifty-nine ninety-nine.
“Hettie’s here.” Rainn’s voice is barely a whisper.
Her eyes widen. “Here?”
“Outside. In the car.”
Belinda cries out and heads for the door. Before Rainn can stop her, she stops herself. Emotions play out over her face. “Can I see her?”
“It’s up to her.”
I text Mama Gladdie to let her know what’s going on and see what Hettie wants to do.
The door slams a minute later, and Hettie rushes into the kitchen. Mama Gladdie is behind her, walking much slower and trying to catch her breath.
“Is it true?” Hettie asks, her arms around her stomach. “Mama Gladdie just told me—you made it so I can live with her?”
Belinda nods. “It’s true.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? Call me? Anything?” By the end, her voice is broken into sharp pieces.
“I wanted to. But I was afraid it would get back to your dad—he needs a little more time.”
Rainn snorts. “Time. Sure.”
She ignores him. “I’m so proud of you, Hettie. You fight to be your authentic self. I wish I was more like you.”
“Oh, Mama.” Hettie throws herself into her mother’s arms as Mama Gladdie makes it to the kitchen.
“What did I miss?” She beams at mother and daughter and sits down on the stool. “I sure hope it wasn’t the cherry pie.”
Belinda serves everyone pie while smiling at Hettie any chance she gets. I’m still not a Belinda fan, but I’m glad she accepts her daughter.
Rainn stares at his stepmother like he’s trying to diagnose a patient. “Hold on, Belinda,” he says, and everyone looks up from their dessert. “Earlier, you said something happened.”
“I did?” Her laugh is a little too high to be believable.
“And that’s when you noticed the letters were gone.” He leans on the island and pins her with his gaze. “What happened?”
She swallows and nods. “A month ago, I got another letter from your mom.” She hesitates as if trying to make a decision. Then she sighs and looks at Rainn. “A letter telling me where she is.”