Chapter 28
28
RAINN
I stare at the woman in front of me. She’s older, but I’d know her anywhere.
“Hold on.” Cher glances between the three of us, her voice getting louder with each word. “Roz is your mom?” She shakes her head. “I don’t understand. She—they—” Her eyes go to Mom.
“I use they/them pronouns.”
“Well, ain’t this a kick in the head?” Mama Gladdie presses her hand to her ample bosom.
“Can all of you please lower your voices?” Levor waves a hand toward the door. “We don’t need any further attention.” He turns to Mom. “I told you meeting here was?—”
They touch his arm. A brief press of their fingertips, and he falls silent. His frown vanishes into a mask of nothingness.
My mind is still trying to process. This is my mother. The person who loved us. And left us.
They offer a watery smile. “My boys. All grown up.”
Mac growls, and I grab his wrist to stop him from doing anything.
“Ha!”
I jump at the sharp sound of Zye’s voice. And I’m not the only one. “That happens, Mom.” He clenches his hands at his sides, his eyes flashing. “People grow up. Whether you’re around to witness it or not.”
Someone needs to check him for his sparkly gel pen. The urge to laugh is inappropriate and overwhelming. I must make a sound because Mac gives me a concerned look. I shake my head. I’m fine . Is it a lie if the words aren’t spoken aloud?
“I’m sure you both have lots of questions. I can explain if you’ll let me.”
Zye raises his chin. “I just have one—no, two—questions, and the first involves amnesia.”
“Don’t forget the pirates, Zye.” I tilt my head. “Or was it aliens?”
“Alien pirates,” Miles says. I almost forgot he was here.
Zye’s shoulders relax just a bit, and he gives in to his urge to twirl. Mom covers their mouth as a tear breaks free from their lashes and slides down their face. Are they thinking of all the twirling Zye did as a boy?
They clear their throat. “What’s your second question, Zye?”
His chin trembles. “Can I still call you mom, or is there something else you’d rather be called?”
They smile. “Mom is fine. Thank you.”
Cher lets out a sound that’s part scream, part hysteria. This is the side of her she never shows to her fans. The human side. The stop-fucking-with-me-right-now side. “What is this?” Cher glares—not at us for once—at Mom and Levor. “I thought you were here about the gala. That you cared about this cause.”
“I am.” Their eyes dart to Zye and back. “I do.”
“Well, as I see it, we can all sit down and figure this out,” Mama Gladdie says, gesturing like she’s gathering her chickens. I’ve seen her do this a time or two. “Unless, Rainn and Zye, y’all’ve changed your mind. About having Roz at the gala or talking to your mom?” She stares at us expectantly.
Right. We have to answer. Zye bites his lip and glances at me, unsure. My eyes prickle. We’re in this together. I’m not sure if I want to hear Mom’s explanation, but Zye does. Because amnesiac alien pirates are no longer an option. And my brother needs closure.
And surprisingly, I’m getting that same solidarity vibe from Cher. Roz is one of the biggest acts in Vegas—and holy shit! They’re my mom? The mansion now makes sense. And I get the feeling Cher will go in a different direction if that’s what I want. I’m not used to people standing up for me, except for one. I press my fist against my chest and look at Mac. My husband. He’s always been on Team Rainn. He nods at me.
“What do you think, Levor?” I bypass Mom and go right to their manager. “We have a lot of shit to unpack. There will be hurt feelings.” Already are hurt feelings. “But we need Roz for this event. I suggest we sign the contracts now. And then move on to the…” I roll my hand.
“Unpacking?” Levor asks with a hint of amusement in his smile.
“Yes.” Much better than saying the rest of this fucking bullshit .
Mom crosses their arms with a huff, reminding me of Zye. “Levor, is all this really necessary? I won’t back out. And I’m donating my time, so they’re not paying.”
“It’s absolutely necessary.” He smiles, and there’s a fondness there. How long have they known each other? “This is what you pay me for, Liv. Your time is valuable.”
They nod, and Mama Gladdie lifts her arms as if she’s Effie Trinket announcing the odds are ever in our favor. “Everyone. Let the games begin.”
“Mama,” Cher whisper-yells. “Sit down.”
She giggles, reminding me of Cher. “Sorry. I’ve always wanted to say that.”
Mom and Levor return to their seats. I take Mama Gladdie’s place across from Mom. Zye and Miles move to an adjacent table. Mac stands between both tables with a question in his eyes. I nod to the seat on my other side. As he sits, some of the tension drains from my body.
“Any objections to my husband joining us?” I ask, gratified by the shocked look on Mom’s face.
“Of course not.” Levor pulls papers out of a leather case and hands them out.
The process is quick but longer than I want. Christy storms in for the third time to see if we now want to order something besides water. He glares at Mom. Does he notice the resemblance? Or did he meet them when Zye was in Mule Creek visiting his dad?
We order drinks and food. When Christy sets Mom’s glass of Diet Coke in front of them, they smile. “Thank you, Aidyn.”
I've only heard one other person call him by his first name, so that answers that question but brings up more.
After the signing, we play musical chairs again. Cher changes places with Zye. And, of course, Miles joins us. I notice Levor doesn’t move. I grab Mac’s hand. Not that I think he’ll leave my side, but there’s no sense in chancing it.
Mom clears their throat. “So?—”
The door to the private room opens, and Isaac and Adrian rush in, followed by Reginald. “Sorry,” Isaac says, sounding out of breath. “We’re here.”
“You asked Isaac to come? Where’s Simon?” Miles asks.
“Simon is with my friend Macy. And Zye didn’t ask me to come. I’m here because he’s my best friend. And he might need me.” Isaac presses his lips together, and they join Cher at the other table.
Mom stares at Adrian and back at us. “Is that who I think it is?”
Zye almost smiles.
Mac pulls on my hand and leans toward me.
“Yes?”
He turns his head so only I can hear him, and I’m a little nervous about what he’s going to say. “A social media darling, a Vegas star, and a royal prince walk into a diner run by a grumpy Irishman.” His eyes sparkle. “Is this the start to a good joke or a bad movie?”
I laugh. “Or just my stupid life.”
“Our stupid life, you mean.” And he kisses me. Right there in front of my mom and everyone.
I grin at Mac. Possibly for a little too long since Zye coughs. Loudly.
I turn back to my mom and their manager. “Should we do introductions?”
Panic flashes in Levor’s eyes. He leans in. “We usually have people sign NDAs. Roz’s identity is a tightly kept secret.”
“Obviously. But that cat is definitely out of the bag.” Zye glances around the room. Is he mentally counting how many now know? And is he including Macy and Christy?
“The palace has their own NDAs,” Reginald grumbles.
Adrian gives his steward an amused look.
“It’s fine, Levor,” Mom says with an impatient wave of their hand. “I’m tired of keeping secrets from my family.”
“Your family isn’t the problem. Look around the room, Liv. The prince of Lutiana? Cher? What if the press?—”
“This is Mule Creek. Do they even have a newspaper?”
“They don’t need a newspaper. Anyone with a cell phone?—”
“Wouldn’t recognize me.” They crosse their arms and raise their eyebrows in challenge.
Time to take charge. “Trust me. Everyone in this room values their privacy. Can we move on to the real question, even if it’s ten years too late?” I have everyone’s attention now. “Why did you run off to Vegas and abandon your children?” I know that isn’t correct. I’m skipping a bunch of things that happened in between, but that’s how it feels.
Mom sits taller and juts their chin out. “I didn’t expect this to be a public confession. But I’m glad you both have friends and people in your life.”
“And you didn’t screw us up too much?” Zye asks, folding his arms across his chest.
“Yeah. Something like that.” They sigh. “I’ve struggled with depression all my life.” Levor makes a choking sound, but Mom doesn’t stop. “After the last breakup, I started self-medicating. Marijuana. Alcohol. Nothing harder than that. I relied on Rainn to take care of things around the house. Caring for Zye.” Their eyes catch mine. “I’m so sorry, honey. It was so unfair.”
I don’t react except to squeeze Mac’s hand. I finally get it. Sorry doesn’t mean crap. But how could I have understood that before? My dad never apologized. “Why did you leave?”
They nod as if expecting my sharp tone. “Suicidal ideations. That’s what they called it. All I know is it hurt too much to live. You boys were the only thing that kept me going.”
“You could have gotten help, Mom.” Zye practically yells the words at them, and they flinch.
“I did. I called the hotline numbers. I even signed up for counseling.”
“Let me guess. You decided not to go.” I try to stay calm, but it’s too much. “You couldn’t get out of bed that day.”
“I deserve that.”
“No,” Levor says, but Mom again touches his arm, and he resumes glaring at me.
“I do. Not for this time, but for all the other times I missed important things. Holidays. School events.” Their eyes again catch mine. “My upcoming birthday was a trigger for me. I called the suicide hotline and then the crisis center. They suggested I check myself into a psych hospital. I didn’t want to do that. It meant leaving you both, and I wasn’t sure how long it would be. But the thought of either of you finding me—” They choke on a sob. “I’m so sorry.”
“That explains the first three, or if we’re being generous, thirty days.” Zye stares at them, and I’m amazed by his strength. “What about the ten years after that?”
They lift a hand to their mouth. “I know I still need to explain that, Zye. But look at you. So strong. Fierce.”
“You don’t get to take any credit for how I turned out. None.”
I’m not exactly sure that’s true, but I value breathing, so I keep quiet.
“I went to the ER, and they transferred me to a mental health hospital. I was there for thirty days.”
“Just to be clear, there was no cruise. No amnesia.” Zye lets out a harsh laugh. “I know that. I just want to hear you say the words.”
“No. I didn’t go on a cruise for my birthday. I lied. And I didn’t have amnesia. I could never forget my children.”
He snorts and waves his hand for them to continue.
“While in the hospital, I met a man, and it changed my life.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Zye jumps to his feet. And God, I hope he left his gel pen at the office. “Was this your future boyfriend?”
“Or Levor?” I guess.
“Wait,” Mac says, “you met Jesus.” His guess is probably closest to the truth.
“None of the above. You’re all a bunch of smart-asses.”
I stare at Mom and shake my head. “Tell us then.”
Zye slumps back into his seat and Miles squeezes the back of his neck.
“The man had been in and out of the hospital. This time he’d slit his wrists and his son found him. After that, his wife left and took their son. He said it was the best thing for his son. He needed stability. Not someone who would continuously struggle. Chronic depression isn’t something you get over. I still struggle with that. It’s taken me a while to accept myself and let the world see me as I am. I didn’t want to put you both through that. So I left you with your dads.”
I glare down at Mom, and that’s when I realize I’m standing. “That’s fine for Zye. His dad is a decent person. My father is an asshole. And you fucking left me with him.”
The room is completely silent except for the harsh breaths I can’t seem to get a handle on. Mac wraps his arm around me and murmurs. “Breathe, sweetheart. You’ve got this.”
I nod, taking a shaky breath. And then another. I focus back on Mom. Tears stream down their face.
“I stayed in contact with Bel—Belinda.” They swallow. “I didn’t realize until later that you and Zye didn’t have contact with each other. I’m?—”
“Don’t say it.”
They nod again. “I was wrong. I know that. And the longer I went without seeing you, the harder it became. I thought once I got my life together—it was never the right time. I put all my energy into performing. Making my own costumes. Elaborate makeup. I posted videos online, and Levor contacted me. Said he could make me a star. And he did.”
“Why now?” Mac asks. “You wanted us to find you. You came to Mule Creek. Left your address with Belinda.” He leans forward. “Why now?”
“The wedding. Cher and Rainn—it went viral. I watched the entire thing.” Their eyes plead with me to understand. “Your dad wasn’t always—I couldn’t believe the awful things he said about you. About Zye.” They shake their head. “I realized then that Belinda hadn’t been honest. We’d been friends once. And Hal and Joy—but I shouldn’t have trusted her. Life hasn’t been easy for her. Not that it’s an excuse.” They sigh. “Anyway. I knew it was time.”
Mom and Zye are both crying. I can hear Cher sniffling. And is that— I glance over at Reginald. His face is turned away.
Am I the only one not crying? “What did you hope to gain, Mom? Besides being the headliner for our charity gala and getting plenty of exposure?”
“Rainn.” They reach for my hand, and I pull it away before they can touch me. “I hope someday you and Zye can forgive me.”
I shake my head. “That might take a while.”
Their eyes fill with fresh tears, and I’m not sure I care. “I love you both so much.”
“I know, Mom.” And I do. I can see how this all played out and made sense to them. But it doesn’t take away the loss of my mom and brother. It doesn’t make up for my father’s cruelty or my stepmother enabling him. “I believe you did what you thought was best because you love us.”
They nod, and I can see hope in their eyes.
Hope I don’t share. “Sometimes love just isn’t enough.”